Poetry from 5-26-1996 to 11-21-1996
All poems copyright Charleen Johnston
*******************************
Forbidden Love
A tortured soul
a wounded heart
nothing in this world
could keep them apart.
A heart of stone
eyes of fire
they knew their love
would never tire.
Their passion burned
their desire was deep
their love was forbidden
as they dozed into sleep.
A darkness came
swept over the land
they sat in the shadows
holding each others hand.
A blinding light
lit the sky
this was their chance
to say goodbye.
He held her close
her breath was cold
they shivered in fear
as they slowly grew old.
Down from the sky
an angel fell
One went to heaven
the other to hell.
5-26-1996
*************************
Life
people crying
life dying
laughter trying
enemies spying
kids defying
time flying
sinners sighing
evil is prying
through the walls
of these halls
someone calls
time stalls
new laws
shopping malls
fire balls
life falls
from the skin
of the men
with the sin
big grin
time spin
wearing thin
in the end
it all begins....
*************************
Time
look here, what do you see?
Nothing but hypocrisy?
Look there, what do you see?
Nothing but insanity?
It's a blind mans fate,
a poor mans dream
its an old maids laughter,
a small childs scream.
Its a numb feeling that doesn't go away
its a sharp pain that will always stay
look out, here it comes
it will take you by surprise
don't be afraid to fight it,
be courageous, be wise.
I couldn't name all the fears of mine,
but the greatest fear of all
is that thing called 'time'.
***************************
Mirror of Pain
She opened her eyes and stared into the glass,
the mirror was faded with rusty brass.
The face she saw didn't seem her own...
it was a girl, unhappy as shown.
She thought that she was joyful and alive
but what she saw had already died.
It was an image of sadness and hurt
from the worn and hard life of feeling like dirt.
Her eyes turned red and became swollen
she started to sob but her tears were frozen;
she closed her eyes and turned her head,
she knew now that her soul was dead.
And as she left that mirror of pain
the tear-stained image still remained.
*********************************
My Imagination
you kept a constant smile
upon my lonely face
you helped me see the light
you showed me there was grace.
Whenever I needed a friend
you were by my side
to help me open up
and to you I would confide.
Sometimes I needed help
and you showed me what to do
you helped me with my problems
you let me lean on you.
Thanks for always being there
whenever times were rough
and when I really think about it
just having you was enough.
************************
Tiny Words
An odor of vengeance has swept through the land
a heartbreaking silence has taken my hand
the deadly thoughts of that wicked mind
will burn a hole in the lovers shrine.
Your evil sins will glare at you from afar
and the non-justice of this world will scar
the hearts and souls of the righteous men
and the wicked foulness starts over again.
Without love and patience and faith
your worldly presence will be a waste
and in the end on judgment day
you'll wish you'd heard what I had to say...
*****************************
One small Child
A voice
A child
she weeps silently
her tears calm the inner voice
that threatens to destroy her.
She moves and speaks mechanically,
as if involuntary
her body is here
but her spirit is gone
to search for a better place,
a love that would put a smile
on her face.
Inside her mind is a bomb
taking in all its worth
but someday soon that bomb
will burst,
spewing forth the threats,
insults, and all the fear
that was put inside.
it will come out, soon
you will see
everything that has kept
this little girl from being free.
****************************
Hibernation
The winters of my mind have come,
my thoughts will now become dormant.
Everything that I think or feel
will quickly become your torment.
The snow is the hazy threats
that blow in from the west,
the cheerless calls are the secure thoughts
that have lost their place inside their nest.
I lay my head onto my bed
for a while I will sleep
and I hope and pray to god
that my mental hibernation is deep.
***************************
A teardrop fell
from her cheek
her muffled cries
made her weak
her leaden heart
felt so cold
she was young
yet she was old.
Her empty soul
wandered free
no-one to love her
to make her see.
She weeps aloud
her shoulders heave
her heart is aching
for love not received.
She stares blindly
out into the street
her body is frozen
from head to feet.
Shes numbed from hate
her faith is lost
she has no hope
she has no thoughts.
Her window is closed
just like her mind
She is tired of looking
for love she can't find.
***************************
Insanity
I am forced to care, yet I do not; I am made to speak,
yet it's not my voice;
they say 'honor your elders' and I say
'they are all hypocrites'.
This world full of piaculer people,
and I am but an apple in a rotting orchard.
How many people will fall to their knees
to serve a sinful act
before they realize it's love they need
and love they lack?
How long will the sun shine on the wicked
and darkness fall on the good
before they see the truth and it is all understood?
I close my eyes on this land
because the filthiness threatens to blind me;
I clog my ears to keep out the lies
that are born each day.
How long will I have to shield myself before I am free?
Their hypocritical advice they throw at me,
I just laugh in their face.
They think I am mad, they call me a disgrace...
but they dont know the secret
and they dont care,
as long as nothing interrupts their fun
and as long as they are treated fair;
I hear the whispers behind my back,
as I walk past I feel the stares
that follow my every track.
What they dont know is that I am watching them,
and I know their deeds,
they put the blame on me
and try to make me look like a freak;
Its like fighting off madness just to stay alive,
I try to care, but why?
For them? I have to be myself,
if I were someone else I would die,
my mind would scream, my heart would cry;
I am one with my soul.
I am free in a sense that not even love
could imprison me with its iron chains.
I am happy inside, thats all that counts,
my body is a shell which I must break,
to free my spirit, to heal my heartache...
so I tell them 'leave me be,
I am not inspired by your hypocrisy,
let me be free to live and die in my insanity....'
************************************
Please dont go
I thought I didn't need you
I let your memory fade away
but now that I don't have you
I miss you more and more each day.
You really were a part of me
you helped me open up;
but now that you're not mine
life is getting tough.
Sometimes I hear your voice
it is calling out my name,
then I realize the truth;
its just me going insane.
We had so much fun together
we really had a ball;
but now I cry myself to sleep
in memory of it all.
Please just tell me that you care
it would free my soul
don't treat me like I'm not there
don't treat me like an empty hole.
*****************************
I will remember
I whisper your name and look into your eyes
all I can see is your meaningless lies
you smile at me and look to the skies
you know the truth, that the sun wont rise
and I can't argue, I won't even try
because all you will do is sincerely deny
and I'll be upset and then I'll cry
and you wont even stop to ask me why
so I will leave without a goodbye
and the next time I see you I won't say hi
and you will hate me til the day you die
but I'll always remember you and I
I'll remember your smile and deep blue eyes
and I'll forget those never-ending lies
and when I look into the skies
I will know the sun will rise
and I can't stop it so I won't try
and If I do I will simply deny
because I could never live to see you cry
just listen to me and don't ask why
and promise you won't leave without a goodbye
and I will promise to always say hi
always and forever til the day I die
and I'll always remember you and I
*****************************
I'll be missing you
We hold each others hand as we walk through the park
the sun is going down and the sky is getting dark
you pull me close and I feel your breath on my cheek
the night is getting cold and my legs are getting weak
I ask you to hold me and not let me go
you take me in your arms and then I know;
you and I were meant to be
our love Is true and our souls are free
I gain my strength and walk for a while by your side
but I find it hard to keep up with your stride
my breath starts to come in painful gasps
I yell for you to stop but you're going so fast
I fall to the ground and clutch my aching heart
as I struggle we get further and further apart
You don't notice that I am no longer beside you
you just keep walking, what will I do?
I feel my consciousness slipping away
I don't have the strength to call your name
Suddenly everything is dark and I am alone
I hear my heart beating and I silently moan
Why don't you save me from my pain?
Do you not care or is this some kind of game?
I see a light and a memory comes to me:
We are laying on a dock and looking out to sea
we are talking and you start to cry
you look at me fondly when I ask you why
you say 'I'll be missing you' and you wipe away my tears
I knew not what you meant for so many years
you were living off my body, you fed on my trust
and I gave into you and your meaningless lust
now as I lay here with no strength to live or die
you hurry and leave me without a goodbye
But I will not let you win, I will make you pay
and then you will wish that you had stayed.
I open my eyes and you are standing over me
It takes a moment to recover from my dream
I play along and reach out to you
you take me in your arms without a clue
I let you kiss me one last time
then I suck the life from you and you quickly die
there is no guilt or shame for me to show
for my heart has died long ago...
******************************
Stupid Mistakes
We watch the sunset in each others arms,
we stare at the sky, at the clouds and the stars,
you tell me you love me and you'll never leave,
but I see it in your eyes, you are such a tease.
I say “only love me for real” to you
you look at me sincerely and say “I do”
I laugh aloud as I watch you lie,
why do you tell me this, why do you try?
I really do love you, but your love is not true,
I can hear it in your voice, yet you have no clue.
You really believe you love me,
your heart is blind and your soul is free.
We sit now in darkness, there's a chill in the air,
Why does life always have to be unfair?
I tell you to leave, its better for you
It will save me from hurt and you from the truth.
Your eyes glow and a tear rolls down your cheek
I kiss it away and softly speak...
“Go my love, don't cry, don't be sad,
you don't love me, you never have.”
You take my hand and kiss it gently
you grasp your heart and fall towards me,
you fall to your knees and lay your head in my lap...
you tell me you love me and I just laugh.
You cry aloud and whisper my name,
then you turn and run and I do the same.
Now I sit here alone, still and afraid,
maybe I was wrong, maybe I should have stayed.
Now that you are gone and I am alone,
I feel a loss, a hole that needs to be sewn.
I realize you were truthful in your words,
and I was deaf to the promise I heard.
You would have done anything for me,
But I was blind and did not see.
I am the one who is to blame,
I let you go and I felt no shame.
“I love you my love, it is you I need,
please hear and come back to me”.
You don't hear, you are too far away.
I sit in sorrow and cry all day.
As time passes by and your image is dull,
Your memory tortures my heart and soul.
When I think of the times what we had,
my heart aches, for it is all too sad.
I must be insane to have let you go
you really did love me and I didn't know.
Now I am lonely In my old age.
You were my one and only soulmate
I hope you are doing better than me
I hope you are living happily.
There is nothing left in this world for me,
and I know the only way to be free
is to turn out the light and lie on my bed,
I could kill myself if I were'nt already dead.......
***************************
Help
Im stuck
in a world
of love and hate
the one I love
is the result
of my fate.
No one else understands
or sees
or hears
or wants to know me
the way he does
this love is true
this love is right
this love I choose
not to fight.
It's won me over
it's all figured out
this love
this heart
this world
he knows what it's
all about.
**********************
Sleeping Giant
Your name has always passed me by without a second thought
and whenever I saw you we would casually talk
I looked at you and saw a friend of mine
but now a thought has erupted and given me a sign-
you are the one for me and I think that it's nice
to be able to talk to you without thinking twice.
A tiny pang of enthusiasm bursts within the hour
and the feelings I have for you bloom like a flower
I will not clue you in that you interest me
and I will not change my ways whenever it's you I see.
So if you want this heart of mine you'd better take your chance
and I will not blow you off to watch the lilies dance.
********************************
Through the Looking Glass
There's something wrong with the world today
there's someone out to make us pay
for all the pain and agony and grief
we have caused in our time so brief.
There's something strange happening to me
someone's trying to make me see
the world and land through their eyes
the rotten fields and empty skies.
There's a voice of envy that flows through the air
there's a shadow of hate that lurks everywhere
I try to run, I try to hide
it's in the corners, its outside
I yearn to be free of this nightmare that never ends
I beg for the distance it never sends
I want a chance to be happy and free
but this world is unforgiving and cares not for me....
*************************
Live your life and dream your dream
but nothing that you think or feel
is ever what it seems
**********************
Innocent love
I watch two strangers as they stroll across the park
they seem so in love as they walk in the dark;
one has a flower and the other one a cane,
they hold hands and softly sing as they walk through the rain;
They move slowly so as not to disturb the peace,
they never stop to rest as they head into the east;
Down by the lake, under a tree,
they lay themselves down and speak to me;
I don't understand what it is that they say,
but wouldn't it be nice to be that happy every day?
They continue on their journey across the park,
when along comes a stranger running in the dark;
He plows into the lovers and I watch them fall,
the one with the flower now has no life at all;
The man with the cane has rolled down the hill,
and yet the stranger keeps running still;
That's my perception of love in this land,
your love will fall before it has a chance to stand.
**********************************
Perfect
innocent child
never done bad
yet still
always
so sad.
Naughty
stubborn kid
never has cared
yet still
never
so scared.
Ignorant
blissful love
never once broken
yet still
always
so outspoken.
Laughter
trailing behind
never has ceased
yet still
it echoes
unto the deceased.
*************************
The Anniversary
On this day, seventeen years ago
you promised you'd stay and never go
you made your vows and sealed with a kiss
and that is why I am writing you this
Love at first sight, you did a double take
you knew she was perfect for goodness sake
and he was all that you talked about
and that is when Jeremiah popped out
you made it legal and joined hands
you had so many wonderful plans
a year passed and you started feeling mean
and into the world came Charleen
well two wasn't enough or so you said
so now your feeding Julias head
things were great and life was fine
until Peter came when I was nine
On and on through life you went
and sometimes you didn't have a cent
but through thick and thin you stayed together
through hot and cold you suffered the weather
you deserve an award for all your good deeds
and that is why you have me!
Happy anniversary mom and dad
I hope I cheer you up when you are sad
and I wish you peace in all you do,
so happy anniversary to you and you.
7-6-1996
****************************
Luscious
Ha! you thought you were so slick and you'd never get caught
but we're not as stupid as you think
we're not as gullible as you thought.
It was a matter of time before we broke the chain,
it didn't take much to uncover your game
You told me things you said only I knew
but it was the same thing you told the other two.
As far as I'm concerned you are a liar,
and If I were you I would retire
from playing your game on unknowing girls
who think you're wonderful, the best in the world.
We've figured it out and we'll make you pay
for making us a part of the game that you play...
******************************
Journey to your Heart
As I push past the weedy underbrush I come to a rest,
I hear the constant drumming
through the walls of your chest.
I make my way through the blistering heat,
and there I discover your wounded heartbeat.
It takes time and effort to heal a heartbreak,
but I hurry as fast as I can ,
for your life is at stake.
I doctor you and give you what you need,
but no matter how much love I give,
you continue to bleed.
You have accepted me into your hollow heart,
I need to say so many things
but I don't know where to start.
Well I guess I'll just say I Love you
and your heart will continue to heal
as long as my love is true.
***************************
You are you
you are free to make your own choices
you have the ability to think for yourself
I will not attempt to change you
I will not put you down, insult you,
or make you feel like less than what you are.
If you are succeeding, I will be happy for you
I will not show jealousy or envy in your time of greatness
I will give you respect, for you are equal
I will treat you how I would like to be treated
you are yourself
you need not change for anyone
you are you
**************************
You
you watch
you listen
you learn
you love
me
I see
I hear
I know
I am loved
him
he looks
he talks
he teaches
he hates
her
she is me
you are him
*******************
Silence destroys the happiness
and jealousy breaks our bond
the memories we have are fading
into the depths of the pond
which is my heart
and which holds my love
and I erase your image from my mind
to save myself from regret
and from the sorrow
I left behind
************************
When I think of what I have right now
my heart skips a beat
and when I think of whats in store for me
I shake from head to feet
I will not take advantage
of the guy I have got
last time I said that
I was swept away and forgot
But oh how much I like him
and he feels the same
he will always be by my side
when I call his name...
**************************
Roses are in bloom and the leaves
are turning green;
and the sky is clearing up
and flowers can be seen.
All this because nature looked at you
and saw the beauty in your eyes
and didn't know what to do.
So it spread its wings and opened its eyes;
and made clear the cloudy skies.
I raised the flowers and colored the leaves
it bloomed the roses and salted the seas.
Father time will now stand still
to take a look at your bright smile
and the rays of energy
which gleam in your eyes
will last for a long, long while.
****************************
When you whisper my name I will always hear
and when you want to talk I'll always be near
and when you're lonely and need someone to hold
I'll be there to shelter you from the cold
And when you're sick or feeling down
I'll be there to erase your frown
And if your scared and need a friend
I'll stay with you until the end
so never forget to call my name
and whenever you need someone to blame
take aim at me and fire away
and I'll ease your mind and always stay....
***************************
If I call your name would you answer,
and if I ask for love would you give?
If I beg for your concern would you care...
would you die so that I might live?
I am not asking much of your selfish heart,
just tell me how you feel,
and I will give to you everything
which would help you start to heal.
Sometimes I wonder if love is a dream
a dream that never disappears,
or maybe a reoccurring nightmare
that goes on for so many years?
Your heart; so blind, so young,
so peaceful in being, yet so distraught....
and I continue to love you,
for it is what I was taught.....
8-9-96
***************************
Higher than the skies
I stare into your eyes
there is a pureness
which radiates from them
I dream of blue moons
and flying raccoons
but I can't stop thinking of him
I dig deep into my soul
for an answer
to that one question
why does love hurt?
Why does it tease
without saying please
as it treats you like dirt?
So as I fall from the sky
I ask myself why
why do I cry
to look in your eyes?
*************************
Somewhere out there on that path we must take
we find ourselves dreaming of a scorching red lake
a lake of fire which burns out our heart
and makes us say things which tear us apart
If you learn to swim in that lake of fire
your enjoyment of life will be so much higher
**************************
My Aching heart
My aching heart
its beat keeps drumming
it speeds up
when it hears you coming
but you do not know
and I do not show
because it would make me vulnerable
it would make me a victim of Desire
so I am nonchalant
'hey, how's it going'
while inside I smile
and my heart dances
I want to say
' I've been thinking of you'
but there is nothing I can do
so I dream my dream all day
my aching heart
waits for your presence
yearns for your essence
and then it falls apart...
****************************
Silence...loneliness, your tears form a river in my heart-
and I start to drown,
but your reassurance saves me....
and I am once again returned to my darkness-
not of the night,
but of emotional distrust.
so........as I continue to dry your tears with my comfort,
I begin to feel the warmth of the sun
which is shining in your eyes,
I feel the closeness of your rays.....
my friend.
***************************
Sometimes when I just wake up
I feel an inner peace
the day has not yet begun
so my worries I can release
as hours go by and my day has progressed
I feel no serenity
as I fight off my stress
but I hit certain moments
when my mind is clear
and I dream special dreams
and I know no fear
as night falls and I am tired
I look at the moon
what a sight
and I am thankful to begin a new day
as I enter into my peaceful night...
***********************
Obsession is like progression
the obsessed continue to progress
into a state of anxiety
where they can't accept variety
**********************
Sometimes the only way I hear you is with my heart,
it beats your words into my blood and tears them apart.
I only see you in my mind,
for when it comes to looking at you, I go blind.
Your beauty would scar me and I would no longer be free,
I would compare everything to what I see.
You can not be loved by anyone more than by me,
but I must let you go
because I cannot make you happy.
***********************
Sitting here feeling empty,
when you left you took a part of me.
My heart stopped beating,
and my eyes didn't glow
you took away my passion, my pride....
everything I know.
Stop this game of hit and run,
it drives me crazy every day,
and as much as I love you,
I must say:
You are a person, a human,
you have feelings too
but don't play with peoples minds,
it will all come back to you.
**************************
A strong wave of self reliance has swept me out to sea;
an inner voice of pity and hate has said “it will never be”
A laughing matter not found funny is said to be lame;
A twisted act of jealousy has caught me in its game.
*************************
Reality
Temporarily out of order, thats exactly how I feel,
my life is put on hold, it seems so unreal.
One day I'll wake up and find my way back home,
back into my heart where all my love will bloom.
I see the faces and hear the voice,
its a vague pretense, I must make a choice.
Solitary has won me over, I am nothing now
I am chilled by the silence, of this world so foul.
I am speaking the words but what do they mean?
I am watching the movements, but its all in a dream.
Foggy apprehensions cloud my mind,
all of my life I have fallen behind.
A ray of light peaks into my life
it's cutting into me, it's sharp as a knife
my mind feels light
my head spins
I open my eyes
and Reality begins....
*************************
As I walk along the path to love
I see things that confuse me.
I try to work out my problems,
try to understand why people use me.
But there's always that nagging voice
that won't go away,
it keeps telling me
'today is the day'.
The day for what?
I dig so deep for the answers,
I fear I'll never find my way out...
but every time I'm in need,
I always make it through...
does that seem strange to you?
Am I blessed?
Am I angry, or am I depressed?
Am I in love, or am I obsessed?
Am I lonely or am I distressed?
Help me find the right path to take...
I fear Ive been walking for too long
in the wrong direction
to ever find my way back....
so here I am;
All alone, searching, walking,
looking for love,
for guidance,
for an answer from above....
********************
Once I was walking and I thought I saw a light,
it was shining from the sky,
it was shining so bright
I had to shield my eyes to block the rays,
but suddenly it grew dark in so many different ways...
I realized then that nothing is forever,
be it love or happiness,
everything will end in darkness;
So while you're young and have a chance,
use your head and be smart,
or your life is like that light,
suddenly darkness overcomes your sight;
You will lose your way
and slowly rot,
and then you'll remember
the advice you forgot.
***********************
An untouched feeling of sorrow and guilt
has entered my life through the hole I have built
nothing I do or say can ever stop or take away
the pain I've caused and the confidence Ive lost.
I wish I knew how to tell you I'm sorry
without sounding so pitiful
and I wish I could ask you to forgive me
without making you feel like a fool;
If only you knew how important you are
you could know the pain I am going through
because I would give anything and everything
just to keep you.
When you think of me think of the fun we had
and remember I'll love you
when times are good, when times are bad.
So one last time I beg you to let me explain
how I feel and what I need just to stay sane.
You....
You are the light that helps me see
when the sun does not shine,
you are my shelter when it rains,
you are my eyes when I am blind.
You keep me going when I think
I'll never make it through,
you let me do everything I want to do.
So now you know whats on my mind,
please forgive me, just this time.
***************************
Silence
I am trapped within these walls, it is dark and hard to breathe,
these iron gates of loneliness are closing all around me...
I feel my way around but everything is gone,
there is nothing here but emptiness, I've been trapped for too long.
Once I thought I found a door, a chance to be free,
but that was all in my head, my fears playing tricks on me.
I sit here and hope, wish I were someone else...
but nothing seems to change and I am stuck in this daze.
I begin to hear voices, whispers, insults and cries,
I try to look but I can't open my eyes.
I get scared, my ears are slowly going deaf,
too long Ive been trapped in darkness....
is it my fault I am here?
Can we control other peoples rejection, other peoples desire?
We all try but we lose our strength and quickly tire.
I listen....I hear footsteps, or is it my heartbeat
echoing through these deserted walls,
trying to comfort me with its desperate calls?
There is no pain greater than a broken heart;
no death worse than lifelong silence.
There is no fear greater than your own Shadow,
no greater torture than feeling yourself being torn apart....
slowly, silently, no one to hear your anguished cries of pain.
You shed no tears as you witness your life slowly drain;
As your body lies lifeless, you smile....
you are no longer alone.
************************
Happy Face
Happy face smiling at me
I'm as happy as can be
things are great, things are good
everything is understood
Happy face smiling at me
I am joyful as you can see
things are well, things are fine
oh happy face I am glad you are mine
************************
Him
He comes to me for love, he says 'I am lonely and depressed',
I comfort him and say 'don't be sad, don't be stressed'.
We hold each other for awhile....then he runs
and I don't see him again.
He is hiding from me, from love. I search
and never find him, just his essence all around.
He's still hiding from what scares him,
the possibility of being hurt, of being treated like dirt.
I find him at a lake, he is staring at the moon;
I take his hand in mind,
we sit and stare together.
'I will never hurt you' I say
He just smiles and looks away.
***************************
Coma
As you lay your head on your pillow
and your eyes wearily close,
your awareness is at a loss
as you begin to doze.
Then the light goes out
and you can't hear or see,
you lie in darkness
for what seems an eternity.
Then slowly it comes to pass
and your wounds begin to heal,
you wake up from your coma
and nothing seems real.
Gradually you lose your fear
and Time will numb the pain
but always remember,
love so deep will always remain.
************************
Thoughts of Love
Your image runs through my mind
like a river out of control
Just the thought of you being here
touches the bottom of my soul.
My heart beats wildly
as I picture myself with you,
My body starts to shake,
I don't know what to do.
I try to forget you, me us,
how we were,
but memories of you
will stay with me forever.
**************************
Pessimistic Reality
It's over now, even before it ever started,
I'm glad though, better sooner than later
that we parted.
Its better this way
I tell myself over and over again;
so why can't I shake the memory
of that gorgeous grin?
No matter what, I'll always care
no matter when, I'll always be there;
when times are tough
or you just need a friend
I'll be on your side to lend a hand.
You are very dear to me
and I never will forget
all the fun times we had
since the day we met;
farewell and goodbye,
but not forever I pray;
and I hope that you'll take the time
to think of me some days....
************************
I'm Free! I'm free! That's what I say;
but then I wake up and its yesterday.
Yesterday; seems so long ago,
seems so nonexistent.....
Yesterday-
When the thing I held most dear
was our friendship...
what happened to tomorrow,
the day of better luck?
Instead its replaced with sorrow
pride and deceit....
who cares now?
I've broken the bonds of love.
I've cracked the chains that bind
my heart;
It's time for the moment
when we silently depart....
************************
Time will pass and you will die
across the moon your spirit will fly
and if a promise of life was made
your memory will never fade....
************************
Changing with the Seasons
I can feel the trees tensing up
as the air rots away
I'm in a never-ending battle of life
that starts yesterday.
The sun towers over the cowering clouds
and sunshine speaks to me
as its rays whisper loud.
Time is coming, time is passing,
but time will never end,
for time is a panicked excuse
that stops before it begins.
I walk to the top of the mountain
and breathe a sigh of relief,
I've made it to the top,
I've turned over a new leaf.
The trees still shake and call to me,
I walk on by...
I've found an inner beauty.
***********************
Sadness, Reality
We had so many plans for us but you don't seem to care,
I had so many dreams of you, I saw you everywhere.
I knew the truth all along, but inside my mind
I pretended that you really cared about this heart of mine.
I guess I knew it would end this way
but I tried not to let my heart stray.
I still think you're great, and you're special to me
I will never forget you through eternity.
***********************
As I stood enveloped above my candle
staring into my mirror,
I could not believe my eyes;
the image that reflected
was that of a guys.
His face was wrinkled and withered with age
his eyes drooped and sagged,
his head was shaved.
A pastel grey shone from his lips,
and his eyes glowed like match tips.
There was something in his face
that told me he was wise;
was it the chilling smile
or the deep peering eyes?
Whichever one, the reflection scared me
and I ran from that mirror
so that I would be free,
free from that projected image
that I no longer see........
*************************
You rip out my heart with your words
when all you mean to do is talk to me.
My tears burn holes in my sensitive skin
as I dream of being free.
As I watch you walk away arrogantly
I think of what you said,
the words that you spit at me
were meant to knock me dead.
I follow you into darkness
and engage in a plan,
and when I catch you alone
I will finally make my stand.
************************
Day and Night
Night took a walk on over to day
she wanted to talk, she wanted to say
'you are so different from me
you are happy, but I am free'.
Day replied with honest eyes....
'well you know I brighten cloudy skies,
you condemn a time to rest
while only I know whats best'.
Night...so dark, so mysterious and shy
its curiosity entices the human eye
and when she speaks her words are clear
and when she's sad she sheds no tears.
But day is a whole new story
she bows her head in all her glory
she boasts her shiny white smile
with her happiness that stretches a mile.
She seems to be so happy and warm
and cheerful is her only form
but as the day turns to night
so does the dark soon turn bright.......
so she amounts to the same....
two personalities under one name.
****************************
Trampling through seas of tranquility
we find ourselves drifting from reality.
The air is filled with silence
as we struggle through violence,
forcing ourselves through closed doors
and wading through the distant shores.
We find ourselves growing distant
from the life we know,
in an instant
we learn to accept the word of God
and what we've heard.
Love is connected to temptation
and thoughts of scorn wait patient-
patient for a time of hate
when its words will choose your fate.
And while you're laughing in my face
I am waiting to embrace
the happiness which greets me
as I see that you are smiling free.
Climb your mountain
and swim your stream
but never wake up from your dream.
Return yourself to tranquility
and you'll find a peaceful reality.
**************************
Crawling and peering through
the dark
we see ourselves in a new
light...
the reality we cannot fight
as we discover that unlit
spark
of memories we don't remember
and of times we've had before
and acts which leave us
wanting more
from that distant burning
ember....
***********************
Smiling
I run away
through a field of daisies
I breathe the air
it's so sweet
my heart is pure
and still
I am smiling....
***********************
Where
are you
When
I need you
If
I call you
Will
You come
Through
a daydream
I
see you smiling
while
you sleep
I watch you cry
as
tears fall
and
through it all
I love you.
************************
You are my sunshine when the days are cold
you are my laughter as I grow old
you are my happiness when the sky is grey
you bring me joy each and every day
you are my thoughts, all day I think of you
you are my life, my love for you is true
***********************
An ode to no one
from your conscience
I hear a dog bark
territorial rush, just begun
through the dark
shadows across the sun;
moon beams just for fun
coming through the crack-
in the wall
I watch them fall
birds don't know
bugs don't care
frogs don't need
to sit and stare
an ode- a lay
sing today
I can't say
my prayers on an
empty stomach....
watch me fall:
*********************
Severance of the mortal mind
coming and going, of every kind
the seven seas and serenity pleas
and the founding fathers of prosperity
come forth my soul and light my flame
and whisper lullabies in Gods name
pillows and dragons and coloring books
watching me from cracks and nooks
telling angels to fall asleep
and promising my soul to keep
as softly as the moon doth sing
come forth flowers of early spring
time again, and time away, stay
pray for that everlasting day
some may fall and some may fly
where some go low some fly high
silk, cotton, and hot corn bread
bring peace to this heart so dead
flowers die but are reborn, are torn
corn rows march on frosty morns
kittens bark and dogs go meow
ants eat snakes and grass eats cows
this, my home of brave curiosity...
this and that is what you see
but...for me....
eternity.
**************************
An unusual kind of emptiness has
settled inside my heart,
that hollow beating drum rips
my life apart
I am not alone yet I am in
need of a friend
one who will stick by me
until the very end...
***************************
As I continue to search for that personal fulfillment
my body weakens and my heart wants. Of all the places
I could find my sincerity I find it in a long lost star. I
climb, I fly, I soar with the wind yet it is still out of reach.
It glows and glitters in moonlight yet I can not see it with
my eyes. I radiate from the light that shines from it, but that
still does not warm my heart. A tiny teardrop can saturate
my soul and all the happiness in the world could not ease
the pain of losing a piece of mind. Still, I reach for my
destiny, all alone, afraid of what will come and cautious
of falseness, and yet forever I will search for prosperity;
for it is only found when you meet God; and soon that
day will come.
***************************
Reality seems so imaginary-
everything we have ever known
contradicts itself as shown.
And as time passes by we understand
the rules and laws of this stubborn land.
Imagery. It takes over our thoughts-
it takes over our dreams,
we live and die in fear
of not being what we seem.
Dreamers. They spend their life asleep-
they don't know how to deal with life,
with reality- they feel like sheep
herded into the pack, not separate,
no individual stands out,
they all live in fantasies,
they communicate with their thoughts
as if they are lovers...
Pessimists. Depressing, unhappy images
show across their faces,
they can not smile and they cannot laugh-
for their happiness is nonexistent.
They are afraid, unwilling to be real,
to imagine, to dream, scared
to look into a mirror,
for then darkness takes over...
***********************
My feelings for you were hidden to everyone but my own mind,
I could not admit my love, for you would use it against me,
and it would weaken me.
Instead I lay here dreaming of what could have been,
the times we could have had...
Every time you touched me it took away my breath,
my head felt light, and I got scared....love is scary...
you don't try to fall in love,
but I fell too hard and too quick,
I could not hold in my feelings any longer.
Now what? I am here, you are not,
I am alone, you are not,
I am afraid, you are not.....
I do not want to love you and I feel myself
drifting from reality.
You are now alone.
*************************
A rose
a replica of you
a reflection of your heart
the petals- so beautiful to the eyes,
so pleasing to the touch, so satisfying to hold
to watch grow and bloom.
The petals, the array of colors, the essence
of beauty which surrounds each one,
which covers it as if it is a shell.
The stem- your foundation, the epitome
of your greatness, your lifeline.
Your heart- so plain yet so comforting,
so convenient yet so strong.
The thorns- they hold you back from
being so perfect, so untouched,
they have no purpose yet
they're there ; you look past them
to see the complete rose in
bloom, looking so beautiful
smelling so sweet,
feeling so soft....
You forget the thorns.
***************************
A smile is all you give
no hello, goodbye
no blink of an eye
a smile is all you give
A mild life is the life you live
no happiness, no fun
always on the run
a mild life is the life you live
a blind love covers your heart
you pray and you wait
you live by fate
a blind love covers your heart
A lie tears your love apart
you wait to see
if the words are free
and always forget to start.
***********************
I only let myself look at you at night
the darkness prevails and overtakes my sight
if my eyes saw you in the plain of day
they would be locked upon you, forever to stay
for your beauty would make my mind insane
and everything else would seem so plain
**********************
Searching desperately
grasping for a moment of despair
you seem so free
enslaved though
by jealousy...
envious affections which curse you,
tear your life away
and for a moment...
you are alone.
******************
Over the horizon
your smile stretches
it brightens the mountains
like the sun
the shine in your eyes
warms the atmosphere
the atmosphere of those who know you.
Beyond the skies
your love reaches
it grapples my heart
and draws me in
I am enlightened by your touch
the softness in your eyes
the eyes that brighten my day
somewhere in the midst
of the world we live in
a silence has been born
not of us or of them
but of life itself
your beauty shields me
from that silence-
that silence which has left
my heart …..
*************************
Apparently you are sane
I am not
fortunately you are tame
I am not
Be stupid yet wise
and open your eyes
to see that I am just plain
************************
I am drawn to you like a moth to a flame
I would undergo any torture
just to hear your name
my love for you burns deeper
than the oceans or the sees
my heart beats steadily
when you're around to hear my pleas
my inner voice accepts you
and my conscience is at peace
when I call your name
your fears you release
darling I need you
so don't ever go away
for if you were to leave
I wouldn't last another day
***************************
The Sacrifice
I ask my mother 'why am I here, why am I me,
why do I live and cry and yearn to be free?'
She looks at me, into my soul,
tears form in her eyes, she has found the hole.
She takes my
hand and looks into my eyes,
she smiles and then replies,
'you are part of me, you are here for a reason,
you will grow and change with every new season-
to free your mind and soul,
you must find a way to fill the hole'.
I look at my mother, she is suddenly much older;
it's as if she is decaying to feed my hunger.
I reach out to her.
There's nothing there but a shadow formed in air.
She is gone....or has my mind
finally lost all connection with reality?
I cry out to her.....
"Mother, have you left me,
have you imprisoned me with guilt
so I will never be free?
Am I insane, is this a dream?"
Silence all around me, then I see a light,
it is getting brighter. Could it be?
A voice enchants the room,
"choose your fate, who you want to be,
I have sacrificed myself
so you can be free".
I am free, Free to live in my insanity.
**************************
As the spring breeze changes into
the summer heat
the depth of my soul is wounded
by my heavy heartbeat
as the flowers bloom and the weather gets hot
I look inside my heart and watch my soul rot.
My will shatters and I want to die,
then I find you and see you cry.
I take your hand in mine,
your tears dry and your eyes shine.
We walk to a place where we will be free,
we walk to the beach and fall into the sea.
*************************
Crazy intentions
weird inventions
all of this
to get your attention?
Nothing more, nothing less
all the feelings I compress
all of this
and still I'm stressed.
Marked words
sweaty shirts
cramped rooms
and fire alerts
see me now
see me then
ask me why
all men sin.
I will cry
I will tell
I will laugh
while you're in hill.
Take a bow
stand tall
whisper words
and you will fall.
***********************
Take your hands off me
don't even think of smiling
you should have warned me
before I fell too hard
you drive a hard bargain
and I am not cheap
so don't try to sell me
your bullshit
I am not the kind
to believe in it.
While you think I need you
I am laughing
you are the same as them
a pig, an ass, a jerk off
that cant feel or love.
You've been caught
with your hand in the cookie jar
and now you have
gone too far.
See you in Paris
while you are selling
bullshit in the streets,
and I wont buy
cause I'm too cheap.
*********************
Close your eyes
picture this
a moon that's green
a flying fish
a man who is walking
down streets of gold
he is not young
he is not old
he gets on a bus
that has no wheels
as it drives away
it doesn't seem real
Now open your eyes
what do you see?
A sky that is blue
a land that is free?
Your imagination runs wild
as long as you let it
you may throw a ball
as long as you get it
but don't close your eyes
for a long time
or you will forget to live
in the sunshine
**********************
Drifting....
far from nowhere
then I fall
far
far
far
from nowhere at all
from one heart to another
all jumbled- my feelings
I fall so hard
so quick
so foolishly
and you watch
no open arms
no will to catch
no will to save
so I hit hard
and I am confused
I wake to your face above me
a smirk is all I see
then I regain my self-control
rise and peer down at my body
my soul has left my skin
now I watch you stare
then you lend a hand
but I am not there to take it
I have moved......on
I am flying high
I have risen from deceit
and I will be careful
next time I won't fall
so hard, so quick
for someone like you...
09-30-96
*************************
Frighteningly I call your name
silence
darkness
oblivion
cast away from society
I still call your name
It is the only name I know
Together- me and melancholic Mary
yes- so sad to see
so sad to hear
hard to picture a face so dear
captured and sent away alone- alone
alone?
Just me- loneliness my
only friend
until I choose to fight
I build an army-
an army of hope
faith
love
choice
and I attack loneliness
me against melancholic Mary
who wins you say?
It all depends
who has a greater love
for what, you ask?
For yourself?
Never....for sadness....
No.....for the word?
Yes.
Our Fathers Word.
9-30-96
************************
Release me from your deadening grip,
you keep squeezing and tightening your hold
I find it more and more difficult to free myself
your essence dances around me like fireflies
your scent lingers on my skin....but, I tell myself
I wanted you to go
you were unhealthy for me
I feel used now, but not by you,
by me.....
I used my own self to lure you in
and then when I had you trapped
I pretended you were here by Will...
When you left I kicked myself....for
letting you control my heart...
you did it unaware of your actions....
I caused you to break my heart
and now there's no one to blame....except me.
And my need for acceptance
my need for bonding
it was all a big joke to you
but oh so real to me
and so crucial to my heart
but for now I must bleed.
I have punctured my spirit by
giving it away so freely.....to
someone so uncaring...so unaware
and so I am laying my life
down for awhile,
I will hibernate.
***************************
Wounded by the indescribable feelings
which gather inside my heart...
I cry for you, beg for you, and try to do
whatever it takes to speed up my healing...
Forever?
Never?
Infinity...
always but sometimes mistaken
for Eternity....but the same things
are always different, and differences
are never the same
Eyes cant see my pain
Ears cant hear my cries
Your hands can't touch my imagination
Your thoughts can't read my mind
Forever the eerie feelings will linger
----upon the starry skies
and never will you understand
the reason for my lies....
dignity....
integrity....
pride....
Nothing is more important than
Purity
of the heart
of the mind
of the soul...
and a conscious acceptance
of the Lord....
*************************
Accompany Me
into the unknown
across the black skies
we have gallantly flown
stumbling from laughter
which takes our hands
and reminds me of happiness
which our hearts demand....
carry me
across the moon
take my hand in your hands
and make me swoon...
I'll fall so hard
into your oceanic eyes
they swallow me whole
and drown out my hollow cries...
Stay with me
forever and a day
and you will see that
I will always stay
Forever and longer
and until I am dead
so into my open arms
you may gently lay your head...
*****************************
Insane
am I insane
am I insane
am I insane, insane?
I am asking you a question-
am in Insane?
Do you think so
do you really care
do you ever wonder
why I sit and stare
at nothing and more
at all but less
do you think I am paranoid
overtaken by stress?
No I am not
don't make me cry
insanity is normal
for someone like you and I.
Temporary or eternal
can't I just explain
that I choose to be the way I am
I choose to live insane.
**************************
My blanket is my friend
my blanket is very pretty
Its with me till the end
it stays through infinity
it covers my face when I am afraid
it warms my body when it is cold
it heats the spot where I have laid
no matter how young, no matter how old.
Find me a blanket so warm and fine
and I will sleep anytime
kiss me gently on the cheek
and tell me goodnight
and I will proudly close my eyes
and turn out my bedroom light.
My blanket is my friend
I tell you one last time
It covers me until the end
through all the mountains I may climb
Don't take away my blanket
he doesn't want to go
if you take my blanket
I'll have nothing left to show.
************************
I dream a lot....
once I was a superhero
I saved a lot of people
and once I was a firefighter
and I climbed a church steeple
Then there was the time
When I could fly real high
and I could stand on clouds
and yell very loud
and no one would hear
no one would know
that I was the best
no matter where I go.
Yes I used to dream a lot
Now I live in Reality
I am merely a Human
with no great powers
I love to walk in the forest
I love to pick flowers
This is me, the real me
living in Reality
Do you like me?
**********************
You tell me I'm different
but am I?
Am I so different from you?
Because I dress my own way
and I don't follow you
does that mean that I
can't be normal too?
Individuality....my favorite word
I choose to live it, you choose
to laugh, I choose not to care;
Now I'll tell you how I feel,
I think you're fake, so unreal
you pretend to be so popular
but do you think you really are?
Tell me, am I different?
Maybe yes and maybe no
but either way, so?
Is it wrong, is it bad,
do you really think you'll make me sad
by pretending that you
don't care, about me or about you?
Get real.....
I'm already there.
************************
Escaping from your clutches
I run....my eyes are closed
my body is weak
I stumble into your arms
only to be imprisoned by hatred
or is it love?
Can love take the form of hatred
and twist it, distort it
and confuse the simple mind?
I can not open my eyes
I am afraid to look at you
your beauty would mystify me
and I would fall back into
the burning embers which are your eyes.
Fiercely I struggle …
to regain self composure
I am able to break free
so....I run again
my eyes still closed
my body still weak
but this time I am free,
free from you, from love,
free for good.
**************************
I am intrigued
by your presence
I am intrigued
by your essence
nothing more, nothing less
than a heart so pure
of innocence...
Drawn to beauty by your deep blue eyes,
the shade of the bright skies.
Intriguing, upholding, enlightening
is the presence
mystical, mysterious, and beautiful
is the essence.
And it surrounds me
still
and it captures me
still
I will not fight it
because it is beautiful.
************************
I watch them all day long
I want to be them
I want to live their life.
They have it so easy,
but do I have it so hard?
I try to grasp my own life
I try to narrow down the problems,
then the solving begins,
but then it ends.
And everything is the same.
Until yours is my name, and
mine is yours,
for then will I be happy,
then will I be satisfied
with the life you have given me
and I am overcome with pride?
No, give me back what is mine
I want my life to be mine
Take yours, it is no good
now I know all the things I have
misunderstood.
**********************
Smile
Pretend
Fake your happiness
Take your loneliness
and throw it away,
Cry
Resume
The position which you gave up.
Watch me, I'll show you the way.
Watch and listen to what I say.
Now....
Laugh
out loud
let me hear it echo
clear wherever I go.
Goodbye
I must leave
But remember the things
I told you
Smile, Cry, Laugh, Goodbye
I love you....too!
***************************
Crucial moments arise
and we look past them
we read the deceit in their eyes
as they gain total control
former overreactions comply from within
and the souls of our loved ones
are living lives of sin.
Faintly we hear the sounds
which may decide the outcome
of our entire lives, in the distance
we see the ironies that suddenly arise;
Possibly maybe probably love?
But who can really be sure...
No one knows yourself as well as you
and no one knows a heart more pure.
************************
I wake to the sound of your tears
running down your cheeks, onto the floor
and I open my eyes to your face
so red and swollen, as tears continue to pour
I embrace you, kiss away your tears
you just lay limp in my arms
I try to bring you back from that world
that world which lures you, then harms
your spirit, your soul, your heart and mind
I caress your face and body with my lips
I feel the chill radiating from your skin
and the coldness causes my heart to skip.
I stand alone now, so afraid
I kiss the pillow where your head laid
I blindly stare into the darkness
I am looking for you, for happiness
but you are gone
never again will I see you smile
never again will I hear you laugh
your rays of happiness which shine
a mile....and I will love you
infinitely- you are my sleeping beauty.
************************
From a distance
I see your smile
from a distance
I hear you laugh
your cries are uplifting
and I am raised by your spirit
my love for you is new,
yet so strong,
Into the night your eyes shine
your touch sends chills down my spine
all through the night
you look so fair
your skin is soft...
I run my fingers through your hair
and then I laugh to myself
It's all a hologram of my mind
you are not really here
I am not with you
It is a memory...
I am reliving moments
of the past, and you-
you are not mine.
*********************
I have found my security
it was there all along
I just needed a special someone
to show me right from wrong
Then you came along
and I am revived
you make me feel like a someone
you give me a sense of pride
security is everything
my happiness is wide now
I am free to be myself
no matter when, what, or how.
for Amber
************************
My butterflies have come
come to carry me away
into the unknown
into another day.
I've searched far and wide
for my beautiful butterflies.
And now they have come.
Alone, I sit and wait
for my special friends
they rescue me from life
they rescue me from sin
All along I've known
where they were
but until now they've hidden
and I really wasn't sure
when I would be free
when they would come...
come to get me.
My butterflies have come
I have waited all my life
for them to come
and set me free. ….
***********************
He begs for your attention
he makes you feel alive
you tell him all your secrets
there is nothing you can hide
he puts on his little act
to make you think hes great
and then as you start to trust
you realize you were just bait
the real prize is not you
he wants the best there is
and if he doesn't get what he wants
its your problem, not his....
10-7-96
***********************
A smile spreads
across your face
you've felt the glory
you've won the race
A timid grin
but so, so wide
it stretches miles
with pure pride.
You are happy
consumed by love
your wish was granted
and now you're free
free from sin
and as you smile
laughter draws you in.
Love has found you
you have made the decision
this choice was made
with careful precision....
**********************
Walking through clouds of dust
left by the force of my distrust
and now I stare
into the night
petrified by my own fright
and now
I'm going
far far away
I am leaving
forever to stay
so goodbye moon
the sun and stars
goodbye the night and who
we are
into darkness
the great unknown
and until my time
I shall be unknown.
***********************
Sometimes if you sit under the moon for long enough
its reflection will massage its way into your soul
and comfort the anxieties put there from jealousy...
and if you feel the power through your body
and the feeling of helplessness refuses to leave,
let yourself be drawn into the Damnations of the world,
and when you eventually struggle and slip away
from the grips of loneliness
you will render silence and happiness;
for you will be at one with yourself,
and no one can take that away.
************************
Sinking to the level of the world,
I know what it is that I do,
yet nothing restrains me from doing it
and I think after it all- why?
Then I pray, and ask forgiveness.
And do you forgive?
In a rut- chained to worldliness,
trying to break away-
not out to impress, but I keep slipping
back into that hole.
And do you forgive?
I've got one arm free
and I'm on my way out.
I have learned from my mistakes
and misleading past.
I am moving on to better things.
If I ask you – will you forgive?
************************
A simple gesture of kindness
smile and say hello
and you will always find us
no matter where we go
**********************
Jesus- I don't want to die alone
take this burden from me
give me guidance from your throne
and let me die in peace.
Jesus- I don't want to die alone
send an angel for my comfort
I want to die happy, not on my own
heal me from my loneliness and hurt.
**********************
Freedom from my loneliness
and a comfort of my sins
take away my sympathy
and replace it with some friends
********************
She knows all there is to know
about anything, so
no matter who or what or where
when I need her she is there
She tells me everything, every secret
there is to know
every thought of every person
of every place that she goes
She smiles and I smile
she laughs, I laugh
she is sad, I weep
she is tired, I sleep
she is hurt, I feel pain
she is beautiful, I am plain,
she cries, I wipe away the tears,
she is scared, I calm her fears;
She is true and her love is pure
I would give my life to save hers;
All the torture I would endure
to keep her life solid and secure.
She is my friend, my true and best;
she outshines all the rest.
***************************
Pray Thee dear, Live Well
Outside my window, all encased with night,
I hear a whisper, a whisper of fright
and suddenly as I listen
to the sounds I can't explain
a shadow moves through the grass
playing some kind of game.
It is knocking at my door,
and I think I should implore
that for this shadow walking ,
silently, not talking
I should open up my door.
Loneliness and darkness stare in my face
as I encase, unknowing of my place,
a whisper of pure pride...
“I don't want trouble, my pain will double,
and I will die inside”
Laughter of the night, fills my heart with fright
as I see its pale white face,
He's come to do his job, unhappy as I sob,
and slowly leave my place.
My arms entwined, my heart behind,
I follow this silent pale face...
and as I scream, a holler it seems,
to wake men from dreams,
he turns and looks me in the face.
“Its time” he says , and keeps on going,
and I, not knowing, my blood stops flowing
as I remember one more time.
“One last word” I say, he heard,
and quite absurd,
I say “Pray thee dear, live well”
and as I follow, quite in sorrow
he says “this way to hell”.
A look of disdain, guilt and shame
crease my red face
I ask real nice, once, not twice
“why that place?”
And at once he turns, and my face burns
as he grins a grin of pride...
“ Why , my dear, you are coming here,
only to be my bride”.
**************************
A touch of the sun kissed my skin
and it filled me with warmth and love
which fell from the sky and sun above
the rays brightened my day, and again
I smiled to show my love.
*********************
Apparent images capture my attention
and my imagination flies
swiftly over my engraved heart
(with your name stamped in it)
forcing your picture out of my mind...
I can finally see clearly...
my thoughts dawdle on your face
and my heart screams of pain.
********************
Forcible moments of pleasure
gained by the lost soul
taken in by greed.
Corrupt thoughts
misdirected actions
forcing you to succeed.
Appalled by the bitterness
insanity takes over
causing the mind to bleed.
You watch motionless
the door slams in your face
-no room to breathe.
Insignificant feelings
unwanted words
that you refuse to read.
Smiling, you close your eyes
wondering, hoping for love
yes, love indeed.
Precious moments
lost in time
never to be freed.
***********************
The sound of teardrops echo
in the deserted halls,
there is no one around
to hear their painful calls.
Loneliness has made its way
into this heart of stone,
the pain of losing a friend
evolves into living life alone.
Fear and rapture
take over the mind
and your ears go deaf
and your eyes go blind.
A door shuts and footsteps are heard
you sit afraid , not saying a word.
Suddenly something seizes your body
and you scream,
you are now awakening
from a horrible dream.
***********************
Anger, pushing...
forcing
itself into my heart
I don't want these feelings
tearing me apart
I resist....
insist that they leave
but these feelings can deceive.
I take it out on you, me
anything to be free.
Everyone backs down
and still I lash out
making insults,
comments and gestures
that were never meant
to be made.
But someone sees my weakness
and I ask for help
and he gives.....
and as long as I ask
he will forgive......
***********************
Alone I sat there, not doing a thing,
just watching the birds, hearing them sing.
Wondering if love can be defined,
and you walked up, as if you read my mind
you sat down next to me and smiled,
and I let out the feelings
which have been long since compiled.
You were beautiful, you were nice
and If I wanted you, I'd have to pay a price
and me, being broke as I was,
gave up the chance, just because
you smiled and I cried
when I looked into your eyes.
And I thought to myself- I can define...
these feelings are love and they are mine.
So, no longer alone, I sat there
asking god to answer my prayer
then you gave me a kiss and said
“I want to be with you till I am dead”
I looked up at the sky
and thought to myself 'why'
and I defined love as eternity....
infinite caring between you and me.
***********************
Obsession
Confession
parental discretion
thoughts of pain
and soaking rain
changing my impression
laughter wails
when all else fails
piercing me like nails
Choking on red...
the blood that you bled
turning my whole body stale
Trying
Lying
Spending life crying
for the love that died
of heavens bride
which remains to me undying.
************************
I love you because
you are my happiness
you are my joy
you are my sunshine
you are my laughter
I love you also because
you are my essence
you are my beauty
you are my existence
you are my life
I love you even more because
you are you!
**************************
Love cannot reach me
it doesn't even try
I have accepted this
without asking why
I struggle to grasp reality
to live out of a dream
I ask you for morality
your thoughts I must redeem
patience doesn't speak
laughter never shows
there is no life left
except the blood that flows
imagination and insanity
they relate to me
although I can't distinguish
my life from a dream.
********************
I waited all my life
but you never came
and who else but myself
can I place the blame?
Stuck in a daze of confined space
only tear stains remain on my face.
If I ask you to come
would you not ask why?
And will you even feel sorrow
on the day that I die?
If the answer is yes, be prepared
don't worry, no reason to be scared.
You should be sorry
you should even cry
you promised you'd care
on the day that I die.
Well, I've been dead for years
only, you never knew
and smoothly flow my tears,
but they are not for you....
******************************
I am sitting here staring into the mirror-
all I see is a shadow,
I have been living life in a corner..
no one knows the real me,
no one, not even my closest friends...
not my family
sometimes I wonder if I know the real me
its possible that only God can tell me
who I am
why I am here.
My facial features are a blur,
the mirror begins to crack,
there is no outer person,
only a jumbled mess of feelings,
hidden inside my heart.
No one has the key to my heart....
therefore no one can unlock my sadness.
I will continue to keep it hidden
my happiness will be shown to everyone.
Will one day I be free?
The only one who understands me
is God
and it's funny,
but he is my closest friend, my father,
my family;
all in one.
A single powerful friend to talk to.
I have found my way out.
**********************
Come on!
Hurry Up!
Where are you going?
Who is that?
How much was it?
Why did you come?
So, what?
Who cares?
Its none of your business!
Find your own way back!
Get your own!
Huh?
When?
How old are you?
What did he do?
Why am I so tired?
You are full of it.
Talk to the hand!
Shut up!
Leave me alone!
Get away!
Stop!
Help!
Why?
**********************
Fighting urges of madness
and coping with daily sadness
all will catch up to you
nothing that you say or do
will turn depression into happiness
Allowing yourself to be drawn in
not protecting your heart is a sin
if you really do not care
and you say “life isn't fair”
you are fighting a battle you cant win
**********************************
I am being pulled down,
falling....
faster, faster
and there is no one else around.
My body is being ripped apart,
painfully...
torn, torn
yet nothing hurts but my heart.
I try to get a grip on my life,
reaching...
grabbing, grabbing
but I cant hold on tight.
Dreams and nightmares haunt my soul,
insanity....
its real, so real
and I am corrupted by that gaping hole.
I am asking you to love me,
honestly....
you, only you
can set me free.
Would you give your life so that I might live,
unselfishly....
Life, life
that is all I am asking you to give.
**************************************
I ask you to walk with me...
I ask you to talk with me....
Would you put your life in my hands,
don't you trust me?
I whisper your name....
you do the same...
if something happens,
who is to blame?
Why do you sit and cry-
I don't mean to ask you why-
bu I do ask you this...
wouldn't you rather die?
*****************************
I need you to love me, I need you to care
I need a little space, I see you everywhere
I want you to stay, I want you to go
I am so confused, Why, I don't know
Trust me like I have always trusted you
Blame me like I know you want to
Take my home and all I own
Erase all the feelings I have ever shown
Poison me with all your spite
Kill me for real and turn out my light
I would give my life to stop your pain
I just need you to tell me that I am not insane
********************************
I am a freak
admit it....
I am a freak
admit it...
I am strange
aren't I?
I am strange
but why?
I am different
so what?
I am different
so what?
Why do you care ,why do you ask?
Why do you think I wear this mask?
Because I am strange, different, a freak?
I may not be normal, but I am not weak.
Try all you want to degrade me,
why don't you just let me be me?
I don't bother you and I don't get in your way,
So why do you disgrace me every day?
Sometime maybe but not today,
I will be like you,
Someday I will change
but, I ask, for who?
************************
The innocence seems to distract you
the untouched beauty from within
so tender is the love you give
so soft is his delicate skin
he is not aware that he has life...
life which commits no sin
but as he grows he learns
and the cycle of life begins.
You hold him close to your heart
his scent lingers on your skin
and you prepare for the battle
which you know you cannot win.
Life it seems is like a play
as soon as the performance begins
you watch, as not to miss a moment,
and before you know it, it comes to an end....
So cherish the moments as they come
and keep all your worries tucked in
and if you accept him as he is
he may become your closest friend....
************************
Slowly my thoughts form words
but my mouth becomes dry
and again I am left in silence
and all I can do is cry.
All the burdens from my life
form tears that trickle down
they fall gently to the floor
all my sorrows they drown.
I reach to you for comfort
I reach out to a friend
you push me away selfishly
and I begin to cry again.
Just leave me to die here
all by myself, all alone
done even say 'I love you'
my heart will crack like stone
***********************
“One more try
one last chance
don't look hard, don't stare
take only a glance....
if you succeed,
my congratulations to you
if you fail again
I know that it's true....”
Forcing me to open up
dragging me away
I try and try again
to escape you every day.
***********************
Bob
Jimi
Janis
and more
sacrificed their lives
'Just one more time'
but they were addicted
to their highs.
Bob is my hero, his music
lives on,
Jimi was the man, but
now he is gone.
Janis was different, but
addicted- the same,
the history books all hide
their names.
Musical masterminds,
they live in my heart,
may god be with you
…. don't drift apart.
***********************
Jane- I love you- you are so unique-
your music dances in my ears
you don't even have to speak
Jacob Marley is here,
that Stupid Thing is gone,
the Fourth of July has passed,
you don't need Mr. Harris,
his theories are wrong.
Tori my girl, you are a Beauty Queen,
You'll settle for a Home on the Range
and nothing in between.
I can see clearly now, Holly,
because of you,
and you can cry (if you want to).
Jill's a good person inside, She
kissed a girl, then lied-
Houdinis' box is her new home,
listening to the Resistance Song.
Jane you are my Siberry,
no one takes your place.
I will never forget your voice,
I will always remember your face.
**************************
Going down down down
down down down
spin me up, spin me around
calling for you, wanting
some peace-
reading about the golden fleece
Angels are coming, I can
hear their cries,
Angels are coming,
down out of the skies.
They smile as bright as the sun
their lips as wide as Montana
they are coming to take me away...
I prayed.
*********************
Silence. I am drawn to it.
I thirst for loneliness.
Depressed? Not that far gone-
like cancer....the inside....decaying
but the outside is still untouched.
I feel-
what do I feel?
Pain?
Loneliness?
Silence my heart and you've silenced my soul.
My soul is high- but so low I cannot stand.
I am proud, yet I am meek.
Silence- I run from it.
I starve for companionship.
Obsessed? With what....
a disease? It never leaves....until you die-
and that is forever, not like me,
expendable, dispensable...
just another human being...
and that is why I am alone.
************************
In one dying breath
asking
praying for savior-
are you forgiven?
Your mind escapes
your heart stops beating
your lonely spirit has
already risen....
Everyone weeps
everyone mourns
a part of their life has died...
are they sorry?
Friends...(so called),
Family....(loved ones?)
All show up at the funeral
Crying sad tears-
but will they remember you
in a few years?
As the last bucket of dirt is dumped
and the last flower is thrown
your soul escapes your body
and waits for the unknown.
************************
I give you a hug
...(so much needed to be said)
I miss you
…(thought you were dead)
Ive found you
...(after all this time)
Ive been looking for you
...(inside of my mind)
Friendship and love- intertwined
I love you with love of every kind
I take comfort in your words
I know your prayers without having heard
You are my friend
...(Til the end?)...
***********************
The burdens I bear
form raindrops
that splatter on the ground
and soak into the soil
and help the plants grow
which feed the animals
which feed us
and without us
there would be no rain...
so I guess its the
cycle of life
more problems- more grief
more sadness- more belief
all keep the world spinning around
and keep those raindrops falling down.
*************************
She is unaware
of what she will become-
such a precious form of life...
to the world she is ignorant and dumb.
In her little red dress
and brand new shoes
she doesn't think about
who will win or lose.
With her cherry red lips
and soft blue eyes
she loves to sit and count
the stars in the sky.
She is a pretty little doll
unspoiled by the world
but when she grows up
it all unfurls.
************************
Lake Farewell
Swimming
drowning
soaked in sorrow
rowing
paddling
waiting for tomorrow
gone
I'll be
so far away
forever
I'll be
always to stay
goodbye
farewell
will I see you again?
Probably
maybe
if I commit no sin
Swimming
drowning
in lake farewell
will I
be saved?
I will not tell...
***********************
One, two
I luv you
three, four
luv you more
five, six
no more trix
seven, eight
I have no hate
nine, ten
all over again
a,b,c
wait for me
d, e, f
already left
g, h, I
don't say hi
j, k, l
where do I dwell
m, n, o
where did you go
p, q, r
wish upon a star
s, t , u
I love you!
***********************
Read my thoughts
and you will know
exactly where it is
that I go-
every night when the
sun goes down
you look for me
but I can't be found-
talk to a wall
it won't understand
talk to yourself
and a friend too
but if you talk to me
I will talk back to you.
***********************
Where will I go
what will I do
how will I know
that I love you?
panicking, why?
Running, Where?
Getting high
right over there.
Something's wrong
I can see it now
it won't be long but
I don't know how.
Answer me
or say goodbye
set me free
or let me die...
*************************
Inscribed into me
holding his head in his hands
he swims by in the illusionary water.
He waves and starts to sink.
I didn't understand...I tried to think
now he's gone...will I see him again?
Far away is a different life
selling
dealing
living life stealing
but not for self pleasure,
for survival
needing revival,
will he catch me if I fall
or will I sink
like him
into the depths
of the murky waters of sadness
drawn away from society
an attraction that keeps getting stronger
Positive....Negative....excitement
Help me....i am just another one of them
and.....I....choose....to.....be....that....way
****************************
Follow me into the night
trust me, I will treat you right
do not cry, do not fight
I am here to help you
to bind your heart tight
trust me, I know what to do
************************
Crazy might I be
help to set me free
maybe then I'll see
what you mean to me
and then I will know
exactly where you go
my feelings I will throw
but I will never show
how I really feel
unless you are for real
and my heart you will steal
but I won't cut a deal
or even rest my case
for the shadow on your face
tells me there is space
to fill an empty hole.
***********************
Frustration and aggravation
take over my mental state...
I cannot distinguish between love and hate
some might say I've lost my mind
others just don't care
personally I think I'm insane-
insanity isn't rare...
look at me, what do you think?
Is there something wrong?
Is it because I am alone-
well that won't be for long...
I think I've found a soulmate
but how long will he stay?
Is it a true kinship
or will he be on his way?
Maybe- Probably, not....or yet....well
how should I know
I can't read his thoughts
maybe if I pray
he will improve all of his faults
Help me lord, find the light
protect me if I have to fight.
************************
I awaken to a thought which
I wish not to think,
I am in a boat of happiness
which continues to sink,
I thought this was the one, I thought
I found land,
but the closer that I got
the further away I had to stand.
A mirage was all it was,
just a vision of hope,
but nothing in this world is real
you may as well cope.
I open my eyes to see
a sight I wish not to see,
it is a black and white photo
of you and me,
it is blurry because everything
is so unclear,
stop running and hiding and
living full of fear.
I am here for you;
if you need me.
***********************
Can't you allow me to help you see that you
are very important to me and I want you to
live in happiness swallowing pride and
leaving hardship just say it and I will come
to be with you and love you some more
than anything I need you to know
that I will follow wherever you go
so be there waiting in case I fail to follow
your steps on your invisible trail
I cannot ask why I care, I just
know that its true that I have
love for you it runs deep but
not too far and I will know
whenever a star shoots down out
of the sky and you make a
wish for you and I and I
will hear without it being said
that you are near and not
dead I want to help you please
give in and help me help you
run from sin and hate will
leave and love will grow as long
as you tell me where you go.
***********************
I need an angel
to help me see
that I am a fool
for letting you
hide from me
just give in
and run from sin
I need an angel
to help you see
that you are wrong
and I am right
so just try
and I will fight.
I hear an angel
in disguise
with a sweet voice
and big blue eyes
and then I know
and recognize
that this angel
is you...
who?
***********************
Give me a rope
leave me here
pull me out
on my own
give me hope
let me peer
hear my shout
into the unknown
give me light
never ask why
help me see
just leave now
do not fight
don't watch me cry
you against me
don't ask me how
give me a reason
just run away
why you came
while you can
stop your teasing
leave and stay
it isn't fair
with your clan
*****************************
Purposely caught in my own trap
Sailing in waters not meant to be sailed
You and me are running from life
Cannot face all of our fears
How many times do we run
Out of town and across the sea
Doing whatever comes naturally
Enjoying freedom but still slaves
Loving freely but knowing hate
Leave me alone I try to say
In a fury I am here to stay
Choose your choice. -huh?
What do you want to do?
Messing around with my heart
Eating away my happiness
Aching I walk across the ocean
Never once looking back
In a daze because I have lost
Nothing can replace what has no cost
Go away I say today but in a way I want you to stay.
(first letter in each line)
**************************
I can read your lips before you talk
No one can make me feel alone
Every time I watch you walk
Everything I have ever known
Dealing with problems of hate and hurt
Helping me out and burying the dirt
Enjoying yourself while you can
Let me help if I can but don't
Please just take a look at your
Life and tell me why?
Of all things, Why do you lie?
Vanity and reality are one and the same
And all at once darkness comes
Not of my life but of my eyes
Do not try to understand
Tell me nothing more now
Remember everything I ever said
Until the day you are dead
Stop worrying and start your life
Tomorrow is filled with promise
Next time I see you I will know
Only this time you wont go
Trust me and I trust you
Put on an image of love and truth
Allow me to carry your soul
Inserting love to fill your hole
Nothing hurts me I feel no pain
Something is tapping on my brain
Open the door and let it in
Right now I have no sin
Remember that when you sleep
Of all the times in your life
When you are sleeping you commit no sin
And when you commit no sin
No one can make you hurt
Dwell in peace and happiness
Live without money and hate
Use your head and be wise
Sit up and open your eyes
Trust me and I trust you
Forget all I said to do
Only the things that I hold dear
Run my life and make it clear
Give me hope to linger on
Inside my heart a love is born
Vicious attempts at hate
Ending in immortal fate
Members of the sadness clan
Empty their thoughts
People run from laughter but why?
Let them see why they die
Eating disorders and disease
Astound me until I am silent
Seeking revenge unto my soul
Even though it is my fault
Accept me for who I am
Nothing more will I accept
Do nothing that will change your views
Substitute Done for Do's
Expel the patches of doubt
That linger all about
Moreover I need you, so stay
End the hurt I feel all day
Forget the things I said
Remember what We said
Endangered species are coming
Endangering us ourselves
What can I say?
How do I say it?
You are the one?
?Why?
(first letter in each line)
*************************
Catch me catch me if you can
How fast do you think I ran
All around the world again
Running from laughter running from sin
Learning to deal with my pain
Even learning to Play the Game
Enjoying life is what I do
Nothing can keep me from you
Just give me your heart
Or give me your hand
How many people make a stand
Now close your eyes and try
Stop asking yourself why
Tomorrow is an all new day
Only I will let you stay
No one else can see the truth
So make me happy
And I will try as hard as I can
Instead of letting you go
Someone stops me then I know
How I want to die
In my sleep
! With absolutely
! No pain...
*************************
Love
Warmth
care
here
everywhere
laughter
problems
trust
more
feelings
anger
suffering
talking
loving (what is love?)
Giving
taking
forgiving
faking
needing
wanting
getting
what?
Love...
**********************
There I go-
I watch myself as I walk away
I am no longer alive
I am watching my limp body
and the spirit which has left it
I try to call me back
I don't listen,
I scream-
so, so loud
no one can hear...
What has happened
am I really dead?
The world turns bright
it turns blood red.
You stare down
at my limp lifeless body-
and you kiss me
I get up and walk away
How? There is nothing I can say
So- I walk away from the crowd
which has gathered.
Then I go to sleep
in my bed----alive....
************************
You run from me
are you afraid?
I caress the pillow
where your head laid
Why do you cry?
You can tell me
if I can do it
I will set you free
You run from me
do not lie
are you afraid
that you will die
Talk to me
tell me it all
why do you strive
to watch them fall?
Again I weep
for I feel your pain
The suffering is deep
as it falls like rain.
**********************
Hollow eyes
cloudy skies
dirty lies
come my way
from within
I see your sin
like all men
you go home and pray
now I have to go
I do it slow
you don't know
and I don't say
***********************
Walking fast
into the past
a light cast
onto the ground
all around
it fell so fast
and then it passed
and it didn't last
or make a sound
************************
Why does it have to be this way?
Why is it always Leave or Stay?
You know that I want you here
I want to try and ease your fear
Just give me a chance and I will succeed
I'll take your heart and set it free
There is no reason to be afraid
my love for you will never fade
So, I ask you once again
Let me lead you away from sin.
**************************
As the last burning flame
from the incense candles went out
the warmth which came from them
was trembling all about
Now darkness fills the chamber
and the coldness evermore
and the last love went out
and forgot to shut the door.
It left the world silent
and solely without hope
as the passersby of life
walked along the thinning rope.
Without a warning flickered the flame
Which started to burn evermore
From one of those blackened candles
lying on the damp floor
and again there was warmth
which now filled the heart
and the light which shone bright
burned the ropes apart.
************************
Across the rivers of flowing sorrow
Nesting in the thoughts of tomorrow
Taking in the beauty that surrounds
Healing wounds we've never found
Opening the doors to nowhere
Nothing seems to treat us fair
You accuse your heart of falling fast
Stealing pleasures and running from the past
Ordering your soul to care
Until the day that you declare
Reasoning is nothing but paranoia in a dream
Some things are never what they seem.
**************************
Nothing seems to kill me
Nothing seems to thrill me
why can't you believe me
why don't you relieve me
walking on the water
looking for my father
searching for a lover
but will never find another
stealing trust from everyone
watching the moon just for fun
Nothing seems to kill me
why do you try and thrill me
no one ever believes me
no one tries to relieve me
walking faster and longer
looking for the songbirds
searching but never finding
never knowing where you'll find me
stealing, nothings quite right
watching stars at night
Nothing seems to kill me
nothing seems to thrill me
*************************
Peace is everlasting
no ones shadow casting
falling from the sky
painful and tragic, you die
Never trust another
not even your own mother
frightened you call my name
and happy to do the same
I look around the world
our happiness unfurled
Smiling open
looking for love
We continue to search
the heavens above...
*************************
Always waiting
you are never on time
not very patient
but not a crime
Why don't you call
do it right
Why make me worry
all through the night?
Always so pathetic
do not have a clue
I am very happy though
that I am with you
But however long it lasts
it will never die
this love that was created
between you and I...
************************
Alone
Me and you
silent
murmurs of our hearts
are the only sounds
staring into the darkness
not knowing what we've found
can it be preternatural joy?
Elasticity of the feelings we share?
How many days do we wander
how many people really care?
Sill alone
but not silent
our breathing captures the moment
and locks it in a box
no one can have it
it's ours
We sit now and pass away the hours
The sun begins to rise
we see a spark of trust
blooming before our eyes
and falling into the dust.
Now we leave, me one way
you another,
never again will we watch the beginning
of another day- together.
11-21-1996
**************************
The sky is grey and filled with dust
Snowdust as the flakes fall
an early winter has come again
and the flakes are a sight we never saw.
Beauty in its rarest form
each flake so different but so alike
the coldness settles inside our hearts
and pierces our souls like a spike.
One purpose for the beautiful snow
to cover our sins and woes
and as it falls upon the ground
it doesn't stay yet doesn't go.
The air is filled with memories
snowflakes which continue to fall
burying the past as it comes
and renewing the touch of it all.
11-21-96
************************
ME
always crying
never trying
sometimes sighing
fearing dying
stopping flying
now prying
through the door
nevermore
are you sure
I'm not poor
What's in store-
what's this for?
To stay awake
do not shake
like a quake
a falling flake
I try to fake
for your sake.
11-21-96
************************
Shaking with the fear of me
not even looking to see
if what you think is true
why do you want to be free
if you are never going to be
the real person inside of you
11-21-96
************************
Like a vision you come to me
not expecting, or waiting to see
It's blurry and unclear
but it is not fear
that keeps me hiding from love.
As the snow falls and melts on the ground
it covers my dreams, sweet and sound
and I think of you
so true...?
My heart has grown
since I have known
of a time to be alone
not silent but wise
as I stare into your eyes
I find a security..
of you or me?
Who will ever understand?
But if you take my hand
I will lead you into a world of new things
a land where the snowflakes sing...
*****************************
I am no longer depressed
or stressed
or obsessed
lest I know that I
could die,before your eyes...
would you cry?
Would you know what to do?
Would I ask for you?
Stop me,
set me free,
make me see,
is she me?
No more obsession,
no more depression,
just progression
into the session
which I do believe.
**********************
Fill me up
with your love
just don't leave
tell me I'm
the only one
and then I will believe
*************************
Clusters of feelings
follow my tracks
I disregard the stares
I do not look back
these feelings are pure
and so unfelt
but are they feelings
if they can melt?
*************************
I look into the future
I see a world that's square
I see all the flowers
and all of them have hair
Are really they flowers?
Or could they be trees?
Do people have tails?
Do logs have knees?
Anything is possible
if you look inside
The chambers of your heart
the rooms of your mind.
Imagine green skies
or blueberry eyes
or perhaps a man
that owns a van
which has no wheels
but has some wings
and it also sings
and a car that runs
on grape koolaid
how do you like
the world we just made?
************************
Strawberry kisses
coming from me
I place them on a platter
and send them out to sea
who will find them
who will care?
Who will want them
if I will share?
Strawberry kisses
sent to you
through the looking glass
and over the moon
do you accept them
without asking why
will you send back
some kisses for I?
***********************
Come to me
I promise-
no more laughter
I promise-
no more hate
I can not promise
that I know your fate
***********************
Silently I must depart
I don't mean to break your heart
Clean your act
Kill the stack
Or I will fall apart
Funny compromises tear within
Your heartless advice gathers sin
Over and over must I say
Under the skies I will pray
Are you sure that you know
Reasons are reasons wherever you go?
Even in the backstreets
Your deaf tone tries to greet me
Only the movement of your lips
Until now could I ever read
Stuck in a world of confusion
In tune to the disillusion
Careful not to give it away
Killing the thoughts, killing the pain
Over and over I say to you
Free your mind and then do
More than ever I could see
Even if you aren't free.
?
(first letter in each line)
************************
Love is knowing that person will always be around
Love is accepting the Other if they're feeling happy or down
Love is always having something thoughtful to say
Its knowing that you'll care for that person every single day.
Love is sometimes hard to understand and we all need someone to love,
and as much as we love each other, we can have no love greater
than that from above.
************************
Mother
Mother, I can never give back to you all that you have given me
I just want to thank you for helping me be all that I can be
Someday I know I'll follow in your footsteps
and when that day comes I'll remember the advice you gave
the advice I kept
And mother, although I don't say it often,
I'd just like to say:
I love you and I'm thankful to have you each and every day.
You've show me things and told me things I really needed to know
You taught me well and helped me live and grow.
Thanks again Mother, keep doing what you do best,
until the day you decide to go
and are softly laid to rest.
****************************
Promise me
you'll always be
in love with me
and share your care
or everywhere
there will be hate
or fate
or nothing like that....
perhaps a black cat?
*********************
The heat of the sun blisters my soul
the chill of the wind stings my heart
the more I see you, the more I want to
being you is a form of art...
Remembering the memories
and recalling all the times we had
builds a wall around my heart
and traps all my thoughts...good and bad.
Faking every moment of our life
and trying to be what we are not
can detain you from being loved
and loneliness will watch your heart rot.
***********************
BlissNinja 