🫀19 years ago, a full Nodal Cycle, I was heavily pregnant with my son.:::.and 9 days from giving birth::::::::: i am still in awe of the magic and miracle that is human gestation( any gestation really) and birth. I wrote the following three years ago… about becoming a mother to my son🫀 —————////////————-///////—————//////———— 🌟16 years ago I opened the Vesica so my Golden SonShine could spray his Radiance into this Reality. I was told by so many people that I was Crazy…. For Having an unassisted Pregnancy without a single doctor visit or test or invasion of my temple…for Birthing him at home, into my own hands, without outside interference by by anyone…..For not cutting his Umbilical cord and instead allowing it to detach in its own as he gently transitioned from one dimensional Space to another….for keeping him skin to skin contact constantly for the first week, and almost constantly til he could maneuver away on his own….for wearing him in slings snd on my back constantly til he walked at almost 10 months snd chose to run and explore….for never using diapers and instead learning his signals and pottying him…for Breasfeeding him til he turned 5, and never once giving him a bottle or pacifier or artificial external soothing substitutes…for sleeping with him for many years, and making sure his Bonding was secure and filled with love and support…never leaving him alone to cry as a baby…and especially called crazy and irresponsible for him never having been to a single doctor visit or test, nor allowed a single Va$$ination or other invasion of his temple.
Everyone makes the choices they are comfortable with, and these were choices I was willing to defend with my life. When you defy everyone around you and in the face of societal and family programming, claim full Responsibility for your Gestation and Birth process and the consequences thereof, and choose to be a Testament to Sovereignty on all levels of your Being, you will receive all kinds of projections from the masses and from those who are so afraid of their own Power that they will silently hope for your downfall for the very act of standing against a System of Disempowerment.
It’s never easy to spend your life learning, and taking responsibility for your own Health and the health of your child. It takes courage and focus, and Trust in a level of being that will test every bit of you along the way. It’s not for the faint of heart. I’m not judging anyone who doesn’t make the same choices I made. But I still stand by my own decisions, and I have a 16 year old blossoming Man, who has made it til now with not a single doctor visit ( minus a required Physical to enter high school)or allopathic intervention, or injection….he’s incredibly intelligent and quick minded, extremely robust physically, and very much his own person, with little care for impressing the crowd. I am grateful beyond measure.
I have made many hard decisions in my life, and more than once left behind everything I care about, in order to do what I felt was the right thing for the larger picture and others involved. Some may judge those decisions also, over the past several decades, harshly. The one thing I can stand by, is that every single choice I have ever made…I take full responsibility for. And there’s not a single person other than myself in all these years thst I blame for anything. Birthing my son in the way I did, and raising him against the tide of social norms and msss programming, was an Initiation of the highest order, and In the current climate of Medical Tyranny, and Invasion of Individual Will , and Rape of the Human Body and Mind with Injections and forced Penetration and Programs and surrender of Soul to a Machine that is little understood by those who have lived their entire life giving over the responsibility for their Lives and Health to something outside of them…. I Renew my Vow of Sovereignty… And will undergo whatever further initiations that are calling me, with absolute surrender to my own Individual Path and Acceptance of Responsibility. While allowing others to do whatever it is that they feel called to do, without interference by me.
May all beings find their Empowerment and reClaim their Divine Will and ReMember that Body is something so miraculously magical…. The more one lives in harmony snd devotion to their own physical body, the more they will live in alignment and devotion to the body of Earth…. And the less Fear of the greater Reality.
Blissed Be. Happy Birthday to my Starchild , and also to the Mother I became on this day 16 years ago.(((((🌟)))))) ~(((((((1-20-2022)))))
It’s called ‘ the nervous system is wired differently’ and likely compounded with trauma and suffocating in a ‘system’ designed to stifle. I like to use astrological terms, but whatever the words you use, there are absolutely differences in the way people process information and stimuli and hence how they experience daily life.
Aurobindo would consider it an evolving stage of the supramental body, astrology would call it
‘ heavy Mercury and Uranus aspects speeding up the electrical field along with Pluto creating hyper focus and mars stimulation seeking novelty and new sensory input. Whatever way you choose to speak about it, there are vast differences in how one experiences reality, and by medicating and stifling and pathologizing it, the ‘system’ is attempting to subdue an evolutionary imperative and divert its creative gifts. In every group, even in animals, some are born to maintain the status quo and keep the group stable and safe and maintinging boundaries, while a small
Amount exist to push those boundaries and use the innate curiosity and novelty seeking to engage differently and thus keep the group moving in bounds towards new developments.
And there are all shades in between. Without them all, any species or group would fail utterly.
Especially herd animals.
As a person whose neurological wiring is as described above, and who was and is incapable of existing within the parameters of
‘mainstream society’ in the typical fashion….I thank all the Daimons and sprites and generous souls who have helped me to carve out my own life in a functional way so l can use my gifts and thrive instead of flail. If it weren’t for the very stable and solid and calm friendships who are and have been my rocks thru the years l’d be in a very different place indeed. Blessed beyond measure. The price the individual who is sped up and operating in multidimensional thought waves constantly pays for that nervous system is dear, if one expects ‘peace’ or
‘calm’ from life. But nature knows what she is doing, in pairing the frenzied, manic, exuberant soul with those whom they can inspire and activate and excite and keep fresh, whilst at the same time giving that person those whose calm and gentle and stable presences can help to keep the world from spinning completely out of control. In my experience, the profoundness of being Seen Fully and yet Accepted Completely, has led to a complete re-birth after nervous breakdown and utter dysregulation for many years: what a blessing to see and appreciate all the diverse ways this Universe Plays with Being, Through Us.
“Happiness is strange; it comes when you are not seeking it. When you are not making an effort to be happy, then unexpectedly, mysteriously, happiness is there, born of purity, of a loveliness of being.” ― Jiddu Krishnamurti
🌹⭐️🌹 the biggest gift I could ever have given this reality , is the devotion to my own healing and awareness both before, during, and after becoming a portal for the deliverance of a Child Of the Heart into this fleshDream…. How can we help to heal this fractured schism of a world if we do not undertake the Great Work and then emit that Seed into the fertile Soul of a Soul who will carry on the blessings we bestow through our devotion to Integration?
I know the extent of how much of my own lineage of trauma and pain has been cleared thru my own participation in the dance of alchemy, by watching my son become a man…. By seeing how different he navigates and how few ‘holes’ he has to fill , and how ‘whole’ his mind and heart and body is; I am grateful beyond words that I dug so deep into the underworld, even if the only result were to be that my son did not have to spend most of his life undoing the patterns and poisons and dysfunctional inheritances we bear from our ancestral lines. We are the forebears, each and every one of us who choose to alchemise the vessel, of a different way of coCreating reality here in this Realm. It’s starts with Us, and with what and how we Birth our Fruits into this Womb, for we are a womb just as the Mother Matrix is a womb, and we can only produce seeds from the particular fruit we have grown.
We CanSeed this Dream Consciously
There are many ways to alter the design and help raise the veils to see the beauty of creation and the dance of selves at play; the absolute miracle of the process of gestating and birthing a new Being into this playground is so beyond scope , and is an absolute wonder to behold.
Have we forgotten what is at play when we participate in this adventure? Please don’t forget, find the magic and majesty in this engagement and watch the seeds become mighty oaks ❤️
I came thru the other side of that and learned that it’s not about Transcending but about Integrating. Spirit plays here for its own reasons, and is drawn to this Earth Flesh Playground because it wants to Feel Deeply and experience visceral Life. Being a very plutonic underworld person but aiming always for the spirit when I was in my 20s, it took a lot of delusional wake up experiences to Own all that I had believed myself to have transcended. All that stuff I thought I had evolved past, I had simply dissociated from, and the force of its wrath at being ignored and suppressed made its fury known in physical symptoms and deeply imbalanced emotional reality with a dash of incredibly Underworld-like navigations thrown in. The higher I thought I was flying in those years, the more pure i thought I was, came at a price and it was collected by the Dark Feminine in 2018. And since complete dissolution and and finally Truly making friends with the parts of the Self that I had trapped in deep subterranean caves and dungeons , with compassion, and awareness that it was a matter of freeing bit by bit, those fragments from all timelines trapped in my Prizm Cell.Ves. Instead of ‘Mind over Mattering’ my body and pushing it to extremes, instead of convincing myself I was pure and lofty and fully my idealized Spirit Self-the Puer( my online and business name even used to be Puella Eterna for 13 years)- i became engaged in the true Alchemical Work. I Realized how abusive I had been to Psyche and Body all those years ( and lifetimes) of denigrating the dark hungry fiery tempest of my soul, the Feminine, thinking I could Will Myself into the magical spheres of the heavenly abodes:.:::: I have always been easily carried away on the wings of spirit, can easily disembody into OBE states etc. What I came here to do, Now, was to actually Make This Body Fully Conscious , for it is the Marriage bed of Eros and Psyche, and the Alchemy of Life uses all vibrations to create.
When I made friends with the depth of my own Pain and Anger and Lust for Aliveness, Lust for Intensity of Being, and my own Arrogance etc ( Scorpio ascendent/Mercury conjunction, sun/Uranus Scorpio conjunction( all ruled by mars) and all in the 1st house( house of mars/Aries), with an Aries moon( mars ruled) and Mars aspecting strongly every planet in my chart = I was a complete Fool to imagine that I was a soft and ethereal spiritual angelic figure floating in the higher spheres…..:. I am a child of Mars, and Mars at its best is the Blood and Passion and Vitality to Exist and Move in this Realm, Mars is the defender and protecter of all that is sacred in creation, it is Raw, Brash, Authentic, Physically Vital, Mentally Agile, Temperamental….and Serves the Feminine……
When I truly came to Know Myself and stopped building castles in the sky, but used my archetypal Mercurial nature along with Mars to go to the Underworld and reclaim the very Selves I had locked up thru this Infinite Game over Time, I came Alive and learned what real Power is.
That’s my journey. I have compassion for that person I was and thought I was, but I have made my Vow, to Die in Battle, as a Sacred Warrior, and a Warrior must be in touch with his/her Fire and Anger and lust and Blood and sacrifice it on the alter of the Feminine Creation…..
( of interest is the relation of mars and Saturn… Mars/Blood is made in the Marrow of the bones/Saturn…… Mars is the Warrior who serves The Saturn Kingdom, which is the very energy that gives Form to the life principle:= in my chart, My mars is in Sagittarius/conjunct Neptune ( the spiritual warrior) in the second house( using the physical body/ it’s values and resources) And is Square( tension) (serving) Saturn in Libra which is also conjunct to almost a degree…… in the 11th house/ community and the larger stage of service to the people: It’s all written in Light Codes we wove ourselves into.
My heavy 12th house/ underworld where Pluto/hades sits exactly to the minute almost, with Venus, is my Lifelong lesson…..spiritualizing and completely transforming the Sexual and Aesthetic principles……using the raw lust and vitality of The black Goddess Black Carbon through Dionysus protean morphing Imaginal spheres under intense pressure to create the Diamond Body.:::: the twin Sisters of Carbon666 and Daimond ….. the Treasures hidden in this Earth and this Flesh and this Game of Matter Mater Mother Matrix Maat.
The Psyches realm is a dark realm that takes in everything….light and dark and everything in between. It likes the humus of earth, the compost, the shit of life, the messy smelly sweaty fleshy human realm of bodies bumping into bodies in sensate expression , playing with selves in Carnes Nation, the carnal nest of alchemy, where Soul is the Imaginal Playscape and Spirit must come Down To Earth to Play with Form.
I spent so much time out of body for the first 26 years of my life; I’m now happily Wed in the alchemical marriage bed knowing the Great Work goes on and on and on, and my relationship with Saturn has transformed my life into one of beauty: I used to balk at Saturn and his crusty old crystallization and constriction of my ever-so Icarus-like ideals……
But….
I am the Sacred Warrior who Serves the Divine…:.I serve the King and the Kingdom and Protect and Honor the Queen and her Queendom… because as the Mercurial Martian or the Martian Mercurius……..the Foolish Warrior or the Warrior Fool, my realm is not just the heavens but I travel between the Yooer and the Lower and The middle realms and so I just be able to hold the Tension of all Their Frequencies.
An honest person is one who knows his own capacity to Lie but chooses Truth…..a Strong person knows his own capacity for Violence but chooses Restraint….a Wise person is one who knows his own capacity for ignorance and knows he is a Fool…..a Peaceful person is one who knows his own Anger and so is not blindsided when least expecting it, and thus knows what it is to be Gentle.
May the black moist Fertile Soil keep your Roots nurtured as your branches reach for the Sky ⭐️🙌⭐️
Aho.
10-18-24
My friends post that my response is in reference to.
another way of saying what I expressed, is that as a Waving Being who Becomes Particular….in this journey of Embodiment through the entire Spectrum of Light and Frequency….. is that I am in the Prizm Cell of All my Lives in All Realities, in All Times and Spaces……expressing through this Body, Now, which is made up of All of Me~s, all the Cell.ves and Organ~I~zed Cohesions holographically …. In terms of Light… Infrared all The way thru UltraViolet….we also Embody as Sound and All variations of frequency.
Infrared penetrates all the way thru Earth and hence Body, ‘the smokeless fire’…..the realm of the Djinn….. that is where we have the Dark parts of ourCellves ….not Evil…..Darkness and of a different spectrum …..Ultraviolet more akin to our Angelic SidesOfSelf..,;;
When we seek the UV and demonize the Infrared, we get trapped in the Prizm of our own fragmentation…..we disown a huge amount of the deepest aspects of Being, whilst grasping for the Angelic Aspects: They have their Realms for a reason.:::::.
When I speak of going deep into the underworld, to mine the treasures of Pluto/Hades in the darkest layers of Self trapped and submerged and cast off in this infinite journey, I speak of going into the Infrared WaveForms of Self that are as much Me as the UV or higher vibration LightWaves that are of a very different nature, but equally Me.
Fire & Light
Is a poetic way of playing with it
In my lifetime of ‘out of Body’ experiences and traversing in the high frequency Light of detachment and lucidity, the permeations are very different than when I go deeply ‘in body experience’ which is raw and primal and Fiery and red heat of Feeling….
Our Bodies give us a Playground where we bring All Of these Refractions of Self into one Expression , as a Tether, if you will, to Come To Terms With Self Literally To Bring to Term Our Self Like a Mother carrying To term Her Baby
New creation.
The more we Integrate and ReClaim all the fractured frequencies that issue From our own Spark of Existence as a Being Who Is,
The more we Free those frequencies to Nourish all Of Bodies In all Of Times.
If the very Elementals/elements that make up my fleshly abode are brought into a cohesive net of Understanding and Loving Awareness, as they go on in their journey and become part of other bodies and abodes, they themselves are able to bring healing …
Like the Dwarves who live deep in earth and who are like elementals in a sense
And Elves who are like the perfected or angelic higher selves
And the HuMan, here in the Middle Earth,
Thigh we are all of them Depending on which Angle Of the Arc We Shine our I’s From
The old adage ‘with great power comes great responsibility’.
Having the ability to receive and Perceive anOthers feelings/thought/somatic undulations deeply is something that definitely varies between Bodies and Awarenesses.
One who truly Sees and feels and Innerstands must find their way to a place of Intentional non-intrusion into anOthers Space on whatever level. The ability to penetrate and invade on a deep level must be Let Go Of , in a Sense. Literally….inSenses we Separate our sovereignty of Self from OthersSelves to Play with boundaries and borders and blendings and bleedings and the blessings and Blissings that come from the Kissings that are made possible from that Sacred Solutio , this naked Coagula of souls inRatio Playing with tethers and teetering on the edge of WhetherOrNots and WhatIfs and WeDids.
To Choose ….in Love….SatChitAnanda…..to Allow anOther to GenerateOperateDestroy subtleties in their own fertileField without piercing the hymen to steal the diamond of their own alchemical elixir…. Is perhaps the greatest test……of ALL.
Ive been rereading 'Women who run with the Wolves' and one of the parts has really inspired me to begin a new project...a book of poetry and artwork called Body that chronicles my life up to this point, from the perspective of my body. I want to try and capture what i felt for example, as a child, thru my bodys eyes, and as a teen, etc, thru preg and birth and afterbirthbody...etc etc. I am very excited to start this because it really gives me a focus for creativity, which I have been trying to get fired up again lately. I know that I may not 'complete' this for a long time, but the structure of it gives me a little framework to pour my soul into. And I would like to welcome anyone else who wants to share their own creative voices of Body....
The Body theme is very important, especially now, because so many people are suffering due to the way society views and treats the body, and has done for so long....Also, from reading others' posts and blogs, especially mamas, I see how many people deal with issues related to the body, for different reasons. One way or another, Body is something we all take for granted, yet spend a huge chunk of our lives obsessing about.
Here is a passage that I found very beautiful.
"...The second awakening involved a much older woman. Her hips were, according to common standard, too pear-shaped, her bosom very tiny in comparison, and she had thin purply little veins all over her thighs, a long scar from a serious surgery going around her body from rib cage to spine in the manner in which apples are peeled. Her waist was perhaps four hands wide. It was a mystery then why the men buzzed about her as though she were honeycomb. They wanted to take a bite out of her pear thighs, they wanted to lick that scar, hold that chest, lay their cheeks upon ther spidery veins. Her smile was dazzling, her gait so beautiful, and when her eyes looked, they truly took in what they were looking at. I saw again what I had been taught to ignore, the power IN the body, The cultural power OF the body is its beauty, but power IN the body is rare, for most have chased it away with their torture or embarrassment by the flesh. It is in this light that the wildish woman can inquire into the numinosity of her own body and understand it not as a dumbbell that we are sentenced to carry for life, not as a beast of burder, pampered or otherwise, who carries us around for life, but as a series of DOORS AND DREAMS AND POEMS thru which we can learn and know all manner of things. In the wild psyche, body is understood as a being in its own right, one who loves us, depends on us, one to whom we are sometimes mother, and who sometimes is mother to us."
from Clarissa Pinkola Estes' 'Women who run with the Wolves'
I think that especially for a mother, loving Body and being Body is very important. Imagine trying to explain to your little baby or child that you dont like or appreciate the body that they adore, that they take so much delight in, and find their sense of comfort and warmth and strength? Until I had my son, my body was this abstract thing, really...I was never very connected to it, certainly wasnt EMBODIED...and actually seemed to hold in higher esteem being OUT OF BODY or OF THE SPIRIT...It took pregnancy and childbirth to fully connect me to my body and to really understand Body...as a force as well as a form. I spent years trying to get away from Body, hiding from Body, denying Body...and now it seems to me to be blasphemy...in some sense...Things that I thought I understood back then were just intellectual gropings....now I have True knowing, True Feeling, True Selfness....not a delusion of grandeur...but a participation in something that is so immense and whole and wonderful in so many ways, and that Body is here in order to take this Isness into Herself and Express it in ways that could not exist if Body Were NOT... We as a culture have degraded flesh for so long, and it has led to so many problems on many levels... People seem to believe that if you allow the Body what Body wants, you will be 'led astray'...haha...but I have yet to meet more than a few people who have actually been embodied in the full sense of the word. And there is nothing to be led astray from. Body will lead us home. Body is our ability to relate to other selves and worlds and ideas and vibrations and realitys....Body doesnt hinder us in the pursuit of 'enlightenment'....Body IS enlightenment.... Its not so much that we need to bring awareness into the body, but to allow the bodys awareness to LEAD US OUT of our preoccupation with our prison walls, which we have built around ourselves because Feeling is so damn intense and so completely overwhelming that living a half life is preferable for most. And body gets blamed for keeping us 'beastly' or 'dense and profane'...etc etc....I believe this is all backward. I think that only the truly courageous and those who dearly want to become as conscious as they can be, even attempt to understand and honor Body, because to do so would make most everything else we know seem very insignificant.
So here is to Body. In all her forms. In all her force. And with all her faces turned to the earth... because Body does not need to seek the light....the light seeks her... for it is the joy of the universe which dances in her thighs...
And here is to all the Mamas who have been thru the primordial creation thru her own body here now
At this moment, I am in the middle of my EXACT Uranus opposition……not only that but I have an almost exact natal Uranus/Sun Conjunction in first house Scorpio….so the Sun is being activated at the same time. They are all squaring my natal nodal axis in Leo/Aquarius (a wide orb of 11 degree)….among other transits. I almost always have strong vivid dreamtime and experiences, but over the years I have tracked that there are certain transits that bring very particular energies. And so out of curiosity I started to browse old journals, and noticed the amount of snake/serpent dreams I was having…and realized it was during the time of my Uranus SQUARE natal Uranus/Sun. AT the nadir of my chart. For the past 8 months I have been undergoing rapid transformations once again, reminding me of the period between 2001-2003 when I felt like I was also plugged into a quantum computer…..Kundalini going crazy…..having to ground the energy, feeling my life was at stake. So only using those couple years between 2002 and 2005 as my search vector, I went thru my archives and looked for all the dreams that referenced snakes, and then copy- pasted them here in order. For my own research, and for things I will use in the future as part of a larger project. (I am only up to Jan.21, 2006 date in Dream archive process, of typing all my dream journals into the computer!!!!!! I have 18 years left to transfer….haha….though there were a few large gaps of time wehre I was not keeping dream records, there are many more thick journals filled with adventures to go through. And the later journals get more and more detailed. Such gratitude for having undertaken this discipline so long ago….records of my subconscious alchemical processes for my entire adult life.
April 17, 2002
(Serpent Transformation)
Dreamed of Snakes. AT some point I turn into a snake. It is not a frightening dream but feels spiritual.
October 3, 2002
‘Coiled Snake Explodes’
I can only piece a few fragments together now. At a house with a lot of people, I apparently put out a joint roach in a Large Coiled Snakes mouth; Then I leave the room. As I am walking out, I Know that something is going to happen. I hear an Explosion and go back into the kitchen where the snake had been on the table. There is blood and guts all over everything. I am trying to clean up the mess.
Scene Shifts.
I am in the bathroom in my house and some guys are outside. One keeps opening the door while I am trying to use the bathroom. Finally I go outside and Gracie Ju Jitsu him to the ground!
November 19, 2002
(Focaccia Bread)
I am with mom, granny and Julia for the most part, and together we go many places. Granny is driving. At one point we are in some shop ordering stuff. We have a good exchange with the guys behind the counter. I am saying how the one guy looks like someone I know. They all seem to like us. There is someone else with us too, Julias friend? They seem to know them. I am acting very outrageous…silly and uncaring of what I say or do. The we are in this place again getting food. I ask to see menu and am reading the ‘dream text’. But I am thinking the place was like ‘Zoo’ down the street, with crepes. I ask for a bunch of berries in a sundae or something, but they say they have no water, so they cannot wash the berries! So I ask for spinach and extra feta in a pita or crepe. They say they don’t have it….say thay have focaccia bread. The whole time, I can see them cooking stuff. It is dark outside I go out thinking they are making my food. I get in the car and Julia is like ‘here, drink it quick!’ and has a small portion of milkshake. She acts as if it has alcohol in it, and she doesn’t want mom or granny to know. So we are waiting in the car for my food. Then we see the whole group of people who work there come outside as if they are partying. So we leave after I ask about my food and they have not made it. We are then driving up main street and I say something to the effect that there is nothing exciting or good to look forward to anymore, the way the world is. My mom says that being with Family is worth it. I then agree. We pull into Family Convenience store on the ‘hill’ to get something. I see Mandy Doruth in gas attendant uniform. We go in and it is now a snake place….with cages of snakes everywhere. I walk to the back and am looking at a white and black one. Then there is a loose one, big…and it spooks me and I run to the front, after jumping over another loose snake in the store. I tell the man I am nervous unless I know where the snakes are in relation to me. Seems we leave then. All the time in the dream there are many people around, familiar and unfamiliar. I was very boisterous and loud in dream.
I am in my bedroom and there are other people with me. A snake appears from somewhere/or someone has it with them. It is striking at the leg of the girl but I put my arm down to block the bite, so I get bit on the hand instead. The snake is clinging to my hand and it is starting to swell. It is a rattlesnake and I just know something serious has happened. Then, as if the dream fades for 9 months, I realize I am having a baby. I actually give birth! My mother is there and my sister. I want them to help me with the child. I am nervous about it. But as soon as it comes out and opens its eyes it begins speaking. Not perfectly, but good enough; and it seems it knows another language also. I am thrilled about this because I have been telling mom (in waking life) that babies were going to be born fully conscious, etc. She is amazed. So I have the baby and I am taking care of it. I flip out occasionally, worried I am not taking good care of it. The baby is absolutely beautiful! She has my eyes, they are huge and blue and she seems so spiritual. (I remember at some point looking at my breasts and feeling afraid that I wont be able to produce milk to feed the baby).
December 18, 2002 *In Ireland for Visit*
(River of Life)
I am at a river most of the time. There are lots of other people around, all having fun. Reminds me of a picnic. I am in and out of the water. At one point, I am out in the river and an older woman comes out but has trouble swimming…so I get her on some flotation thing and swim her in….halfway there Julia and another girl are swimming out and have brought some long float boards so I transfer the woman onto one of them and float her back to the bank. I am swimming then underwater and It is dark and I swim into a bunch of animals or something, they are furry and I can feel them on my face….they are kissing me! I am telling people about it when I swim back. Also, on a small dock there is something to do with a fat man. Im not sure what he is doing, maybe fishing, but when he turns his back I push him into the water! I am climbing the steep wooded embankment and at the top is a road. I am walking, when Sarah Holsinger and someone, maybe Annie Judy…come up with a volleyball. She hits it to me and I bump it back and we start to pepper with the ball. The ball almost goes down the bank but I manage to grab it. At some point Beefy is on the road with me and someone else, perhaps Julia, and we see a black snake and a copperhead crawling into the bushes. Good energy in the dream.
December 23, 2002 *Ireland for a visit*
(python snake)
Long vivid night of dreams but lost upon waking. All I can recall is that I had a huge python snake, and I can vividly recall the feeling of his scales when I would hold him.
February 9, 2003
(Rickson Commits Suicide)
Rickson, my snake, is in the pocket of my sweatshirt and is squirming around pretty aggressively. I notice him in there and pull him out but he begins to bight me and jump around. He doesn’t seem well, and is breathing hard. I decide he needs water. I put him up to a water bowl and he lifts his head up and is drinking when he stars swallowing his own tail, like the ouruborus! I don’t know how his tail gets in the water but it is. I feel he is trying to kill himself, in a way…..I pull the tail back out of his mouth.
NOTE: Feb. 10th, 2003 Rickson disappeared. I looked everywhere.
Further Note: Never saw the snake again, and went to stay with Liberty In June for her birth. While there, Beefy said Rickson came out of a hole in the bathroom, and was HUGE!!!!! HE had been living in the walls etc I guess, eating stuff. He ended up disappearing again though. Never to be seen again.
March 15, 2003
(Green Mamba)
I am messing with a big green mamba snake. It almost bites me but I catch its head with my fingers…it is moving around chaotically, when finally it slips through and bites my finger. I then start trying to smash its head between my fingers.
*note from the morning(‘the beginning of the great work?)
March 16, 2003
(PJ, Snakes & Rickson)
I keep finding my snake Rickson, and he keeps following me! Something about a huge Black and white snake too…PJ has been sitting in some twigs near a tree and I tell him to move ….that there is a huge snake.
April 14, 2002
(snake swallows fist)
*First part of dream had something to do with me being led in Light Movement or something….filling in some structure????
*I cant recall where we were heading or what we were on our way to do. I keep trying to get Beefy to have sex with me though, when we are at different places. At one point there is a huge snake in the Water near me. It seems I know it, or something(the snake)? It swims over to me and I speak to it! It speaks back. It tells me it/I am warm? Then it puts its entire mouth around my fist, just for a second, then lets go…..it is friendly and gentle and I laugh and joke with it then it leaves. At some point a girl who is with us leaves to go camping with two other lesbian women…one of which reminds me of Susan(Lori&Melissas old friend). The guy who is driving us around is sort of goofy….and he apparently has a crush on me….and thought beefy and I were just messing around/didn’t know we were together. He drove me to the bus stop in Luray and dropped me off, after asking me about Beefy and I tell him we have been together for 3 years and in love. He is sad about that, but seems to hang around still. I am with someone on the dirt road near the bus stop. Then Jeremiah is talking to someone and says he called so-and-so because he likes to hear what they are up to….he says that is why he used to like to call me…???? Then me and Beefy are sitting and eating and Ms.Petefish is there, I am excited…talking about how I am going to win all-state in volleyball….I introduce Ms.Petefish to Beefy as my 9th grade vball coach, ‘the best!’. She speaks with us and asks If I remember her name…..I do…of course.
Beefy and I seemed to get along well through-out dream, flirty and sexual.
April 23, 2003
(Snakes and Crocodiles on my body/Swallowed fist)
*last recorded dream from april 14 also had snake swallowing fist **
I am in a hotel room or some kind of dorm. There are about 5 snakes/crocodiles in there…..seems they keep morphing between the two forms at different times. They are somewhat excited….and very quick, moving around. I am trying to catch them or something. One gets out below the door and I see the tail (crocodile) so I open the door quick and grab it. There are people in the hall, and they see me, and say something. I realize I am naked. I come back in the room and then realize the snakes are in my clothes, and crawling on my body. They take nibbles and touch me with their tongues….which produces a very intense tickling sensation, but pleasurable. I am dressed again apparently, and there is a very large Boa type snake in my shirt, and it swallows my fist….then lets go…..as if it is communicating with me or something. I am learning to control the snakes…..they are more calm now….I am playing with the larger one.
May 2, 2003
(Bit by Rattlesnake)
Dad and I are in his house, in the living room, messing with a beautiful rattlesnake. I am wary of this snake because of its seeming Power. I try to hold it or something….or maybe trying to remove it from house….and it tries to bite me. I am fumbling with it in my hands for awhile, as it tries to get away. I end up being very rough in handling it….and turns out I am bitten twice…just scrapes…on the pinkie and on other hand too. I feel dizziness taking me, and I tell someone I need help because of the bite.
May 11, 2003
(Rattlesnake bite in Heart)
I am in a room with other people and there is a Rattlesnake. It seems aggravated. There is a baby on the side of the couch and I dive for it so It will not get bit….and at that moment the snake strikes someone in the heart! I am not sure who. Dad is trying to handle it and get it away without getting bit, but it seems it did manage to get him….he says he thinks he got bit.
May 22, 2003
(OBE, Litter of Puppies,Teaching Beefy to travel, Snake)
I find myself in my astral body, parting from my physical in the bedroom. I am excited and anxious when I realize what is happening. Something happens that makes me come back to my body……and I awaken inside a dream. There is a litter of puppies- all sizes…miniature…in a little cloth bag on the bed. Beefy had found them first ….as I am trying to explain to him the experience of me being in my astral body….and then waking to find the puppies. We are trying to gather them up. We don’t know what to do with them…..since we are not allowed to have pets in the apt, and are worried about them. Rebecca asks if her and speedy can keep them. There are a bunch of people around then. I run into a man at one point who has a child, and I ask him if he would like a puppy and he says Yes!. I am then being annoying to others around me it seems. I am sitting outside with some people and Becca Quadri shows up. I run over and give her a hug and speak a bit. Then there is something going on with the McGoverns….Beefy is going somewhere with Margot….everything is confusing. There are huge 18 wheeler trucks too……me and someone else is in a box on the hood of one….??? Most of dream is exhilarating and I have good control of my emotional state.
Then I am singing in the back of a truck with others….on our way to somewhere unclear now. I am then trying to show Beefy how to Mentally Travel. We are standing and we hug each other. I have a small Joint. I tell him to concentrate and picture himself going up in the air. He does, and we float. I then tell him to picture the place he would like to land. When we actually land, he has morphed into Rick Sloan, and Ive lost the joint. I am asking and looking for it, but Rick says not to worry about it. He has weed. Seems we are at Elliottes house in Page Valley by now. I climb or float up to a bird nest in a pine tree and there is a baby snake in it…so I grab the snake. When Im back on the ground, the snake has become Huge, and wrapped around my left arm/wrist…..black snake….It bites my thumb but I just stroke its head and transfer love to it and it lets go. Then Rebecca or someone takes him from me, but isn’t being gentle and I think she gets bit. Seems we have some big purpose in the dream. Very sequential.
June 6, 2003
(Pot& Cops, Jaguar Chase, Coiled Snake)
I am in some store and trying to pick out an outfit…it is an adorable black and white skirt with pleats and a shirt etc. The lady only has size Small and I need a larger size. So I eventually leave the store. I am in a car with some people….with a bag Full of pot, and a smaller bag too. We get stopped by the cops. Somehow I sneak both bags into bookbag and give to Tish to take as she is getting out of the car to go home. The cops look but find nothing. They leave. I grab the pot and pocket it?? We see two girls, who help us with something. I give them a huge bud of pot.
Scene shifts. I am near some road/forest and walking along….I see a big cat, like a huge bobcat or a Jaguar. I begin to run and it is chasing me…I am running so fast!!!! It is closing in on me. I am not terrified but I know that I do not want it to catch me. I try to divert it and go up a tree but it doesn’t work. I do not know how I finally escape.
I am then walking in the forest with some people and see two young children crouched down in a path leading up the mountain. There is a rattlesnake curled up with mouth open ready to strike. The kids know better than to move…..and I start walking up to see them, but they yell to stop me. That’s when I see the snake in the path. I distract the rattlesnake until it sorta chases me down the hill and away from the kids. I throw a stick on it and then put my boot on it. It seems to be a small baby rattlesnake. I reach down and pick it up by the head. I remove the snake from everyones presence and we continue on our way. The kids are grateful.
I felt confident.
June 18, 2003
(Notes/fragments)
*Mom cutting fingers off herself in someones beautiful kitchen
*Issabella bit by snake, the neighbor says…..but she was really bit by Jacob, and had to get lower lip removed.
*Tattoo ladys office
*Drive somewhere….see ship sailing in the sky….across the moon (like ET)….I try to take black&white photo but someone who is driving (mom?) keeps backing up and pulling forward and I cant get pic
*Cop passes us
*Can see girl climbing in the window of a huge house
July 2, 2003
(Lester talks about Dad and Pig/Snake)
I am on a bus with others, and Lester Addison is complaining that Dad is more willing to mess around with and possibly get bit by a rattlesnake than play with his pig? Apparently Lester gets a whole big issue started over this.
Then I am in a store with Mom, and bus is waiting outside for us. I am acting very outrageous and silly because I realize I am dreaming.
July 12, 2003
(Garter snake swallowed by cobra/kidnap)
Many people and much activity. I fly a lot in the dream, doing tricks in the air etc. I find a baby garter snake and catch him. He stays with me and is licking me like a cat. It leaves some kind of residue on my hand. Then he is crawling and I follow him and he gets swallowed by a large white cobra snake!
Scene shifts.
There is a man kidnapping an old rich woman in her car……he has a gun to her head…and he asks another man and woman from another car for a ride….?? They realize something is wrong though, and try to drive off. I am perceiving from another perspective though……birds eye….3 cars all wired together??
Scene shifts.
I am in Luray high school and going to the bathroom….it is a single room bathroom with 3 or 4 toilets and a mirror. A girl comes in talking about someone….last name ‘Darnell’…and I say that I know her….a Reporter……she verifies and says the girl came up to her and knew everything about her, even which kind of moisturizer she wears. Then we leave the bathroom and there is an empty shopping cart I am pushing. I joke about being an old bag lady, then I go downstairs on the back of the shopping cart….everyone laughing. I seem to be popular and well esteemed.
July 16, 2003
(Rickson Needs Food)
Dreamed about Rickson, my snake. He seems to change sizes throughout dream. He seems to be weak also. I remember thinking it must have been a really long time since I had fed him….then I am looking for something to feed him. We are listening to some guy speak somewhere outside…..there are a lot of people around. I am digging up potato bugs and grubs and stuff, throwing them in his cage, but he will not eat them. I stick my face close to him and he kisses me! He is talking to me also, but what he says is unclear. He also bites my finger at one point, but not out of maliciousness….and he lets go quickly. I feel anxious to feed him, and a bit sad.
Dreamed about my snake Rickson. I am near Jeremiahs old camper at dads house. I see him partly beneath the ground and I move the dirt and pick him up. Seems he has some sort of blisters or bubbles on his head. Then later I get him again from the ground and he is really fat in some spots as if he has just eaten. Again he doesn’t seem to be completely healthy.
Something about the show Jeopardy. A woman contestant on the show….has brought about 6 of her best girlfriends. They are all very beautiful. Then as if I am watching movie, they are rollerblading down these huge steps like a coliseum or something. I think how dangerous it is and how good they are at it. One is rail sliding all the way down. At the bottom they are asking if everyone is there. It is a sandy beach now. Then it seems we are on a very small island. Liberty is there. She is pregnant. Also something building. Dad is there building some sort of little house with stones or something. I can see the island birds eye view at one point and think how small it is. I am then with Liberty and we are trying to find some place for her to give birth…but first I find a toilet so I can use the bathroom. It is in a room that Tom Petty had stayed in on vacation. Liberty ends up laying down on a table a has someone pull out an egg from her…..it is about the size of two fists. She is relieved. It is on an umbilical cord. She breaks the shell and wipes off the yellow and white stuff inside and a tiny baby is inside. She is saying he felt better now, and it would be easy now. The baby is curled up with umbilical still attached. She lays him on her lap and rests. It is beautiful.
September 30, 2003
(Beach and Pool and Stallions)
I am with Beefy at a beach surrounded by a forest. We meet a man and woman who seem really cool. I find at one point that I am away from them and trying to find Beefy, but I have a backpack and I find it really hard to walk…..especially up a large hill that I am struggling with. I eventually find them again. Brandi Majeski is there with them now. Her and Beefy are talking to the couple we met about Hash, and how much money could be made by sending some to Jeremiah to sell. They are talking weights and money etc. I am annoyed for some reason. I feel like I am mad at Beefy and giving him a bit of the silent treatment. At one point I see a man working in the weeds, and I go down and there is a Coral Snake or similar, half buried in the grass. I just look at it and note its beauty and the red marks/pattern on it.
Scene shifts.
We are now at mom and dads house and there is a swimming pool in the spot where Jeremiahs camper used to be. There are a lot of people around now, wanting to swim. We are swimming and I get aggravated for some reason and leave. I then go into moms house after smoking a joint. I hear mom say that Julia is a bitch when she doesn’t get her way, or something like that. I want to go talk to Julia so I go outside. I have a joint roach in my hand and throw it down. I am then over in the weeds doing something, and I lose my black shirt??….in the brush….but I am weary of digging around because there may be snakes. So I am hanging on a tree reaching down when a man playing an instrument of some kind, brings the shirt to me from the brush below! I say Thank You and then go to look for Julia. She is at the pool. We are swimming, joking around about throwing each other in. I am going to do some flip or something , but jump off diving board and just land feet first. Then Julia jumps and lands outside of the pool on her side, she jumped right over the pool. She says ‘that’s sorta dangerous, huh?’
Then there are tons of people around again. There is a fat girl there too. And the couple we had met at the beach, who are laying on the diving board in the way. Which upset me for some reason. I am then chasing someone, I believe it is cindy doruth, through the forest, for doing something.
Somebody drops an orange in the pool and I jump up and dive straight in and grab it with my foot, and swim back up laughing…and give it away. I am moving people away from the diving board, telling them that they must respect the rules since we are responsible if anything happens. The people are somewhat mad at me.
Something happens and I am trying to get a huge white stallion untied….he is outside our house. I get him loose somehow but I am afraid of him. So I climb fence where piggles pen is, but there is a huge dark stallion in the cage. I climb high up near a tree but he is standing on the fence and is huge….right next to me. There must be some kind of mission or something, because the Dark Stallion says he will ride with the White Stallion….and off they go.
January 1, 2004
(Copperhead and Rickson)
Julia has a pet copperhead snake. It seems tame, but I hold it and it bites a few times. We know it is a symbol of Power and Transformation. The bites do not hurt, and I ‘know’ that I can ‘handle it’. It is an amazing creature. We decide it must not be poisonous anymore…? Julia has a glass aquarium for the snake, and I see that Rickson is laying in it. I am excited because I missed Rickson the snake!
April 10, 2004
Partying at Mansion with friends and family/Man with Snake/Some Lucidity
I am in some kind of city, partying or something. I am in a house that is either Beefys, or a relative of his…we are staying there. Our room is near the attic…..up the stairs and around and around. It is a huge mansion of a house. There is a man, an uncle to Beefy?, but he never comes down to talk to us. I am waiting for Beefy to get dressed so we can go out. Marya Williams and Chrissy George show up. Everyone is drinking and smoking and having a laugh. I go outside somewhere to meet Julia and Jeremiah and PJ and others. They have also come to visit and want to go out. PJ has his head shaved, as does Julia….and Me!!! We all look much the same…..haunting beauty….but PJ has some kind of glass patch over his eye…with a painted eye piece on one part. If you look through the glass you can see that behind it is a torn up eye. I ask him about it, and he says you can see through to his skull if he doesnt wear the patch. He is tall and very handsome. I ask Chrissy and Mayra if they think we look alike…they say ‘exactly’. I feel I have to keep an eye on Julia. I keep warning her to stay with us, and to be careful with who she associates with. We are somewhere walking, but some of us have roller skates on while out on the town! I am a bit Lucid throughout the dream. We are going up the road, next to a house, and those of us in the back can see all the way up front that there is a truck pulled over. WE can see the man has a gun and Seamy is handing the man his wallet into the truck….he is being robbed!So I scurry around the other side of the truck…as if I dont know anything is going on. I see the license plate. At first I think I will try and punch the man but then decide he may shoot someone, so I get his license number….there are only three characters…W(3)R or something…The guy pulls away. There are lots of people around who had seen what happened. I repeat the tag number and ask if anyone has any change so I can phone the cops or something. Someone comes out and hands me a big bill, but I need change…and remember I have change in my purse. So I am fiddling with change etc There is a payphone next to me. I drop 5p and then try to look for it. Not sure if I ever managed to phone.
Scene shifts
We are back at the house we are staying at, or somewhere else. We are asking the barman there for drinks etc. Everyone is getting along great…having fun. Mayra and Chrissy are looking for gay clubs or something. Julia is wanting to party more too. There is something weird about Jeremiah. At one point he is sitting in a chair, giving me something out of his pocket, and it almost seems he is someone else. He is very quiet. Brandy is there too and at one point I have to make her quiet down because she is being so loud and obnoxious. Then I am out messing around the house by myself…Lucid at this point. There is a burrowed hole sorta on the right side of the house at the back…I am curious as to what it is used for….I have a sense of knowing that it has something to do with pedophilia. I nearly slip over the edge and down the hill but manage to climb over and get around to the other side. At this point the man in the truck has come back and he has a Snakelike thing…and the thing somehow had gotten Gollum down in the swamp behind the house. I go back to the house to get someone, perhaps Mayra, and show her how to Lucidly get down the cliff…by creating energy rope or something. We are down there …I see loads of animals down in the water and woods. I see the snake thing on the other side and I make my way over to it. Gollum cannot get away. I grab the snake thing and it seems to have rubber teeth?! Im wrestling with it…….then I become aroused and am thinking of it in sexual terms…the teeth become sharp and hard and trying to bite me but I get it in my hands. I get Gollum…..and tame the snake. By this time I am getting even more Lucid.
I am in a huge field…I am in charge of cultivating it and plowing it etc. Beefy is with me. At some point I am walking through the field….(is seems to be dark outside)…and I trip. While in the field I realize that it is very overgrown and there are brambles etc. I have neglected it I guess. I am sitting in tangles of weeds etc, which are flattened from use of the field. I think I see a snake moving under the grass. So I lay down very quietly and try to not move, so the snake will just pass me by. I am laying there and it is crawling alongside me. I can see a shadow of its head sorta sniffing around my face….but it just leaves. I get up and go on my way.
2nd dream: (Football on the hill/yoga and digestion/prizes/waiting to go home)
I am with my mom and dad and others, we seem to be sorting through foods and things….I use the ice cream scooper to scoop out some ice cream to take with me and back to beefy. I notice there are several types of scoopers in among moms spoons. They have funny tips that seem to be for draining water. I put ice cream in a tub for Beefy for later. Then I am playing with an american football….but we are throwing it around on the side of a very steep incline/hill….with forest at the bottom. Someone is making jokes about me. I throw the ball once and it doesnt spin right so it doesnt go very far. I say to someone I am definitely NOT going all the way down the hill to retrieve the ball. Then there is something involving a tanning salon….it is next to us…..there is a whole crowd of us sitting and waiting for prizes or something. While we are waiting, someone asks me if yoga does anything for people food-wise?? I go into a dissertation on how Yoga speeds up the metabolism and actually strengthens the digestive system. While I am telling the person this (a male), I say that Yoga is more of an internal beauty aide as opposed to salons and all….which are meant for external beauty. Something is said about Tan, and tanning studio, but unclear what. Then Martina Hoye is there, she is pouring tea for our table/group of people. I am sitting with Beefy. We are being handed out prizes for something. I am asking which ones I should get….and give to dad…which ones will he like? There is a mini-billiards table that folds out…and also a triangular billiard type game….a model of a ship/yacht….and an Old Clock….as well as other stuff. I want the Ship, for my dad. Then Beefy and I are talking about passports…I am looking at mine and realize I had been given two….each a bit different, but both are valid. One of them is brand new, and I show it to Beefy, and we decide to keep it and share it. It is very exciting news. I cant wait to ‘get home’ because I had saved food from moms house.
December 4, 2004
(snakes and spiders and bugs)
I am in mom and dads old bedroom in their cabin…it is the way they used to have it years ago. There are all these pet-style boxes and cages all stacked on top of each other on the old dresser that is sitting in the corner. It seems I am looking for all my creatures to put back into their glasses/cages etc…they are a in the bed and under the bed and all over the place. I keep looking for my snakes and then see one climbing under the covers , and pick it up. None of the creatures are ‘bad’, they all seem important to me, as well, and I am worried about leaving on out and it getting hurt or something. One of the worms is like a grub hybrid GlowWorm with yellow and it seems to have bright green on it as well. I know someone has grabbed him from the bed at some point, and I dont want to lose anything else. The spiders are like two siamese twins or something…attached somehow…two different halfs…they are all fuzzy like tarantulas and very big. They had been fed something that looked like cat food and had thrown it up. I am looking at it and thinking I need to clean it , but then I see they are eating the vomited food, but kinda fighting over it, strangely as they are still attached to each other. I feel very close to the creatures and playful, especially with the snakes, there are many and they are small. The room is dark and I cannot really see what colors they are.
December 30, 2004
(Fenrir the Wolf/Serpent Earrings/Old Man)
I am out in the forest, the trees and leaves are colored lovely. I can see a wolf running up this very steep hill and I hear a voice explaining to me about the speed and strength of the Wolf. I see that it notices me and comes running over. My first reaction is to assume it will harm me, so I climb a big tree with a long limb reaching out from the top. I climb up and the wolf seems to jump right up to where I am. Something happens and I end up on the ground, but the Wolf is a friend and is licking me and is a very beautiful grey wolf. I am thinking What a splendid creature it is. I keep thinking of Fenrir the Wolf.
Scene shifts.
I am in a room in a building and there are things laid out , as if it is a shop. I am walking around looking at the stuff. I see a pair of Golden Serpent Earring clips…..I pass them but then go back and grab them and put them in my pocket. The hang and together make two zigzags almost like lightening bolts. I think they are Special. I am then leaving and I hug this old white haired man who seems to have helped me, and who is my friend, very familiar. I go and sit with a circle of people then.
February 25, 2005
(Scouting for Sex Place/Snake/Arguing)
Beefy and I are walking up the street at night, trying to find a place to have sex. We find all these wee nooks etc, but I dont even consider them. They are just not up to comfort standard. In one, like a barn, we see what looks like a snake, but I think it cant be because there are supposed to be no snakes in Ireland….. But then we see that indeed it is. I am wearing my winklepickers boots. The snake appears to be a rattlesnake but it is dark so I am not sure. It crawls out and looks at us, righ tnext to my feet. I am sorta nervous but then I telepathically communicated to it that we rae not going to bother it and that we are on our way out. We leave. We keep looking for places and I feel like Beefys being an asshole to me…disrespectful. I realize while walking down the street that I only have my black underwear on and the winklepickers. I ask Beefy for the hat he is wearing and I use something else too to cover up my boobs and ass. We pass all sorts of people coming home drunk from somewhere. Beefy is talking to them and they all are looking at me. I feel like Jodi Marsh and it bothers me and I end up sorta going fof on Beefy for treating me with disrespect. AT one point I punch him in the stomach/chest and say in tears ‘I hate you’ but know that I dont and am just being melodramatic, which lasts awhile.
June 16, 2005
(Lucid /Young Boy/Sex with Footballer then Beefy/Snake)
I am being shown all kinds of images of a house, different ‘views’ of it. I become Lucid and go to a house, with a small boy, who looks like PJ did when little. We are in the house I had seen. I recognize the views and the fireplace. Seem the house is in some way related to Rita? Me and the boy are looking through a drawer and desk….for ??? We go through a jewelry box and find loads of earrings etc. We put it back. We are going through other wee boxes of stuff. A group of people come in, unsure who they are or why the are here. I decide Id like to have sex, because I am Lucid and have high energy arousal. I leave the young boy and end up at a high cliff overlooking a sea. It is stormy feeling. The people that were in the house somehow ‘bring’ me this massive Frankenstein style man…..we end up talking up on the cliff. I have been Lucid since entering the house, but I decide Id like to be more lucid or OBE, so I lay back and stretch and concentrate and focus on leaving my body. I am then plunging into darkness at a great speed and building my focus and diving straight down….gaining Lucidity. I eventually am ‘nearing the ground’ at a big city and next thing I know I am walking down the street. I see a bunch of guys playing football and I walk over and end up grabbing one and ‘flying him away’. I tell him I am dreaming and just want to have some sex. He is confused, but up for it. I pull him under a pine-like tree that is like a canopy and a wee cave, like in Lurgan Park. This is behind a big building. I go down on him and he says something about the Nerves in his body and head have never been that awake. I end up leaving him then and find Beefy, who had been eating spicy food somewhere. I hug him and tell him he is in my dream. He is nervous, and I then am standing in grass. He says ‘where did that come from’ and points to a black snake in the grass. I do something with my hand and the snake ‘comes to me’ through the air and is In my hand. Beefy is amazed and now believes me that he is in a dream with me. I bring the snake over to show my and convince him. I want to have sex with him. We do, and it is great. The energy is wonderful. I know I am dreaming and dont care who sees us., out int the middle of the park. Then I am masturbating over a railing and grab a shampoo bottle, a wee one, and use it to masturbate. Then I wake up.
Note* Same young boy I dreamt of many times, thinking it was either young pj or jacob…….i am sure was Oisin, who ended up looking very similar to them at young age.
July 20, 2005
(Dream 1: Tattoo of Head and Shoulders)
Beefy and I are in a strange apartment which is painted blue inside and shaped funny, very angular. I am drawing a picture of Beefy with Dreadlocks. Randy Arvallo from SF is there and is talking about heroin and his habit and explaining stuff to us. He shows us a new tattoo he got on his left forearm. It is part of a big muscley man. He is then explaining the tattoo he wants to get…right above it and sorta mixing in with it. I say it could be like the Head to go with the tattoo he has of the shoulders?Weird. I remember thinking I have done a good job on the picture drawing of Beefy.
Dream 2:
(At the Pond Bad Girl Smothered by Thorn Snake)
Beefy and I meet up with Fiona…but she is a hybrid of her and Becky Millman, but also a bit different than both?? We end up riding in the back of the truck to their house in the country. I am talking with her and others about all sorts of stuff. I see 3 CDs for a computer…they are all some kind of encyclopedia disks. I think she must use them for school. I go into a back room and Beefy and her father are leaning over into a cubby like space pretending to fix something….but really they are sniffing coke. The man is apparently in rehab but sneaking it behind his familys back. HE gets up and starts to leave the room and I see he has coke dust under/in his eye and I stop him and wipe it off so it is not obvious to others. I then go to Beefy and I am angry because he is sniffing coke. We have a small argument about it. I am then back in talking to Becky/Fiona girl, but it is now more Becky. She asks if we want to go swimming and we say Yes. We get ready and are going to an indoor pool but then decides to go to outdoor pool/lake because she says it is better…..snobby people go to indoor pools. She insinuates some of her friends are in that category. We are then swimming in the pond behind Christian Goebels old cabin. She is talking about some of her guy friends who like her more than ‘just friends’, but she does not return the adoration. Something strange is going on this whole time too. We end up in the back of the truck again with her father/family and down by the river bank. We see an old lady sitting and looking at the river. She has crisps etc to sell…we had seen her earlier in the dream also, but somewhere else. I see the father get a bundle and throw it in the river…and I realize it is a small black baby…apparently dead. I know they are up to some shady shit. I jump out of the truck and begin to walk away, up the hill which turns into Daryl Skinners road. Someone is with me and we are talking about what we have seen. We end up back down at the pond again. There is a girl sitting in a tree. She is ‘bad’ in some way, and behind all the negative stuff. There is a big green Snake with thorns all over it, and it begins to wrap around her smothering her. WE are kinda glad. WE run to tell the others. She ends up getting loose, and there is a Lion, a Tiger, and a Bear etc, all these ‘huge wild animals’ and they are friendly with me and some of the others but seem intent on destroying the girl??? This all takes place on the bank of the pond. It is all very strange. The feeling of petting the animals is amazing.
September 23, 2005
Dream 1: (Storm coming/Cloud Serpents)
I am at mom and dads house. There is a storm brewing. I feel it is going to be abad one. Dad is asking my opinion. I tell him we should leave because if we dont, the storm will hit directly and we might not survive. We had been planning to all drive to Harrisonburg, so I suggest we go and by the time we get back maybe the storm will have passed. It is very foreboding. No one listens though and everyone stays. I point at the sky which is getting very dark and covered by black storm clouds. This geos on a bit and then I go outside and look into the sky and see three cloud-like serpents…parallel…a blue, red, and green one. They seem to be ‘racing’ each other. It seems important, and, still foreboding. I run in and tell dad and everyone goes out to see. Then I am watching birds-eye view as truckers on a big highway are ‘chasing’ the cloud serpents…….as if they can catch them!?!
Dream 2: (Smashing Pumpkins and Letting Go)
I am as if in highschool again. I feel I am a bit gaudy and geeky. I meet the Smashing Pumpkins, and am hanging out with them. I seem to be good friends with D’arcy, and I have a big crush on Billy Corgan. Darcy is trying to hook us up, but she tells me maybe if I was fitter he would go with me. I know its just for a shag anyway. I am then in my underwear running down the dirt road, as if exercising. I am about to hook up with Billy Corgan…..but then something happens and I am grabbing hold of a truck that goes by on the road. I know I need to Let Go and jump off into the grass but I feel it is going too fast and I am nervous but also realize the vehicle is going to wreck soon. The Smashing Pumpkins are yelling for me to jump. The truck ends up going over a fence and about to crash to the ground and I let go and just hope that I am able to clear the truck and accident safely. I feel kinda like a kid in the dream.
Dream 3: (Amy comes in)
Beefy and I are in bed sleeping and we hear the door open and Amy comes in. She comes up into the bedroom and asks for me to help her do something, which I do on the floor, then she leaves.
October 31, 2005
Dream 1: (Snake while Blueberry picking)
I am walking around on the road above moms house picking blueberries. I am trying to hide from someone at the same time. The blueberries are weild and taste delicious. I think to myself that it reminds me of being a kid. I am then in the woods right next to the road, sort near where the old basketball hoop used to be. I am standing there and have the thought that I should watch for snakes. As I think that, I realize there is a snake under my feet under some leaves. I grab hold of a tree and pull myself up off of it, and to the side. The snake jumps up to the road. It is a beautiful copperhead type, but there are oragne markings mixed in between its other patterns. It is stunning. I end up at moms asking if it would have been a copperhead and describing the markings.
Dream 2: (Mucous plug)
Beefy and I are visiting someones house. It is large and fancy and it seems the McGoverns may live there. We are trying to tidy up the room we are in. It has wooden floors. I am trying to fold my clothes. I come into the room at one point and Beefy has all his clothes folded in piles everywhere, and I am a bit annoyed because he leaves stuff everywhere. One of the people we are staying with comes in, maybe Seamus McGovern, and I say I am trying to clean because the room is hectic. I am then outside and arranging two sculpture-like things, Art, like long tall abstract women figures. They havng from a wire rack, and I am moving them to a corner in the hall so they look good. Everyone keeps asking me about the baby and when I am due , I tell them I have been having contractions but dont feel them. Then I am in the bathroom on the toilet peeing and I notice int my underwear my mucous plug, it is huge and shaped funny. The more I look at it , the more it looks like a fetus…tiny….and I think maybe I had twins but one never grew, or something. I know then that labor will start soon and I start to get excited.
November 9, 2005
Dream 1: ( Dancing snake goddess)
There is a nude woman, goddess-like, with a huge snake. She is erotically dancing with it and it is slithering all around her. It is three times bigger than she is. She is having an orgasm as it slithers all over her.
Dream 2: (Food Prep and Driving up steep hill)
I am with Mayra Williams in Luray. We are trying to sell food, so we are looking for a place to set up. We are near 7-11 but it is different. We each eat a ham sandwich and bowl of tomato soup. I ask people in 7-11 for two bowls and they give us them. I fill both mine and Mayras bowls with the soup. A bunch of other stuff is going on, and then I am inside 7-11 working with food, all sorts of cool little treats and snacks that look like petrified wood. Before I leave ‘work’ the girl lets me take a bunch. I leave, with my bookbag filled with stuff. I keep finding orange feathers of different shapes, that seem to come from a cat??? I keep them each time I find them, and put them in the bookbag. I am walking to my car in the parking lot, with someone, a boy….unclear who it is. Some guy asks me if Joel Miller is picking me up, and I say no, I am driving. Then a boy in a wheelchair is there too. He has been bit in the head somehow. We all go to the car. I am talking about how hot it is and that we should go swimming. The car is a dark convertible. I drive it out and it is a bit weird to drive at first. I finally pull out and turn to go up the hill near Family Convenience and the hill is so steep the car putts up it slowly. Then it is as if we are being pulled by cables, like a ski lift. It is a very cheerful mood in dream.
Dream 3: (Jumping Joyfully on mattresses)
I am in Safeway parking lot in Luray with Beefy and others. There is a big group of people, including Rita and Becky. I am in some sort of conflict with Rita and Becky, over a comment? There are loads of Mattresses laid out in the parking lot. I get everyone to lay them in a circle, and we are bouncing on them and having loads of fun, doing flips etc. I feel quite joyful.
November 10, 2005
Dream 1: (Full moon Volleyball)
I am playing volleyball on top of a hill with some people. To our right there is a massive full moon, absolutely gorgeous. I go and point and say ‘ isnt she beautiful!’, talking about the moon. I say something about it being in pisces and that the energy is intense. Something happens at the volleyball game and some of us are knocked out or something…it is related to the moon in some way.
Dream 2: (Birthing Snake)
I am in a bedroom somewhere and I can feel my belly wriggling around very actively. IT is different and I think ‘this is it, baby is coming’. Then a small snake is born and crawls from my vagina and out the bottom of my shorts to the floor! I am in awe, and find it strange at first but then I try to catch it and it crawls under the bed. When I look under the bed to see it, I has changed into a cloth snake, made of white fabric, and it seems to have a bit of patchwork and is sewn with thread and the eyes are sewn on etc. But it is moving around like normal. Then I grab it and look at it closely trying to figure out what it means. Next thing I know, it is a robot, with metal wires, and what seems to be microchips on it, all pieced together but a bit crudely. I think to myself that ‘Mother” has been experimenting again?!
(Disembodied Terror/ Magical Happenings and Self As Antidote- Consuming the Snake)
Dreamtime Feb 28, 2009
I am asleep and can hear B outside in conflict with a big mob of young people who are drinking and making noise and being destructive. I get up and look out the window, and eventually go downstairs. They have been fighting and hassling. I open the back door and say 'Thats it' really angry, and I throw and stone into their crowd in the street and it hits someone, but they see me close the door and then know who it is that has thrown it. I run upstairs, suddenly afraid of what they will do. B has gone somewhere and I am alone in the house with Oisin and I feel insecure and unsafe. I see someone climbing on the wall to get into the house. I look out the window and then someone throws something in ….they are targeting the house and me now. The next thing I know I am in the bed sleeping next to Oisin, and I feel a presence….unseen….and I am terrified. It is sucking me down the bed toward an invisible hole or something. I can feel the energy and palpable terror as I try to fight the pull. I am afraid for Oisin too. It seems to suck me to the door/wall and I know I am powerless in relation to this immense energy, whatever/whoever it is. At some point I am telling B about the dream of the kids and the terror, as if I have woken up. Then I am in a car with a man who I have met and feel in sync with …he is older and somewhat familiar. He seems to belong to some group that I have befriended. B and I are at odds and he has pretty much dissed everything I tell him matters to me. I feel so angry and I want to get away, so I go with the man. There is something about a girl, familiar either in Waking Life or in Dream, and we both somehow come to realize with are on the same 'Mission'. The man and I are supposed to eat dinner with her and her parents but something happens and we are really late. When we turn up, with Oisin, Oisin is really wired and running around and I feel self-conscious and that I am offending her parents because they seem quite ‘proper’. He walks right off a table at one point while I half-catch him before he hits the floor in such a ways that it makes it look like no big deal. The girl and I are in in her room then, but we leave to meet the man at a pub or somewhere. We sit down at a table with some people There is a blonde girl who arouses my rage and I punch her and get into a spat. We are waiting for the owners of the place to leave with us. Then I am with the girl again, in her room, and there is an assortment of objects on a table. We are trying to do something shamanistic, and I turn into a Bat and she is something else. It has to do with the objects on the table. I fly out, in a bat-like manner, conscious of the quick flapping motion of my wings. It is hard to remain in flight however. We feel compelled to figure out or do something that has spiritual/ magical undertones and involves the girls parents too. There is a scene where I am hanging from a ledge in water or some other substance and asking for help up…saying “please help me!”. There is one scene where I am with Oisin and we are walking and I see a timber rattlesnake…a small fat one …and I run over to protect him. I end up grabbing it and have it in my hands. I feel I must consume it for some reason. As I am holding it I bite down on its belly and it lets out a loud squeal, then I crush its head in my fingers and take a bite out of it. It has a magical feel to it. There is another rattlesnake that seems to jump and bite Oisin in the face but we dont pay any attention … It is as if I consumed the snake in order to use it as an Antidote to any potential harm it could bring to Oisin. I end up describing the experiences to the girls parents. They are amazed.
I have been waiting for this moment for 25 years. Today by evening time, as I get up on stilts, transiting Uranus will be ‘to the minute’ opposite my natal exact Uranus/Sun conjunction in the first house. It will still be pretty much exact to the minute for the next few days after. Meanwhile Neptune hangs out very close to my natal moon in Aries, ( and squaring natal mars)…..and transiting moon will oppose natal mars in Sagittarius ( which conjunction to natal Neptune.)
If you know, you know.
I feel like I’m plugged into a quantum computer, the fiery electropromethean lightening running through all my nervous system, reWiring the neural circuitry…..
Synaptic Rapture
Death to the old form birth to the new
For a long while now just trying to ground into the earth and ride the wave Not blow the fuses Not go supernova and rise into Mania As I’m predisposed to do Before the reTurn of the wheel drags its heels And descent into the dark leaden fields Of Saturn comes again
The Daimons Embrace In Leather And Lace …:.trickster plays games And holds Space at the Gates
“When we dance, we wake up, we get down and juicy with ourselves, we have fun and forget all the heavy shit we carry around. In the dance we get real, get free, get over ourselves. Movement kicks ass. When you truly surrender to your own rhythm, you look so cool, so mysterious, so seductive— the way you deep down really want to look but don’t trust that you do.”
Gabrielle Roth, Connections: The Threads of Intuitive Wisdom
I will not jump on any bandwagon, I will watch the masses fight for their seat, I will not join any crowd, I will walk in the other direction, I will not be swayed by programmed emotional manipulations, I will calmly observe, I will not participate in the distorted ritual of the modern ‘mating game’, I will create create create from the sanctity of my sovereign Space, I will not groom a socially appropriate false-persona, I will crawl thru the humus of my Self and keep The scars of initiation visible, I will not polarize into This not That no matter how much the architects of control try to force feed me, I will lucidly reflect, I will not deny the heaviness and trauma of the ancestral memories Within my matrix, I will dance with them til they are Free, I will not be contained, i will not be restrained, I will not be tamed,I will not be shamed, I will burn in the flames of my own alchemical vessel and burn away the dross, Only the pure can love , only the pure can Know
BlissNinja 