Return of my Dragon

✨✨Last nights Dreamtime reunion and adventure ✨✨🐲🐉🐲🐉🐲🐉🐲✨✨(2018)

Here in the forest near my house… A circle of people in ceremonial style….I and another person are not joined in the circle…But we then jokerishly maneuver into the two empty spots in a somewhat playful and mocking way… I see a bunch of black birds overhead and raise my hand up toward them… They begin flocking to me and alight on my extended fist…. Everyone starts gasping. A few minutes later after the birds fly away, a group of white doves come out of nowhere and also fly down and I reach my hands to the sky and they alight on them and I begin rising into the sky…. Which causes me to fill with intense energy and lucidity. I wake into a forested area where my dragon awaits( I have experienced this same Dragon in other Dreamtime and other dimensional spaces…. An ancient kinship that fills me with power and awareness) . It is a pinkish purple hue, effervescent, beautiful, amazing …. I grow giddy with love and excitement and reMemberence , and hop on its back… we soar off into the sky and after graceful sky acrobatics of Joy at being in each other’s company once again, we eventually come to a fort type place…. I can’t recall now why or what the place is….and was woken by my cat soon after😍

(A week and a half ago Oisin woke and excitedly told me his Dream: he was here near my dads house my dads husky pup Drako…and then sees a big fiery dragon, hot and flaming. He goes to my dads to get some special kind of saddle so he can ride it, but realized he also needs special gauntlets also so goes back to find them. He returns with both and saddles the dragon… Who then is not so flaming and fiery but turns into a reddish orange color with lightning bolts down his back. He mounts the dragon and finds himself at his apt in CT…. On the dragon. He then has a thin crazy sword with a crazy Sauron type eye on it. 🐲 He tells me afterwards, ‘I think Dragon is my Spirit Animal’.

When Oisin was about 2 he awoke from sleep in the middle of the night next to me and said ‘mama! A mother dragon just flew through our window and gave me a dragon egg and said I had to protect it, then she flew back out and away thru the sky!’)

( and I don’t watch game of thrones, never have, never will 😉

” Le Museum D’Arabesque”

Lucid Dreamtime 2015

Woke several times and Re-entered right where I left off. Several prelude dreams, leading up to immense lucidity and I decide to wander around. I peek inside an opening/window to old building that at first just seems to be dilapidated and run down….but Im drawn to it and I go in, and I realize its actually some kind of catacombs or burial ground….with protruding rectangular tombs in geometric patterns….its very old and dusty yet well kept….I can feel the energy is very intense, and my lucidity grows, I can feel my energyBody rev up and Im super excited to explore. I feel almost like I was summoned. I start to wander around and there is a vast underground network of tunnels and corridors and rooms. Much of it grey and simple and dusty. I pass no one, see no one. After wandering and exploring for what seemed like hours, seemingly going further underground in descending spirals/ mazelike corridors….I come to another entrance…….it says ‘Le Museum D’Arabesque’ on it. Its reddish, and bright, and almost has a carnival feel, with all kinds of geometric art and patterns all over inside it, walls, floors etc, but other than that, uncluttered and bare…..but beautifully ornate. This is extremely exciting, and I feel like Ive made it to some secret inner sanctum. I think to myself ‘Wow, I am so very lucid and aware, and Im pulsating with such velocity, I must be sure to maintain my focus and not get distracted, or pilfer away what astral energy I have, i do not want to lose the chance to explore this. Maintain sobriety and yet dont get lost in detail, as that will swallow me out of this Astral Local’.
Im rubbing my hands over the beautifully carved patterns in the walls, I can feel the energy in them. There are so many different rooms and configurations. Some seem to be small living quarters. Each one very simple however. There are more open larger ‘public spaces’ to, very ceremonial in feel. Here and there I pass people, some of which take no note of me whatsoever, i am unsure of whether they cannot see me (i.e im not vibrating on their frequency) or whether they just dont care as they are not threatened/I am allowed to be there……but some seem to immediately be aware of my presence and stare or seem to wonder who i am and what my reason is for being there). (((( SEveral times I awaken during the night, to pee, etc, and go STRAIGHT back to the same place as soon as I go back into Dream, like a honing device )))))At one point I start to feel aroused, as often happens in a deep state of lucidity, and often signals to me a need to refocus my energy or to recalibrate, because my energy body is asking to be able to hold more of a charge so i can have more awareness. I begin to look for a particular room as by now I have pretty much explored most of what I have found in my immediate vicinity, and I remember there is a hidden room and I want to go into it to ‘engage my arousal 😉 but as i am walking along the corridor an asian woman and young girl are walking behind me…….they are looking at me, I try to go around the corner quickly and I pull open the art panel/wall piece that I know exposes a secret slot that leads to room…..and I crawl thru, but not quick enough and they see me climbing thru and pulling it shut……they are peering in at me thru the crack they are now aware is there (they seem to have not known about hidden space)…..the woman is surprised and suspicious of me. I try to convince her that she should just go on about her business, but im also aware i dont want to alert anyone to my presence in case it causes alarm. The room i am in is small and has a rectangular bath space in floor filled with water, its a sacred bathing room or something, there is little else in the room. By now I realize i will not be able to accomplish my original goal and even though they leave, I am glad…because I feel if I had dispersed my sexual energy or relieved it, I would not have had enough Astral charge to continue my explorations. So I realize their intrusion was to my benefit. I leave the room and continue. I run into three men who seem to ‘work’ there….or have something to do with the place…guards etc. I speak to them and I manage to convince them that I know that there is more to the place and I must discover whats going on and why I was brought there. I talk them into helping me. I tell them to meet me at particular spot after they take care of a few things for me, so that we can proceed without hassle. Upon return, there is only one man left, who tells me the other two were ‘not up to it’ or something, alluding that he was only one courageous enough…he seems to have big ego and kind of annoying in his self praise, but I find him harmless and definitely will need a sidekick who also knows the corridors and layout. My excitement is thru the roof now, because I assess how much time Ive been in the Astral and to that degree of lucidity, and its been a while since Ive managed to ‘be out that long’….so I think to myself that I must hurry and not waste ANY time because I may begin losing my awareness at any point. We end up in this very large room, and there is a middle age woman with dark wavy hair dressed vibrantly in geometric pattern dress, sitting on floor at a stone slab table. She has tarot cards in front of her. When she sees me she seems taken aback, as if shes surprised, yet aware of the possibility of seeing me….almost as if she knew about me but didnt really believe Id ‘make it that far’ The whole thing feels like some game/test/initiation, as if I am being led thru some kind of inner labrynth to find out whether I am worthy of what it is that Is Calling Me. The woman smiles at me, and I kneel next to her, with the man behind me standing. She says ‘I shall read for you’, and she pulls two cards. The cards are very unfamiliar. They are glowing. She seems tense as she reads them, and mumbles a bunch of mathematical and geometrical stuff, some of which makes sense. the rest which does not. She is moving her hands over them and fingers in patterns, as if she is literally ‘reading ‘ them and communicating with them. I accept her reading, but then say ‘I also read cards. And I would like to pull one of my own’. Again, she is surprised, as if no one had ever asked/requested to do that. But she allows me to, reluctantly. I pull the card, it too is glowing, I can feel the energy of it. It says at the top, in a beautiful cursive writing, that seems not to be english but I can read it or at least intuit/understand what it says ‘Continue Forward On Your Chosen Path’………I exclaim to the man ‘see!!!!! I am going in the right direction!!!!’. in the center of the card are two images, on the left is an image of the original catacombs I discovered and came thru, that led me to this place way underground. on the right, is an image of ‘le museum d’arabesque’ which I am in. At the bottom it says something I couldnt quite make out, or remember, but that referenced each of the places……almost like it was a tracking device/coordinate code/something plugging into my Awareness so that I could find my way back to that place AStrally, again. I give her back the card. She wishes me luck and blesses my journey. I tell the man we must get supplies. I now know I can proceed with full Intention. We find our way to a room that has clothing in it, and I dig around, trying to find something that will be suitable for the adventure. I pull on a black dress, halter style/almost like a gothic short patchwork warrioress dress….and I wonder to myself, whether I will be able to climb if I need to, fight if I need to, jump stones and streams etc….I see image in my head of doing all those things and I can feel my agility and I decide it will work fine. My hair I notice is dark and is pulled back in dreadlocks. I feel strong and agile and capable and ready and excited. Feels like my whole life has led to this. I know in myself i will not fail, whatever it is. I was called here, ‘they’/someone’ is expecting me, but I must prove myself. We leave the room. IN the corridor there are 6 or 7 books propped against a stone slab bench. All glowing with their own light. I know that I need to choose one, that it will help me on my path. But I must choose wisely. I look them over without touching them. several seem to be blank journals, but thickish and possibly heavy. There is one that is full of large grids, like graph paper but with very large graph squares. they are varying sizes. I am called toward a rather thin one, hardbound, old, that seems like a story book. I pick it up and we look thru it…..there are some blank pages, and there are some pages with poems on them, in different languages. Old. There are some pages with snippets of stories on them/ almost like ‘chapters’ but it is all put together in such a way that none of it seems directly related to each other. One of the pages has a ‘story/info’ about a particular TYRANT and I gauge that it is sorta like a myth. I tell the man ‘This is It. I know these stories and poems will help us decipher the puzzles and riddles we are sure to come across. We can use the info in this book to help direct us on the way, and we can use the blank pages for notes or maps’. I think to self then, that the writing in the book was surprisingly steady and consistent, compared to many ‘dreams’. where the writing changes as you look at it. Right then, as I am about to head off on the Adventure, I am woken up by R and its time to get up. Noooooooooo!!!!!!!! I was so ready to keep going!!!!!!!!!! Feels like the coordinates of that ‘place’ are embedded inside me now, and I plan to try and get back there.
From 2015

Dreamtime Premonitions

Another intense Trippy Past/FutureDream (Jan.12 2013)

I am in some place where alot of people are gathered. almost like an amusement park. At some point I discover that I have a microchip or some kind of implant on my left leg…lower quad. I freak out and somehow cut it out of my skin or remove it. I am then asking what it is, very concerned, to people i see around me….everyone is just kinda blank and then a man catches my eye, and he looks at me and i know he knows….and i hold it up and show him and ask what he knows about it and that this is serious stuff. He says that the people will not understand…the only ones who have them are the ones who are a danger to the ploy…something along those lines…then I ask how they could have gotten to me, to implant…and i see an image almost like telepathically sent by the man, of me in a ballpit/playpit like at a kids indoor playground and being sprayed by a ‘perfume’ or ‘mist’ that renders me unconscious for a moment long enough to inject the implant. Then I feel I have to find who im with….i end up on some kind of ‘ride’ and i am being strapped in like at the carnival, next to my sister. Im telling her about the chip and saying that something very bad is going to happen, that this was not good, that i could feel ‘it’…’it’ was coming. I then realize that I have something right under my skin next to my thumbnail right hand. I pull it out and its another weird ‘chip’ but it looks like some kind of larval furry moth….I crush it between my fingers….and immediately a handful of cartoonish strange underwater-ish looking beings descend from the sky hovering, very organically, living things. menacing. I feel the energy is intense and i KNOW we have to get out of there and at the same time there is some strange noise, and i realize that me crushing the ‘chip’ set off a reaction….that it alerted ‘them’ to know that it had been found and the person being ‘watched’ and chipped was in danger of ‘escaping’ their grasp….on all levels. I climb out of the seat, which is now about 12 feet in the air and jump down to the ground to get off, and i yell to my sister to hurry, she has to come….she does jump down and then its Lisl….splayed on the ground awkwardly, has hurt her leg/s bad long fall and I grab her with my left arm and hoist her over my shoulder kinda and take off running thru what is now a forest, a path that i used to walk to the school bus when a kid…and as i get to bottom of gully and turning to right of path..there is an electronic device hooked up that kinda looks like an old calculator….the big ones. I rip the wires off and kinda smash it and keep running, knowing that it was another spying device or in some way connected to ‘them’. I end up literally climbing thru the trees with lisl still hoisted on my back, and now im not sure why….there was something else going on here that i cant ‘see’ now or remember…but at some point we check lisl and she has the implant near her thumb and we get it out but before lisl can crush it i stop her…and tell her that if we destroy it it is a signal and we will be found….???? So then we are back at the amusement partk/crowds and I am trying to talk to people, and tell them whats going on but it is like robots or drones walking along and Im feeling agitated….like i felt personally responsible for helping them or preparing them for ‘whats coming’ which felt so very close at hand in the dream…and I am talking about reptilians lol and stuff and then scene shifts and i am in what seems to be underneath of my childhood home, almost like a basement…and someone is with me but not sure who now. something catches fire some wooden beam or something and I go over to it and do something to it but cant remember what . then scene shifts again and I am with some man and a lady who turns out to be Barbera Bush. She is ‘not well’ and is laying down on a cot or being carried on a cot or something. the man is like her ‘assistant’ and i am talking to them about ‘everything’ and asking them questions, and the man is letting on that he is doing very good work, and I start talking about how it is no longer working, this perpetuated lie….and that i knew Who They Were and What They Were Doing and then barbera bush is saying something and playing a victim and when I talk again, about reptilians or the like, she kinda sighs and turns from ‘seeming’ sweetness to sour….and this other energy comes out…and then I guess i woke up. im leaving out lots of stuff because i cant articulate or get a full picture of the details….but this was the jist.

Ode to Self Righteousness

everywhere I look, everywhere I see
the darkest of darkness peeking out
from a cracked vessel trying to Be

woman turns on man, sister on brother
pointing fingers gnarled snarls
condemning one another

the great Web, tangled souls, human mess
terrified Minds , shouting mouths
convinced of their own righteousness

lost in the labyrinth of mental tricks
blaming each other for tocs and tics
forgetting that flesh and heart and blood
mean more than media falsehoods

Ideologies and Isms created as schisms
which one do you belong to?
hate your brother your father your mother
unless they agree with you ?

We are all the same here, we are all in the Tear
that falls further each day
from the Eye that seems to look the other way

so close your Screen, stop tapping keys
open your heart, try to see
youve been tricked into hating
your Human Family

As long as the Hatred blinds the Fearer
You are the same as your Neighbor
Staring in the Mirror

“Spy vs. Spy, baby’s a freak show
Lines form just to the right of your keyhole
Eyes from the paintings seem to follow
Mirrors cap both ends of your telescope.”

Charleen Johnston 1/25/17

The Crazies Manifesto

The Crazies Manifesto by Andrea Balt

  1. I will remember what it was like to be born, and all the beautiful things I used to point at before I could speak them. I’ll reinvent curiosity and memorize delight.
  2. I will forgive, because no one survives. I’ll keep the bruises but get rid of the blue. I’ll kiss my Judas back. (I have my own crosses to carry).
  3. I will believe in ghosts and fairy tales. And elves and science fiction. I won’t declare a world impossible until I’ve tried to build it with my hands and when my pulse shakes like a leaf, I’ll say sure, let’s, why not.
  4. I will fight with the sword of my tongue, not my fists. I’ll also fight with my silence and lips. And turn all my blood into metaphor and blossom my way into fierce cherry trees.
  5. I will love like it’s the end of the world and the house is on fire. And if it’s not, I’ll bring the matches. I’ll love even when I don’t, or when I lose, or when love’s fleeting like sunsets or thick like bone or long or heavy or boring like the book I’m never done reading and writing.
  6. I will live every day like it never happened before or like a tune to a song still unwritten. And I’ll record every hour on my face, and in this short-lived human dilemma, I’ll try to be in all my pictures, heartbeats, adventures and wrinkles.
  7. I will dream up my reality. I will not be reasonable or realistic. I’ll write sideways on lined paper and I’ll always put heart over matter and imagination over knowledge.
  8. I will create a thousand planets from scratch and then I’ll add them to the Milky Way so I can help expand the universe. I’ll make up a new language out of dust and come up with a hundred different ways to say your name.
  9. I will be honest rather than loyal. Because to get through the dark forests of life you need a lamp, not a shadow, and trust is not a blind soldier but the soul’s one and only chief of staff.
  10. I will be wild and untamed. I will believe in wolves. I’ll be insane, uncivilized, emotional and personal. And I will take the ring to Mordor even if I don’t know where Mordor is. I’ll be the child I left behind. I’ll be the door and key to me.
  11. And when I come to die, the only thing I will regret is leaving all my stories, unfinished, on your chest. But I should hope to live in such a way, that time would breathe me out and back into your lungs, until there’s no more me or you or words or why.

So this is for us….

… so this is for us.
This is for us who sing, write, dance, act, study, run and love
and this is for doing it even if no one will ever know
because the beauty is in the act of doing it.
Not what it can lead to.
This is for the times I lose myself while writing, singing, playing
and no one is around and they will never know
but I will forever remember
and that shines brighter than any praise or fame or glory I will ever have,
and this is for you who write or play or read or sing
by yourself with the light off and door closed
when the world is asleep and the stars are aligned
and maybe no one will ever hear it
or read your words
or know your thoughts
but it doesn’t make it less glorious.
It makes it ethereal. Mysterious.
Infinite.
For it belongs to you and whatever God or spirit you believe in
and only you can decide how much it meant
and means
and will forever mean
and other people will experience it too
through you.
Through your spirit. Through the way you talk.
Through the way you walk and love and laugh and care
and I never meant to write this long
but what I want to say is:
Don’t try to present your art by making other people read or hear or see or touch it; make them feel it. Wear your art like your heart on your sleeve and keep it alive by making people feel a little better. Feel a little lighter. Create art in order for yourself to become yourself
and let your very existence be your song, your poem, your story.
Let your very identity be your book.
Let the way people say your name sound like the sweetest melody.

So go create. Take photographs in the wood, run alone in the rain and sing your heart out high up on a mountain
where no one will ever hear
and your very existence will be the most hypnotising scar.
Make your life be your art
and you will never be forgotten.”

― Charlotte Eriksson

Falling Through

Words weep me
I fall like fat capsules of catastrophe
Down the cheeks of the Mind

I am purified in ways
I never thought I could find
Truths I never thought I would own

But still I am left silent
Still clinginging to the half-chewed bone
A ration meted out to me by Memory

Waking up isn’t always easy
Rewriting our Stories and history
Falling through cracks that appear from Nothing

Charleen Johnston
September 2008

Twisted and tampered

I’m twisted
and tampered
And feeling Pampered
by Life
This Night
This tribute to Light
is but a Face
Of the race I run
The case I’ve begun to sort thru
And contort to
And still the Sun shines thru
Like icing on the cake
That in my Womb I bake
With creativity at stake
For far too few
Understand
The clues
And wake and take the break
For Life is the Steak
And potatoes
Of the Days which grow
Through my labors

I take the Smile and
Fake senile
And pretend to Forget
That I Am
still Wet
Gleaming like sweat from the brow
Of the Holy Cow
Who Was
Slaughtered in Fear
Cooked
for our Dear who is Slave
To the Tears
That have Flooded before…
Knocked
down their doors
And
Dripped right through
The cracks in the Floor….

Peace
Is Sweet
And a Covert Operation
At best
Is less
Than a fatal test
Of the rest.

Charleen Johnston
2002

Breathe Deeply….

Take a deep breath , folks,21st century Fox
Poppin off the top of this metropolis, Mocks
Your intelligence and plays on your emotions
So easily led and Fed the poisonous potion
Of political devotion gift wrapped with Shock…
Take a Deep Breathe and be ready to surrender
All the Scripts that rip right thru this Dyin ember
….
Step away from the Line, step away from the Lies
Every single scene is a Set meant for your mind
A studio Setting created just for the blind
Adherence to the program that steers your Lives….

It’s not even abstract, not just metaphor…
A Literal Configuration of Lets Pretend Some More
Actors n Agents and Fictitious Stages
The masses addicted to social Graces from
Instagram faces in Media Contagion….

Bless Your hearts, my friends
Find your Center, Within
Everything else
Is a trick
Of the Lens

Charleen Johnston

1-7-21

Let your heart break

Photo by Kevin Stiles, model Jade Brannon, dress by Charleen Johnston

Let your heart break.
Let it bleed. Let it ache. Let all its pieces fall to the floor at your feet. Let the tears flow. Let yourself fall to your knees. Let the pain become physical.
Let yourself live in a way where your heart is allowed to be broken.
By this, I don’t mean put your heart in harm’s way and fail to care for its welfare. I don’t mean date people who are difficult to love and pretend it doesn’t matter when they throw you out like the day’s trash.
I don’t mean orchestrate your life in a way where your needs aren’t being met or you lack the feeling of love and support. I don’t mean neglect to put yourself first and position yourself as someone else’s proverbial punching bag.
I don’t mean choose self-destruction over self-construction.
What I mean is this: don’t be ashamed if you love hard and it falls apart. Don’t buffer the fact that your heart shattered to pieces. Don’t hide it, lie about it, shy away from it, or deny it.
Don’t avoid an important experience for fear that you’ll get hurt. Don’t look away from it when someone else is in pain, or when someone you love is suffering beyond your comprehension. Don’t mask it, ignore it, downplay it or try to escape from it.
Don’t think for a second that it is wrong for your heart to be breaking.
If your heart is broken — let it be broken.
Let it all fall apart.
Because there’s more than enough sorrow in this damn world that should, and will, eviscerate your heart.
I’m not just talking about your first love walking away, or your partner of 10 years deciding they want to be with someone else. I’m not just talking about losing a job or not getting into your college of choice.
I’m talking about things like watching a loved one die after months of suffering — or, on the other hand, having them die so suddenly you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.
Losing a child that you loved more than anything, or losing a child before you had the opportunity to even get to know them.
Knowing that someone was abused, belittled and beaten because of the color of their skin or their sexual preference.
Finding out that someone who means the world to you has spent their whole life in a perpetual state of self-loathing.
Watching someone slowly die from the inside out and being utterly unable to change it.
Loss, destruction, inequality, unforgivable acts of violence, unimaginable amounts of pain — you’re never at a loss for reasons to be heartbroken.
And you have to let it in; you have to let the hurt come through. Because trust me: it’ll only eat you from the inside out if you don’t.

Let yourself feel the pain.
Pain changes you. It transforms you. It softens you and hardens you at the same time.
It breeds wisdom and humility. It puts things into perspective. It allows you to feel more empathy and compassion. It heightens your standards and lowers your guard.
You’ll never be the same; you’ll never go back to who you were before the breakdown, and that’s on purpose. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
It means you’ve grown. It means you cared about someone or something enough to get hurt. It means you put your precious heart into the way you live and love and approach significant situations in your life.
It means it all meant something. ⠀
If you’ve ever caught a glimpse of death, and just a tiny glimpse will do, you’ll know that none of the other shit matters. The status, the achievement, the money, the need to keep impressing people you don’t even know — none of that means one iota in the larger scheme of things.
The only thing that truly matters is that you loved and that you loved hard. And when you put your heart on the line, it opens itself up, and it also gets beat up. That’s how it all works.
That also means you’re doing something right.
Keep going.

~Shannon Leigh