poetry from 2006-2017
all poetry copyright Charleen Johnston
My heart has given birth
to joy, to hope
in the form of a baby boy...
my life flows thick
to nourish him, filled
as together in this sea
we swim
2006
********************************
Oisin Shea
Those little lips so soft and new
those little eyes all sparkling blue
that little nose perfect and sweet
those big strong hands and goliath feet
those red cheeks all tender and dear
that beautiful smile and big round ears
that soft silky golden hair and head and swirls
the everlasting lashes that curl and curl
those chubby little legs and arms and toes
yes, mama wants to kiss you all over those
my little sweet child, Dittle Dove
smiling through moments, heart of pure love
early 2006
*********************************************
Ode to Scorpio
There you go
that sting you know
could break the ice
or melt the gold
of a heart a part
of the primary flow
Eyes that pry
beneath the lie
looking for life
looking for why
wondering thundering
moonlit sky
Down thru night
with silent delight
gripping the soul
with shadow sight
claiming and taming
scorpion birthright
November 2006
*****************************************
Waves Crashing me by
You thought you could hide
from the whisper
you fought the call
and you tore thru the blister
where time falls away
crashing
crashing thru mind
and dreams
and things too small to find
dont you see them shining
dont you hear them
beating
heartbeat
breathing deep
drumbeats
waves crashing me by
waves taking my eyes
thru symphonies of light
penetrating
undulating
beginning the tale
life
starts circulating
you thought you could hide
from the screams
you chased the miseries
and ripped through the seams
where life fades away
dissolving
dissolving the fantasy
and silence
and moments of insanity
don’t you see them dancing
dont you feel them
hovering
hovering
invisible wings
mediating
waves crashing me by
waves taking my eyes
thru symphonies of light
penetrating
undulating
beginning the tale
life
starts circulating
2007
*******************************************
Even dreams cry to Sleep
On the outside
looking in
the boundaries around me
have grown so t h i n
tangled vines of where and when
dangle above what I've been
and even dreams cry to sleep
laughter dancing thru swollen veins
pretending teardrops turn to rain
to wash it all away again
even dreams cry to sleep
2007
*************************************
Words weep me
I fall like fat capsules of catastrophe
Down the cheeks of the Mind
I am purified in ways
I never thought I could find
Truths I never thought I would own
But still I am left silent
Still clinginging to the half-chewed bone
A ration meted out to me by Memory
Waking up isn’t always easy
Rewriting our Stories and history
Falling through cracks that appear from Nothing
September 2008
*************************************************
Madwoman
I am the madwoman.
I am the force that knows.
I am the voice that blows
thru your restless mind.
I am the tormentor who follows
so close behind
inside the walls and the calls
of those who seek to see.
I am the madwoman.
I have blood on my lips.
I have blood on my hands.
I have blood in my heart .
I have torn thru flesh
I am merciless. I am free.
I am the formless when there
are no eyes to see.
I want to run, screaming thru the streets.
I want to howl at the moon.
I want to dance to the song I hear
always receding.
I want to fall into ecstatic trance
summoning forth my selves.
I want to cry. I want to spit.
I want to bite my fingernails to the rim.
I want to tear my flesh apart
to let out the fury. The fear.
So full of Rage. Rage. Rage.
Rampage against all the rage.
Fight against or with
all the rage. The rage. The rage.
I am the madwoman. I am the mistress
of the deep sea, the deep earth.
I am the madwoman
of Life Death Birth.
9-2-2008
*****************************
Is there too much within me
to say eloquently?
Am I to hold back
this torrent
for fear it is misunderstood
or misarticulated?
I've raised this pen
so often
and left the page unmarked
I feel hopeless
in the face
of the task
at hand
To name my fears
to claim my tears
before the
fire burns out
Suffocated
by ghosts of the past
tormented
by visions of the future.
Would it help to forgive
myself
for what I have become?
Forgive those
who have transgressed against
Me?
Or am I condemned
to grovel eternally
begging for my own Soul
aching to know
where Destiny would claim me
if only I could
be Free.....
9-2-2008
***************************
We were young lovers
eyes peering out
of darkness
hearts swelling
teardrops
drifting through the walls
of our souls
reaching out from nowhere
hoping for somewhere
to rest
to resign long battles
tearing open flesh
where pain was born
long weary nights
wondering at the
maze of thorns
inherited
over time
over mountains
of desperation
We were young lovers
fearing ourselves
twin flames
of craving
engaged
in a dance of dreams
entwined
by an invisible
thread
dangling
unseen
on the path
of our souls.
6-20-2009
**********************************
I told you I'd write a poem for you
I told you I'd write you a poem.
I've stared at the blank page over and over again.
Everything I write comes out cheezy.
How to say what I want to say
when it's all tangled up within me?
I remember you , thru my young girl eyes...
I don't quite know what I felt then.
Attracted to danger, to life, to risk.
Attracted to freedom, to leaving the confines of
my little world.
I found it. I traded my innocence for a peek
at the underworld.
There were times I hated you. Felt you
deceived me.
There were times I hated myself, for allowing
you into my sacred soul.
There were times I loved you. Wanted to
save you from yourself.
There were times I loved myself. Felt strong
and deep and whole.
I remember you, thru my femme fatale eyes...
I don't quite know what I felt then.
Wanting to give you danger, life, risk.
Wanting to show you freedom, drag you from
the confines of your little world.
I gave it. I lured you into my underworld.
There were times I craved you. Wanted to
show you how a woman Fucked.
There were times I craved myself. Wanted to
feel at home within my skin, my bones.
There were times I needed you. Wanted to
own my own soul, to understand.
There were times I needed myself. Wanted to
return to my innocence.
I told you I'd write you a poem.
And this one doesn't rhyme.
Sometimes It takes a different style,
a different voice, to share what we find.
Somehow you have been woven into my
life, woven in and out of scenes and dreams.
Always reappearing at the crossroads.
Did I ever imagine you would be a constant
symbol on my path....showing up
when I least expected to find
you?
Did I ever imagine you would trade your darkness
for the light,
grasping for truth, craving deliverance,
sustenance, salvation?
Did I ever imagine you would bask
in your role as father, nourisher,
provider, redeemer?
I told you I'd write a poem for you.
A different kind of poem than the poems
I wrote long ago.
A poem filled with experience,
with living and loving and coming together
and coming apart
and coming over and over and over again
in many beds and in many scenes
and in many dreams of things
between the seen and unseen burial mound
of things freed and things redeemed.
I imagine you now, alone.
Solitude! Aloneness. There is nothing more
beautiful, to know oneself. To understand
the magic within, to anticipate the patterns
and habits and mind-traps, and to remove
the obstacles from your path.
Growth. Evolution. From Youth to Wisdom.
From Faith to Understanding.
Don't walk blindly, the road is peopled
with parts of you,
parts of your life, parts of your truth.
Wake every cell, wake every mourning
dream, take everything given you
and Breathe.
I told you I'd write a poem for you.
There is so much more I could say,
so many things and feelings and memories
wrapped around the images
in my soul. In my heart.
There are many roads, and they all lead
to Self.
There are many dreams, and they all lead
to Life.
In my heart, you are whole. You are the Waker,
the Taker, the Thief.
You are the Faker, the Breaker, the Jester.
You are the piece of me that spoke to me
of possibilities and ether dreams.
A decade has passed, or more, since our lives
were interwoven.
A decade of different stories and dreams
and lovers and smiles and fears
and tears and things left unsaid...
This is the poem I told you I'd write,
scribbled out in rouge, bled
from the heart beating, within me,
a rich pomegranate red.
6-20-2009
*****************************
I have stepped backwards into the past
met with my other half
in a land that once cradled us...
gave birth to our unity;
I walk these streets now in reflection-
the years we loved and cried
and lived and tried
to be as one.
A decade nearly has passed
since we crawled thru the tunnels
of love seeking one another-
and now we meet again
in this place but separate
and seeking an answer...
a way to move on, alone, n longer
entangled.
4-11-2010
Mill Valley California
********************
Yes I miss you
sometimes those funny moments
flash before my eyes
and my heart weeps
at the distance which
has blurred the lines
between us
What would your body
feel like now
as it gently brushes
my shoulder
the smell of you
the texture
the current
does your body
miss mine
those years when sleep
entwined us limb
by limb
in a matrix of wonder
Yes I love you
maybe now more than ever
because the essence
of you
is not distorted by my
own projection of fear
I can do nothing now
but let a new paradigm
unfold
somehow still
entwined.
4-1-2011
*********************************************
The air crackles around me
electricity
extending out from live wires
shocking everything
in a radius of hours
till it pools
caught in a crevice
that opens wide with desire
feeds on the dart tips
of a dialogue
gone sour
I wade thru the play
feeling dense as clay
unformed but
sculpted by the moments
of days
an interlude to bolster
the current
push it over the edge
of the abyss
in a climactic display
of unvoiced lament
and the damp earth
outside
smiles its fragrant smile
feeling only gratitude
for that which lay within
it.
4-1-2011
***************************************
There it is a torrent a cascade an explosion of
dreams fulfilled and games played
tweetle beetle battle inside my tummy
stupor weightless unformed unfilled
unwatched unveiled understanding
undemanding absolutely relative
breathe smile
4-2-2011
****************************************
One glass of wine
one more
fingers working magically
rolling rolling
one more
laughter rises in symphony
like in teenage schemes
lovers on beds
lovers in dreams
cards dancing whats the plan
laid out before us
by questioning hands
mushroom key chameleon
holocaust snake transformation
bound man on bliss wave
temptation
fruition
fucking
fun.
4-3-2011
****************************************
She is always aware of the
tendency to draw persons into
passion filled playscapes moving thru
forms and fingers on keys on
plastic receptors of instant impulse
and she is always alert to
the danger her openness &
eagerness to know Other can
create in the receiving vessel
She has been wandering along paths
for years urging soul into deep
crevices dark filled abyss aching
to know all of Other and hence
all of Self scraping knees
belly tits on scarred earth
mingling tears n blood n desire
using Will & Pure Desire for
locomotion being pulled or being
pushed by some inner force
to stitch mangled moments and
invisible memories into a
cohesive Myth of Aliveness
Often she has wondered what
would become of her if
she followed the directives of
a system that speaks in
Shoulds and Oughts instead
of an organic matrix of
feeling states n thoughts.
4-4-2011
*********************************************
They call it the New Year
I will call it the Turning Point
they say that all is reborn
I see that life recreates itself
every day
They celebrate the sunrise
and I honor the dusk
its all just fancy phrases
for a feeling of Wonder
we perpetuate ourselves in
seasons and reasons and rhymes
These are the days- these
are the Blessed Times
when dancing in the dark
and waking the heart
are close at hand
This, they say, is the New Year
This, I see, is the Cycle
meeting itself again
a little wiser.
1-1-2012
***********************************
I must let go of this new spark within my heart
I cannot smother the flame of Anothers'
spirit- even while my hands ache
to touch- to explore- to open you
to something Insatiable
that my body tells me you have
never touched.
I must release this anticipation
of knowing what motivates the
wheels that turn in your soul
what flames light the way
thru the dark times of your life.
It is never my intention to Stifle
It is never my purpose to Grasp
This day I unfasten
the Clutch I have been holding
of a Dream of You waking
to Love in a cloud of Fire
touching eternity.
I may or may not share in that-
It is not for me to say....
1-1-2012
*************************************
My heart has been tempered
pounded and beaten by the Iron hammer
It bleeds openly profusely
unashamed and unfettered.
I would not trade this oozing mess
for a cold stone in my chest.
I have known and I have loved
many....have shown my soul
to any and all who wish to see.
Never again will I chisel away
the Essence of what it means
to be....Me.
I will die and burn to ashes
time and time again- I will
flounder in a puddle of pain.
But I will not close down
the river of my soul
I will not change my dreams
or my desires
I will not cherish Anothers'
path more than my own
ever.......yes........never.....again.
My heart is opening
like a fresh green bud
and I do not fear the inevitable
stain.
1-1-2012
***************************************
In rage I have spewed monsters
brought demons to life and set them loose
feeling possessed by something that
is Other
I have caused pain- left wounds
in Anothers heart
Pounding pavement I began to let go
let the rhythm of my footsteps
recalibrate my emotions
balance my soul release from
my depths the shadows that cling
pestering till I release
their dark energy
In sorrow I slept- ashamed of my
holocaust a fury that could tear
apart a life with words
I slept and my soul wept
and made a promise
to find my serenity amidst
broken clouds of chaos.
1-02-2012
*********************************
I wake rested Sun filtering thru the
bamboo blinds touching my face
touching my heart warming me
and calling me to Art
I am a Ninja a warrior of the Heart
with stealth I must move with Silence
I must depart aiming for mySelf
Too long I have been tossed
this way and that just a mast on
a ship that was never mine
I must anchor grow roots that
do not strangle but sustain
offer me solidity and serenity
I'm waking in a sunshower
of golden light tears of whisper
sliding thru the night into dawn
into the resonance of dreams
I'm called to soar beyond
In gratitude for Life I open
my heart I open my mind
I open my eyes I
open my wings and learn
to fly.
1-2-2012
**********************************
Mesmerized
wonderful times fly by
blonde riffled hair
Mario pjs and
pink panther on the phone
My little boy
such beauty and awe
your spirit is unshakable
“pink panther always wins
cause pink panther is
always smarter”.
I just want to
Burst
with love for you.
1-3-2012
for Oisin Shea
********************************
Every step a letting go
a putting forth
a statement of intent
every breath a bringing in
an opening to
a surrender of faith
muscles begin to work
in unison with Will
a rhythm penetrates
time stands still
as my body moves
swiftly thru
the night air
Full Moon above whispers
reminds me
to look Up
now and again
between steps
during breaths
to see Majesty watching me.
1-8-2012
***************************************
So I guess you know, now, the
Deep Dark Secret
that I've kept from you
and I know it tumbles
and turns inside your body
playing games with your
mind- making puzzles out
of bits of information
no longer scared enough to hide.
I will listen I will open
if you want to release
the pressure the burden
of knowing that which
doesn't want to be known.
I will let you rage
if that is what comes
of I will let you cry
either would be better
than saying nothing
at all.
1-8-2012
************************************
I am Ninja. I am Awake.
I am courageous. I am Strong.
I am Swift. I am Stable.
I am Open. I am Willing.
I wander. But I know
always where my heart is.
I wonder. But I know
always where my mind is.
I surrender....open my
arms to embrace the dark.
I express....all the forgotten
feelings hidden in my heart.
I am made anew-
I feel the serpent stirring-
my destiny shines above me
beckoning me to step into Power.
I am Ninja. Returning
to my Roots. Ready to
Rise and Live my Dream.
1-8-2012
************************************
A decade of unresolved feelings
and unexpressed frustration
leaks slowly out
dripping from wounds
that have been painted over
by the brush of time
and of forgetting.
The trickle doesn't cease
the pain grows deeper
and Percival fails over and over
to ask the question
“What Ails Thee?”
What will free us.
Words that harm, words that
divide- spill blood-
I am guilty, as I am
torn asunder
too
when will the fractures
be mended
when will the phantoms
be faced- and released?
Under soft skin, vulnerable
heart pumps thru
hardened chest, terrified
body- iron walls of Pride.
Karma has slapped my face
spit in my eye
as far as you are concerned
I have gotten mine-
But I will accept
willingly
the harsh condemnation
of Pain and Despair
because thru them
I become
more than I am now...
A Feeling-
Oozing aliveness-
Soul in a Bodies World.
1-13-2012
***********************************
You say you don't know how to
take me...
I can show you how I can
show you now while we
are gazing awkwardly
into Souls like mirrors
trying to figure how to make
things clear
But things like this are never
clear- are too riddled with fear
too muddled by hesitation.
Don't hesitate, with me, Beautiful
man- just open fully and spread
wings to sky
take the risk to open
like a bud within my heartspace
and you will be
granted the Sight of the Free
Come dismantle your wall
and sleep the day away
inside the garden of me.
1-13-2012
*************************************
Dakini wondering- shall I give my
pearl to he who will never worship
the body of my body the heart of
my heart the soul of my soul?
Dakini wondering- will he open
like a flower- will he let me taste
his sweet nectar- will he
be Alive enough to dive into the
earth with me- garden of Delights?
Dakini whispering- serenading
secret souls in darkness of
magics unknowing- calling to
he who has ears to hear-
eyes to see-
Dakini laughing- with hand
curled around fragile powerful
pillar of possibility- opening
all walls- yet
baring fierce gnashing teeth
Dakini accepting- a walk-on
part in the play that
bears her Name.
1-13-2012
*********************************
The snowflakes fall- impregnating
the earth
with information- crystallized
energy and understanding
in a holistic white clump
that will seed the
ground and all that
touch the earth.
Is this how thoughts
and emotions are carried
from one world to the
next
as snowflakes and raindrops
sprinkling a fresh bouquet
of prisms and patterns
and potentials
on new lands
soaking into the landscape
to become what
we are?
1-17-2012
*********************************
I have a mix of sorrow and joy
in my heart I feel
the grip of compulsive longing
has released me
from its tendrils
I do not crave that man
any longer nor do I feel
sad that he does not love
me just at peace
with knowing I may taste
his skin again perhaps
and I may not
and either course of action
would leave me equally
thrilled because I
have withdrawn the projection
and see in myself
that which I have
fantasized about in him
and others
I am Dakini. Complete.
1-17-2012
*********************************
I feared the fallout-
the remains of the holocaust-
I barricaded my heart for
fear that it would not hold up
nor keep me breathing or alive
in the midst
of chaos.
My fears have been released
the holocaust came it
strangled me for a moment
incited rage and irritation
and momentary terror
but it all passed to
a subtle grey the air
does not crackle any
longer the tension has
ceased the Storm
has blown clear
leaving just me
alone with my heart
and finally able to see
that it is never healthy
to carry a secret to walk
thru this world holding
onto something or hiding
something that takes
vast reservoirs of energy
and focus to keep hidden.
We are drained and kept at
half-capacity or less.
I have been released-
I dissipate like particles
of passion satiated
from a wild night-
I fall softly to cover
everything around me
in a faint mist
of my blown open heart
and sweet falling
gratitude.
1-17-2012
**********************************
My oh my how the cycles repeat
how the lines from my past
diverge and re-meet
how the tentacles that wrapped
with lustful waves
tore thru the heart
and bore a grave
And now the lady of the night
sleeps in tears that hide from sight
And all around the sirens sound
and deep within the violence found
a trickle sighs and makes its way
thru the embers of reddened clay
once a body complete with soul
one hollow hand broke thru and stole
collected for the empty chest
that aches to breathe
but shakes deceit
in audible sounds of desperate defeat
6-12-2012 ( based on a Dream)
*******************************************
Freedom
Sacrificial Lamb
Bitter fruit
Broken heart
Blown-open soul
prisms of longing
saturation
something dying
something else
blossoming
invisibly
and filled with New.
7-4-2012
******************************
Understand my song
As silent happy mirror
yellow sun of summer
glowing thru wonder
you are my teacher
man of gentle peace
magic king sharing joy
with your warm playful queen
together we love and sing
sail like pink balloons
winged thoughts
inside a growing dream
magnetic poetry*
2013
*****************************
We hide inside
each blue thought
gentle nest of wonder
we flew out quietly
like warm wind
following something old
dark and important
upon cloud bed
over yellow sun
they hold hands
and play together
they share sky world
fast little birds
turnin' trees into castles
day and night
magnetic poem*
2013
**********************************
Morning light is
where she begins
woman is fed
like fat dinosaur
her mad prince brings
hot bird to eat
for the girl he loves
she ate of his truth
and she told magic man
you are my joyful mirror
magnetic poem
2013
***********************************
Descent
The outward breath is painless
borders to break and boundaries to bend
wherever we sink into freedom
is where our hearts long to swim
1-3-2014
***********************************
Body to body
flesh to flesh
nothing to want
nothing to miss
wading thru mirrors of your mist
waiting forever for your kiss
nothing but loving could feel like this
something for nothing
is how we're blessed
1-3-2014
***********************************
merry meet the gentle fleet
who flies before the storm
and raises eyes to summer skies
and flees the falling form
of all that we have undertaken
all that we have overdone
all the dreams we have mistaken
as the blazing brilliant One
Smiling back to words in grace
feeling moonlight on your face
as all the world joins in song
dancing thru the right and wrong
and washing away the gloomy gray
that sinks beneath the brand new day
pulling hearts into a soul
that knows too much to heal the hole...
12-29-2015
********************************
Sincerity makes for politeness
and insincerity makes for impoliteness
Whatever is sincere, as long as it is not cruel
implies faith in the recipients fortitude
to deal with what is said,
and thus is fundamentally respectful to the recipient.
Whatever is insincere,
regardless of its apparent content
is an insult to the recipients intelligence,
as it suggests the recipient is incapable
of detecting the insincerity as well as
incapable of handling the truth.
1-7-2016
**************************************
Sew
A Seer
A female Seer
Play
A drop of golden Fun!
Free
A game
I play
Myself......
12-10-2016
***************************************
I remember days when we would fuck
Because it felt good and because
It was impossible to get close enough
Would kiss
Because our tongues wanted to entwine
And dance in a wet tango
Would Touch as if our hands had never before
Felt flesh.
But days like those recede
I am told
Because time makes a mockery of all things
Takes the magic from the World,
From the People we love
The air we breathe
The Bodies we Inhabit.
I remember days when every gesture of Love
And adoration
Was returned and reflected back to me
I was the Sun and he the Sea
The brighter I burned, the more he held me
The deeper his Soul, the more I reached
Hot rays burning thru this dream
2016
*******************************************
Ode to self righteousness
everywhere I look, everywhere I see
the darkest of darkness peeking out
from a cracked vessel trying to Be
woman turns on man, sister on brother
pointing fingers gnarled snarls
condemning one another
the great Web, tangled souls, human mess
terrified Minds , shouting mouths
convinced of their own righteousness
lost in the labyrinth of mental tricks
blaming each other for tocs and tics
forgetting that flesh and heart and blood
mean more than media falsehoods
Ideologies and Isms created as schisms
which one do you belong to?
hate your brother your father your mother
unless they agree with you ?
We are all the same here, we are all in the Tear
that falls further each day
from the Eye that seems to look the other way
so close your Screen, stop tapping keys
open your heart, try to see
you've been tricked into hating
your Human Family
As long as the Hatred blinds the Fearer
You are the same as your Neighbor
Staring in the Mirror
“Spy vs. Spy, baby’s a freak show
Lines form just to the right of your keyhole
Eyes from the paintings seem to follow
Mirrors cap both ends of your telescope.”
1/25/17
*********************************************
In dancing fractals of wonder
Playing with my disguise
I wander through the Ethers
Seaming you’s and I’s
2-3-2017
****************************************
I thought I saw my soul die today
I thought I saw my soul fly away
It was carried by the wings of pain
But it was just my heart opening
Forgive my heart
forgive my mind
forgive my soul
all its crimes
10-27-2017
**************************************
It started with September
then became October
Pushed up to November
And on thru December
And now I've woken from the trance
and dropped the smoldering ember
The deep recesses and dark descent
have extended their invitation
A dance with my demons
in the womb of my dreaming
awaits my sovereign initiation
When all is turned inward
I sever the tendrils
in order that I might see
the depth and the breadth
of the tears I have wept
as a billion other versions of me.
11-12-2017
*******************************************
BlissNinja 