We come from the land of dimpled smiles, the bridge between worlds, the tethers that tear at scar tissue and rip open wounds, so the tribe can be fed with the stories that wake their Souls. We talked often of this role, the single handed need to make everyone else’s Pain go away, be all things to all people, be the shoulder that bears the weight of all grief and fear. We made the journey over and over, from one world to the next. Your now my ally in the unseen. You’ve told me the nature of the twisted web, from your perspective at the fountainhead…. And I give my word that I shall speak it so that the demons can be free.
There is no monopoly on grief, we all carry a piece of each other, different than anyone else has, a part of a mystery, a magical thread, that no one else can see. In Life, you were pulled and unraveled by all The grasping fingers that rip at the covers, skinned by kith and kin over and over….in Death, the Same ……the same fragmentation , no one can live up to that projection, no one can carry that , not even Saturn or The sweet soul of Capricornian love of Other. I’ll meet you there, where there is no tugging. Where nothing is wanted from you, needed from you, asked of you, blamed on you, taken from you, or hidden from you…/ I’ll meet you there in the Nether, and we will tell The story as seen from inside the center of the Web. My friend, my Soul Brother, we’ve traipsed thru time together, for aeons, and I thank you for what you have blessed me with, by your sweet smile and the kindness and love you poured out. No strings attached, was our love and care, and perhaps that is the only place where real Sight can dare to stare into the eyes of Truth.
This year I’m going down into the RIpples to honor my 43rd year of Solar Cycling thru the PrismGuarded Realm…. I’ve been Hunting the Hunter who has hunted me for lifetimes. Last night as in the Ethers I was watching on observing an altercation, I turned my eyes back to the door as I stood and a sudden BaM!!!!! Felt almost like the time I was hit directly in the face by a volleyball that had been pounded by a very strong hitter , a dude at Rec bball in CT which knocked me back several feet flat on my ass;) a sense of calm as my awareness reflected on what had just happened, I was unsure but my consciousness hovered slowly lettinG go the tether, and I realized a Shot had come from those whom I had turned away from. A bullet to the face was a strange sensation anyhow.
I woke directly into this morning with the impact still throbbing. Then noticed that my entire jaw on the right side was more fully swollen with the impacted Wisdom tooth that rears up now and again. There’s nowhere for it to go. I heard ole Wotan tell me that the dance of Sun and fiery Mars sitting on top of my natal sun/Uranus exact conjunction in first house( head /face ) now opposing Uranus in Taurus ( neck/voice/throat) is inFlaming me, the Uranus opposition intensity being stoked as The Wisdom buried in the Jaws is trying to emerge. The Voice that is trapped in the throat , telling me it’s time to be born into this world. I have to Face it. Literally, had to do an hours deep intense facial fascial maneuvers including neck and shoulders, and then much of the swelling had subsided. The Pain Gone. Sleep came back to me, whispering that there is nowhere to hide, any longer…..that which is stuck hidden inside my jaws which hold my tongue and where stories are told, is Impacting the way I Face the World. The Stories must be Written and the entire fascial inTension released so their is room for Wisdom to Break on Through.
Some have told me to cut out and violently remove this Tooth, this reminder, so to make pain go away. But I chose at age 19 to never take a pain killer or allopathic medicine. And I’ve stuck to it, Felt Fully and Faced each Pain in the Embrace of Somas Palace. I follow it, it always leads me to the Selves buried deep within the Matter of my Flesh, where dreams are buried and beating at the door for attention.
My descent is in honor of this Dance, Seaming Fractals Dreamimg Me, Wearing the Masks of My Past and Glaring at the Mirror til they See me.
So my 43rd Solar return will be spent Alone in the Solace of Nature and Soul, deep in ceremony for the mysteries of Birth and Death, that which is wrapped tightly around the 18th and 19th of November for me.
Novem = nine /ninth month The Gestation Nov= ‘new’. ‘Ember’=small live fire , Hebrew’appointed by god’
What shall be born from these flames wherein the zodiacal wheel at this moment so intensely proclaims that The Time is Now For me To Open and Face The lost Scroll Within my seams
Here in the hypermedia digital era, it’s easy to become desensitized by over-stimulation. As I passively absorb more and more sound bytes, videos, and impersonal data generated by external sources, the more desensitized I become. It doesn’t stop there, though. The more desensitized I become, the greater my craving for more intensity- intensity of sensation, feeling, visions, intimacy, action. This craving has never led to more intensity, but n u m b n e s s , a state antithetical to my life as a creative and feeling person. That’s when I stop and become very still within myself. In this stillness, I withdraw my attention from the outer, and realign with my inner V e r t I c a l sources- energy rising up from the earth through the base of my spine, and the cosmic energy coming down from above through the top of my head, the crown. My previous intensity craving soon vanished. Eventually with enough time and practice, the natural sensitivity of my central nervous system restores itself, allowing me to experience the innate intensity of the Life Force itself- when life itself is enough.
(From Last words by Antero Alli ; Vertical Pool ; )
🔥🫀🔥 As a cyclical scorpionic need, I go into seclusion from most of the outer world, to restore my own sense of integrity within my nervous system. As an extremely hypersensitive raw nerve exposed to an ever growing array of assaults form the electro-smog of modern technocracy, it am constantly having to re establish my own boundaries in order to not cross completely into the Abyss of Madness which has been hunting me for as long as I remember. Here, now, in the corridor of my Uranus opposition, ( natal exact conjunction with Sun….if you know you know)…. I am taking a break from most outer sources of stimulation. I will be making a journey to a state inward to rebirth as the new Self that is forming beneath my skin. I’ve died and returned over and over in this life, letting go each time of all that is most precious to me, in order to follow what is asked of me within my own Spirit. That time has come again.
I’m so filled with gratitude for the blessings in my life; the large community of souls who embrace me and support and encourage my creative expression; my haven of stillness, my home in the wild, which was only made possible by the insane trust Others put in me and my spirit, and the generosity of help from beings who I hope one day to be able to return some semblance of beauty; my son who has grown into a kind and unique and strong young man who will turn 18 soon; for my parents who left me free to become and express myself authentically, who without knowing it, gave me the gift of the wilderness and freedom, and no emotional manipulation or restraint when I chose again and again to head out in possibly perilous paths alone at young ages; for the many gifts over the years from all my friends in different lands and times, who have contributed to my life and soul in so many wonderful ways. I’ve been helped always, along my path, by so many. I never understood why others put thei confidence in me, or extended such blessing and generosity of heart and home…. I can only hope that in some way my own spirit offered something in return in some value that is not measured in material ways. Thank you to all who have been the foundation, the pillars on which my awareness of beauty have been honed and tempered; thank you to all the Fires and furies which have alchemists my soul, all the pain, all the disasters, all the woundings , all the enmeshments and entanglements that have forced me to step up to the plate and Know Myself. Thank you to all the traumas and fragmentations, which have given me a warp and weft to weave my own story and heal and transform my DNA, ever in process of freeing more and more of my selves from the dream; thank you to the Muses, the Daimon who has tossed me to and fro forever, demanding blood, commitment to integrity, descents into darkness and ascents into the highest realms. Thank you to the sometimes overwhelming emotional extremes I was born and blessed/cursed with, tyrbOntensiry of perception and devotion to the deepest tunnels within human experience, I made it out alive, and after 43 years I’ve finally found a way to remain somewhat intact, somewhat sane, amidst those furies…… learned that my nervous system needs huge amounts of solitude, stillness, wilderness, learned to honor that, learned that for every day of activity around Others, I need three to detox others’ energy and restore homeostasis to my body and mind, learned that my space is sacred, and can only be opened to another in specific ways and times and reasons; learned that my time is sacred, and after having spent most of my life trying to live others’ lives, with no boundaries, no sense of where I begin and others end, finally in 2019 drew a line Nd made a vow, to die in battle, which means I will follow my joy even if it kills me. When I stopped putting my life on hold and instead of getting tangled up in others dramas and lives thinking I could save them, help them, I pulled my energy back in to my own Self and began to create the life that had been hunting me forever, torturing me til I finally obeyed the decree of my Daimon, and let all else go.
And now the journey continues, a new descent , a new rebirth, a new way to play with life will unfold.
BlissNinja 