….I am on a bus with my brother.........we are talking and I decide I want to fly and go have a lucid adventure... I tell him 'remember when you said you could do anything if you believed?'....
..he says 'yes'.
........I say 'well im gonna fly out that window.
...he acts as if i cant...
I say that I can and I am going to.... and I just stand up and dive out thru the bus windwo…..and fly up into the sky lucidly...I think to myself it feels good to be really lucid again...I decide Id like to travel into my body....so I dive deep down toward the ground, intending to dive thru my body...when I peirce the ground, I have actually peirced my body and I am a point of light.
....I am traveling high speed thru the different layers...first the skin and tissue etc thru to the cellular level...thru to the atomic level.
...and I am thinking how amazing and wondrous it all is....and its very high velocity... come to what seems to be 'the end' and its a massive 'ocean' there is mist rising from it...and I just stop, right above it, suddenly....I then have a body again...and I make a decision to dive into the ocean...knowing ive found the core...and as I go to dive in, right before immersing, a hand or something grabs what seems to be a t-shirt on me, and stops me....really suddenly....I think...am i not supposed to go there at this time? I hear a very light subtle voice say, echoing all around and thru me, my name.......”Charleen, stop!”
….I hover there for a bit wondering why I was stopped, who or what was holding me back.....and I think then...perhaps its better not to leave my body...which I know will happen when i dive into the ocean...that I will be in an 'out of body' state..or however you want to view it...and I think that perhaps its best for me and baby for me not to spend alot of time away from my 'body' at this point.... wake up then...thinking about it all.
Dreamtime November 6, 2005, Ireland
(I Dreamed It All)
A midnight mood came to me asked me what I wanted to be all I knew was nothing at all and so she watched my angel fall
Again I sing in sweet repose treasures are hidden where no one knows Fairy wings spread and flitter through the cascade of summer glitter
I dreamed it all I dreamed it all I dreamed creation I dreamed the fall
Angel tears washed me dry kept me clean and purified
I closed my eyes and began to see just a little and nothing more faint shadows crossing the plains heading for the ocean shore
where does the secret lie where does my secret lie dormant beneath the rainbow placid in the sapphire sky?
Angels know angels know and they can tell walk beside you ring their bells the shepherd is gone the sheep are lost vulnerable to the threats the cold midnight frost
Can you break into me pry open my disease find your way inside give me your secret keys
I dreamed it all I dreamed it all I dreamed creation I dreamed the fall
When I awake I'll start again I'll make my world new again.
….and awareness on thru-out the day, are the things that are the most alive within us at those moments, so yes, they are definitely dynamic, and multi layered, just like dreams, and I’ve found that I will exhaust a dream symbol and then a deeper level of awareness belonging to the symbol manifests, and so on, till the same thing means ten different things, depending upon the plane you are connecting with it on.
I like to think of objects as flirting with me, what I would say as happening when you noticed the smokestack and sidewalk being alive, when an object or even sensation catches your awareness, and you are attracted to it, for whatever reason, I would say it is flirting with you, with your awareness, and if you flirt back, you can go into a really deep experience, either of communion with the object or you can be put deep in touch with the corresponding impulse/object within yourself. I see those moments as potential portals to other dimensions of energy and awareness if they are utilized. It’s like lucid dreaming, twenty four hours a day, if I’m aware of objects in life the same way I’m aware of them in dream, and I navigate via my flirtations with the world around me, I remain lucid and clear and vibrant. It’s when things no longer catch my awareness, when they no longer needle their way into my attention, that I know I’ve become dull and stagnate, my energy is blocking the penetration and invitation of the object that is offering a chance of exhcange and communion with me. I know for a fact in my own experience, and from what I’ve heard and read, that objects dont appear the same on every vibrational level/plane, for example, when I am having an out of body experience, I may be in my own bedroom, but its not EXACTLY the same, each object tends to have an essential quality, and that quality is expressed differently depending upon the level of density of vibration it is percieved in. So a lamp may be a bit different, in structure or size or color or whatever, though it is in the same spot. Same with a couch, etc. So I have found that some of my objects in my home become more and more related to me thru percieving them on a more conclusive level of vibration/awareness, I see more of their essential quality, that is, and so I feel more in tune with it, more than just as an object taking up space, this is true for outer environments too. I have found that the deeper you go, into the frequency of awareness, the less definite things are in relation to the outside, concensual world. So if I am out of body and I am still at a density that can nearly move an object, or that may possibly appear to someone as an apparition, the environment I’m in will nearly exactly reflect the 'waking world’. But if I move, with more and more clarity, energy, and concentration, to a higher frequencty, the more and more shadowy the realms become and the more fluid my body becomes, and the more things are happening at onece, and you would need a deeper and deeper capacity to hold and channel universal energy at this point in order to hold your awareness at that level. So that to me explains why accounts of out of body travel/projection vary so much from person to person. Because depending upon the level of vibration of the persons 'soulbody' energybody dreambody whatever you want to term it, double, or whatever, the environment and the sort of experiences will correlate. So those who have a better capacity to hold highly charged energy and awareness would tend to have more experiences on the 'higher' planes, and it seems that the "higher' or more intense the vibration, the harder it is to navigate concsiously, that is why discipline/practice/and healthy living contribute to a deepening ability to traverse more intense layers of experience. You can contain more of the world around/and thus inside you.
Someone who doesnt have the capacity to hold energy sufficient to stay in a certain 'plane' would tend to have a negative experience of it, because the frequency bears down upon one with intensity, like pressure, that is so 'painful' that you can’t stay aware at that level for long … it feels like a huge current of electricity running thru you, numbing you with pain, until you drift back 'down' to a level more in keeping with your current 'charge' capacity, hmmm. I find that I used to be thrown into a high level energy when I smoked herb, I would have access to deeper vibrations. However with long term use, I have now found that it deadens my energy and dulls it and makes it heavier and denser, so that instead of boosting me, it blocks me….
~Charleen Johnston, excerpt from a correspondence with a friend in 2002
One more project that at some point will come to fruition. Started many years ago. A collage journey thru every single pregnancy dream from my entire gestation period with oisin. Almost every single night there is at least one dream and sometimes a handful. An entire subconscious multidimensional record of my Psyches Hourney through vast restructuring and opening and wonder and transformation.
Now that I have archived almost thru the year 2015 of dream journals into my computer, and should soon be completed with that enormous project, it will be much easier to arrange and print text. The journal entries from April 2005-February 2006 are immense and have a flavor entirely their own: including dreams of a ‘little blonde boy’ who turned out to be my son 🙂
🔥 Dream 1: I am running and trying to escape' someone/group of people. There is one main figure, whom I never really get a good look at, trying to kill or decimate me. I struggle and struggle, climbing over cliffs and rocks, jumping valleys, elaborate maneuvering...there are many close calls when the attacker is a breath away, and I manage to escape or roll away at the last minute. This seems to go on and on. Though there is only one person manifesting as attacker. I know in the dream it is more of an Energy or group, or that the assailant is not working alone. Each time I think I have gotten to some safe spot, where I have outrun this certain death, the whole cycle starts again, and once again I am exhausting myself thru the running. Finally, I am so exhausted from trying to outrun Death, that I think to myself 'fuck it. I surrender. Id rather just die. Kill me. I cannot run any longer. I cannot keep this cycle going. At that moment, my attacker, who is inches away, stops. Disappears. I can feel that there is laughter. I can feel that "group' behind this energy are watching me from afar, that the whole thing was a big game. I then see a jeep driving thru the forest where I am a part of the forest where I grew up and which as kids we called 'the Maze' it was a large loop of pathways that connected all behind in the mountains I grew up in. I take note of the fact I am in the maze and I feel relieved that I do not have to run anymore, and realize that all I had to do all along was surrender. I then see a man sitting on a small hillside looking out into the forest.... there is a peacefulness about him. I wander up to him, and as I get closer I realize its Kurt Cobain and I say 'YOU! and I walk up to him and look closely at his face. there is so much peace and light but he is silent, and I smooth the hair from his cheek behind his ear. I feel laughter energy in the trees:
🔥Dream 2: I am in the same part of the forest as before, only its a slightly different area of the maze and I along with my boyfriend and some other friends who work on a farm in waking life, are using large tractors and machinery making a new road thru the forest, or smoothing it out etc..some kind of major structural work is going on and it seems important. The next thing we know we are under attack. It starts in the skies, but we cannot see the attackers, but we know they are there, and there is much upheaval; everyone is startled and trying to hide or defend. THen we see some of them but they are only dark shadows, but I am hefting very large rocks toward them aware that in the face of their weapons it is probably meaningless, but I feel I need to do something to protect the others. They are acting strategically, and wiping out the roads, and at one point they create an explosion that makes a landslide where one of the large backhoes is digging…three men are toppled with the machine and pulled from it and we know they have been beheaded though I do not see this graphically in the dream. I am running back and forth trying to help, but then realize that my son, as well as all the other civilians are on the other side of the forest, and that there is no one to protect them. I know I have to go check on them but am also reluctant to leave the crew who are trying to defend our territory. I throw my phone in some bushes, because I know that 'they' can track me with it, and I run thru the forest to what is now a refuge style camp. there are kids and adults all over playing and just trying to get thru the day but the energy is not scary nor does it seem the battle has reached them. I find my son and he is playing with his friend, I hug him and I tell them both not to run down that certain road into the forest because the battle may have reached there at this point and it is unsafe. Some other man gives me his phone, because I want to try and get ahold of my boyfriend in the battlezone. But then I see my son and his friend run straight to the road I warned them about. I run after them and by the time I have almost reached them, a car explodes and the hood lands on my son, trapping him beneath and puncturing him in several spots with pieces of metal. I run to him and lift the hood and I say his name, in sorrow, and lift him and see that he is alive but weak, and I make a quick assessment of his injuries then carry him over and hand him to a friend of mine, C, who in waking life is a very angelic huge hearted healing presence. he is the father of the other boy, and when I hand my son to him my son turns into his son A. A mumbles something and I see C put him inside a strange rectangular piece of equipment and he opens his sons scalp and when he does so I see inside it is a cylindrical piece of tube, seemingly cardboard, such as a paper towel role...strange...and I realize that C was opening his skull to check the cartridge to see how much blood he had lost and how much life energy he had left. He seemed to be in good hands, and was not in danger of dying, and I left them. I realize that it seems like so long since I had heard any noise or bombs and then realized I had no idea how long i had been gone or away from my boyfriend and the others and I needed to see if there was anyone left who had survived. I run back thru the forest toward the battleground and I stumble upon my pink phone that I had left before. I start to dial but remember that the 'enemies had control of the airwaves and that as soon as I used the phone my location would be detected and I would be annihilated possibly. So I threw it back down and and then I see a swarm of something coming over the hillside, and a large audible buzzing sound; Its coming straight for me so I cover myself with leaves etc, and try to hide, it seems to work and the swarm moves past. I wonder to myself if it is insects or some kind of drones. I then continue to scamper up the steep hillside to the road that is a wasteland of machinery now and upheaval. I hear no more fighting however. It seems that the warring has ceased. I frantically search for my boyfriend, and I see off to the right on a concrete slab, my ex husband/sons father who is still a friend in waking life, along with another friend. They are rolling a cigarette and are filthy and worn out but in good shape. As if reading my mind, they say 'R is ok. Hes down the path; he helped to save everyone. ‘ So I run down the path and I see him and throw my arms around him so glad he is safe and that the havoc is over.
🔥Dream 3: Once again there is some kind of fight or battle going on.... and once again it takes place roundabout "the maze” ...only this time I feel confident and I am unafraid. And I am armed with a gun, which seems powerful, and I am in combat sort of, but its more like guerilla warfare.....but I do not use my gun, for the most part, I feel it unnecessary since I am able to outmaneuver the soldier types whom I come across... I believe I used it only one time, and that was when I was almost caught in the line of fire and I fired first and eliminated the soldier. There is then an old man who seems to be a part of the forest and he holds up a very large piece of cloth/fabric...it is a vibrant red and lush velvet or some really beautiful material. It is a large swath of cloth and he shows me it has been torn and ripped... and I see a long rip all the way thru it, and it is in two separate pieces almost. he says to me that I have the gift to fix this rip. And that this tear is what has brought devastation to the land. I analyze the situation and realize that perhaps it is because I am a Seamstress in waking life/ a patchworker....that I can Re-Seam or Stitch the Tear in the Tapestry...and I feel a surge of energy and confidence and I take the cloth and know that all shall be well. I wake up.
In the Dream, I and a group of people decide to take Ecstasy/MDMA and the result is an intense DreamRoll indistinguishable from Waking Conscious experience of same. Except that eventually the labrynth leads into a much stranger series of events......in which, as the effects of the drug begin to wear off, I became suddenly cautious of what I am doing, and feeling and know that it has the capacity to open doors that I may not want to open, at least not in this particular Dream. So I am with the Group in a pickup truck that is Speeding up a steep and curved mountain road.......but I jump from the back, not wanting to be carried along with the momentum of the group mind, and wary now of the imbibimg of Substances. As I wander in the dark forests along the road, I start to question my decision, but it seems too late , they are gone from sight and from earshot and the pickup truck is incapable of slowing or straying from its narrow road.
Scenery shifts and I am in a very large building, which seems to be some kind of childrens home/hospital/school......not quite sure what....I am with several others, one of whom I know very well in DReamtime but do not actually have a fleshCentered relationship. It seems to be 'business as usual' at first, but then we become aware that the zoo down the street has lost power, the Grid has shut down or faltered, or something has interfered with the locking/cage mechanisms.....we seem to know this palpably but intuitively at first, without actually seeing anything. A very intense presence, or ConglomerationOfPresences seems to be rolling towards us, as a thick dark primal ball of Energy that we can feel and sense, and whose primal nature makes us wary. Everyone in the room we are in, seems oblivious, except for me and my Friend....who after sensing this energy coming toward us, immediately climb the walls into a vent hole or something, trying to get as high off the ground as possible. At this point there is chaos below us as the people are running and trying to hide, fearful and yet totally unable to orient themselves enough to think and act in survival mode. Its all out panic. My friend and I can feel the fear below us, and we KNOW that we have to do something, because the people in the building have no innate sense of how to deal with this, whereas, for us, it seems that we are coming face to face with something we have seen and dealt with before, perhaps for aeons...... We can hear a snarl, a very loud vibrating resonating Tigers growl, we hear it before we see it, but we know that we must move, we must get out of the building, because being stuck in those walls, is going to be Death and Disaster. Just as the tiger becomes visible, we have manifested a tunnel that leads from the vent hole we have been hiding in....and out we scurry. Our Intent is to get out of the building, find some resources that can help us save the others, and return, hopefully to find that every living soul within the building is not completely ravaged. Thru a series of very ninja-esque maneuvers, with run-ins with many predators and angry animals, we eventually get out to a main hallway, and we know that we must close and lock every door behind us AS WE NAVIGATE, so that we can contain the beasts until we can deal with them appropriately. WE somehow know that the other people/children etc in the building are at least somewhat taken care of and safe, and our main focus is in leaving the building quickly. At this point, the building starts to turn into a series of peoples homes, all within one large contained space. There is one family in particular, who we come across, and who we warn. This family is the brother in law of a good friend of mine, and he has several children....We need to escape thru this particular house/room, and are trying to explain what is going on. One of this mans small boys speaks to us, and seems to understand what is happening. The father points up and says something about all the toy animals on strings hanging from the ceiling of the room....the father says that the boy wanted him to tie them up there, as a game, but that in doing so, the animals became suspended over the space in a protective manner, almost as if they were caretaking this particular child/family/space.....because of the intuitive Honoring this child had done for them(the animals). This all starts to add up into a picture of what is actually going on in Dream, and we lock the doors to the space and leave the father and his kids inside, knowing they are safe within those parameters at least.
The moment we get out of the building feels like we have left a giant enclosure of Uncertainty and Snarling Repressed Energies ready to devour....but not in a malicious way, more because they have been locked within the cages of the zoo for so long the only way to remember Who They Are is to act out ferociously their Nature, following the pendulum swing all the way to the left, as they regain their knowledge of Primal Self. We make our way to another large brick building, and by this time, we are concerned that no one will believe us or take us seriously....and will not give us the supplies we need in order to rescue the other people. This building feels almost like a CIA headquarters or some other insidious 'toward the top of the pyramid' establishment......everyone seems to be operating in a very suspicious and wary manner, with something to hide. We start to get the feeling that if we do not get out of THERE, we are REALLY in trouble, as the awareness that THIS ZOO of beasts is FAR MORE DANGEROUS than the now feral creatures stalking the city. We scavenge a few supplies and hurriedly make our way back toward the building we left.
by this time, we know that the animals have taken over, that they are not just running rampant eating everything and everyone in a feeding frenzy. They are very consciously orchestrating a scenario in which they take control of the establishment that has imprisoned them for so long. We sneak around, knowing that this is going to have to be a very Intentional battle, and at this point we are unsure as to whether we should not actually JOIN the creatures instead of fight against them. AT the bottom of the building where I would consider a basement to be, or the entrance to one, is a chimpanzee dressed in a generals outfit, standing guard....very placidly, but very intently. WE go around the other side. Every entrance is being guarded by some particular form of animal.. Then, I get separated from my Friend, and I am in a forest outside the building, and I hear the Snarl, I feel the Energy of Immense Power..........at this moment I regain lucidity and realize I am in Dreamtime ( I had known this in the first part of dream, but after jumping from truck and wandering the forest I lost Consciousness) and yet, I know that this Energy is nothing to mess around with, Its There and its Coming, regardless of whether I KNOW IT TO BE, or whether I AM UNCONSCIOUSLY FIGHTING THE AWARENESS OF IT....I cannot just erase it from my Psych, nor can I just stop the dream and change it....I am Focused Inside It in such a way that something very important is taking place in the nethers, and I know that to try and Awaken myself out of the Discomforting nature of the events/Dreamtime would actually stall or halt the process taking place. Even with the Awareness that this Huge Tiger cannot physically harm me, i.e knowing I am in Dreamtime, I am still wary of it....I see a huge tree, some of the limbs are unsteady but the trunk is large and being an excellent climber I have faith I can get up it in a timely manner, to at least keep the Tiger at bay for a while longer. I scurry up the tree. The tiger starts to climb the tree after me, and I feel as if I am coming face to face with Infinity. As the Tigers immense jaws open and a deafening roar envelops me, I stop resisting. I enter its throat and suddenly my body is gone, and I am pure sensation, and a highpitched tonal sound reverberates thru the darkness, in which I am now embodied, as particles, touching everything.
I park my car along the road with a bunch of others, my family and many people whom I know and don’t know are getting together….. it’s a gathering, but a strange vibe, to do with political stuff. People are bringing food etc. and preparing, like a potluck. George Bush jr , Putin, and other heads of state and leaders of past and present are there: everyone else is walking on eggshells around them. There is A general murmur of uneasiness while waiting for the actual event to begin. I am playing with my phone and someone says I can’t be taking photos, which I wasn’t , but they are very all serious and paranoid, being in the company of all these famous leaders’. Most of the ‘leaders’ are dressed in full regalia, very ceremonial, but GW is in his jeans and shirt, good ole boy. There is some issue with toilet paper. As if it has been weaponized…..people are going back and forth, with various kinds of rolls etc? I’m being very loud and talkative and just my normal typical self, open and engaging, even to the Leaders, all of whom are sitting on a couch and in the room, which is just a normal kinda cramped house/apt. They are pretty much silent and just waiting, sitting still and unobtrusively. I keep getting shushed by people and told to reel it in…..they are all so worried about what the ‘Leaders’ will think of them, or whether they will be punished???
At one point the conversation is about a vaxxine that had been proven to be dangerous , but so much of it had been made/produced, that they were trying to figure out what to do with it…..how to dispose or deal with it. I walk over to GW Bush and say ‘I’d just do what George Bush Did, and send it over to a third world country to disseminate..:: I say this in Jest, and poking fun of them all and the System, but seemingly serious and right to GW who is sitting on the couch looking at me…..he grins. I say ‘I’m just playin’ then I tell him about the Doll thing Oisín has of him and he laughs and smiles and gets excited and I say “it’s the the one with the little leather jacket.” I say ‘whenever Oisín thinks I’m talking too much he just pushes the little button over and over and makes me hear your one liner Bush-isms instead’ . I find it funny and so does he( Oisín really does that in waking reality). Everyone else ( all the regular people) are shocked that I am speaking like that to him . Then my mom is trying to find pans or something down in a cabinet drawer which is stuffed and messy and disorganized and I say ‘ just pull it all out’ …..she says it will make a big mess. I get aggravated and say “sometimes you just gotta pop the zit…..pull all that shit out and get what you need and put it back in order”. I’m referring to many layers of what’s going on. My sister shows up with Blueberry pie? But it is more like a custard in its texture. I reflect on that because of a reference in waking life to blueberry pies and sisters, and chuckle . I take it to put on the table and kinda bump it when setting it down and it kinda rattles it and makes it not look perfect . I say ‘ah well whatever’ .
Am then outside ,Around the back of house/apt :building? And there are families sitting in the dark talking and hanging out sitting at lawn table etc all waiting for the ‘event/ceremony’ to begin. ( all the Leaders are there for some big ceremonial happening). I climb a spider web like rope thing that is hanging as a playground piece, and am playing around and when I slide down the little kid that was on a trike beside it is now under me ….she had moved and I land right on her head and we tumble. She’s ok though and I comfort her and sorta play -roll around.
We all walk back up in the dark and then back inside, and there is a black woman with a newborn baby…the baby is making funny faces as I am talking. I realize the baby, who kinda looks like an old wise person in tiny body, is famous from social media? To the lady, I say “Is that ‘grumpy baby’ …(something I had seen in instagram or somewhere). It is. She says the baby came out making that face , and I say she ( the baby) was thinking ‘holy shit, I am not ready for this place again’ joking.
By now a ‘leader’ from Ghana is there, a young tribal black woman ,kinda funky style, and pierced and tattooed ….she is the leader who has recently come into power, via family lineage? So this is all knew to her but she is very proud and Confident. There is also a younger swarthy maybe Indian/or middle eastern man who shows up….also pierced and kinda modern, but in full military regalia, head of some other country. Of course Putin is there. He seems very young and underwhelmed. But quiet. It’s all very serious but caricature-is …. I am Not impressed by any of them, nor am I scared or them like all the others….i know they are just marionettes on the chessboard and it is all very playful and light to me, so I am provoking them in jest and yet good nature. They are equally at ease with me.
There had been nowhere for people to sit because they were on the couch etc before, but now they are on floor sitting cross legged and the normal people are sitting on the couches: the vibe is starting to get a little more relaxed but also they are ‘playing subtle war games’ that feel like everyone is engaging each other and trying to assert silent agendas. I sit with the leaders and start joking and being gregarious and charming: I am still getting dirty looks from the ‘normals’ . The Ghana lady is asked a question and I see images from her life there and she is in tribal traditional clothes and she says that ‘her body is Her Body and that is who she is’ and I seem to know she had inherited the position and was not all stuffy and programmed in the same way as the other leaders.
Even the leaders though seem to want to break out of their roles, and they realize it’s all a facade.
I end up back at my car….which is parked up and along the road, which is a country road. i need to move it? It’s dark, something is going on with it: then We are all trying to go somewhere…. like out dancing? As a group? And I say ‘you mean we are all meant to ride together to ‘wherever’? Lnowing there is know way this large group of people can fit in one vehicle or likely even remain organized enough to all get to where we are planning to go. So people are splitting up , dividing into smaller groups to ride with each other etc. There are cliques starting to form. I am the only one who is interacting with the ‘leaders’ the others are still afraid too. .
🌜🌟Trapped Inside the Compound⭐️🌛 (Dreamtime 10-25-24)
Super Intense situation of being inside a very large building/compound…:,the external situation is such that people have become essentially trapped in a very controlled situation like slaves. The compound is so strongly guarded and militarized there is no way out, but there is a small group of people who are attempting to dismantle and escape, ideally so we can bring down the system of control from outside the confines; the group included me, C is there too, and I think a total of 5-7 of us? Familiar but not all In this lifetime. We know that soon the whole place will be impenetrable but for the moment we are able to roam around and so we have implemented 5? Escape mechanisms that are planned Into the compound. Such as ….one of the windows has been left with a hard subtle tool slipped in between to keep it slightly ajar so it could be opened once in lockdown. There is a zip line type thing leading out of it or another area so one could get out. There are various ways we have plotted as emergency routes. As i roam around I have several backpacks including my crossbody purse bag and my phone etc., with supplies. I am trying to fit in and play along with all the stuff , not draw attention; there are people everywhere, going about their business and working for the compound. Everyday people mostly. No one had attempted to escape in so Long I guess it’s not on their mind. C I believe had tried to get out …but the emergency route she tried failed? And it happened a few other time to others in our group, but I did Hear that one had gotten out via the zip line cable that stretched way out over the ocean/body of water surrounding the compound. And seems at least one more had gotten out. Time is running out and there is only one escape route left. There is a long spiral style ornate stairway like bronze or rustic metal, with letters and numbers like codes or puzzles on each step….facing out almost like heiroglyphics carved but they can be pushed down like a large ancient button. Stair is winding curves and steep. By now I’m getting a lot of attention because I’ve basically stopped trying to blend in and am clearly there for some other purpose. All Sorts of adeventires throughout the dream leading to this point, very long and vivid and filled with interactions. I have to get the correct code to have it open a small portal in the floor which is a tube down to another lower level. It’s the last option but it’s getting intense and I’m digging through my backpack and get my phone out to take photos of the code information that I will need in order to know which buttons to hit ( there is a typed out ‘key’ or ‘legend’ that goes with the codes on The stairs, but it is too far from the stairs to do both so it has to be memorized or in some way the information taken over to the stairway, but it is attached to something and not mobile)….I’m struggling with it because I am trying to remain somewhat ‘obscure’ still and yet openly manipulating the puzzle and clearly reading and learning the ‘key’ that is off to the side…..but am on my phone trying to get the camera to work and messing about and finally a young man comes over and i decide to chance it, and ask him about the code and if he knows it, he says he does, apparently all Of them do? All Of the people who work for and help run the compound ….all the living infrastructure of people: He seems to understand I’m gonna escape but doesn’t mind helping me. He hits the keys/buttons all in a specific order almost like a musical progression… and right as the authorities are stepping in and about to pounce on me after realizing what is happening, as the building alarm mechanism is starting to shut me in , the round spinning portal opens and I dive thru. I get sucked down to a basement type level where I have to open another round cover to get into the water that is everywhere, almost like being in a very flooded basement, except it is giant and built into the design….the water. It’s the only way out. The compound is in the ocean and it’s dark out and I know I have to swim out under the building and then make a beeline but I’m aware it’s going to be tough; there are two different floaties and one has colorful polka dots and is small and the other is more square and large and mustard color , I know I will need help staying afloat so am trying to paddle out under with the small one, while having packed my phone deep into my crossbody purse hoping it doesn’t get wet and ruined . I am Preoccupied with my cell phone not being destroyed….it has important information on it that is relevant to our mission.. I Finally get out into the water and know I will make it , as they cannot do an emergency shut-down of the compound now even though they know I’ve escaped. There is a big huge boat coming toward me and the compound and I don’t want to get hit but also know I have to hold my breath and swim under water down and out a ways so I can get past the edge without detection. I know the others who managed to escape are waiting for me and that we can then reconvene on the outside and get a plan to help come back and free people. Lots of roaming the building and smaller missions on the inside, during the dream.
Pursuing for aeons I seem to know…. I try running down the road but go back, start to climb down the side of the rocks on the cliff side, figure I can crawl up under and hide….
Then i Let Go…
in Exhaustion ….
Existentially weary from lifetimes of running and hiding and trying to escape pursuit….
I turn and slowly walk back up the road,
straight into the Dark Man, who is on my trail.
This takes him Off Guard.
I calmly walk out into the road, it’s a highWay, I lay face down and Surrender.
He puts the Gun to my Head…. I can feel the cold barrel. But I am not afraid. I ReMember Now, how many times I’ve L e t. G o. d. i. s. s. o. l. v. e. d. into the other Side, left SeemingSelf behind.
It’s really not painful….
I smile….
I wonder where I will Wake Up Next.
He pulls the gun away and runs off for a moment, as if suddenly unsure what to do.
I don’t move.
I’ve already let go, surrendered, I’m Ready.
Take me.
He comes back, attempts in various ways to pull the trigger, to finish the job. Cars are coming. He is fretting. He wanders away again. Comes back.
I don’t move.
I feel a Sense of calm and Freedom I have known over and over again, and wonder why it takes so long Each time To just Let go.
(Disembodied Terror/ Magical Happenings and Self As Antidote- Consuming the Snake)
Dreamtime Feb 28, 2009
I am asleep and can hear B outside in conflict with a big mob of young people who are drinking and making noise and being destructive. I get up and look out the window, and eventually go downstairs. They have been fighting and hassling. I open the back door and say ‘Thats it’ really angry, and I throw and stone into their crowd in the street and it hits someone, but they see me close the door and then know who it is that has thrown it. I run upstairs, suddenly afraid of what they will do. B has gone somewhere and I am alone in the house with Oisin and I feel insecure and unsafe. I see someone climbing on the wall to get into the house. I look out the window and then someone throws something in ….they are targeting the house and me now. The next thing I know I am in the bed sleeping next to Oisin, and I feel a presence….unseen….and I am terrified. It is sucking me down the bed toward an invisible hole or something. I can feel the energy and palpable terror as I try to fight the pull. I am afraid for Oisin too. It seems to suck me to the door/wall and I know I am powerless in relation to this immense energy, whatever/whoever it is. At some point I am telling B about the dream of the kids and the terror, as if I have woken up. Then I am in a car with a man who I have met and feel in sync with …he is older and somewhat familiar. He seems to belong to some group that I have befriended. B and I are at odds and he has pretty much dissed everything I tell him matters to me. I feel so angry and I want to get away, so I go with the man. There is something about a girl, familiar either in Waking Life or in Dream, and we both somehow come to realize with are on the same ‘Mission’. The man and I are supposed to eat dinner with her and her parents but something happens and we are really late. When we turn up, with Oisin, Oisin is really wired and running around and I feel self-conscious and that I am offending her parents because they seem quite ‘proper’. He walks right off a table at one point while I half-catch him before he hits the floor in such a ways that it makes it look like no big deal. The girl and I are in in her room then, but we leave to meet the man at a pub or somewhere. We sit down at a table with some people There is a blonde girl who arouses my rage and I punch her and get into a spat. We are waiting for the owners of the place to leave with us. Then I am with the girl again, in her room, and there is an assortment of objects on a table. We are trying to do something shamanistic, and I turn into a Bat and she is something else. It has to do with the objects on the table. I fly out, in a bat-like manner, conscious of the quick flapping motion of my wings. It is hard to remain in flight however. We feel compelled to figure out or do something that has spiritual/ magical undertones and involves the girls parents too. There is a scene where I am hanging from a ledge in water or some other substance and asking for help up…saying “please help me!”. There is one scene where I am with Oisin and we are walking and I see a timber rattlesnake…a small fat one …and I run over to protect him. I end up grabbing it and have it in my hands. I feel I must consume it for some reason. As I am holding it I bite down on its belly and it lets out a loud squeal, then I crush its head in my fingers and take a bite out of it. It has a magical feel to it. There is another rattlesnake that seems to jump and bite Oisin in the face but we dont pay any attention … It is as if I consumed the snake in order to use it as an Antidote to any potential harm it could bring to Oisin. I end up describing the experiences to the girls parents. They are amazed.
When you walk, usually you don't see the white shadow walking beside you who may stray behind a hedgerow or veer away into a dark wood or a tall city full of thrusting agendas different from your own, or into a love bower you left behind, or never made.
Your co-walker may swap places with another white shadow, and another. This is a parallel self who made other choices, who stayed with your former lover, or still works in the old job, or never crossed the sea, or chose pancakes instead of waffles for breakfast. Though the veil between you is thinner than shrink-wrap, you rarely see through it except in your dreams, where you enter the life of an alternate self who has trouble remembering the alternate self you inhabit this side of the dreamlands.
Yet when your paths converge with a parallel self, you feel something, obscurely, a tilt to the day, and may notice you are drawing events and encounters in a different way. People praise you or put you down in ways you can't fathom unless you awaken to how you are loaded now with karma of your white shadow incurred in adventures you can't know about until you follow the dream tracks of your multitudinous self.
BlissNinja 