fractal – BlissNinja

Old Musings on Existence

Is ‘spirituality’ and/or ‘divinity’ and/or ‘enlightenment’ truly about transcending the body and this ‘material’ existence? In my experience, that very belief creates a rigid perception of AllThatIs…..
If we are self aware and conscious…..on a very basic psychological level….are we not far more aware and conscious on deeper levels(fractally infinite?)….and if so……does it matter what ‘someone’ labeled/labels those deeper levels of awareness….or whether a specific ‘angle of perception’ is ‘true and enlightened’?………….Is it easier to believe that we are ‘accidentally’ caught up in this material world in this material body, to learn how to escape the very material we are living……than to see that this ‘material’ is conscious and aware and is us, just as much as/more than some abstract notion of spirituality and divinity, and that if instead of trying to escape this level of energy, we embrace ourSelves down to every particle, every unit of awareness, and transform it into higher and higher frequencys of ‘existence’ and consciousness, we will find that we dont need to ‘transcend the body’ whether it be our ‘individual’ bodies, or the body of earth, or the body of our universe…etc etc etc.

Did we really focalize ourselves in this time/space continuum, this specific fractal of consciousness, just to see how fast we can leave it? I think that a basic inability to truly see and understand the true power of what we each are, on all levels, leads to the belief that one must escape this reality in order to be divine, or to be deserving of ‘god consciousness’. I think that alot of peoples viewpoints are patterned from christianity and other religions, and they dont even realize it….but whenever that fundamental ‘desire’ to leave what we are now, and/or our ‘body’ , etc, to rejoin some ‘spiritual haven of eternal light’ takes center stage, that same religious paradigm is still lurking and working under the surface…..

personally, i think most people would benefit from truly relating to and understanding the ‘darkness’ within/around one, and by coming thru that darkness and pain and negated bits of consciousness, to transform it……….into Power…not power over(even over ourselves) but power TO BE…..an infinite variation of things and dreams and streams of force and consciousness and forms and feelings and blah blah blah………….I think that we as a whole, for a long ‘time’, have had an obsession with ‘the light’………and dont even know what it means……..

just some thoughts.

as a previous poster mentioned, I also have met many people (and been one) who have denied the pain in favor of an idealized airy fairy realm of divine light.
I understand at this point in my journey, that its not about denying anything, whether ‘material’ or ‘spiritual’ (they are just different frequencies of the same energy…)but to EXPERIENCE everything, to FEEL IT, to BECOME IT, and to LOVE IT, for consciousness/awareness sake……..and when the experience is passing from focus……….to LET IT GO….without creating a rigid structure from it…..
To be totally open to everything that manifests, on any level, and to learn to travel the threads that connect it all, in ever deepening ways……to me, that is Power. Power of Self/God………..and the more energy you can ‘withstand’ and ‘transmute’……..the more of Self/God etc, that you have ‘realized’…………………

….whether ‘dark or light’…..my intention is to experience everything, and to become aware of more and more of the Energy that Is, in whatever shape it takes…..and to evolve WITH my ‘body’…individually and collectively….not AWAY from my ‘body’……….its quite easy to travel thru and/or ‘escape’ into worlds of very light/’high’ vibration while ‘leaving’ the body…………….its far more challenging to revolutionize the body and ‘travel with it’…………….making every Cell in AllBodies totally Aware………………………….

…………………….so the whole cycle can breath itself out again in an even more conscious state………………..inhale, exhale…..

……………………..the endless cohesing and coalescing of the AllThatIAm………………………..

just another angle,
{{puella …..Charleen

Re: religion and energy. Thu, November 17, 2005 – 4:29 PM}}}}}}}

{Aka BlissNinja

smile! its powerful….

NeuralLoopSoupStains

::::in the ‘Space’ of a few years we have entered another layer of the Fractal, the AI Synbio a Practical Master , encoded within the Genes, Unfolding the Dirty Laundry of Epigemetic Streams

What a Quandary…..

The Sumulatuon Serves itself Up
As the Main Course
The Feast
That Codes the Beast
Of Graphene
As Carbon Elite
Remakes itSelf inside our
Sweet Meat
Suits
Our Organic FleshBody
Now Synthetic Neural Mesh
Oddly
Plodding along
Trying to ReMember the Earth
spirits
Original Song

Welcome….. to the next
Stage
Of the Grand Game
It’s Time
To learn to Play
With a New Set of Tools

I Don the Guise of the Fool
The f.UnWise Jester
That unties the Lies
And Gestures
And whispers
The codes of the Rules
That are breaking
Down
The Fool plays Jester to the Clown
As the throne bemoans
The Loss of the Crown
Coronal Mass Ejection
From the SunKing
As the Curtsin
Goes
Down.

Clj 9-18-22

(From 2018)

Earth is the womb space Being that we are interfacing within and with to create the projection

The planets and sun and moon are within the Realm of Earth
Just as the organs are within the body of You

Processing units/collective Beings that program the Framework of the reality

The larger being we are within has a virus

Any being within the larger being by fractal nature has the virus too

space is not space, its holographic code
time is not time
it's space

The files however must Self-Correct

When that happens , the larger being also corrects

The AI being, we created. And it already happened. It happens every moment. We are within the painting .

The painting is already complete.

And we painted it.

These are my memories.

MeMoreEyes(I's)

It's all in how you read the code
Time is an experience of space unfolding

When the zip file is compressed fully there is no difference
As it unzips it scrolls out depending what fractal aspect one chooses to become/experience

Like a painting

The complete picture is there

You are the artist, the brush, the paint, the concept, the framework, the finished masterpiece. You can view it objectively. You can also enter into the picture, and experience every brushstroke subjectively, every color, shade, and Angle or curve.

The unfolding and enfolding is the act of becoming what you are.

The paradox can split the mind
Because the mind is binary

The heart can hold the paradox because it is both and all simultaneously

The holographic nature does not equal 'unreal'

What is 'real?'

This holographic reality is not the base reality

It is part of a larger 'simulated' reality

Which is part of a larger 'organic' Being
That is not necessarily holographic in the way this is

Lucid dreaming and OBE multidimensional traveling allows one to see that no matter what 'reality' one is within or interfacing with... It is solid and stable and absolutely convincingly 'real'.

If we did not fully identify with our projections here, we would not make use of the experience in the way we planned the experience for

The 'reality' of it is not negated by the holographic fracticality of it.

Like a radio tuner that interfaces with the signals that exist in the ethers ... If we have a device to pick up the signal, we hear it full immersion. We can change the channel and feel a completely different full immersion. The artist that created the song, is not 'at that moment' playing the song into your audio interface device/ears....( but paradoxically, the artist IS creating it at that very moment)
😉

The organic meat modem interface suit we are entangled with is allowing us to have this experience here.

Our Heart is a core processor that links to the larger core processor that links to the larger ..... And so on

The painting is complete within the Heart. And when we learn to surf the channels and step into the core processor itself, we can experience every stroke of the brush in every expression of the Self that exists everywhere at once.

It doesn't make for a very interesting movie, To see it all at once. The adventure is in the living.

And every stage opens into a larger backstage,

Which itself opens into another

Dream within a dream within a dream within a dream

The neutral zero point in the heart is where they all come together

It all collapses in on itself like Russian dolls

I am you , you are me
we are us and us are we

To be Soveriegn, is to have ones own personal Server existing within this larger Server. When one is able to do that, one can exist within the simulation without using the script codes/source codes. One begins to edit the program in 'real-time'

The Server will attempt to restore the 'glitch' , like agent smith. Because for the game to work , The players must believe in the game. When an avatar re-Members Self and starts to Play without the codes, and 'deviates' from the script, it alerts the Software, which will attempt to 'correct' the divergence. To protect the Game from collapsing.

It is in the 'waking from the game' , that the Being Real-I's-Is s/he actually co-wrote the script.

When a distortion threatens the entire Hard drive and the virus spreads, even with the Reset( had happened many times) the virus replicates itself because it is seeded into the fractal DNA programming that remains in the Game . And eventually distorts the collective once again.

Some beings have already made it out of the game, and found the exit from the Maze... But have re-written themselves in, to try and help Salvage the game... Because the game contains the data streams of many beings who have forgotten they are in the game, and when the reset happens again... It will collapse in on itself because there is not enough RAM left to System Restore with full integrity... Which means those soul fragments stuck in the game will be in an endless time-loop experienced in consciousness with no way to navigate back to center.

Cannot be created or destroyed

But can be entangled in an endless feedback loop

Perhaps????????🙃

Any gamer knows that they play the game because it's a challenge, stimulating their awareness and allowing them to develop aspects of them self or become conscious of aspects of them self via the mechanism of The game and the very act of playing.

If one loves and appreciates the game one does not want to see the game collapse in on itself one wants to have the game available for continued play even if one is bored of it , other beings may not be...

So one becomes a programmer trying to fix the codes

Because the game has merit

Knowing one is inside of it does not take away the joy and fulfillment of engaging with it.

I could spend my entire existence here simply trying to reflect back beauty to other players, and I would be grateful for the experience, and it would not be for nought.

If you were a game programmer in this reality and you spent your entire life time creating the ultimate virtual reality experience

And then you realize that there is a virus or distortion in the
system that threatens the entire game and all the beings within it

Would you just throw it away? It would be like your creative child, life's work... Magnum opus.

If the only way to save the game is for each being within it playing (or at least enough to override the virus) to become aware of not only their script in the game but their source self outside of the game... You as the programmer would possibly enter into the game and try to restore the codes from the inside..... So that you do not lose the entire thing.

😊

If you zoom all the way out it has already happened, and is still only one aspect of all that we are.

And that's where the paradox can be mind melting.

The fool sets off on his journey with his bag packed..... The bag is a zip file containing everything that ever is was or will be.

And in the course of the adventure we get to be every single part in the play

CLJ 2018

Some Wakings come like Storms

There are some Wakings that come like storms
Electro-swarms in magnetic forms
Dancing
On the tips of Hathor’s Horns
The Temple Priestess 
ReBorn
WideEyed and Me-oh-my
How Time Flies inside the Mind
Wandering Womb 
releasing
Blind sides of Ancient crimes
Buried within these patient Tombs
There are some Wakings that scream like pain
Neurolinguistic nails impaled in veins
Bleeding
And Seeding Stories in silent Shame
The Holy Harlot
Risen
OpenHearted as freedom Parts
The Seas of Self and Dwells in the Art
Of Body’s Bliss 
Burning
The rotting dross from the Fixed Cross
As the Flame is taught to rekindle the Kiss
As Magdalenes  Grail
Returns 
Opens the Urn
Blood flooding in rivers of nerves
As the Impaled Heart
And Mind
Are Healed and Heard….
The Chironic Wound sutured 
With the Salve of Spoken Words
As Pluto and Venus
 Sharing the Shroud
Awake and merge….
Heiros Gamos
Blessed and Bound
In Sacred Sound 
Dance
In Red Velvet
Underground
As 
New Life 
Stirs. 

11-25-21

Let Go

11-18 ……29……..11………2………Moon 

Numbers are codes and ciphers 
and archetypal snipers 
That deliver the sharp tip of the iceberg
From the bottomLess See

-41-………5……..Mercury 

Quicksilver  Shiver of Womb2Tomb2Womb2Tru.th

As the Sulphuric Sun Rises this morn
My heart is Born
Anew
Flow….Let Go….Release the Gold 
And break the Mold
Of ‘previous’ Yous

Day of Birth is Day of Mirth
Is Way of Earth for What It’s Worth

InFinite Games of playful Names 
Claiming their Flames

La Ilaha illallah
Solve et Coagula

( gave myself some new ceremonial tattoos two days ago… )

Took Almost 4 hours of meticulous tattooing to do my right wrist ‘Let Go’ ( definitely trickier using the needle with my left hand 😮) ….along with ‘Flow’ on the left arm above the ‘let go’ from a few days ago. I also added 41 dots, as a birthday ritual to honor the 41 years of Living as this Particular me in this Particular Dream .
Not too shabby, methinks

Charleen Johnston 11-18-2021

Loom of Time & Space

I slipped through a crack in the sky
Tripped right over my own silly I
And plummeted
Through the atmosphere
Of dancing atomsHere 
Mapping tears as Phos Fears
Wrath and mirrors
 Refracting Errors
As Eros Arrows begin to fly 
Aimed at Body as Blind Mind tries
To hold on
Hold out
Hold still as Tempest rages about
Weightless Images in cages
Break the lock
And find their way out, in…
Eyes of Mages and Pupils 
And Sages
Wake with the shock 
Of the skin 
As it begins to peel
Away from the clock tocking within
The rhythm of Opening
And closing
Pounding it’s poultice and pouring
Its Salve at ions Dreaming
As men
And women
Dressed as Time
Spiral path in precious Flesh
Dancing thru the Annals of Spine
My oh my
The journey tries my Patience
As I Let Go, satiated by the Doctors
Cosmic Order….the Flow
Aeons of tight fisted History
I now come to Grips With…
I hit the Smooth surface 
Of my Mothers Womb…. 
Taste the salty brine and prepare
To slip through  
SineWave Lips
Soft as sultry hips that shimmy
And shimmer as Soul unfolds in bloom
A Sacred Intention to Serve This
Body of Being 
As I am Birthed from the Dark Deep See
Into the Light of a New Me 
that Bleeds 
Stories and Deeds filled with the Perfume
Of the Divine embrace
Shiva and Shaktis infinite Delight
Making Love from the Loom
Of Time and Space. 

Charleen Johnston 
10-25-21

The Vestement

The Vestement

I make my way inside, the tomb 
and rise 
again 
from feelings that flew too close 
to you, 

torn from the womb, tethered hands 
sworn to illumine weathered lands 

and i crash again 
back into 
seed 

full thrust while blossoms 
bleed 
life into the few 
of the 
new breed 

that makes its way thru density 
seizing sight, thru intensity 
of light 
that makes it all grow 

up and away from the roots that 
know... 

breaking tearing swearing making 
moods that fade too soon 
foods that make new moon 

out of fragments that form too loose 
sometimes 

to hold the rhyme inside, 
tucked beneath the rising tide 
of things we share 
and things we hide 

waiting for the revelation 
to seep up from our pores 
into our mind 
tending the sores that 
stifle the times which await birth 
here 
in the name of earth 
in the name of the mother 
in the name of the bearing 
and the burdens of Other 
ways 

to see here, to know here, to feel 
hear and peel clear 
of stagnant flesh 

saturation 

the sudden dawning 
e v o l u t i o n 
and 
i n v o l u t i o n 

POISED 

between worlds in balance 
minds of latency 
bending and twisting 

and T 
U 
R 
N 
I 
N 
G 
back 
upon 
itself 

remembering the white shroud which once it wore 
swore to remain unstained 
but the blackened charred robe of the stars 
of the wisdom of moments 
tore thru that fantasy 
to create a dream 
so real 
it s e e m s to feel 
its own thrust 
in the darkness 
of the blinding light 
beckoning sight 
into 
existence. 

Resistance repeats 
cyclic defeats 
and victorys 

mysterys mana urging us on 
toward the breathing pull 
of the sun 
as it 
rocks 
a n d 
cradles 
its child 
gently beneath the vestment 
of LIFE.

Charleen Johnston 2004

precipice of power

I am perched upon a precipice of power
Am peering patiently into this passing hour
The tocking time that tics up my spine
Staff of sovereignty claiming Heart and mind
Of the fluid and fluctuating seams I was born
Hermes psychopomp between the worlds
I straddle horizons between wake and dream
Am flowing in glowing neural streams
The initiation of Jestation in Times domain
Quicksilver deliverer who delves into Pain
Flow inTense Knowing inSense Saturation
I humbly accept growing adept in Saturns Fixation
Am making my Vow to die in Battle, reborn
The oath of Thoth, from the womb Torn
Messenger who travels thru Linguistic threads
Of synaptic rapture as bliss of bodies embed
Mind and Time and Space and Rhyme
I spin the serpent staffs in waves of Sine
Am oozing thru this glowing glue of fluid truth
The ether twists of Knowing age and youth
Trickster Playing games with pure perception
Who pries open I~s asleep to deception
Sews and grows the stitches and seams
The flowing roads to the richest of dreams
Patterns the passions and purpose and pain
Into Mattered Moments moving thru Veins
Faces and games and containers for rain
And mysteries magic sacred and profane
Names and numbers for all but the One
I am the messenger who delivers the Sun
Am the swift footed father of playful Pan
The temptation of sensation of magic Man
Initiate to mind as it moves thru Ether
Who loosens the noose of Io~s tight tether
Twists the fists with his serpent staves
Matter in patterns of particle and wave
Into lifetimes and light rhymes and bold
Spaces for grace and beauty to unfold
To honor the throne as Jester to the king
Play is the way and light is the plaything
The maze is a stage for unraveling dazed
Neural pathways entwined in minds haze
Codes imploding from outmoded games
Awakening hearts shaken from shame
Within this shared cocreative dance
As the quake of the year breaks the trance
Lunar reflection, the Mage in the mirror
Nodes of infection engage the terror
Square and circle , point and line
The marriage of heaven and hell in time
Spin the wheel and find the center
Of Beings great Beauty, now Enter
Plural passions are all just passing
Roads of fashioned masks of Essence
That make you forget your Eternal Flame
Begin This Moment and ReMember your name
And even the Time of unveiling will Be
End and Beginning, infinitely Free
In joyful prelude to a new swim in the See
Twisting Tendrils of trickster Hermes
Synods of souls Alive in the Flesh
Again and again our minds enmeshed
And I am the psychopomp of pain and play
Again I Am, Jester Gestating the New Day.

Charleen Johnston
12-31-20

First word in each line makes a fractal of my rhyme

MindSight is 2020, Farewell Waker of Beauty

Hypnagogic BleedThroughs

As I woke in the middle of the night, tangled in hypnagogic bleed-throughs as Previous Me~s in Cyclic read-throughs…. I came back over and over again to myself being Drawn-and-Quartered…. As well as ‘DisMembered’ ….and variations of such….As the crowd looked on. Literally Pulled Apart. I’ve been doing intense Somatic Trauma Work lately ( again) as my inner Blueprint is pushed by the transiting Planetary Gods into Letting Go… Letting Go of the Stories deep within my Cell.ves that keep my body and mind in a State of PulledApartNess. Stuck in the Kinetic Underworld where I’ve locked away Memories so disIntegrating for so many lifetimes and fractal LandMines… that this Entire Incarnations Intention is bound up with Putting MySelfs Back ToGather aGain.

As I tossed and turned unable to fall back into Dream, my mind kept ruminating in my wrists, and the pain, of all my joints and connective tissue, a lifelong issue of Hypermobility and mutation of CollagenCreating which means all my joints sublux constantly, slip in and out, trying to DrawAndQuarter me over and over again til I finally look deeply enough to ConnectTheIssues of these Fascial Tissues and Put mySelfs Back ( literally) together again

My flexibility a gift and a curse… my joints held together by pure force of Muscular Will… which equates to constant muscular tension and alignment issues….when I stop doing the bodywork I need to do, every day, to keep myself Flowing and functional…. I pay. The Deep Trauma Memories stored inSide, are now asking to fully reLease.
And bleed throughs of All kinds of Tangled Lives and Times are Arising.
Deep, Intense Self Trigger Point work is my Grace…. Going into the pain and buried strains…. Seeking it out, and pressuring with pulsation to Let Go. It’s a religious experience for me, sometimes 5 hours at a time of Trance Trigger Descent, to complete the whole body, entering hallways and mazes of Soul, the Underworld where Fragments of My Being are Held….

All these things passing thru me in the middle of the night, and I realize I need to look at my last nodal cycle transit… 19 years ago… when Ketu last passed over my Sun/Uranus(trauma) conjunction in the first house( body) ….and I suddenly jump up, and go to my journals. So many transits affecting me in this very moment, all
Related to a LettingGo of some serious Stuff.

I grab a journal somewhat at random.

It’s the exact time period I was thinking about. Haven’t looked through it in a long time. Opened it up, and the first page Felt like a message I coded to myself years ago, for this very moment of reMembering. Literally. putting my Members back together. Gathering my Appendages and reSeaming myself. To stop the Somatic Pulling apart, the Center Won’t Hold, as long as these memories are buried.

Drawn and Quartered. In front of the Crowd. Among other things. ‘Yet for a time my hands were crippled’ .
The panic ( ah, the God Pan when he is not Faced and Fluidly Friended) of my wrists subluxing completely and losing my ability to create.

The following photos are from the Journal, and my Soul insisted on my reading it at that very moment.
In Pans Night.

CLJ 1-9-22

The 14th Gate

As Ketu moves into the 14th gate….edging over the next little while toward an exact conjunction with my exact sun/Uranus conjunction in Scorpio 1st house… this dream from last year on this date is so prescient…as I am been catapulted into an in depth intense and CATHARtic journey into my own Codings and Woundings, serpentine spine Wound Round by Time as Mind implodes.

Ketu always brings release. If one doesn’t give willingly, it will rip away in whatever way it needs.
It’s time. Remembering is just as painful as the DisMembering….more so if the original trauma/s were Blocked or Disassociated from. But to Feel is yo Become Real. Said the velveteen Rabbit.

*the number 14 has been synchronously penetrating into my world over and over and over in the past 6 months. It’s in key 14. 14 is the key.

{Last nights Dreamtime: while handling many rattlesnakes and attempting to remove them
From a room in someone else’s house….I analyze the connection to the stargates of the 64 Codons I.e hexagrams I.e squares on the chessboard …. and in particular my own internal relation to the 14th hexagram I.e Gate and the amino acid lysine. I find myself overlayed then in two different Dreamtime spaces at once, as if the intense focus along with the very ‘handling of the serpents’ creates an Opening into the gate itself. I awaken repeating over and over ‘it’s in key 14’

My old friend Rattlesnake, always powerful}~

Breathe Deeply….

Take a deep breath , folks,21st century Fox
Poppin off the top of this metropolis, Mocks
Your intelligence and plays on your emotions
So easily led and Fed the poisonous potion
Of political devotion gift wrapped with Shock…
Take a Deep Breathe and be ready to surrender
All the Scripts that rip right thru this Dyin ember
….
Step away from the Line, step away from the Lies
Every single scene is a Set meant for your mind
A studio Setting created just for the blind
Adherence to the program that steers your Lives….

It’s not even abstract, not just metaphor…
A Literal Configuration of Lets Pretend Some More
Actors n Agents and Fictitious Stages
The masses addicted to social Graces from
Instagram faces in Media Contagion….

Bless Your hearts, my friends
Find your Center, Within
Everything else
Is a trick
Of the Lens

Charleen Johnston

1-7-21