awareness – Page 16

The 14th Gate

As Ketu moves into the 14th gate….edging over the next little while toward an exact conjunction with my exact sun/Uranus conjunction in Scorpio 1st house… this dream from last year on this date is so prescient…as I am been catapulted into an in depth intense and CATHARtic journey into my own Codings and Woundings, serpentine spine Wound Round by Time as Mind implodes.

Ketu always brings release. If one doesn’t give willingly, it will rip away in whatever way it needs.
It’s time. Remembering is just as painful as the DisMembering….more so if the original trauma/s were Blocked or Disassociated from. But to Feel is yo Become Real. Said the velveteen Rabbit.

*the number 14 has been synchronously penetrating into my world over and over and over in the past 6 months. It’s in key 14. 14 is the key.

{Last nights Dreamtime: while handling many rattlesnakes and attempting to remove them
From a room in someone else’s house….I analyze the connection to the stargates of the 64 Codons I.e hexagrams I.e squares on the chessboard …. and in particular my own internal relation to the 14th hexagram I.e Gate and the amino acid lysine. I find myself overlayed then in two different Dreamtime spaces at once, as if the intense focus along with the very ‘handling of the serpents’ creates an Opening into the gate itself. I awaken repeating over and over ‘it’s in key 14’

My old friend Rattlesnake, always powerful}~

Ode to Self Righteousness

everywhere I look, everywhere I see
the darkest of darkness peeking out
from a cracked vessel trying to Be

woman turns on man, sister on brother
pointing fingers gnarled snarls
condemning one another

the great Web, tangled souls, human mess
terrified Minds , shouting mouths
convinced of their own righteousness

lost in the labyrinth of mental tricks
blaming each other for tocs and tics
forgetting that flesh and heart and blood
mean more than media falsehoods

Ideologies and Isms created as schisms
which one do you belong to?
hate your brother your father your mother
unless they agree with you ?

We are all the same here, we are all in the Tear
that falls further each day
from the Eye that seems to look the other way

so close your Screen, stop tapping keys
open your heart, try to see
youve been tricked into hating
your Human Family

As long as the Hatred blinds the Fearer
You are the same as your Neighbor
Staring in the Mirror

“Spy vs. Spy, baby’s a freak show
Lines form just to the right of your keyhole
Eyes from the paintings seem to follow
Mirrors cap both ends of your telescope.”

Charleen Johnston 1/25/17

Let your heart break

Photo by Kevin Stiles, model Jade Brannon, dress by Charleen Johnston

Let your heart break.
Let it bleed. Let it ache. Let all its pieces fall to the floor at your feet. Let the tears flow. Let yourself fall to your knees. Let the pain become physical.
Let yourself live in a way where your heart is allowed to be broken.
By this, I don’t mean put your heart in harm’s way and fail to care for its welfare. I don’t mean date people who are difficult to love and pretend it doesn’t matter when they throw you out like the day’s trash.
I don’t mean orchestrate your life in a way where your needs aren’t being met or you lack the feeling of love and support. I don’t mean neglect to put yourself first and position yourself as someone else’s proverbial punching bag.
I don’t mean choose self-destruction over self-construction.
What I mean is this: don’t be ashamed if you love hard and it falls apart. Don’t buffer the fact that your heart shattered to pieces. Don’t hide it, lie about it, shy away from it, or deny it.
Don’t avoid an important experience for fear that you’ll get hurt. Don’t look away from it when someone else is in pain, or when someone you love is suffering beyond your comprehension. Don’t mask it, ignore it, downplay it or try to escape from it.
Don’t think for a second that it is wrong for your heart to be breaking.
If your heart is broken — let it be broken.
Let it all fall apart.
Because there’s more than enough sorrow in this damn world that should, and will, eviscerate your heart.
I’m not just talking about your first love walking away, or your partner of 10 years deciding they want to be with someone else. I’m not just talking about losing a job or not getting into your college of choice.
I’m talking about things like watching a loved one die after months of suffering — or, on the other hand, having them die so suddenly you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.
Losing a child that you loved more than anything, or losing a child before you had the opportunity to even get to know them.
Knowing that someone was abused, belittled and beaten because of the color of their skin or their sexual preference.
Finding out that someone who means the world to you has spent their whole life in a perpetual state of self-loathing.
Watching someone slowly die from the inside out and being utterly unable to change it.
Loss, destruction, inequality, unforgivable acts of violence, unimaginable amounts of pain — you’re never at a loss for reasons to be heartbroken.
And you have to let it in; you have to let the hurt come through. Because trust me: it’ll only eat you from the inside out if you don’t.

Let yourself feel the pain.
Pain changes you. It transforms you. It softens you and hardens you at the same time.
It breeds wisdom and humility. It puts things into perspective. It allows you to feel more empathy and compassion. It heightens your standards and lowers your guard.
You’ll never be the same; you’ll never go back to who you were before the breakdown, and that’s on purpose. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
It means you’ve grown. It means you cared about someone or something enough to get hurt. It means you put your precious heart into the way you live and love and approach significant situations in your life.
It means it all meant something. ⠀
If you’ve ever caught a glimpse of death, and just a tiny glimpse will do, you’ll know that none of the other shit matters. The status, the achievement, the money, the need to keep impressing people you don’t even know — none of that means one iota in the larger scheme of things.
The only thing that truly matters is that you loved and that you loved hard. And when you put your heart on the line, it opens itself up, and it also gets beat up. That’s how it all works.
That also means you’re doing something right.
Keep going.

~Shannon Leigh

Requiem

What does this spiral storm
Hold for me
Where does this winding path
Lead me

Am I passing thru unnoticed
In fragments of disguise
Remnants of understanding
Discarded
As l i e s….

The cycles compel us to
Forge forward
On this journey
The wheels of time
Ever so gently turning
Twisting
Stories and dreams
And whisperings into
Sculptures with essence
And imaginings

Dance like silver star s I l v e r n I g h t
Smiling from afar

(are we barred from ever reaching
Those shores that speak of transcendence?)

The ringing singing tone
Of E ve r y th I n g
Clap clapping deafening

Forces me to awaken from this dream

The requiem
Outlasted me

Finding once more simpler
Shores timeless tales metaphors

The path of fire that leads up thru time
Up thru spine out of mind

Is open before me

Am I
R e a d y to r e c I e v e ?

Charleen Johnston 2004

When I became a mother….

16 years ago I opened the Vesica so my Golden SonShine could spray his Radiance into this Reality.
I was told by so many people that I was Crazy…. For
Having an unassisted Pregnancy without a single doctor visit or test or invasion of my temple…for Birthing him at home, into my own hands, without outside interference by by anyone…..For not cutting his Umbilical cord and instead allowing it to detach in its own as he gently transitioned from one dimensional Space to another….for keeping him skin to skin contact constantly for the first week, and almost constantly til he could maneuver away on his own….for wearing him in slings snd on my back constantly til he walked at almost 10 months snd chose to run and explore….for never using diapers and instead learning his signals and pottying him…for Breasfeeding him til he turned 5, and never once giving him a bottle or pacifier or artificial external soothing substitutes…for sleeping with him for many years, and making sure his Bonding was secure and filled with love and support…never leaving him alone to cry as a baby…and especially called crazy and irresponsible for him never having been to a single doctor visit or test, nor allowed a single
Va$$ination or other invasion of his temple.

Everyone makes the choices they are comfortable with, and these were choices I was willing to defend with my life. When you defy everyone around you and in the face of societal and family programming, claim full Responsibility for your Gestation and Birth process and the consequences thereof, and choose to be a Testament to Sovereignty on all levels of your Being, you will receive all kinds of projections from the masses and from those who are so afraid of their own Power that they will silently hope for your downfall for the very act of standing against a System of Disempowerment.

It’s never easy to spend your life learning, and taking responsibility for your own Health and the health of your child. It takes courage and focus, and Trust in a level of being that will test every bit of you along the way. It’s not for the faint of heart. I’m not judging anyone who doesn’t make the same choices I made.
But I still stand by my own decisions, and I have a 16 year old blossoming Man, who has made it til now with not a single doctor visit ( minus a required Physical to enter high school)or allopathic intervention, or injection….he’s incredibly intelligent and quick minded, extremely robust physically, and very much his own person, with little care for impressing the crowd. I am grateful beyond measure.

I have made many hard decisions in my life, and more than once left behind everything I care about, in order to do what I felt was the right thing for the larger picture and others involved. Some may judge those decisions also, over the past several decades, harshly. The one thing I can stand by, is that every single choice I have ever made…I take full responsibility for. And there’s not a single person other than myself in all these years thst I blame for anything. Birthing my son in the way I did, and raising him against the tide of social norms and msss programming, was an Initiation of the highest order, and In the current climate of Medical Tyranny, and Invasion of Individual Will , and Rape of the Human Body and Mind with Injections and forced Penetration and Programs and surrender of Soul to a Machine that is little understood by those who have lived their entire life giving over the responsibility for their Lives and Health to something outside of them…. I Renew my Vow of Sovereignty…
And will undergo whatever further initiations that are calling me, with absolute surrender to my own Individual Path and Acceptance of Responsibility.
While allowing others to do whatever it is that they feel called to do, without interference by me.

May all beings find their Empowerment and reClaim their Divine Will and ReMember that Body is something so miraculously magical…. The more one lives in harmony snd devotion to their own physical body, the more they will live in alignment and devotion to the body of Earth…. And the less Fear of the greater Reality.

Blissed Be. Happy Birthday to my Starchild , and also to the Mother I became on this day 16 years ago.

CLJ 1-29-22

Multiplicatio

A temptation presents itself here at the end-the daimon of the postscript. The endlessness of the Know Thyself opus is, in Jung’s language, a process of individuation. As it goes on, the heat increases. The later, spirit operations take precedence, those called distillation , volatilization, sublimation, and particularly what the alchemists call multiplication. While these operations intensify the power of the spirit , they also tend to break the psychic vessel and spill out into matter, action, society, politics, with the fervent urgency of prophesy and mission. With every increase of the spirits heat, there needs to be a corresponding increase of the souls capacity to contain it, to amplify within its inner sacral space. This space, this colorful and intricate carpet of the soul, it’s bordures and silks, is the vessel of the anima- nurturer, weaver, reflector. The conjunctio, here, is the contained spirit, this spirited, inspired containment.

The multiplicatio is thus not a world mission, nor is the tincture a direct, naive spreading into and staining with spirit the matters of the political, social world. Rather, I suggest, the multiplicatio is an effect of touching all points of the soul, it’s hundred channels of images, with spiritedness- and of bringing soul-laden imagery by means of which brilliant impulses of the spirit can find witness and know themselves. Know Thyself here leaves the knower altogether, becoming the spirits self-knowledge in the mirror of the soul, the souls recognition of its spirits. The multiplicatio, with its hot redness, spreads it’s own way into corpus, the body of the world of material events transfusing through the middle realm, the soul or animal. Then these material, political, social events are envisioned themselves as multiplicity-no longer a dualism of spirit versus matter, calling to dialectical battle. No longer polarity, but plurality. Or to put it again: the Psyche first, then world. Through Psyche, the mediatrix, to world, and the world too, psyche, released thereby to many worlds.

James Hillman, Nachklang, Healing Fiction

I Live in A Giant Battery

I live in a spectacular natural battery
I live in a womb
I live in hygieias chalice
Entwined
By the serpentine flow
Of Life Energy
Thru natures Spine

When you understand electromagnetic energies and this earth playground, and know why you chose to Inter Carns Nation in this blissful unique zone of wonder

There are large amounts of iron ore in these mountains
This Mountain ring within mountains
This valley within a valley
Surrounded by the Sinuous sine wave of flowing water
Oh Shenandoah ….
Wrapping itself around like
A kundalini serpent

Bowl of hygieia
Churning the synapses
And bursting thru somatic
Maps

The poeisis of space
In this chaotic time
Of birth

The cup of hygieia is the womb, and the SineWave serpent is the Sexual energy/life force….

We have another womb, too….

Birthing mothers know that there is a direct connection between the larynx and womb… and the pelvis and the jaw….

What are you gestating…. In your fractal fugue of fantasy, what iMages are percolating
That eject from your vocal
Womb, what do you allow in to your Somatic Alchemical Furnace room?

What have we birthed from our wombs…in our eternal foray into Time….we have each birthed monsters….from our loins snd from our mouths…. As well as beauty. Can we forgive ourselves and reclaim those chimeras? Can we have compassion and defragment the hard drive….let the soul fly again….

Somatic Trauma Work….my ongoing love affair with Pain

Four Hours in this waking reality
Time-frame
Of intense Somatic Trigger Point
Pain
Bodywork and Descent
Into the Inner musculature and armature
And inPrizmMent
Of my StoriesInTimeSpace
Trapped and held
In my Shape
Navigating landscapes I had
Forgotten
But which had not
Forgotten Me
Twisting into the aching pain
Of the waking strain
Of aeons
Of Trying to See
And Dying to Be
Free
To Bleed
The Agony and the Ecstasy
Of nonLinear Destiny
Wrapped around the core
So tight
We cannot fail
To recognize
The Fight
We locked away
In Prizm Cells
In Somatic Shells that protect
The Seed
As dramatic deeds and
Infected Dreams
Plead
To be Released from these
Semiotic Seams

I cried as the Memories of Me~s
I’ve tried to hide
Spoke again
From the infinite fractal
Face
of wide-eyed Time
In a Space
I created
In Order
To wake the blind
Embryos
Of Selves in Sides
Of Chaotic crimes
So they could swim free
In rising tides
Of harmony
As I unBind them
In this fugue of MyStory
Mysteriously unfolding
Before Me

Charleen Johnston
2-5-22

🌹✨🕊✨🌹

I Am a Solar Cell

I am a Solar Cell
A Battery
Of Souls & Selves
Charged
By the Holy Dweller
On the Threshold
Of Heaven & Hell
A Matter
Of Patterns
In Stories I tell
Seen thru Eyes
And Mind
And Why’s
Man
Follows
Behind
Tides that Swell
As Time
In Spaces
And Faces Foretell
The Climbing Vine
From Immortal Well
Of Life
Divine

Charleen Johnston 2-20-22

I have One Wish….

I have One wish: That everyone will reMember how Precious THIS Human Body is, THIS human life. Dont be fooled by programming into thinking this is the worse place to be. THIS is an opportunity, and if you are here at all, have Gratitude and start to LOVE this chance to use your personal spaceship(your body) to wake into the magnificence of WHO YOU REALLY ARE, that you have forgotten.

If you are OVerwhelmed by what is going on here in this Reality, regardless of how this reality came about, take a look at YOUR OWN BODY and your own microcosmic sphere. Are you treating your human body with respect? Love? Acceptance? Giving it Breath, and pure food, and Pure thoughts? Or are you drowning it in Addictions, Alcohol, Food, Toxic thoughts of anger and resentment and victimhood? Are you taking into your Mind depraved and vulgar programming from television and movies? Are you listening to music that re-instills low energy thoughtforms? Are you treating your body and sexual energy with disrespect under the justification of ‘freedom?’

Earth is our Mother here in this reality, She is hosting our Awareness, and SHE will not be destroyed by what you see around you. TRUST her, that what SHE is doing is done in Love and Awareness. She is a Being, and she is throwing off the chains. What YOU can do, is to THROW OFF YOUR OWN CHAINS so that you can Birth with Her into an ENTIRELY NEW reality. Not the ‘false light New Earth astral realms’ that some are aligning with. An entirely different way of Sovereign Physical Existence Grounded in A Centered and Grateful Awareness of Co-creation.

If you are treating your BODY or the people around you AS ANYTHING LESS than what you claim you desire for this Planet, you are not acting in your Power. Step out of Victimhood. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. Neither is our Mother Earth…… Giver her, AND YOURSELF, the Honor and Trust that we all deserve. It only happens by EVERY CHOICE, Every day. Step into Power Within, not Blame Without.

~Charleen Johnston 2-24-17