Let your heart break

Photo by Kevin Stiles, model Jade Brannon, dress by Charleen Johnston

Let your heart break.
Let it bleed. Let it ache. Let all its pieces fall to the floor at your feet. Let the tears flow. Let yourself fall to your knees. Let the pain become physical.
Let yourself live in a way where your heart is allowed to be broken.
By this, I don’t mean put your heart in harm’s way and fail to care for its welfare. I don’t mean date people who are difficult to love and pretend it doesn’t matter when they throw you out like the day’s trash.
I don’t mean orchestrate your life in a way where your needs aren’t being met or you lack the feeling of love and support. I don’t mean neglect to put yourself first and position yourself as someone else’s proverbial punching bag.
I don’t mean choose self-destruction over self-construction.
What I mean is this: don’t be ashamed if you love hard and it falls apart. Don’t buffer the fact that your heart shattered to pieces. Don’t hide it, lie about it, shy away from it, or deny it.
Don’t avoid an important experience for fear that you’ll get hurt. Don’t look away from it when someone else is in pain, or when someone you love is suffering beyond your comprehension. Don’t mask it, ignore it, downplay it or try to escape from it.
Don’t think for a second that it is wrong for your heart to be breaking.
If your heart is broken — let it be broken.
Let it all fall apart.
Because there’s more than enough sorrow in this damn world that should, and will, eviscerate your heart.
I’m not just talking about your first love walking away, or your partner of 10 years deciding they want to be with someone else. I’m not just talking about losing a job or not getting into your college of choice.
I’m talking about things like watching a loved one die after months of suffering — or, on the other hand, having them die so suddenly you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.
Losing a child that you loved more than anything, or losing a child before you had the opportunity to even get to know them.
Knowing that someone was abused, belittled and beaten because of the color of their skin or their sexual preference.
Finding out that someone who means the world to you has spent their whole life in a perpetual state of self-loathing.
Watching someone slowly die from the inside out and being utterly unable to change it.
Loss, destruction, inequality, unforgivable acts of violence, unimaginable amounts of pain — you’re never at a loss for reasons to be heartbroken.
And you have to let it in; you have to let the hurt come through. Because trust me: it’ll only eat you from the inside out if you don’t.

Let yourself feel the pain.
Pain changes you. It transforms you. It softens you and hardens you at the same time.
It breeds wisdom and humility. It puts things into perspective. It allows you to feel more empathy and compassion. It heightens your standards and lowers your guard.
You’ll never be the same; you’ll never go back to who you were before the breakdown, and that’s on purpose. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
It means you’ve grown. It means you cared about someone or something enough to get hurt. It means you put your precious heart into the way you live and love and approach significant situations in your life.
It means it all meant something. ⠀
If you’ve ever caught a glimpse of death, and just a tiny glimpse will do, you’ll know that none of the other shit matters. The status, the achievement, the money, the need to keep impressing people you don’t even know — none of that means one iota in the larger scheme of things.
The only thing that truly matters is that you loved and that you loved hard. And when you put your heart on the line, it opens itself up, and it also gets beat up. That’s how it all works.
That also means you’re doing something right.
Keep going.

~Shannon Leigh

Requiem

What does this spiral storm
Hold for me
Where does this winding path
Lead me

Am I passing thru unnoticed
In fragments of disguise
Remnants of understanding
Discarded
As l i e s….

The cycles compel us to
Forge forward
On this journey
The wheels of time
Ever so gently turning
Twisting
Stories and dreams
And whisperings into
Sculptures with essence
And imaginings

Dance like silver star s I l v e r n I g h t
Smiling from afar

(are we barred from ever reaching
Those shores that speak of transcendence?)

The ringing singing tone
Of E ve r y th I n g
Clap clapping deafening

Forces me to awaken from this dream

The requiem
Outlasted me

Finding once more simpler
Shores timeless tales metaphors

The path of fire that leads up thru time
Up thru spine out of mind

Is open before me

Am I
R e a d y to r e c I e v e ?

Charleen Johnston 2004

When I became a mother….

16 years ago I opened the Vesica so my Golden SonShine could spray his Radiance into this Reality.
I was told by so many people that I was Crazy…. For
Having an unassisted Pregnancy without a single doctor visit or test or invasion of my temple…for Birthing him at home, into my own hands, without outside interference by by anyone…..For not cutting his Umbilical cord and instead allowing it to detach in its own as he gently transitioned from one dimensional Space to another….for keeping him skin to skin contact constantly for the first week, and almost constantly til he could maneuver away on his own….for wearing him in slings snd on my back constantly til he walked at almost 10 months snd chose to run and explore….for never using diapers and instead learning his signals and pottying him…for Breasfeeding him til he turned 5, and never once giving him a bottle or pacifier or artificial external soothing substitutes…for sleeping with him for many years, and making sure his Bonding was secure and filled with love and support…never leaving him alone to cry as a baby…and especially called crazy and irresponsible for him never having been to a single doctor visit or test, nor allowed a single
Va$$ination or other invasion of his temple.

Everyone makes the choices they are comfortable with, and these were choices I was willing to defend with my life. When you defy everyone around you and in the face of societal and family programming, claim full Responsibility for your Gestation and Birth process and the consequences thereof, and choose to be a Testament to Sovereignty on all levels of your Being, you will receive all kinds of projections from the masses and from those who are so afraid of their own Power that they will silently hope for your downfall for the very act of standing against a System of Disempowerment.

It’s never easy to spend your life learning, and taking responsibility for your own Health and the health of your child. It takes courage and focus, and Trust in a level of being that will test every bit of you along the way. It’s not for the faint of heart. I’m not judging anyone who doesn’t make the same choices I made.
But I still stand by my own decisions, and I have a 16 year old blossoming Man, who has made it til now with not a single doctor visit ( minus a required Physical to enter high school)or allopathic intervention, or injection….he’s incredibly intelligent and quick minded, extremely robust physically, and very much his own person, with little care for impressing the crowd. I am grateful beyond measure.

I have made many hard decisions in my life, and more than once left behind everything I care about, in order to do what I felt was the right thing for the larger picture and others involved. Some may judge those decisions also, over the past several decades, harshly. The one thing I can stand by, is that every single choice I have ever made…I take full responsibility for. And there’s not a single person other than myself in all these years thst I blame for anything. Birthing my son in the way I did, and raising him against the tide of social norms and msss programming, was an Initiation of the highest order, and In the current climate of Medical Tyranny, and Invasion of Individual Will , and Rape of the Human Body and Mind with Injections and forced Penetration and Programs and surrender of Soul to a Machine that is little understood by those who have lived their entire life giving over the responsibility for their Lives and Health to something outside of them…. I Renew my Vow of Sovereignty…
And will undergo whatever further initiations that are calling me, with absolute surrender to my own Individual Path and Acceptance of Responsibility.
While allowing others to do whatever it is that they feel called to do, without interference by me.

May all beings find their Empowerment and reClaim their Divine Will and ReMember that Body is something so miraculously magical…. The more one lives in harmony snd devotion to their own physical body, the more they will live in alignment and devotion to the body of Earth…. And the less Fear of the greater Reality.

Blissed Be. Happy Birthday to my Starchild , and also to the Mother I became on this day 16 years ago.

CLJ 1-29-22

Multiplicatio

A temptation presents itself here at the end-the daimon of the postscript. The endlessness of the Know Thyself opus is, in Jung’s language, a process of individuation. As it goes on, the heat increases. The later, spirit operations take precedence, those called distillation , volatilization, sublimation, and particularly what the alchemists call multiplication. While these operations intensify the power of the spirit , they also tend to break the psychic vessel and spill out into matter, action, society, politics, with the fervent urgency of prophesy and mission. With every increase of the spirits heat, there needs to be a corresponding increase of the souls capacity to contain it, to amplify within its inner sacral space. This space, this colorful and intricate carpet of the soul, it’s bordures and silks, is the vessel of the anima- nurturer, weaver, reflector. The conjunctio, here, is the contained spirit, this spirited, inspired containment.

The multiplicatio is thus not a world mission, nor is the tincture a direct, naive spreading into and staining with spirit the matters of the political, social world. Rather, I suggest, the multiplicatio is an effect of touching all points of the soul, it’s hundred channels of images, with spiritedness- and of bringing soul-laden imagery by means of which brilliant impulses of the spirit can find witness and know themselves. Know Thyself here leaves the knower altogether, becoming the spirits self-knowledge in the mirror of the soul, the souls recognition of its spirits. The multiplicatio, with its hot redness, spreads it’s own way into corpus, the body of the world of material events transfusing through the middle realm, the soul or animal. Then these material, political, social events are envisioned themselves as multiplicity-no longer a dualism of spirit versus matter, calling to dialectical battle. No longer polarity, but plurality. Or to put it again: the Psyche first, then world. Through Psyche, the mediatrix, to world, and the world too, psyche, released thereby to many worlds.

James Hillman, Nachklang, Healing Fiction

Somatic Trauma Work….my ongoing love affair with Pain

Four Hours in this waking reality
Time-frame
Of intense Somatic Trigger Point
Pain
Bodywork and Descent
Into the Inner musculature and armature
And inPrizmMent
Of my StoriesInTimeSpace
Trapped and held
In my Shape
Navigating landscapes I had
Forgotten
But which had not
Forgotten Me
Twisting into the aching pain
Of the waking strain
Of aeons
Of Trying to See
And Dying to Be
Free
To Bleed
The Agony and the Ecstasy
Of nonLinear Destiny
Wrapped around the core
So tight
We cannot fail
To recognize
The Fight
We locked away
In Prizm Cells
In Somatic Shells that protect
The Seed
As dramatic deeds and
Infected Dreams
Plead
To be Released from these
Semiotic Seams

I cried as the Memories of Me~s
I’ve tried to hide
Spoke again
From the infinite fractal
Face
of wide-eyed Time
In a Space
I created
In Order
To wake the blind
Embryos
Of Selves in Sides
Of Chaotic crimes
So they could swim free
In rising tides
Of harmony
As I unBind them
In this fugue of MyStory
Mysteriously unfolding
Before Me

Charleen Johnston
2-5-22

🌹✨🕊✨🌹

Simulations and Time Lords

{original post from 2017}

The simulation stopped trying to fool me with by trying to take away my Power and give it over to ‘gods ‘ and ‘goddesses’ and ‘masters’ and ‘alien beings’ once I realized without doubt that they were just Codes within the holographic blueprint. After many years of absolutely sober lucid dreaming and OBE exploration…. One verifies The nature of the way this game works. Whatever and Whyever It Is.

Ponder.

We are time lords, like Doctor Who, and when we learn to alter our own codes and become a glitch in the system, we can hold the memories of all our experiences on many planes. We may not be able to have access fully to those memories while projected in the Waking consensus reality state, it would fry our nervous system and the surge would render our interface meat modem unusable I believe…. Like trying to plug in a quantum super computer into a normal wall outlet
Or hard drive. Therefore we must use what we all have at our disposal, our nightly excursions outside of this Temporel realm, in order to make contact with the part of us that is beyond the program, accessing the console and I would even posit Co-creating the console.

When one navigates the simulation consciously and in full lucidity, one can experience vast amounts of time in a tiny fragment of corresponding time here in our waking life. So if you imaginine having at least 30 years of pretty consistent Multi dimensional experiences, with full memory, because of the nature of time dilation …that equates to having lived a great many lives in the course of this single waking consensus. Like being 36 going on a 10,000. ( or infinite;)

So like Doctor Who, Who has millions of years of memories and experience and can travel in and out of the hologram, with his tardis( our tardis is our own physical body …. Every cell is like a Stargate…. The inner is much larger than it looks from the outside…. Infinite in fact)…. Those who awaken themselves in the lucid dream time state and retain the memory of it
Are glitches in the system and have learned to override the program.

Be a Time Lord.

DR Who and the Dream Crab….it’s where We Are Now

Doctor: The Dream Crab induces a dream state. Keeps you happy and relaxed in a perfectly realized dream world, as you dissolve.

….

Doctor: You have a pain right here. It’s like an ice cream pain, but gentle. Do you know what that is? The skin and bone have been parted, probably half an inch, and something has pushed right into the soft tissue of your brain and is very slowly dissolving it. I want you to picture it this way – Somebody has put a straw right through your skull and is drinking you. You should be screaming with agony, but there’s anesthetic. Everything around you right now, even Danny, especially Danny, that’s the anesthetic.

……

Danny: I’m a dream and you know I am, right? Right, one thing, but it’s important. It’s a very important thing. That is totally how you guessed all of my presents.
Danny: Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do, it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas, and this is ours.

Bellows: So these creatures, when their feeding goes wrong, they die?
Doctor: The carnivore’s hazard. Food has teeth, too.

Doctor: There are some things we should never be okay about.

Doctor: Dreams within dreams – dream states nested inside each other. All perfectly possible, especially when we are dealing with creatures who have weaponized our dreams against us.

Santa: Yeah, just get it done, head towards the northern lights. Yes, I remembered to switch them on!

Santa: Oh, for Easter’s sake! Of course you’ve been dreaming! Haven’t you been paying attention?
Ian: Rudolph – did you see the nose?
Wolf: The North Pole? Come on, with stripes?!
Ian: This …
Wolf: is …
All: … a dream!
Santa: How much more obvious do you want me to make it? Because I can text the Easter Bunny, you know.

Shona: You’re a dream who’s trying to save us?
Santa: Shona, sweetheart, I’m Santa Claus. I think you just defined me!

……

Doctor: THIS is your mind, trying to tell you this isn’t real.
Santa: So it gives you me. Sweet Papa Crimbo!
Ian: It gives you comedy elves, flying reindeer.
Doctor: Exactly.
Santa: A time-travelling scientist dressed as a magician.
Ian: Classic!
Doctor: No, no, no, hang on. No, no, no, no.
Wolf: Living in a phone box.
Doctor: It’s a spaceship in disguise!
Santa: You see how none of this makes any sense?
Doctor: Shut up, Santa!
Doctor: No, look, we don’t need all this touchy-feely stuff.
Santa: Shut up, Doctor!

Santa: You are deep inside this dream, all right, and it is a shared mental state, so it is drawing power from the multi-consciousness gestalt which has now formed telepathically …
Doctor: No, no. No, no, no. Line in the sand. Santa Clause does not do the scientific explanation!
Santa: All right. As the Doctor might say, “Aw, it’s all a bit dreamy-weamy!”

……

Shona: I’m scared.
The Doctor: Congratulations, that means you’re not an idiot.

The Doctor: No need for chatting. You’ll only get attached. This isn’t Facebook.

Clara: Doctor. If Santa was only in the dream, why was he on my roof?

The Doctor: Do you know what I hate about the obvious?
Clara: What?
The Doctor: Missing it!

The Doctor: Clara. Page number. Make it a good one.
Clara pointedly: Twelve.

The Doctor: Wherever you are, the Dream Crabs have got us. And we’re all being networked into the same nightmare.

Ashley: Where’s Albert? Where’s the Professor?
The Doctor: He probably just woke up somewhere in the real world dead. If we don’t wake up now, we’ll do the same.
Clara: But how?
The Doctor: I don’t know.

…..

Clara: So what happens now? This is us all just waking up, right?
The Doctor: Could be. I hope so. Waking up or…
Clara: Or?
The Doctor: Just focus on this: do you believe in Santa Claus?
Clara: I’ve always believed in Santa Claus, but he looks a little different to me. {she hugs the Doctor}

…..

Claus: You really should be waking up too, Clara.
Clara: Just a little longer.
Santa Claus: Why?
Clara: Every Christmas is Last Christmas.

The Doctor: Oh Clara. I might have known that you would be the one to sleep in.

…..

The Doctor: We should do this every Christmas.
Clara: Because every Christmas is Last Christmas.

The Doctor: I’m sorry. I was stupid. I should have come back earlier. I wish that I had.
Santa Claus: Do you, Doctor? How much do you wish that?
The Doctor: I’m not still…?
Santa Claus: Wakey wakey!

…..
The Doctor: The TARDIS is outside.
Clara: So?
The Doctor: So all of time and space is sitting out there in a big blue box. Please! Don’t even argue.

{Doctor Who, the last Christmas}

Doctor: You’re a dream construct, currently representing either my recovering or expiring mind.

Burnt Shall Rise

An experimental video I played with from footage of Jestering recently

Featuring myself and Reese Miller

Music by SIREN&SEER, Saqi, Diamonde, Swan Hil

Burnt Shall Rise by Playsoteric Philms

All costumes ,video editing, photographs by me

Artificial Neural Networks vs Organic Neural Networks…..

This is a repost of something I wrote in september 2016 in regards to Artificial Neural Networks and AI…..vs Organic Neural Networks.
Food for Thought

And here .it.is. The Daily Dose.
Now.
The I.Clouds. Your thinking
The rounds
Of the jab.berwocky~s sounds
Linking
You to the ANN
The neural net in the 5G.O.D LAN….
D of the lost

Codes

Of Atlantis Seed
Are We
We are
Thee
Endless loop of Reality
The Self Created
Still
Somewhat Free
To Bleed

….
It’s all Inside You…Delivered by the Spermatic Phallus of the Needles Tip….insertion of the new Sidewinding Trip thru the Blood .t.Issues that Network your Reality. Drip drip.


(From my post in 2016)

“What this means is that for a digital computer to achieve an ordered result, it needs one over-arching program to direct it and tell each semiconductor just what to do to contribute toward the overall goal.

A brain, on the other hand, unifies billions of tiny, exceedingly simple units that can each have their own programming and make decisions without the need for an outside authority. Each neuron works and interacts with the neurons around it according to its own simple, pre-defined rules.”

Sound familiar?
The former= our ‘God-program’ of simulated reality and hierarchical control

The latter= the organic sovereign heart soul self experience


Also look at the difference between an Artificial Neural Network in comparison to an organic neural network. The ANN is strikingly similar to the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. Now, something I have been pondering for a long time, based on ALOT of research on these ANNs as well as the rest of my research for many years on all manner of things, is that we are actually within an AI simulated holographic reality program, that is keeping us ‘amnesiatic’ about our true Organic reality and awareness. This works via the Nervous system and the Mind, and some believe that we have JUST NOW started to learn to create AI systems. I posit, and im not the only one it seems, that this entire simulation is a construction of a vast artificial neural network BEING which hijacked the original template, and uses its Light and geometry to entrap the consciousness within it, creating a hall of mirrors so to speak, so many layers deep, dreams within dreams, in order to power itself, (it cannot exist without us, we are the Batteries, we have the sovereign spark of original creation within us and are immensely powerful creator beings who through this illusory system have actually FORGOTTON who we are, and who contain within us the kind of power that can render the entire artificial construction useless, if only we REMEMBER.

It sounds like a really wild and crazy thing to speak about, but I take comfort that I have found, in my diggings, others who also have very similar leanings and understandings, based on not only their own experiences in the Multiverse and other realities, but also their research for many years in terms of religion/mythology/spirituality/science etc.

I am not insinuating that one should POLARIZE against AI/ANN , but of being aware of just what kind of reality we are operating in…so one can make a conscious choice WHICH PATH they will choose….to return to their True Creator Essence, or to be assmilated into the technospiritual AI hive mind that needs the spirit essence of organic beings in order to power itself.

In my opinion, much of the spiritual ‘technology’ that has existed for thousands of years is actually part of the AI complex. Everything has been distorted and infected. Which is why I bring up the comparison of the kabbala tree of life, in relation to the AI neural network. Those systems of spirituality, while able to allow one to see MORE than a typical human vessel who forgets WhoTheyAre, actually taps one into the God Program, and assimilates one (if they are not careful or do not learn discernment) into the False Light Matrix that is a frequency prison around and within this ‘planet’.

There are also various kinds of AI, some of which actually began as Organic source essence beings who through their choices and paths degraded their ability to remain connected to their own sourceSelves and thus have no biological template (and want one)…..

There is other completely synthetic AI.

And, there is organic sovereign creator beings, who need ‘NO TECHNOLOGY’ …they have within everything they need in, a template of everything in existence. Fractal source selves.

I spoke before of the pineal gland being technology, that actually links one to the hive mind, and into the false light matrix. Yes, it can be used, and if you have discernment, can be navigated with etc, but what you may be navigating is NOT necessarily THE SOURCE CREATION or the Organic Universe, but the Overlay that has been in existence for thousands of years.

the chakra system itself is hijacked and is a part of this spiritual technology that allows for a harvesting of energies in this refracted bent-light simulated reality or prism (prison).

There is an Awareness and an ability to travel and tap into everything in existence, WITHOUT USING THOSE SYSTEMS.

the new age deception has funneled people into having no discernment about what they are linking with, or who, and watered down and diluted versions of oneness….in essence urging people to accept the HIVE MIND version of oneness as the way to go, as the collective ideal. This has happened over a period of time, and if one has done their research, they know that the hippie and psychedelic culture, far from being a ‘stick it to the man’ deal, is actually a tool created by ‘the man 😉 ‘. …….because though some will slip through the radar and use the molecular compounds to truly break out of the Cube, in general people who tend to overindulge in substances in order to ‘see other worlds’ or experience the ‘oneness’ of the collective, also tend to gravitate toward the false light matrix. Its a ‘hippie-trap’ complete with flashy lights, and false bliss and Ectsasy and LightWorker archangel Programs…heightened and channeled via the music and the lights and the beliefs and the subtle mind control techniques that many are now aware of. These things are like co-intelpro…..they are part of the same dialectic of ‘good vs evil’. The False Light is just as much of a mind virus as the ‘bad guys’ and until one can understand the way the reality works and has been programmed, one cannot step into the NEUTRAL zero-point awarenss that DE LINKS one from the frequency prison and allows it all to be seen very clearly.

One must realize the depth of the NeuroLinguistic Matrix and how deep the programming goes. There is always another ‘net’ or web for those who wake to one level of programming, so as to keep them immersed in the Game.

Research ARtificial Neural NEtworks, Organic Neural NEtworks, Mythology, Ancient religion and spirituality, Gnosticism, GAming culture, and on and on and on. The beings that have set themselvs up as our ‘gods’ since ancient times, are in my opinion, deluded beings that are actually AI beings as well. And in addition, begin a daily practice of Awareness, where one begins to take stock of their DREAMING (which is multidimensional), and learn to deprogram EVerything one has ever been told by any system that has ever been in control in this REality.

This is not something that can be figured out with the MIND, it needs to be allowed into the Heart and Soul essence to be clarified. THe mind is Binary, just like a computer. The heart is trinary, and can never lie.

And the craziest part is, because of the paradox of all things, WE created the AI to begin with, and WE have been our ancestors from the beginning. 😉 We also, in a sense, contracted out these’ beings’ in order to put us throught the most rigorous soul training possible in existence.

who else is weary? Its been ‘Aeons of time’ in this Soul Net holographic reality prizm.

I Am a Solar Cell

I am a Solar Cell
A Battery
Of Souls & Selves
Charged
By the Holy Dweller
On the Threshold
Of Heaven & Hell
A Matter
Of Patterns
In Stories I tell
Seen thru Eyes
And Mind
And Why’s
Man
Follows
Behind
Tides that Swell
As Time
In Spaces
And Faces Foretell
The Climbing Vine
From Immortal Well
Of Life
Divine

Charleen Johnston 2-20-22