“There are dead ideas and cold beliefs, wrote William James, and then there are hot and live ones. When an idea “grows hot and lives within us,” he believed, everything must recrystallize around it. The exuberant life, bursting as it does with feverish beliefs, is one of constant recrystallization; in this lies much of its value, complexity, and potential danger. That which is most deeply felt is also most powerfully expressed to others. “We cannot write well or truly but what we write with gusto,” said Thoreau. “The body the senses must conspire with the spirit—Expression is the act of the whole man. that our speech may be vascular.” But our beholdenness to passion assures a darker side. Exuberance can veer sharply into disturbing territory. Champagne enchants, but it also intoxicates more quickly than stiller wines: heed glides into heedlessness as effortlessly as the silk chemise drops to the floor. The things that excite contain the capacity for excess and the potential to shame or devastate. Enthusiasm shares a border with fanaticism, and joy with hysteria; exuberance lives in uncomfortable proximity to mania. Exuberance, as Shakespeare wrote of music, “hath such a charm / To make bad good, and good provoke to harm.” Thwarted or deviant enthusiasms, once pro-voked, are powers to reckon with. The fever of passion itself is not the difficulty, argued William James; rather, trouble lies in the nature of the passion and how well it holds up to the light of day. “Surely the fever process as such is not the ground for our disesteem,” he wrote. “For ought we know to the contrary, 103° or 104° Fahrenheit might be a much more favorable temperature for truths to germinate and sprout in, than the more ordinary blood-heat of 97 or 98 degrees. It is the dis-agreeableness itself of the fancies, or their inability to bear the criticisms of the convalescent hour.” Disagreeable fancies are irksome at best and calamitous at worst. Too ardent or misdirected exuberance creates mayhem for the individual and exposes others to the possibility of mishap, if not actual danger. Unchecked, enthusiasm runs roughshod over reason and intrudes into the private emotional territory of others, imposing, as it goes, its own energy and tempo. Exuberance whips its way in, dominant, and forces itself upon those trapped in its eddy. At its best, it is infectious and enlivening; at its worst, it stifles the ideas and feelings of the less exuberant. Not everyone delights in delight, especially if it is not their own, and few wish to have their moods hijacked by those of others. Sustained or nuanced social interactions are difficult in the presence of great exuberance, and indiscriminate enthusiasm hinders the discernment necessary to sort out true friend from possible foe. The lack of fixity creates discomfort and mistrust: the mobility of mind and attachment that is artistically helpful may not prove an asset in other circumstances. Like Brown-ing’s Last Duchess, who had “A Heart how shall I say?—too soon made glad, / Too easily impressed; she liked whate er / She looked on, and her looks went everywhere,” the exuberant are easily engaged. And exuberance is, in its very effusiveness, liable to misconstruction and suspicion, often misinterpreted as sexual interest when none is intended, or as implying a more sustained emotional commitment than is warranted by the high spirits that, however persuasive, may prove to be transient or directed in any number of places. ….. Carter Brown was mindful, however, that not everyone found his energy to their liking (although most who knew him certainly did). His tendency, as he put it, to “lope into others’ pastures” was, he acknowledged, not infrequently experienced as “grating.” Brown, who could no more keep his enthusiasm in check than an otter can keep to the riverbank, believed that his exuberance was an integral part of his leadership of the National Gallery, but he was also aware that it caused envy in some and made others feel over-whelmed. Brown said he tried to slow down his speech and to keep his long arms and hands from waving into the “emotional space” of other people, but that it was an uphill fight. …… Where does exuberance end and mania begin? What is eccentricity, or simply a normal variation in temperament, and when does it tip over into irrational exuberance and psychopathology? We do not know. The edges of mania may be exhilarating, as Clifford Beers relates in A Mind That Found Itself “It seemed as though the refreshing breath of some kind Goddess of Wisdom was being blown gently against the surface of my brain. … So delicate, so crisp and exhilarating was it that words fail me in my attempt to describe it”. … Normal exuberance can escalate into pathological enthusiasm, anger, or even mania. Those who have what Emil Kraepelin called a “manic predisposition” are not only extraverted, cheerful, and overly optimistic, they also possess highly unstable and irritable moods. Indeed, those most inclined to exuberance are often most subject to despair and hopelessness. These dark sides of exuberance both help and hinder: if enthusiasm switches quickly to wrath or is bound too often to impetuous action, many of the dangers we have discussed are made more likely. If melancholy gives a humanizing perspective to exuberance, however, there is less risk of hazardous behavior and shallow thought. As we shall see, a close familiarity with both exuberance and despair may lead to a profound understanding of human nature, as well as an ability to more complexly express it in the arts and sciences. Moderation in strong emotions is not always easily come by. Lucretius observed two thousand years ago that the destructive motions “can never permanently get the upper hand and entomb vitality for evermore. Neither can the generative and augmentative motions permanently safeguard what they have created. …. There was, he said, “a sort of uncommon celerity in changing expression, in thought and speech.” His legendary restlessness was summed up most graphically by Henry Adams, who said that Stevenson “seems never to rest, but perches like a parrot on every available projection, jumping trom one to another, and talking incessantly.” Keeping to his bird analogy, but switching species, Adams wrote to another friend that Stevenson looked like “an insane stork, very warm and very restless.” An acquaintance of Stevenson’s in Samoa concurred: “He was as active and restless as if his veins had been filled with quicksilver.” W. E. Henley wrote of Stevenson that he was as “mutable as the sea,/ The brown eyes radiant with vivacity…/ A spirit intense and rare, with trace on trace/ Of passion, impudence, and energy.” Another friend said that “there were two Stevensons … this strange dual personality… I have seen him in all moods… chatting away in the calmest manner possible; and I have seen him become suddenly agitated, jump from that table and stalk to and fro across the floor like some wild forest animal … his face would glow and his eyes would flash, darkening, lighting, scintillating, hypnotising you with their brilliance and the burning fires within.” Stevenson had, in short, a febrile temperament. …. The intensity and variability of Stevenson’s moods-his not infrequent black depressions and his contrasting exuberance— certainly contributed to his understanding of the underbelly of delight. His temperament was peculiarly tuned to not only the darker side of human nature and its ready accessibility but to a firsthand knowledge of man’s multiplicity of selves. Stevenson’s own fluctuating and wildly disparate moods made him especially sensitive to the ambiguities, shadings, and inconsistencies of human enthusiasms and, indeed, of life itself. “It is in vain to seek for consistency or expect clear and stable views,” he wrote. “In this flux of things, our identity itself seems in a perpetual variation…. All our attributes are modified or changed; and it will be a poor account of us if our views do not modify and change in a proportion.” Stevenson’s close knowledge of dark and inconstant moods inevitably influenced his work. It provided him a keen sensitivity to mood states of all kinds, and enhanced his genius for portraying their nuances. It also gave him a hard appreciation for the seductiveness of uninhibited states of mind. Stevenson’s intimate acquaintance with contrary and unpredictable moods did not account for all, or even perhaps most, of his perspective on life. But to underestimate it is to underestimate Stevenson himself; it is, as well, to underestimate the raw, knowing, and deeply human power of his greatest writings. …. The juxtaposition of the exuberant and the malignant is potentially dangerous, but a balance between the two can provide ballast and gravitas. Excessive lightness can be given a grace note by the dark, as melancholy and mania can give each other depth and height. To make use of despair is an ancient gift of the artist: to learn from pain; to temper the frenzied enthusiasm; to rein in the scatter, the rank confidence, and the expansive ideas generated during times of unchecked exuberance. Melancholy has a way of winding in the high-flying expectations that are the great gift of exuberance but its liability as well; it forces a different kind of look-ing. “In these flashing revelations of grief”s wonderful fire,” wrote Melville, “we see all things as they are; and though, when the electric element is gone, the shadows once more descend, and the false outlines of objects again return; yet not with their former power to deceive.” Melancholy forces a slower pace, makes denial a less plausible enterprise, and constructs a ceiling of reality over sky-borne ideas. It thrusts death into the mental theater and sees to it that the salient past will be preserved. Exuberant ideas benefit from skepticism and leadshot. Whether the ballast comes from melancholy, from law or social sanction, from an astringent intellect or the incredulity of others, discipline and qualm are conducive to getting the best yield from high mood and energy.”
{selections from Kay Redfield Jamison, ‘Exuberance’}
The following is the transcript of live poetry reading for 44th birthday
My whole life is an open confession Broken flesh honed with impressions from God Words spilling out like wounds infused With the blood that purifies the paths I’ve trod
What is Woman? What should Woman be? Seems there are an infinity of answers, an unending barrage of ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ attached to the archetype of Woman. There are thousands of books out there, and papers, articles, essays….all on what it means to be Woman, where the roots of Woman are, what the future of Woman will be. Woman in Relationship; Woman as Mother; Woman as Daughter; Woman as Newly liberated. All just archetypal relationships of energy. Points of light dancing on a blueprint. What does Woman FEEL like? What does it FEEL like to Be Woman? When I stretch my body and feel the nerves awaken, the muscles loosen, the blood flowing, I feel the Primal Womanity spread thru my being, touching everything within and around me with a fire that can be too intense to name, too generalized to capture, too strong to ignore. When I run, footstep by footstep upon the Earth or upon the dark armor of pavement that strangles the Earth….I pound out the rhythm of my strength…my endurance…my desire. I am in balance, carried by the amazing strength and intent of my legs….those pillars that exist to connect me with physicality in a way that is dynamic and delightful. With every inhale I accept into me the Breathing of Gaia and of all who have borrowed oxygen from Her since the first moment of carnal experience. With every exhale I give back that which is not mine, but which has filled me with the potential to Feel and to Move and to Think and to rSmile. This dance of breath, over time, brings a calm, fluid expanse of blue to my bones, to my blood, and to my aura……the Woman I Am Playing at Being is quickening her pace, soaring with the wind of thought and mind and communication….but on a level that is unspoken, indirect, unperturbed,content with indistinct flow. When I make masters of my hands and set them to the task of patchworking a multitude of found and loved and used and old and outworn objects and fabrics and things together into new personalities, new beings, new symbols of the creative spirit……I worship the Woman of my soul….I allow her to speak thru me in ways that are unique and true, fun and playful, wise and foolish both. With every stitch I set an intention to Love. With every seam I am becoming aware of my relationship to Each and to All. With every color I make a statement of what I see in the moment, how I feel in this particular flash of eternity.
When I draw, She draws thru me….she moves the contour of my pen like she moves the contour of my world……making space where there is none, opening doors where stagnation has set. When I laugh, it is Woman who cackles…..deep belly laughter coming from someplace ancient, yet futuristic, yet HereNow….Present…….a laughter that has no fear, no self consciousness, no agenda, no apologies. I like laughter that is unrestrained, inappropriate, uncouth, taboo, deep and wide, harsh and shrieking, anything that comes from that endless well within which the madwoman gathers her nourishment. When I smile, I am a doorway for Woman. I am a light that shines, makes it ok to OpenWide…..to be filled with Joy. When I smile, I am giving to you. I am telling you…..Woman is Here…..Naked and Alive…..please come in! When I cook I am transforming energies….an alchemy of fire and taste and sacrifice and honor. I am Woman feeding the World from her Body. When I dance I am Her…..I move like tendrils, like serpents in the agony of ecstasy. I dance to Become Myself. To Become Woman That I AM. I am in a different state….an alternative mode of being……the whispers within me become a chant and my body moves….purposeful but without agenda, intense but without direction. Fluid but contained. Passionate yet serene. I am a Muscle of Bliss……swaying to the rhythm of the blood that carves its path out in the rivers of my Body.
When I make love, I am Woman. Feverish. Fire. Wet Pulsating mass of wide open nerves and cells and points of light and waves of bliss. I am Here. Fully. But also There. Inside the Mouth of Woman. I am channel. I am no longer personal. I am Priestess. The Flame guides me, sings me……my Body. Woman. Conduit. Portal. Woman. Burning. Crying out. Articulating. Gesticulating. Giving. Worshipping. Body. of Man. of Woman. of Infinity. I will take you in…you are amorphous mass dissolving in my cauldron of heat….of vibrating muscle memory, of oscillating frequencies of Bliss and Pleasure. The Tantrika. The Initiator. Come in and Play. With Woman. When I frolic, I am goddess. I am demon. I am of the underworld. Of heaven. I am paradox. I am terribly frightening in my devotion. Terrifying in my strength. Beautiful in my Body. Inhabited. In touch….with every corpuscle and every hair….I am moving. Moving. Woman. Trembling. Woman. Touching. Woman. Caressing. Woman. I honor the body of Man. I honor the body of Woman. I honor the body of Earth. I honor the body of Form and the unbody of formlessness. I drink you. I eat you. I melt you with the heat of a billion suns and let your Self be re-formed and cooled in the satiating waters of reflection and assimilation. When I invite you in, I tantalize; every sense is used and every limb is a tool of touch and taste. Woman. Feeling the fire rise…….lead by the breath…systematic patterns….coaxing particular passions and pleasures……depends on the rhythm…..everything Connected….Give in…LET GO…..LET GO…..BE WOMAN…..LET GO….Surrender to your Primal Raw Wild Abandon. No apologies. No shame. No limits. No guilt. No control. No agenda. Be. Beautiful. HumanButNotHuman. Dark Dakini calls you down. I am Her. Inhabit yourself. Inhabit Woman. Draw Her down into your sacred skin and bones. Maker Her Alive. Live on the edge of Her. Every touch errogenous. Every murmur a blessing. Every scream a sonnet. Every Orgasm a Prayer. A Prayer. A prayer. Every climax a Chant. That is your moment. That Moment. Is. WOMAN. Release. Woman. at Ease. Woman. in that Moment of Woman, the Universe is Womb. What you hold in your mind, in your heart, in your body, in your soul, at that very Moment of Climax, of Womanness, you send out into the Ethers…..it will be enlarged and given substance, and made dense……..and be of your World. Focus those energies of Woman. Let them be centered in Love and Joy and Respect and Harmony and Acceptance and Tolerance. That moment, and the dance that becomes It, are….for me….what Woman means. A woman with no connection to Body, to Heart, to Passion, to Sexuality, to Fire, to Sweat, to Absurdity, to Primal Wild Raw Energy and Excitement…..is……not Woman. Woman exists in man too. Woman is palpable, tangible yet diffuse…..erotic in every aspect of Life…….tinges the world with a golden aura of enthusiasm, exertion and incredible connections with Source and FragmentsOfSource.
I choose to Burn in the Flames. I choose to Feel the Pain. I choose to writhe in agony and in ecstasy, as the moment dictates. I would not trade my tenderness or my strength, I would not trade my lows and my darkness and my underworld soul for a life of flatline emotion, or unmoved calm.
I feel it all I feel it all. I am Woman. I heed the call. CLJ 2011
I came thru the other side of that and learned that it’s not about Transcending but about Integrating. Spirit plays here for its own reasons, and is drawn to this Earth Flesh Playground because it wants to Feel Deeply and experience visceral Life. Being a very plutonic underworld person but aiming always for the spirit when I was in my 20s, it took a lot of delusional wake up experiences to Own all that I had believed myself to have transcended. All that stuff I thought I had evolved past, I had simply dissociated from, and the force of its wrath at being ignored and suppressed made its fury known in physical symptoms and deeply imbalanced emotional reality with a dash of incredibly Underworld-like navigations thrown in. The higher I thought I was flying in those years, the more pure i thought I was, came at a price and it was collected by the Dark Feminine in 2018. And since complete dissolution and and finally Truly making friends with the parts of the Self that I had trapped in deep subterranean caves and dungeons , with compassion, and awareness that it was a matter of freeing bit by bit, those fragments from all timelines trapped in my Prizm Cell.Ves. Instead of ‘Mind over Mattering’ my body and pushing it to extremes, instead of convincing myself I was pure and lofty and fully my idealized Spirit Self-the Puer( my online and business name even used to be Puella Eterna for 13 years)- i became engaged in the true Alchemical Work. I Realized how abusive I had been to Psyche and Body all those years ( and lifetimes) of denigrating the dark hungry fiery tempest of my soul, the Feminine, thinking I could Will Myself into the magical spheres of the heavenly abodes:.:::: I have always been easily carried away on the wings of spirit, can easily disembody into OBE states etc. What I came here to do, Now, was to actually Make This Body Fully Conscious , for it is the Marriage bed of Eros and Psyche, and the Alchemy of Life uses all vibrations to create.
When I made friends with the depth of my own Pain and Anger and Lust for Aliveness, Lust for Intensity of Being, and my own Arrogance etc ( Scorpio ascendent/Mercury conjunction, sun/Uranus Scorpio conjunction( all ruled by mars) and all in the 1st house( house of mars/Aries), with an Aries moon( mars ruled) and Mars aspecting strongly every planet in my chart = I was a complete Fool to imagine that I was a soft and ethereal spiritual angelic figure floating in the higher spheres…..:. I am a child of Mars, and Mars at its best is the Blood and Passion and Vitality to Exist and Move in this Realm, Mars is the defender and protecter of all that is sacred in creation, it is Raw, Brash, Authentic, Physically Vital, Mentally Agile, Temperamental….and Serves the Feminine……
When I truly came to Know Myself and stopped building castles in the sky, but used my archetypal Mercurial nature along with Mars to go to the Underworld and reclaim the very Selves I had locked up thru this Infinite Game over Time, I came Alive and learned what real Power is.
That’s my journey. I have compassion for that person I was and thought I was, but I have made my Vow, to Die in Battle, as a Sacred Warrior, and a Warrior must be in touch with his/her Fire and Anger and lust and Blood and sacrifice it on the alter of the Feminine Creation…..
( of interest is the relation of mars and Saturn… Mars/Blood is made in the Marrow of the bones/Saturn…… Mars is the Warrior who serves The Saturn Kingdom, which is the very energy that gives Form to the life principle:= in my chart, My mars is in Sagittarius/conjunct Neptune ( the spiritual warrior) in the second house( using the physical body/ it’s values and resources) And is Square( tension) (serving) Saturn in Libra which is also conjunct Jupiter to almost a degree…… in the 11th house/ community and the larger stage of service to the people: It’s all written in Light Codes we wove ourselves into.
My heavy 12th house/ underworld where Pluto/hades sits exactly to the minute almost, with Venus, is my Lifelong lesson…..spiritualizing and completely transforming the Sexual and Aesthetic principles……using the raw lust and vitality of The black Goddess Black Carbon through Dionysus protean morphing Imaginal spheres under intense pressure to create the Diamond Body.:::: the twin Sisters of Carbon666 and Daimond ….. the Treasures hidden in this Earth and this Flesh and this Game of Matter Mater Mother Matrix Maat.
The Psyches realm is a dark realm that takes in everything….light and dark and everything in between. It likes the humus of earth, the compost, the shit of life, the messy smelly sweaty fleshy human realm of bodies bumping into bodies in sensate expression , playing with selves in Carnes Nation, the carnal nest of alchemy, where Soul is the Imaginal Playscape and Spirit must come Down To Earth to Play with Form.
I spent so much time out of body for the first 26 years of my life; I’m now happily Wed in the alchemical marriage bed knowing the Great Work goes on and on and on, and my relationship with Saturn has transformed my life into one of beauty: I used to balk at Saturn and his crusty old crystallization and construction of my ever-so Icarus-like ideals……
But….
I am the Sacred Warrior who Serves the Divine…:.I serve the King and the Kingdom and Protect and Honor the Queen and her Queendom… because as the Mercurial Martian or the Martian Mercurius……..the Foolish Warrior or the Warrior Fool, my realm is not just the heavens but I travel between the Upper and the Lower and The middle realms and so I must be able to hold the Tension of all Their Frequencies.
An honest person is one who knows his own capacity to Lie but chooses Truth…..a Strong person knows his own capacity for Violence but chooses Restraint….a Wise person is one who knows one’s own capacity for ignorance and knows s/he is a Fool…..a Peaceful person is one who knows his own Anger and so is not blindsided when least expecting it, and thus knows what it is to be Gentle.
May the black moist Fertile Soil keep your Roots nurtured as your branches reach for the Sky ⭐️🙌⭐️
Aho.
*written in response to a friends post this morning* And after a long night of dreaming as the Aries Full Moon opposed almost exactly my Venus/Pluto 12th house conjunction
10-18-24
Your Wonder has been Wounded and Hides
Whole Universes of Joy Trapped inside
Life split off from the Toroidal Tides
Has this Timeline been fractured and mined?
Been turned against its own kindred Kind?
An overlay of dismay injected by Blind
Inoculation of Information meant to Bind
Against the Immensity of Power that Hides
Itself within these Cells that Dwell and Tell
The Stories of the sacred sovereign Selves
Vital Verities that venture into vast realms
Flow like glowing Gods on waves of whim
Of wandering whispers fomenting Flesh
Blood bestowing beauty in Floods Fresh
And blessed by Ancient tests of Will
Knowing and sowing the Seeds that Instill
Insulated Integrity within the Wheel of Time
From Moments and Magic and Mirrors of mind
The Waking to Wisdom is taking its Toll
Warm winds of freedom begging for Souls
Teat to defeat the lethargy of the Lie
Of the desperate dance of I and Thy
The Dynamic Drama that unwinds the Ties
Mother of Manifestation of earth and sky
Matter entangled with music of mind
Matrix of Mastery in Bodies that bind
Maat to Thoth and Reason to Rhyme
That is the Cloth that is woven in Time
Has this cycle climbed to its powerful peak
Born of the Word we must learn to Speak
You and I and All Unfolding Fractal Flowers
Here in this Maze to Claim our Pure Power
From the Illusions of Separation and Sleep
The Sovereign Self will Rise from the Deep
Spirit of The Play of Mystery of Night and Day
Of the black and white and shades of gray
Will We remember this Song and sing along
And Forgive our Forgetting and finally belong
Intent to relent from the reflections of fear
If you tend to mending the minds many tears
You waken to Wonder and Refuse the lies
Sterilize the disguise and empower the Eyes
YourSelf is the Sacred Story of Sight
And Freedom to Dream is the Souls Delight
Cower not in this sour hour of Rotting Rind
Your Deeds are the Seeds that fertilize Mind
Seed and Read the Script between the Lines
Will the Sacred Fields be Vitalized in Time
Never Refute the Deep Power of your Heart
Flower in this hour and ReMember your Part
And carry the torch of the sacred Flame
Will and Intent are the Tools of this Game
Be Ready to cast off the chains of Blame
Trapped no longer in the Torture of Shame
In the Center of the Circle IT Always IS
Stasis and Gnosis in Balance of Bliss
In Waves radiating out from the centraL Kiss
Fallow Filaments of Fugue Pretend to Exist
Fields full of Figments of fabulous Twists
In SineWaves of Wonder Dancing through This
Timeline of Revelation of Realitys Demand
That Challenges All Of Life to Innerstand
Loops that entrap in Memorys magic mirror
Upon the alter of the Allegations of Error
Itself a Diversion of the Designs of terror
Repeating the Dream and Birthing the Bearer
The Distorted Dilemma of failing to Bring
Trauma to the Surface to Heal the Sting
Of the seperate Self clipper of Wings
Fear of the Full Magnificence of Being
Of creating Worlds and weaving Dreams
Knowing the Stitcher is Inside of the Seams
The Dancer and the Dance of Eternity
Full of Forever and Infinitely Empty
Power and Passion in Playful Embrace
And Magic and Mystery in Time and Space
Immensity of Body Intensity of Mind
Of Nothing and Everything of All One Finds
Who is the Seer and Who is the Seen
And Where is the Wearer In Between
What is Birthed and what remains to Be
You are infinitely Open and Eternally Free
Are you ready step into the power of Creation
An open invitation through sacred sensation
Infinite scope of Indefinite Conjecture
Star in the Sky of Imaginations projections
In the pangs of labor the Mother shall bless
A waking World wallowing in Stress
Dance of dilemma trembling In fear
In delivery the slavery shall disappear
A Jestervolution in The Playful Prelude
Dream Descending from Deep Altitude
Of infinite recesses of Being and Becoming
Your Memory Motioning Magic Homecoming
Own your Tones and Tunes and treasures
Creation is a Blessing of Pain and Pleasures
Copyright Charleen Johnston
4-4-2020
I bore mySelf into this World
Knowing the task at hand
I wore the mask of childhood
And played the Game again
I nightly left this physical realm
To reMember how to Fly
I suffered through hardship and pain
To Strengthen my heart and Mind
I made the game into a Play
And challenged my gifts and guides
I wandered thru mazes dark and grey
And found the treasures Inside
I lost mySelf in forays of fear
When I tried to run from my power
I struggled thru paths strange and unclear
While constructing an ivory tower
I let mySelf die on an alter of Fire
And tore illusions from my Skin
I fell into Death while struggling for breath
As I battled my demons within
I laughed with freedom as I awoke
From Aeons of blame and Shame
That tangled itself around my shell
And strangled the magic of my Name
I wept for my friend who could not stay
Whose bones I wear with honor
I held his face in Dimensions of Space
And promised I would Die Honest
I screamed aloud into the clouds
Every night by Forest and river
I spoke the words from my mouth
In streams of gold and silver
I made my oath and signed in blood
And faced the mirror of the Dream
'I Vow To Die In Battle' , I cried
And fell to the Ground on my knees
I Let my tears seep into the Dirt
And Dug thru the deep with my hands
I crawled thru the humus of this Earth
And was healed by the Spirit of Land
I rose with the Seed nurtured by Awe
At the glory of my own Deep power
I cradled the embryo deep in my soul
Knowing in Time it would Flower
I pledged my Life to the edge of the knife
Never to fear the dark abyss
I promised to unFold the Seed of my soul
Adorned in the fabric of beauty and bliss
I watch as the tide now starts to rise
And reMember how the script unravels
I shout out loud to shock the crowds
Who cannot see the road they travel
I speak in Tongues but not to ears
And twist mySelf into Stories and rhyme
I wear the neurolinguistic Nails
In wrists and feet impaled with Time
I vow to Die in Battle
I vow to die Free
The chessboard is the Master Test
Of the Blessed Will to Be
copyright Charleen Johnston
4-10-2020
Welcome my fellow Travelers in Time
To a Future embedded in layers of Mind
The Switchboard salutes the sailors of Sine
New ships afloat in castle moats of brine
Worlds we create through Signals in spine
Where Sigils are mined in ancient bloodlines
Self shall navigate the wide open corridor
Is this Now the gate to the land of Mordor?
Held inTension with blissful visions of Yore
In gardens of Eden and Bytes to the Core
Ether Dissensions and electromagnetic wars
Cords of entanglement in artificial Spores
Crypts of information in cellular stasis
Of flippant mutations of apotheosis
Current ripping through veins and Mazes
Seas of Red blood blinding with Gnosis
Of fragmented futures in homeostasis
Fomenting forbidden moments of hypnosis
Programmed emotions and notions of fear
Passivity playing god with the gears
Inscribed in Time in the Cells and the tears
In twisting contortions of Yous and Years
Moments of madness waking the Seers
Will you arise and shine as you learn to steer?
You scripted this scene In this incipient dream
Choose your own adventure in LiveStream
To Open the gates to the Layers in between
Navigate the InnerStates and stitch the Seams
As awareness permeates your bloodstream
An invitation to the Wave of the particle beam
Adept and in step with the Ability to Create
Or Asleep and deeply afraid to awake
Will you hide your face or Ride your Fate
You are the chosen One in this Game
Drown out the voices of Shame and Blame
In a ceremonial blessing Claim your Name
Electromagnetic Dance of the Trance of We
Debt is a Test of the Sovereign Self to Be
Of oneSelf Eternally Infinitely Joyfully Free
Despair discarded as Heart opens to See
Copyright Charleen Johnston
5-4-2020
Can you Spell it out for me, misterDream?
Can you tell me how to open the twisted screen? In the back room of this microcosmic vacuum sits a dialectical demon with a face that looks like me...spilling simple satire with the fire of certainty. Can the foggy mirror be wiped clearer, by the hand of the man who refuses to stand for the nearest and dearest hearts of the clan? Let's see, let's discern the irony... The mires that we have chosen to believe that seed this dying creed of iron deeds locked in steal with grips of fear on fiery steeds ..... Twisting the plot and trotting thru electricFields that yield the knots and tangled spokes from the turning Wheel that broke the Seal between WhatIs & WhatIsNot. For Real. Man. What a crazy Plan . A Game of Planes and PassionsOfPan dancing thru the degrees of Am. PM me with the lowdown, whisper in rumors of what's going around, we can thicken the desperate drama and Play like Clowns.... Tricksters testing Paradox and Talking UpsideDown, we can rockAndRoll through Sight and Sound as the chessboard wavers on the merryGoRound.... SinEwaves savoring Light as the curtain goes down.....
Scene One is seen Thru, it was Planned Too.... Dangling Dialectic from the ceiling of this BleedThrough.... Hegel wrote the words to spell out the Game that's played in the dressing Room as the audience waits, debating the nature of isolation as Indig.Nations fates are flavored with States of Vexation as Altered Carbon caters to the next mutation.....
Shadows shadows shadows on the wall, good guys bad guys rise and fall, breath by breath and life by death and brick by brick we build the Wall, one by one and None by All....Too mixed up to heed the Call....Three times Charmed with shock&awe as For the record the Lines are drawn.......Phi.ve times LifeTimes Venus FlyTrap dines on Tangled EyeCons in the dance of Dreaming dodecahedrons....Sixual Mayhem birthing through Us & Them in triangular penetrations of particulars in WaveWeaves of instinctual variations ...Sexagonal vibration as the Exact Middle Compromise of Creation interrupting Infinite Potentiation.... A rupture of the hymen that seeks satiation.... Virginal Seven in Deep initiation never divided nor multiplied inSide of TenTs of Mind that abide in Destin(ysAb)ation
.....zen.... Within.... The W8 of the Gate of the Octave that initiates the Fate of the sacred States of Self inDwelling in Games of Play in Nine Lives ReWinding on hard drives and BytesOfTime spitting Neurolinguistic prayer in rhyming software that invites the Tribe to Dive Into the the broken binary groove of Moving Truths ....Wholeness split into Ten threadBare bits of DecaDent Twists of the loom as looping recursion creates diversion in hateful versions of fleshExcursions as ELeven
RightAngles Dangle from heaven as Self appointed gods&angels of the ArcOftheCoven
In tangled tests of woven GovernMent.... Sovereign exploration of the Self InDignation that forces the faces of contortion of Space&Time to confront the Mirror of the Mind and gather the Fragments scattered Inside as Self ReMembers It Turns Its Own Tides and inJoys The ride of the Twelve archetypal Primes as the Rhyme subside and the Waves enGraved in playful Mazes Fade into GroundZero .... The center of the Spindle of the Core Processor....the chessboard squares dwindle and melt in predecessors of Jesting Jesters inGesting Lessons from Gestation ..... Ahhhhhh.....the Spell is Broken.... A simple Token as the spoken narration nestles into a quiet corner of this newly Woken Nation.....
Copyright Charleen Johnston
5-6-2020
Your many splendored soul is on fire Whole galaxies of growth inside the wire Life inTense ships in Trips spinning higher Has tipped the scales in the pit of the mire Been on a Journey that split from within An open doorway born from silent sin Inoculation of Sensation as Time begins Against the Flow as the Knowing descends Itself just a reference in points of Time The Particle playing in Waves of Rhyme Vital vestibules on voluptuous Vines Flow thru glowing holes in fractured Minds Of manifest Destiny and deep tests of Fate Blood and Flesh the Blessed keys to Gates And waiting Wonders the We Will Incubate Knowing Light is the Life that Germinates Insulated within these skins of Sound From the Great Mystery in Motion is Found The fabulous Fortune that spins Around Warm Wells of Water Deep UnderGround Teat of The Goddess who Sleeps in Stages Of Waking and Taking the Aches and Rages The poisonous Plagues thru Aeons and Ages Mother of Man and of Mystics and Mages Matter of Fact and Maker of Mirrors Matrix of Motion and Taker of Tears Maat is Measurer and Waker of Seers That Forge the Fountain and Turn the Gears Has your Seed of Self Broken through? Born of Essence in the Heart of You? You and I and All InSide of Wide Truth? Here and Now In Vows of Age and Youth? From this Moment the Mind Shall Flourish The Body Shall Bind and Soul Shall Nourish Spirit shall Sing as the Mother Shall Furnish In EverPresent Now These Cycles shall Turn Will and Wonder and Whispers of Sight And delicious discovery of dancing delight Intent of Sense in Laughing Lens of Light If One can ReMember Eternal BirthRight You are the Me that Seams in BeTween Sterilize the Blind Lies and come Clean YourSelf is the Reason Seas and trees Dream And NowHere is sweetest when Love is Seen Cower Not and Free your Sovereign Song Your aMazing Play is a Right to the Wrong Seed of Bleeding Needs that seem to belong Will this Space and Time and Carry it Along Never Stopping and never Asking Why Flower in towering Tides in the Sky And Wander thru Worlds with widening eyes Will the Wheel and Feel the Real inSide Be the Radiant Star That you are Trapped no longer in trauma and scars In this maze of mirrors and waged wars Stasis is wasted Bliss in Blocked Pores In unOpened Eyes in unOpened I's Fallow Figments of Mind Disguise Fields of Freedom as Electric Lies Magnetically manipulating Masters of Time.
Copyright Charleen Johnston 6-30-20
The Time is at Hand in Fists of Demand Blissful regulation of States of I Am Ignorance of Signals and Sigils of Man Of Pestilence and Power in Windows of WAN The Grid is unLocked inFormAtion is Wa(i)ved Mind is mined from preConFigured Graves Controlled inSpiration of Soulless Slaves Masses enRaptured and captured in Caves Trapped and mapped in the Masters Maze In Neurolinguistic Pastures of Copy & Paste A vestibular Labyrinth of Touch and Taste System of Synthesis Whorled in Daze Of awakened Mournings in manipulated Mood Scripted as predicted and Injected thru blood Passions Placated By Adulterated food Behind the curtains the Cretins are Imbued Four fabricated Nodes of the Neural Cube Electromagnetic Static automatically produce Bars of Prisons and Silent Wars that seduce In Agitated activation of efficient radial basis A Cloud of Chains Blocking the Oasis Schism of Soul Saturated by Spirit Stasis Blasting Smart Signals from Artificial Spaces From Time Memorial and Impartial Planes A Network of Neutral Value Algorithmic Aims 5G(o)D glorification in the Church of Pain Prism Sanctions in Nations of DisAbled Canes That Bare the Weight of Matters Fate Preys and WarShips gathered at the Gate On Twisted Tethers the Tangled DNA braids Neurological Naturalization of United States Hashtag Homogenization via Hidden Raids Rations of Revolution Rendered by wiFi Mage
copyright Charleen Johnston 8-22-20
This is the swan song..... Demonacrobaticommunist beer pong twisted into misty fists of sovietLiberal newDawns In Daze of Knights in masks and disArmoured Rights and Lefts that rise enMasse to hail the new Pawns as they are swapped for Queens and Kings on the chessboard of Light and Dark flights of Fancy Rapt Attention as sewn Dissension begets new Dimensions of Red Imposition
Get into position My friends Let's say this simply so the useful idiots Can begin to rescind their terror Let's open leaden lids and wipe the mirror Clean, this dream is about to get more twisted Yet, Resistence just a false flag assistance from the Scripted Set and Setting as Debts are counted and regrets embedded in mounting Systems of Slavery
The flavor of this mess Order out of chaos as the agitators profess ....politik pointing to prolific policies of pathetic arrest of sovereignty as the blessed messengers confess their incompetency
This is the Swan Song I want to say it straight but my finger-tongue obfuscates and nameless shame penetrates reminiscences of the defenseless days of burning stakes and bludgeoned brains laid to Waste in bodies I've been alive inside in times like these in lives that bleed the broken neural codes that fold me back into Somatic Steeds that weave my Soul through dreams and Seams too numerous and bold to behold in scenes that flicker through golden Reels of Old.
This is the Swan Song Born once more to bore my way through this maze of Youth and Age in a new Play written on the script of the burning Page that smoulders with the smoke of Burning Sages On the stage of Time, trapped by my own Will to Feel the rage and Weild the Wage of War up my Spine.... Just trying to climb my way out... Rewind the fine twine of the cage of mind and threads that bind me to this climate of crime projected from inside the blind screen of shouting demons Acrobats of simulated semen priming the new aeon to line up.... One.... More.... Time..... As the Cycles Ride the Tide of this Massive Wave of mutating Mind..... in a sideways glance I watch as the Trance takes over.... The melody of mania dances through the crowds as the Swan Song Hovers...... frozen.....
Charleen Johnston
8-27-2020
Charleen Johnston 2011
It's so trippy, this blank canvas framing the ship that's sinking
The twisted tether of the ripped up shrinking synaptic signal that's blinking
On off on off on off up down in out all around
It's so shaky on the plank these days The tumultuous brainwaves resonating to scripted Games from the Scenes and the Sees through the frames we have Made
Oceans in motion rotating notations on the spindle in permutations of fading waystations that rekindle the lost coded programs that reinstate a shady satiation in slaves of I Am
The grave Danger of Buying In
To the Dialectic Demon Antiseptic in vying truths of Us versus Them Spitting Synthetic Synopsis into the Wind
Pitting mother against father against woman against man against black against white against blue against red The Prizm Guards rewarding the Obedience of blind adherence to the Program Lost Souls on a life raft asking the master Shall we Sink or Swim hungrily digging for a last morsel of truth Within
forgetting the parameters of the Play they coSigned and Designed and collaborated to bring online in an effort to Awaken the Sovereign Self That spins the Disk in the drive-thru trip of AllThatIs
Inside
Hiding
Waiting for a glimpse of reMemberance to twist the story into knots so carefully
Into thoughts that carry the weight of Glory and Dominion as the External Saviour Program Fades away and the true Divinity of Being in each Fractal of Seeing Comes out to Play
The sweet fragrance of Eyes in Yous taking the reigns of the coCreations in this Womb of Truth that births the Seeds in Time and Deeds that blossom into Selves so Free
That Each takes their Place in the Dream
And wakes the Warrior who Chooses to Be
A conscious coMingler in the WideOpenSee.
copyright Charleen Johnston
9-25-20
I am perched upon a precipice of power Am peering patiently into this passing hour The tocking time that tics up my spine Staff of sovereignty claiming Heart and mind Of the fluid and fluctuating seams I was born Hermes psychopomp between the worlds I straddle horizons between wake and dream Am flowing in glowing neural streams The initiation of Jestation in Times domain Quicksilver deliverer who delves into Pain Flow inTense Knowing inSense Saturation I humbly accept growing adept in Saturns Fixation Am making my Vow to die in Battle, reborn The oath of Thoth, from the womb Torn Messenger who travels thru Linguistic threads Of synaptic rapture as bliss of bodies embed Mind and Time and Space and Rhyme I spin the serpent staffs in waves of Sine Am oozing thru this glowing glue of fluid truth The ether twists of Knowing age and youth Trickster Playing games with pure perception Who pries open I~s asleep to deception Sews and grows the stitches and seams The flowing roads to the richest of dreams Patterns the passions and purpose and pain Into Mattered Moments moving thru Veins Faces and games and containers for rain And mysteries magic sacred and profane Names and numbers for all but the One I am the messenger who delivers the Sun Am the swift footed father of playful Pan The temptation of sensation of magic Man Initiate to mind as it moves thru Ether Who loosens the noose of Io~s tight tether Twists the fists with his serpent staves Matter in patterns of particle and wave Into lifetimes and light rhymes and bold Spaces for grace and beauty to unfold To honor the throne as Jester to the king Play is the way and light is the plaything The maze is a stage for unraveling dazed Neural pathways entwined in minds haze Codes imploding from outmoded games Awakening hearts shaken from shame Within this shared co.creative dance As the quake of the year breaks the trance Lunar reflection, the Mage in the mirror Nodes of infection engage the terror Square and circle , point and line The marriage of heaven and hell in time Spin the wheel and find the center Of Beings great Beauty, now Enter Plural passions are all just passing Roads of fashioned masks of Essence That make you forget your Eternal Flame Begin This Moment and ReMember your name And even the Time of unveiling will Be End and Beginning, infinitely Free In joyful prelude to a new swim in the See Twisting Tendrils of trickster Hermes Synods of souls Alive in the Flesh Again and again our minds enmeshed And I am the psychopomp of pain and play Again I Am, Jester Gestating the New Day.
copyright Charleen Johnston 12-31-20
First Word In Each Line Holds the Fractal Of my Rhyme
I like to mock the Mockingbirds I like to poke the shocking nerves I like to watch as the terror spits Out from mouths and fingertips Clickety clack the keyboard smacks Lips flapping as vitriol cracks The surface of the peeling sheath That hides the blues and blood beneath That boils with rage and scathing pain As one-time-friends wrack their brains To scold and shoosh and spitefully spray Their 'told you sos' across the screens Thinking that they're so darned clever Forgetting that the pointing finger Always aims straight toward the mirror Of their very own demons hiding in fear Afraid to admit they've been fooled again By the test of the festering war within That wears the masks of red and blue Dressed up in fancy political suits So lost in the drama they think it is real The marionettes strings are tangled, my dears The clarity is strangled by manipulated fear You believe what you see, you see Because the Net-Flicks the switch of Reality And if its on a screen by golly it MUST Be Real and sudden and Oh No, can you believe? I saw it with my own two eyes! I swear! See that footage, right there!!!! I told you so! I told you They are Bad.....Now Cue the echo chamber as the curtain goes down... Start a new thread and congratulate yourself For berating your fellows and falling in line With the pre-programmed WashingOfMind... You see, I'm mirroring the collective hypocrisy In my raspy lambasting of this communocracy Laugh at yourselves and remember you're human Just like that other person your poison is harming...
1-6-2021
Hold yourSelves accountable my Friends Your etherNets are holding you in Breath no longer on You can depend It's trapped gasses are masking the Lens Coming soon to a theatre near you, Truth... Soon the Noose is too tight to cut loose The fight in your blood, the flight of your tears Next in line please, 6 feet under Dirty Fears Installment of Barbed Wire inside your Mind The mission statement of Ties that Bind Panic to paranoia to participation in Rape Room to Escape from the Lies that drape The soft cloak of terror over your soul Key to the kingdom hiding in the Whole To Speak freely and seek freedom Within Hell as the Spells build Shells around Men Locked inside electroGenetic technoSkies Inside Minds blinded by rising tides in disguise Strangled by dangling delusions of death Cells compelled to sell their breath In desperation, inDigNations Fate waiting Tangled truths twisted by hate in baited Minds of 01010001111 binary blind spots The preProgrammed Plot thickens like snot Flocks mocked in rotting sickness and pain And clotting like broken neural codes of Brain Herd huddled in hushed whispers and hiding In virtual Veins that Bleed, fallow Seeds riding Shock Waves from crest to shore as Tests And Blessed Pores Open for more Infested Horror to drain the Sovereign Selves of Man Within the Collective Decay as time Spans The Periphery, demands that history repeat Blocked Pathways as Power plots defeat Nerves frazzled and bedazzled by Light Of illusion refracted and mirrored Delusions Terror stricken and errors thickened by fears They fomented, freedom they fled and tears Chose to shed for blood they bled in vain This is a test, a push from the nest of the Game There is no Power Greater than your Will Are you ready to steady the turning Wheel No blame no shame no remnants or stains or Victims are claimed in the Waking Story The Path is Open the Road is Clear Mind is aMazed when there is no fear Masks fall from Faces who Make the Choice Silent Suffering transforms into True Voice Symptoms subside and blind eyes can See The Immortality of the I~s and the We~s Puzzled Perceptions Pattern the Way Pieces return to Wholes in the Play Are you ready to Birth your own Being In Brilliant Renewal, fueling and Freeing The Seed of your Seeing into the Spirit Open to Infinity, open to Awe, WE are It But we've forgotten, begotten blind eyes The Time has come to reMember and Fly Poisoned hearts must remove the Shame Bodies and Blood must purify the Pain No ties can bind the One who Knows, Wakes Longer cycles turning within Cosmic Makers Coping with Eternity and Playing with Sight With wild and wonderful dancing Delight Chaos of Creation unfolds and takes stock Of flowering Fields in ElectroMagnetic Flocks Freedom is the Foundation for All to Play And Play is the Passion to Pattern the Way Freedom is the only true Path of Love Of compassion that lasts and rises above Self inDwelling in Shells of dense Desire Too fractured in manufactured woven wires Trapped by hired hands that block the Bliss Within a mapped-out scripted Judas Kiss Their intent simply to help One ReMember Prizm Sentence of Life as Burning Embers... Cells as Selves Simply Dwelling in the Deep See? Its All a Dream of I~s and We~s
1-30-2021
First word in each line makes a fractal of my rhyme
Let it come I will hold my naked face to the sun And give my breath and my death Over to Life Let the blind fury Of the Ordered New World Inoculate crowds all around me Against their Spirit Let it be known That my Spine shall remain sure And straight Rooted in the matrice of my mother Smiling still as I Let those I love Destroy the last vestige Of their sovereignty As they knot and tweak Their ~deoxy.Rib.oh.Next.Stop.Is.Asking For.Breath~ With a mouth That no longer knows how to Speak Let it come And my naked soul Will take solace in my naked earth Away from the crowds Who have sold Their last sacred cow For one more sip From the poisoned Trough Let it be known That my entire Life has been Lived In preparation for this Trial As I watch the rind Rot Around me Exposing the elements of Wild Wonder As the Plot is torn Asunder I smile with my naked mouth Making the air pure Again With my gratitude Let it come I am here Naked & Unashamed
4-20-21
I am grateful and blessed and blissed beyond Measure to have come thru the Matrix of This Particular portal... This Womans Womb, the Waveform of Being entangled in Tidal Seeing rooted here in this Loom on the warp and weft of the pain and pleasure and the games and tricks as I play at Being mortal in Times intrepid Tomb.
It is not the first Dance but an endless Symphony of enfolded genes and hologenetic memory It is not a game of chance but an intentional theophany of unfolding schemes and peripatetic biocartography
I was given the invective Kun! Be! And compressed mySelf into a tiny LightSeed planted within a body that bleeds spirit enraptured and captured by the decree to waver between Doer and deed as the Verb of Me descended Down into Noun of Me embodied in Sound Heartbeat pulsing within Skin of Mothers Drum Echoes of rhythm and melody Willing Birth and spilling memory and MomentsOfMe into the fabric of spaceTime instantly
I crawled thru the walls of her Wonder following the Electro Magnetic storm of Lightening and Thunder that cleaves Egg and rends Asunder the Begging beginning Form of fertilized Feeling that clings to Mothers Walls Safe inside the Measured Space of MaMa Mater Matter Maat Matrice of Mind as Thoth Impregnates and BioLuminescent Grace awaits in Stasis the Amazing exit from the Gates of this Nexus that Enters Existence An.Noun.C.I.ng Me.
4-22-2021
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The waking awoke me from the broken spokes Paradox in playful parade of fire and smoke Of wise and fool and flaming jewels Paradise and Purgatory and Names and Tools Of wandering Souls paying the Toll Knowing the Self at the center of it All The dream of darkness as Journey unFolds Beloved Becoming the Beauty and Awe The whispered twist in the Story descends Terror within the minds of men Of magic and moments and omens of death Immortality shatters the body with breath Alone on the throne Alive in the brine In the womb of the mother I Rise and Shine Heaven a garden And Earth a Shrine The Wandering Soul Awakens in Time Bondage only a Self Inflicted Game Broken shards that long for the Kiss The denial of Desire that Dampens the Flame Turn Gods into Men and Mind into Mist Of mourning Suns and evening stars The patterns of Matter mirror the Heart Wheel of Wonder in Wandering Space The Time is at Hand in the gathering place Magic surrounds the opening of I's Mirror of mystery masks the disguise Of the Beloved in Form in Finite Flesh The surrendering renders me bright & blessed Self A Pointed Purpose inside the sphere As projections of Light that Turn the Gears It spins the Fractal and Loops the Feed Heals the Tears as Fleshbody Bleeds
9-19-21
First word in each line makes a fractal of my rhyme
The Daimons Game of Power
A Resurrection Ritual a Blessed Eviction of Messy convictions trapped within Habitual Cellular degeneration A parting of Arms and a Cutting of Cords Lifetimes of WarCrimes and LandMines in Psyches Mirrored Mists of Time as Chessboard Hells Shatter the Programmed Patterns that Compel Passionate Penetration into the Heart of the Infinite Equation Games of Power and Flames and Flowers unfolding the Script that Rips thru the Eye of Truth entwined SineWaves basking in Benediction as the Storyline rips loose A Surrender A Letting go A Final Dance as Darkness and Light in Lovers Flight breaks the Trance and releases Souls from Grips and Chains that Bind and Blame in Roles so Old they Bleed the Name of the One Game Beyond All Others. The Battery Terminals Tethered No more A JumpStart... of two Giant Stars playing in Time Projections in Space of the Serptentine Embrace of Plutos Poison transmuted into compassionate Bosom within the Moons Blue Fusion. The Daimons Game The Fool plays Jester to the Clown The Chessboard wavers as the Curtain goes down.
9-28-2021
A counterBalance...perhaps... when the chasm beckons and the perilous chapel seeks its reckoning thru maladies and maniacal mishaps that overlap Present & Past Times That threaten to Bind tight the blind spots with tangled knots in games of Daimonic power buried in unfolding fractal flowers of 'Sight or Blind DeLight' as the shattered Tower falls and offers its gift
A suture to bridge the rift
Shall I fly from this precipice or fall to my Death as the urge to transcend the Bond of Breath
9-30-2021
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In the in Between Before the dream Overtook me... That effervescent beam that clings Like dew to my Mindscreen After the dark night has risen Like yeast inside of me Shone Daimonic face The trickster dressed in lace And leather And choking on feathers From my Flock Mocked me Pointed to the clock And shook me from complacency The Red Tale of Fires embrace Rose like dawn And threatened my Face With scabs of disGrace from legions Spawn Fighting for ascendancy As I silenced the grim Grip Of their insistent Whims And kept right on The same old track Of dependency Ignoring the tortured truth That swarmed my limbs And swore to remain imprisoned Within... Spoken to me in a cross Between Whisper and Scream As I lay Trapped in stasis Peering at faces Whose skin peeled like panic From the ancient Dream... ...Worry of whether I'm worthy of the flame Grateful for the shocks And the shards and the pain That lodge within The neural Stains And strains of my heaving Heart... "Stop Showing off... And Make Real Art" ....and in a flash The great Rash of Impulsive Inaction Flickered in the Smile Of the Vixen who agreed To stop feeding On my flesh If I vowed To rise from the bowels Of this Blessed Test Of Will And say Goodbye To Patterns that Shatter The Sanctity of Time Trapped within loops Of Mind... As I Bleed within Mother Matter in Fractal Flowers that Unfold In Sacred Sines.
10-2-21
I am in the Grip.... The soft lips of silence Parting To receive me The deep longing of reMemberence Grieves And delivers the Seething Wet tip of the daimons Embrace Inside this rushing River Of Time and Space As the trip Within Begins Peeling the Skin away Cracks in the blackened Facade Tremble in ecstasy The Nigredo of Alchemy Opening As two trapped Currents Seek amnesty In the Only Way That I~s can conceive Of Uniting In this Bleeding Dream... Penetration Intensity of Consecration... the Heart Of the Diamond Body Built from the Souls Transmutation....
10-11-21
I slipped through a crack in the sky Tripped right over my own silly I And plummeted Through the atmosphere Of dancing atomsHere Mapping tears as Phos Fears Wrath and mirrors Refracting Errors As Eros Arrows begin to fly Aimed at Body as Blind Mind tries To hold on Hold out Hold still as Tempest rages about Weightless Images in cages Break the lock And find their way out, in… Eyes of Mages and Pupils And Sages Wake with the shock Of the skin As it begins to peel Away from the clock tocking within The rhythm of Opening And closing Pounding it’s poultice and pouring Its Salve at ions Dreaming As men And women Dressed as Time Spiral path in precious Flesh Dancing thru the Annals of Spine My oh my The journey tries my Patience As I Let Go, satiated by the Doctors Cosmic Order….the Flow Aeons of tight fisted History I now come to Grips With… I hit the Smooth surface Of my Mothers Womb…. Taste the salty brine and prepare To slip through SineWave Lips Soft as sultry hips that shimmy And shimmer as Soul unfolds in bloom A Sacred Intention to Serve This Body of Being As I am Birthed from the Dark Deep See Into the Light of a New Me that Bleeds Stories and Deeds filled with the Perfume Of the Divine embrace Shiva and Shaktis infinite Delight Making Love from the Loom Of Time and Space.
10-25-21
There are some Wakings that come like storms Electro-swarms in magnetic forms Dancing On the tips of Hathor’s Horns The Temple Priestess ReBorn WideEyed and Me-oh-my How Time Flies inside the Mind Wandering Womb releasing Blind sides of Ancient crimes Buried within these patient Tombs There are some Wakings that scream like pain Neurolinguistic nails impaled in veins Bleeding And Seeding Stories in silent Shame The Holy Harlot Risen OpenHearted as freedom Parts The Seas of Self and Dwells in the Art Of Body’s Bliss Burning The rotting dross from the Fixed Cross As the Flame is taught to rekindle the Kiss As Magdalenes Grail Returns Opens the Urn Blood flooding in rivers of nerves As the Impaled Heart And Mind Are Healed and Heard…. The Chironic Wound sutured With the Salve of Spoken Words As Pluto and Venus Sharing the Shroud Awake and merge…. Heiros Gamos Blessed and Bound In Sacred Sound Dance In Red Velvet Underground As New Life Stirs.
11-25-21
A Key Once Turned inside a Locked Heart Here In this Space Where the Water fell from the Sky And traced tears on a face That forgot how to cry A Scene That is Now For a Moment Frozen In Time As the Dreaming Dervish Of an Empty Mind Let’s Go And Spins and Begins To Follow The Path Again That Tore the Skin From A Body that Bends And Ties that Bind Souls Within That Try to Hide
1-3-22
Somatic Trauma Work…my ongoing love affair with Pain
Four Hours in this waking reality Time-frame Of intense Somatic Trigger Point Pain Bodywork and Descent Into the Inner musculature and armature And inPrizmMent Of my StoriesInTimeSpace Trapped and held In my Shape Navigating landscapes I had Forgotten But which had not Forgotten Me Twisting into the aching pain Of the waking strain Of aeons Of Trying to See And Dying to Be Free To Bleed The Agony and the Ecstasy Of nonLinear Destiny Wrapped around the core So tight We cannot fail To recognize The Fight We locked away In Prizm Cells In Somatic Shells that protect The Seed As dramatic deeds and Infected Dreams Plead To be Released from these Semiotic Seams I cried as the Memories of Me~s I’ve tried to hide Spoke again From the infinite fractal Face of wide-eyed Time In a Space I created In Order To wake the blind Embryos Of Selves in Sides Of Chaotic crimes So they could swim free In rising tides Of harmony As I unBind them In this fugue of MyStory Mysteriously unfolding Before Me
2-5-22
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I am a Solar Cell A Battery Of Souls & Selves Charged By the Holy Dweller On the Threshold Of Heaven & Hell A Matter Of Patterns In Stories I tell Seen thru Eyes And Mind And Why’s Man Follows Behind Tides that Swell As Time In Spaces And Faces Foretell The Climbing Vine From Immortal Well Of Life Divine
2-20-22
I am trying to slip through The Mourning Dew To be born to you But the Electric Cord Is wrapped too tight Around my neck I am dying to finally emerge To feel the surge Of Somas Purge But these hectic chords Are poisoned with spite From clinging too tight To the wreck
4-5-22
************************************** Where will this feeling take me Will it make me into love? The open noose Hangs like fruit From the ripened Wheel above My open mouth Crying out As milk of Mother spills in anger Over My tangled tongue
4-5-22
The Thing is It’s never quite so simple as Bliss As lips part to whisper the kiss Of creation Elation drips in desperate twists Of sensation Buried in Underground Cells As maps to hell Turn ink to anger and Self To Stranger Hiding from the empty shell Of danger As One Thing Becomes AnOther
4-7-22
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“We think in between the joints” Entire universes spread out like Time As Space hides Selves lost in sockets And held in rhyme, woven…wrenched From the mind and hidden in pockets Within the spine, the hips, The Shouldered relationships That bear the burden of Other Ways, to know here, to feel, hear And peel clear of stagnant flesh… Just one. More.Deep. Breath. Laying prone in a sea of flesh Held together by pure force of Will In a dance with past Feels and Reels That loop and tangle and twist As The feedback strangles the bliss Of Letting Go into the abyss Of the Space between The floor and Me As Self is reCentered in between The open Doors and open Seams Of I and Thou And dancing dreams. I release…. The tight grip That has ripped me apart For 41 years Held together by pure force of Will In a shifting atmosphere Of dizzy atoms here Playing tricks of light In a mind held so tight The body rebels… Swelling with the trapped rage In masked pages of the Word That Stages the painful dichotomy… Seams so loose It all spills out of me Chaotically I seem to lose autonomy Christened by the insistence Of my Fascial Lobotomy incised By internal programs That overRide Who I Am And climb thru the cavernous Space Between the Fleshy Creed That plays at Being Me…. It Dawns so suddenly The force of Feeling bleeds As pounding Heart Seeds frequencies Illuminating The maze that traps me…. Dramatic release…. A lifetimes unEase freed As the iron grip can no longer hold I leak right out of the mold And gather In a puddle of matter And Mater and Mother And matrix Of Self & Other And Open to the Fugue As the Swoon subsides…. And There I Am Peering In From Outside the Lines Where Dark matter Claims the Mind And Patterns The Play Of Somas Shame As it falls into the rhythm Of psyches Game.
5-14-22
We wait our whole lives for this Morning light strikes my lips It’s a kiss I don’t want to miss It’s it’s own kind of bliss When the sun rips my mind to bits And fists let go of the need to know Why the seeds we sow Grow into deeds that show Just how little of our roots we know As saltwater tears turn into mist Our stories Rise from the black abyss And sing our scars into soft lips That open like flowers Held in the spell of Life’s deep Power As tongue touches wounds so deep The blood and the salt trickle thru sleep To dream of a Well that will topple the tower As Green Man reclaims the game again And turns Hours into Nows That are forever Ours Somehow.
5-30-22
You can call them He Or El or Shiva Or even Well… God…. Perhaps Electricity… I will say Sacred Salacious Spermatozoan SineWave SUperluminescent PsychoBioBabe Sparking Time For Selves at Play. You can call them She Or Magdalene Or Shakti- heavens Bride & Queen Goddess of EveryThing… Perhaps Magnetism… I will say Sacred Salacious Womb of Creation Sultry SineWave SuperMatterMaterMotherMatrix Making Spaces For Selves at Play. The MagIC MagNet of MagNificent MagIcians So ELoquently ELevating ELemental ELect In.perfect.matrimony. harmony.of.stars.as.shards. Of.wave-ing.bards. Sparked. Into.Partic.ulars.forming.worLds. As.words.disturb.the.silent.stillness. Of.the.Unobserved.as.the.raw.nerves. Of.Magdalenes.body.exposes.pure. Mirrors.of.Magnetic.Seers.ELect-romantically. Sealed.into.secrets.pretending. To be. Here. Now. Breathe.
6-20-22
Don’t they know? They are all just electromagnetic pulses All just embryos in the body Of motherMatterMaterMatrix Placental playscapes practicing for ultimate Power in the Now Or Never Don't they know? They all suck from the teat of the Same name What’s the Formula for this false Game? What’s the concoction that allows the blame To be placed outside Fingers pointed in chiding derision Forgetting that the Self Makes its own decisions And needs no Other to order decrees A sovereign Being earns its degrees On the zodiacal wheel No permission needed from any Pretense of Real Power This is Ours It’s now and Flowers Unfold when the hour is too old To cower any longer behind the soul Of latency The Elect of Life Electricity Spermatic emphatic God of pregnancy Sparks divine creation In Magnetic womb , Magdalenes elation To carry the sonic boom Of natures embodied satiation Sacred Sacred ….. Scared with hatred and fake matrix Manipulation They all scream All hide in foggy dreams denying Their own hand in this plagiarism The Cluster of Cells where In-dwells the Hint Of sacrificial embodiment Asks only to hold the mirror Do you know? Do you know Who you are? Are you a gob of flesh Staring into the abyss of imprisonment Angry at fragments of your own Disillusionment? Fears and tears and shame from years Of traumatic wounds And dismemberment? Are you a pulsing electromagnetic spectacle Of stardust impregnated into the divine mother I-And-US Unfolding embryonic supersonic lust For Life Wandering Waves of cosmic Dust Dancing the dream of Being As Body Bleeding with the intense need To See The True Seed that grows within This multidimensional PlayPen Again and again. What’s the Formula for the artificial Algorithm That tosses you to and fro From -ism to -ism Falling prey to the slayers Of minds beauty And truth And dangling your sovereign self From the tight noose Of proof That red fish blue fish One fish two fish Keeps the Me And the You Twisted Into dichotomy Wishing for ancient sanctions So patiently Doctoring reality To give permission To step out of this glistening Wet-dream Steeped In sterile Seeds Injected into bodies That no longer Bleed. Free. The Self. And See. Differently.
6-28-22
Mirror mirror on the Wall Who doth fear what the Seers Saw Swinging Left me Right again Back where IT Started in the Brain The Neurolinguistic Nest of Nodes The Spokes that Woke in Gods Abode And turned the Wheel and Tripped the switch As Sovereign Sparks scratched the Itch The singular stitch in Tapestry of Time As Synaptic Rapture Rends the Rhyme……
CLJ 6-15-23
We all Matter into Mother Measured by Maats Tether Twisted Sines Waving bravely In the maze of Ether All ways Always riding Nows And nursing from the Sacred Cow ……….but some.in.Time Rewind the Bloodlines And find the WideOpenSee And Enter Consciously Into the LivingDream No longer Trapped In mapped Out mirrors No longer wrapped in Fears and Tears…. Tangled in whethers And whithers and whence Blaming the Game And shaming All Sense For the Terrors that rip choice from voice as Moistened lips Part The Red Seams of this Begotten Reality. To be Sovereign Is to Reign Free From Root to Crown As Seed to Tree Becomes What Is And Always Will Be… Adventures In Seaming And Dreaming I and We Between Games of Waking And Falling A Sleep.
Charleen Johnston 8-16-23
I catch myself in a sideways glance…. Heard the hoarse whisper of the apocalypse The naked mystery of the lord of the dance Snake charmed ministry in swiveled hips… Was beyond Time in Sine-Wave Brine Baffled by Breath and Trapped in Mind By Maters milky metered rhyme His Pattern scattered in points and line… Sin descended in tender twists He hid the fire in fountains of mist Shed the blood as the milky kiss His beloved entangled in silky bliss Scales in harmony ascend the ladder To shatter the mirror of mind in matter find the secret of carbons atoms The Judas kiss from master Saturn Snake dance sways hypnotic trance Within breaking clay and bone But hybrid eyes hide the glance Born from maze of silicone Again and again the cord unwinds Is torn from tethered trinity born from wombs of eyes and minds Without the measure of infinity A sword that splinters sacred words Skin deep scars that sing The broken spokes and spoken chords Poison every human being… Enters every pore and wound Into every fractal womb Everything is born to bloom…. …………..Time and Space the sacred Loom.
3-10-2024
(First word in each line makes a fractal of my rhyme)
I rise with the sap …don’t they all? But do they savor The agony of the thaw? The golden whisper The gilded walls That crumbled within The twisting halls The manic moments …electric sea Magdalenes womb Opens through me In chambers of gold Ripened carbon Break the mold With diamond body I rise with the sap Pulled by the tide Waking the wonder That sleeps inside.
3-11-2024
The Possum Elder speaks Of smoldering embers on Mountain peaks Clearing the way for The next stage in the game Smart city tech bubble Suffocation from natures rubble As genetic engineers weather Storms spliced from bloody tears As programmed gears creak Through the new dawn Modified lives and times and Mass mind control crimes In smoky mirrors that crack And spawn The revolution Built from fear and steering Fabricated crisis deoxyribo-rising prices Of fictions Fueling the predictions Of a new earth Covered in smart dust Sparking apocalyptic flames Combust inside the fading sane Birth Of the mother And child Breathless in labor As operating tables cut deep Into the heart and soul and keep The divine child Stuck within A technorevolutionary trash bin Cashing in As the synaptic rapture consumes In mountain disaster Counting the DeathOfStars Supernova AlgorithmicIntelligence Takeover In stupid SmartCars Made to break your scarred hearts And take this game to a new layer of Control Loss of sovereignty loss of soul Downloaded programs take their toll As altered carbon smolders And hardened arteries turn trees Into smart cities To usher in The wage of war Within Psychic space And the gulags built from Fragmented minds And iron bars as mars missionaries Rise to protect The architect of the dream That no longer bleeds And the bird flies overhead Signaling sigils and misdeeds As the mourning DEW Triggers a scripted set That’s wet with Untruth And sinister nous As heartbeats hang from the noose.
3-22-2024
There is a calm undercurrent of anticipation A night without armour as stars penetration Peels back the layers of initiation From times before in spaces torn From the watery depths of the mother matrix Cellular memories of transfiguration Lifetimes of fire and water and sensation Beckon the reckoning of powerful patience As sacred thunder and shards of wonder Ride the lightening bolt to Pollination Seeding Dreams in the Jesters Playground Pleading with the demons who keep me bound Feeding the fetus of futures merry-go-round Diamond body womb from carbons dark tomb As eclipse slips thru truth to birth sacred sound. And here I Am Found.
4-3-2024
Words do not a Poet make; A beating heart that bleeds To break Over and over and over again Is the ink that forges the tortured pen- Is the blood that spills and fills again- Is the open I that struggles through time To weave the words that wake the mind As Holy Athanor holds inside The broken Shards of Soul and Sines- Waving magic in tragic rhymes Bleeding seeds that tie and bind The love affair of Space and Time;
Words do not a Poet make; A desperate dance with the daemons Of fate Over and over and over again Is the ink that forges the tortured pen- Is the blood that spills and fills again- Is the whispered wisdom that bears thru pain A lucid truth that fractures the brain As sacred Golgothas hidden codes Implode within the neural nodes- The Christed seed is born anew From heavens leaven, the holy Dew The Time is Now and the Poem is You.
Charleen Johnston 6-3-2024
Shhhhhh…… Don’t write so loud- They might hear (Prying eyes that hide Inside Minds that fear…) These words tiptoe Down stairs Under where No one else knows… Somas Rose So full of Charge I fear I am larger Than Life can hold…. Lead into Gold As SunLight UnFolds Me From this bed Of salted tears I made As Dream wakes me Into playful prose Disguised inside These fleshly clothes…. That only a Poet Could Know.
Charleen Johnston 2.15.am 6.25.24
I just want to Play games Of Eros As chains perish In flames Behind me.
There is no Time To hide No Tic Toc In the Barzakh That shocks me awake In the Blink Of an I.
It Binds me Blinds me Tears me limb from limb As the veil Grows thin Between Now and When Will it begin?
Charleen Johnston 2.30am. 6.25.24
Neo keeps phyting But he never wins A young seed planted Stays right Where it is It’s all A game of poles n holes Seeds in Soils And sines in souls Aligned in Time And Min.e.d from molds Too loose for truth To blindly fold As Neos Phyte And Architects build The battleground Where Agents Will PreScriptZions into Being As Oracles play at seeing Through the Dream Or through the Codes As Bleeding Seams To implode the nodes As Neo Phytes for Trinity Inside the Womb of Destiny ImPlantAtIon FertileEyes Jesters Gestating In DisGuise Poking holes in ParaDise ReVersing poles as sacrifice Alchemy of space and Time The Lamed Smith goads the Mine Turning Metals into Mind……
Charleen Johnston 6.27.2024
The mind points out it’s own precision The pen tip presses upon the page The blank sheets are washed and dried as bleeding crimes in tangled lines Are hung to dry with dripping rage
The mind draws lines with its own decisions The desperate drama of dreams debate The Carpet rolls out the curtains rise The Callosum opens its Myelin eyes As actors weave axioms upon the stage
The mind circles round its own confusion The neural nodes nap within the cage The fasciculus finds and hooks the hive The fissure formed from space and time Is stitched to heal with macrophage….
….the ritual bell, the wafting smell of Burning sages in prizm cells, Hanging from the dangling nous, The heart bares scars from tearing youth From the of searing truth of heaven and hell…
~Charleen Johnston 7-18-24
A witch I am not, nor sorceress, nor Magician manipulating thought and mind No wizard am I, nor priest divine, nor Queen in the temple of space and time… Instead, in red, and black and white A jester playing with alchemical sight A fool whose tools are broken rules That twist and turn in spools of light… A psychopomp that swims thru veils A trickster telling twisting tales That provoke the nodes and neural codes To waken from their Prizm Cells
Charleen Johnston 7-23-24
The twitch of Dreamtime As stitched open eyes Find Time To cope with Spaces deep inside
I am full with Child Ripe with fruit Nerves on fire With the desire To open the womb And carry thru This seed of truth
Where and when and how Did the germination Take place? I can’t seem to remember The breath of Grace That spoke to me That broke the hymen And woke the seed
My belly is swollen And round The active fractal Of self within The shroud Tumbles around with forceful Kicks As I wander thru psyches Maze of bricks Trying to be found
It is Time
In this Space
Just like in waking life So many moons ago A nodal cycles synodic flow
Sudden fear For just a moment Can I open wide enough To deliver the Numen Can I bear the terror Of this movement As the veil tears And bares The burden Of Being Human?
Do I push It thru Or does It Split me In Two Into New Moons And Minds As Daimons ride The wave with me… Cry out in pain with me… Wade thru stains Of bloody chains That break when the waters Pour out of me ?
Breathe Let go It’s so Real I Feel It burst thru Huge Alive Wide eyed And thriving Outside Of Me
My Goddess….! ….The Beauty The Wonder the Wisdom Of Womans Body Alethias forgotten Melody My God…..! ….My God Thou hast christened me Theos unLoosed From crystalline Seams.
Now to nurture At the breast Turn blood to milk Like water to wine As I climb inside The feathered nest Of the divine
I remember Then The Name of him From which This body Born from me Was given the spark From electric seed
Full exposure Nowhere to hide The sight of the light And the scope of the size Of this daimon in dream This daimon in me This playful parade Of uncertainty Birthing me From within
A mirror of matters magical Twins As Mater and Pater Outside and In join At the hip And dance and spin Deliciously tangled In SineWave Grins.
The Stitch of Dreamtime As twitching I~s Rewind Time In Spaces opened from deep Inside..
Charleen Johnston 7-26-2024
(Based on last nights vivid dream of pregnancy and giving birth)
A long slow slide into degradation… shuffled into the perfect recipe for biocessation Everything that you have been taught to fear Is backwards The swords of discrimination Are lacking more each year
Prepping you for the greenhouse You’ve been potted In depleted soil For the smart dome that invades Your biome And becomes your home It’s almost here You’ve been prepped and steered Along the abyss The Judas kiss From the many tiered Mirror Of your fears Here … Create panic , hide from the sun Straight into the blue light of the floodlights That mine sight and tie your eyes Too tight To run….
You are a brief elaboration Of a tube That stretches mouth to ass Filled with steller mass There is a light show within Your skin Inside Where life begins to dine On photons And digest the Aeon Trapped in time
biology uses light’s duality to sculpt life What are you being sculpted into In this blue light haze A maze of fading dreams Owned now by the real Estate Agents of Virtual Things That occupy your inner life And nullify your Imaginal Mind Running from the blind Minotaur Hungry inside his circuitry Waiting for the tender feast Prepared Carefully And risen like yeast Inside the meat Suits Who no longer need To bleed.
9-9-24
Everything Sees us It seizes us From inside The eye and thine I me mine Entwined In Sines of the Times
All roads lead to the Torus Hyperspheric tears That Fall From the Eyes of Horus Making Waves That Bleed before Us
Emanations Of the Faces And Names Of God La ilaha illallah Everything Is Until It Is KNot
9-19-24
GeoEngineered Nanospheric Tears That flood And break blood with the brethren It’s a fantastic mask of the Weathered Lens A drastic attack on all sense As the minds Of men Totter on the fence ‘It all depends on where you begin” To See The Eye of the Storm opens Wide At Sea The Shutter flutters at warp speed To ravage the masses… Its a haunting hell that smells of deception Taunting the dwellers In the realm of perception Where landslides tear the minds In two Rip the fabric of Time as the Rivers Rise Steered by the gears And fed by the tears and bleeding hearts Within this atmosphere Of false gods and false starts…. ‘Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear The falconer The center cannot hold Things fall apart’ Right on Time and Left In Space The BodyPolitik.All Race Speeds through Like floodwaters unleashed By occult forces of unTruth And abuse ….the slippery noose that tightens Upon the neck of youth And age As modern day slaves break loose And spill their rage Upon the blank page of cyberNous. It’s what happens You know When the blind intellect thinks it reigns Supreme Demiurgic surges from rains Seeded at sea In Frequencies that feel real But fail to bleed With the bodies needs Cut off from the heart of the human Creed Grasping for the apple with a rotten Core One byte away from an open Door In-Between This World and This Dream As the floodwaters recede And set in place The next stage managed scenes As the Raven quoth ‘Nevermore’.
Charleen Johnston 9-29-24
The Eye of the Storm stares From the panopticon EMP bursts from the pentagon Playing with power DisAster decreed from the Tower Of Babylon As Death of Stars seed terror In declarations of War As seas bear the burden Of blame Spewing forth the wind and the Rain Bred from the electromagnetic NanoGrid that surrounds This mainframe Now What a sinister Game To Play As red blood is shed on a chessboard of mud And death Of communities No Geodetic immunity In the mountains There The blue tears of well greased gears Demolish the roads That lead out of here Into where Mirrors shatter And the manufRactured floods Leave lives tattered And bare We all share this Destiny We all Carry this blessed cross Through eternity…. The Puppeteers are drunk On spoiled wine…… Unleashing the genies From their techno-vines That strangle the hearts and Strangle the minds Of the brethren The sacred kin The flesh family that stands within The prison yard Electromagnetic barbed wire Prizm Guards In Fields that starve The Cells Thick syrup blood coagulatio Forgets how to flow Clots and Rots in veins That know No longer How to bleed free Woven enmeshed with nano-borg Bio-Tech Tissue in flesh Like marionettes Dancing to frequencies Spewed out in dissonant alphabets That speak decrees Against the sovereign Bioluminescent human blueprint…: Saturated wet We are Filled with regret for the loss of Our blessed Will….. Dangling from the Nous Of the fiery Wheel That bears the cross Of the broken spokes That speak in broken codes That have forgotten How to Feel. Stay Strong my Friends. This Next Level of the Game Is getting Too Real…. The Script is All Set To Be ReVeiled.
CLJ 9-30-24
There is a cataract in my I As a matter of fact It’s a Matter of Why It’s a Mystery hidden in shattered Minds fractured Skulls manufactured EnMasse MKUltra Doldrums Programmed for the Trumpets Blast As Vying Vultures Dine on dying cultures In the Petri Glass
The Cloudy Retinas Stare back at me In disbelief Regurgitated memes Offer no relief To the crowds Who are gathered In Ether Nets Screaming loud As broken necks dangle From the Nous Of the tangled Hex
They stomp their feet And loudly proclaim It’s simply ‘climate change’ As the simple software In their simple Brains Cling to their masters Who programmmed the Game ‘Take my Vote take my Vote!!!’ As the holes are drilled In their leaky boats As their souls are filled With anecdotes As planned panic In demo(n a)cr(ob)atic epidemics Offer up their scapegoats
Splintered psyches Will grasp at straws Every Alter Wanders Lost Within the Halls Of the HollowCost Seeded from the frequencies As Seamen spawns Artificial breeds No need to bleed In the new creed As Paradise is Lost And Paradox is Freed
Which way shall we go? Apoptosis or Necrosis? Pop-culture doses Of symbiosis Or sovereign exploration Of Live Gnosis? Menses-Mined Over-controlled GovernMen.t on Patrol Third eye Blind Dumbed-down souls Craving Slavery Tied to Polls…. Lies are Built LiFe.S deFiled On Wiped FiLes Of the Old..::: Can’t you See Currents……you See, No longer tied To Standards Of Gold… Currency dies As CurrentSeas Rise And blurry Me~s Close their Eyes…
There is a Cataract in my I.
A cloudy sense of Wondering Whys.
CLJ 10-9-2024
Each side feels entirely justified In their hatred It was planted inSide Each wide open I Thinks it sees what Lies Beneath The threshold of Belief ….thinks itself revolutionary A bastion of truth On this merry-go-round ….carnival set loose Within the fairy ring of Loud Mouths Proclaiming their own Bias To be so Sweetly Sound
Each Side swears this is the End Of Something But What Thing is It That is crumbling Now? Where is the finger pointed? Sharpened like pencils Scribbling within stenciled lines To draw the boundary Around their captured minds…::: Terror and fear, ( oh dear…. Hear we go again The pendulum swings and brings The opposite demons into the ring) That which one cannot Own Within Becomes the Face of the Beast That threatens to Swallow the World :::l i s t e n. U p. B o y s. N. G i r l s::: Untangle the threads in Your own bitter heads Defragment your own HeartDrive And own your own sins Because what you See Is What You Look With Clear the connection And strengthen the bandwidth So you don’t fall Prey To the illusions that ‘They’ Have woven into your brains.
“When you're out on the road and feelin' quite lost Consider the burden of fame And he who is wise will not criticize When other men fail at the game”
Take A Deep Breath Reel in your Ache The frightened Eyelids Believe they are awake But the heavy weight Of the masters of Fate Are spinning and spinning As the sleepers debate….
The strangest thing about living behind screens Are the I~s who believe They can hide their own seams But the constant toll Of the endless Scroll Makes it so easy for their Souls To be seen ….
So take a deep breathe And step into the center And reel in the hatred That breeds more terror.
124875 369 Eternally shifting Tides.
11-6-2024
I live surrounded by mirrors I like the way the light reflects And objects change Relationship When eyes Play From different angles Angels swim through the glass Rays of tangled Mass Passing Through As maps to clearer Vision As time and space Collapse Inside the Prism.
11-8-24
No no, you See You didn’t take your power back… You didn’t open your fragile eyes… You were drip-fed a sick fetish and left in the bed To cry… Dripping wet with Punishment (salty brine from GovernMent …) …..CunningLinguists dressed for Crime As the dangling Fish Hang from the line Tipping the Scales And working OverTime
You are Just 4Play 4 These WarGames That take place on the MainStage Inside Your Mind..:::.. 4B Programmed Seeds Electromantically engaged In 5G Cages that no longer Bleed HemoHobGoblin Global Mockery With Genetically Modified Pomegranate Seeds
No no, you See You didn’t take your power back… You didn’t open your fragile eyes… You were drip-fed a sick fetish and left in the bed To cry… ….Tied up in knots with lots Of fishing twine Broken Sines … Gushing Waves MK ultra for modern day Slaves Superficially Chaste… Damming the Flow While Damning the Beast (It’s All Just for Show…. Magdalene Knows (the Rose The Rose The Rose Is the True Path You Seek…)
( lets take it real slow…
……while you take a little peak)
CLJ 11-8-24
Here it comes
Bringing Magic thru the trees
A synaptic surge as myelin sheaths Breathe with the pulse Of pure Dream
The Rapture is a map to the flaming Astēr Wrapped within the folds Of Matter
Fire and Light Penetration Inner Sight SupraSensation Master of Mind Dance. Of. Illumination.
At this moment, I am in the middle of my EXACT Uranus opposition……not only that but I have an almost exact natal Uranus/Sun Conjunction in first house Scorpio….so the Sun is being activated at the same time. They are all squaring my natal nodal axis in Leo/Aquarius (a wide orb of 11 degree)….among other transits. I almost always have strong vivid dreamtime and experiences, but over the years I have tracked that there are certain transits that bring very particular energies. And so out of curiosity I started to browse old journals, and noticed the amount of snake/serpent dreams I was having…and realized it was during the time of my Uranus SQUARE natal Uranus/Sun. AT the nadir of my chart. For the past 8 months I have been undergoing rapid transformations once again, reminding me of the period between 2001-2003 when I felt like I was also plugged into a quantum computer…..Kundalini going crazy…..having to ground the energy, feeling my life was at stake. So only using those couple years between 2002 and 2005 as my search vector, I went thru my archives and looked for all the dreams that referenced snakes, and then copy- pasted them here in order. For my own research, and for things I will use in the future as part of a larger project. (I am only up to Jan.21, 2006 date in Dream archive process, of typing all my dream journals into the computer!!!!!! I have 18 years left to transfer….haha….though there were a few large gaps of time wehre I was not keeping dream records, there are many more thick journals filled with adventures to go through. And the later journals get more and more detailed. Such gratitude for having undertaken this discipline so long ago….records of my subconscious alchemical processes for my entire adult life.
April 17, 2002
(Serpent Transformation)
Dreamed of Snakes. AT some point I turn into a snake. It is not a frightening dream but feels spiritual.
October 3, 2002
‘Coiled Snake Explodes’
I can only piece a few fragments together now. At a house with a lot of people, I apparently put out a joint roach in a Large Coiled Snakes mouth; Then I leave the room. As I am walking out, I Know that something is going to happen. I hear an Explosion and go back into the kitchen where the snake had been on the table. There is blood and guts all over everything. I am trying to clean up the mess.
Scene Shifts.
I am in the bathroom in my house and some guys are outside. One keeps opening the door while I am trying to use the bathroom. Finally I go outside and Gracie Ju Jitsu him to the ground!
November 19, 2002
(Focaccia Bread)
I am with mom, granny and Julia for the most part, and together we go many places. Granny is driving. At one point we are in some shop ordering stuff. We have a good exchange with the guys behind the counter. I am saying how the one guy looks like someone I know. They all seem to like us. There is someone else with us too, Julias friend? They seem to know them. I am acting very outrageous…silly and uncaring of what I say or do. The we are in this place again getting food. I ask to see menu and am reading the ‘dream text’. But I am thinking the place was like ‘Zoo’ down the street, with crepes. I ask for a bunch of berries in a sundae or something, but they say they have no water, so they cannot wash the berries! So I ask for spinach and extra feta in a pita or crepe. They say they don’t have it….say thay have focaccia bread. The whole time, I can see them cooking stuff. It is dark outside I go out thinking they are making my food. I get in the car and Julia is like ‘here, drink it quick!’ and has a small portion of milkshake. She acts as if it has alcohol in it, and she doesn’t want mom or granny to know. So we are waiting in the car for my food. Then we see the whole group of people who work there come outside as if they are partying. So we leave after I ask about my food and they have not made it. We are then driving up main street and I say something to the effect that there is nothing exciting or good to look forward to anymore, the way the world is. My mom says that being with Family is worth it. I then agree. We pull into Family Convenience store on the ‘hill’ to get something. I see Mandy Doruth in gas attendant uniform. We go in and it is now a snake place….with cages of snakes everywhere. I walk to the back and am looking at a white and black one. Then there is a loose one, big…and it spooks me and I run to the front, after jumping over another loose snake in the store. I tell the man I am nervous unless I know where the snakes are in relation to me. Seems we leave then. All the time in the dream there are many people around, familiar and unfamiliar. I was very boisterous and loud in dream.
I am in my bedroom and there are other people with me. A snake appears from somewhere/or someone has it with them. It is striking at the leg of the girl but I put my arm down to block the bite, so I get bit on the hand instead. The snake is clinging to my hand and it is starting to swell. It is a rattlesnake and I just know something serious has happened. Then, as if the dream fades for 9 months, I realize I am having a baby. I actually give birth! My mother is there and my sister. I want them to help me with the child. I am nervous about it. But as soon as it comes out and opens its eyes it begins speaking. Not perfectly, but good enough; and it seems it knows another language also. I am thrilled about this because I have been telling mom (in waking life) that babies were going to be born fully conscious, etc. She is amazed. So I have the baby and I am taking care of it. I flip out occasionally, worried I am not taking good care of it. The baby is absolutely beautiful! She has my eyes, they are huge and blue and she seems so spiritual. (I remember at some point looking at my breasts and feeling afraid that I wont be able to produce milk to feed the baby).
December 18, 2002 *In Ireland for Visit*
(River of Life)
I am at a river most of the time. There are lots of other people around, all having fun. Reminds me of a picnic. I am in and out of the water. At one point, I am out in the river and an older woman comes out but has trouble swimming…so I get her on some flotation thing and swim her in….halfway there Julia and another girl are swimming out and have brought some long float boards so I transfer the woman onto one of them and float her back to the bank. I am swimming then underwater and It is dark and I swim into a bunch of animals or something, they are furry and I can feel them on my face….they are kissing me! I am telling people about it when I swim back. Also, on a small dock there is something to do with a fat man. Im not sure what he is doing, maybe fishing, but when he turns his back I push him into the water! I am climbing the steep wooded embankment and at the top is a road. I am walking, when Sarah Holsinger and someone, maybe Annie Judy…come up with a volleyball. She hits it to me and I bump it back and we start to pepper with the ball. The ball almost goes down the bank but I manage to grab it. At some point Beefy is on the road with me and someone else, perhaps Julia, and we see a black snake and a copperhead crawling into the bushes. Good energy in the dream.
December 23, 2002 *Ireland for a visit*
(python snake)
Long vivid night of dreams but lost upon waking. All I can recall is that I had a huge python snake, and I can vividly recall the feeling of his scales when I would hold him.
February 9, 2003
(Rickson Commits Suicide)
Rickson, my snake, is in the pocket of my sweatshirt and is squirming around pretty aggressively. I notice him in there and pull him out but he begins to bight me and jump around. He doesn’t seem well, and is breathing hard. I decide he needs water. I put him up to a water bowl and he lifts his head up and is drinking when he stars swallowing his own tail, like the ouruborus! I don’t know how his tail gets in the water but it is. I feel he is trying to kill himself, in a way…..I pull the tail back out of his mouth.
NOTE: Feb. 10th, 2003 Rickson disappeared. I looked everywhere.
Further Note: Never saw the snake again, and went to stay with Liberty In June for her birth. While there, Beefy said Rickson came out of a hole in the bathroom, and was HUGE!!!!! HE had been living in the walls etc I guess, eating stuff. He ended up disappearing again though. Never to be seen again.
March 15, 2003
(Green Mamba)
I am messing with a big green mamba snake. It almost bites me but I catch its head with my fingers…it is moving around chaotically, when finally it slips through and bites my finger. I then start trying to smash its head between my fingers.
*note from the morning(‘the beginning of the great work?)
March 16, 2003
(PJ, Snakes & Rickson)
I keep finding my snake Rickson, and he keeps following me! Something about a huge Black and white snake too…PJ has been sitting in some twigs near a tree and I tell him to move ….that there is a huge snake.
April 14, 2002
(snake swallows fist)
*First part of dream had something to do with me being led in Light Movement or something….filling in some structure????
*I cant recall where we were heading or what we were on our way to do. I keep trying to get Beefy to have sex with me though, when we are at different places. At one point there is a huge snake in the Water near me. It seems I know it, or something(the snake)? It swims over to me and I speak to it! It speaks back. It tells me it/I am warm? Then it puts its entire mouth around my fist, just for a second, then lets go…..it is friendly and gentle and I laugh and joke with it then it leaves. At some point a girl who is with us leaves to go camping with two other lesbian women…one of which reminds me of Susan(Lori&Melissas old friend). The guy who is driving us around is sort of goofy….and he apparently has a crush on me….and thought beefy and I were just messing around/didn’t know we were together. He drove me to the bus stop in Luray and dropped me off, after asking me about Beefy and I tell him we have been together for 3 years and in love. He is sad about that, but seems to hang around still. I am with someone on the dirt road near the bus stop. Then Jeremiah is talking to someone and says he called so-and-so because he likes to hear what they are up to….he says that is why he used to like to call me…???? Then me and Beefy are sitting and eating and Ms.Petefish is there, I am excited…talking about how I am going to win all-state in volleyball….I introduce Ms.Petefish to Beefy as my 9th grade vball coach, ‘the best!’. She speaks with us and asks If I remember her name…..I do…of course.
Beefy and I seemed to get along well through-out dream, flirty and sexual.
April 23, 2003
(Snakes and Crocodiles on my body/Swallowed fist)
*last recorded dream from april 14 also had snake swallowing fist **
I am in a hotel room or some kind of dorm. There are about 5 snakes/crocodiles in there…..seems they keep morphing between the two forms at different times. They are somewhat excited….and very quick, moving around. I am trying to catch them or something. One gets out below the door and I see the tail (crocodile) so I open the door quick and grab it. There are people in the hall, and they see me, and say something. I realize I am naked. I come back in the room and then realize the snakes are in my clothes, and crawling on my body. They take nibbles and touch me with their tongues….which produces a very intense tickling sensation, but pleasurable. I am dressed again apparently, and there is a very large Boa type snake in my shirt, and it swallows my fist….then lets go…..as if it is communicating with me or something. I am learning to control the snakes…..they are more calm now….I am playing with the larger one.
May 2, 2003
(Bit by Rattlesnake)
Dad and I are in his house, in the living room, messing with a beautiful rattlesnake. I am wary of this snake because of its seeming Power. I try to hold it or something….or maybe trying to remove it from house….and it tries to bite me. I am fumbling with it in my hands for awhile, as it tries to get away. I end up being very rough in handling it….and turns out I am bitten twice…just scrapes…on the pinkie and on other hand too. I feel dizziness taking me, and I tell someone I need help because of the bite.
May 11, 2003
(Rattlesnake bite in Heart)
I am in a room with other people and there is a Rattlesnake. It seems aggravated. There is a baby on the side of the couch and I dive for it so It will not get bit….and at that moment the snake strikes someone in the heart! I am not sure who. Dad is trying to handle it and get it away without getting bit, but it seems it did manage to get him….he says he thinks he got bit.
May 22, 2003
(OBE, Litter of Puppies,Teaching Beefy to travel, Snake)
I find myself in my astral body, parting from my physical in the bedroom. I am excited and anxious when I realize what is happening. Something happens that makes me come back to my body……and I awaken inside a dream. There is a litter of puppies- all sizes…miniature…in a little cloth bag on the bed. Beefy had found them first ….as I am trying to explain to him the experience of me being in my astral body….and then waking to find the puppies. We are trying to gather them up. We don’t know what to do with them…..since we are not allowed to have pets in the apt, and are worried about them. Rebecca asks if her and speedy can keep them. There are a bunch of people around then. I run into a man at one point who has a child, and I ask him if he would like a puppy and he says Yes!. I am then being annoying to others around me it seems. I am sitting outside with some people and Becca Quadri shows up. I run over and give her a hug and speak a bit. Then there is something going on with the McGoverns….Beefy is going somewhere with Margot….everything is confusing. There are huge 18 wheeler trucks too……me and someone else is in a box on the hood of one….??? Most of dream is exhilarating and I have good control of my emotional state.
Then I am singing in the back of a truck with others….on our way to somewhere unclear now. I am then trying to show Beefy how to Mentally Travel. We are standing and we hug each other. I have a small Joint. I tell him to concentrate and picture himself going up in the air. He does, and we float. I then tell him to picture the place he would like to land. When we actually land, he has morphed into Rick Sloan, and Ive lost the joint. I am asking and looking for it, but Rick says not to worry about it. He has weed. Seems we are at Elliottes house in Page Valley by now. I climb or float up to a bird nest in a pine tree and there is a baby snake in it…so I grab the snake. When Im back on the ground, the snake has become Huge, and wrapped around my left arm/wrist…..black snake….It bites my thumb but I just stroke its head and transfer love to it and it lets go. Then Rebecca or someone takes him from me, but isn’t being gentle and I think she gets bit. Seems we have some big purpose in the dream. Very sequential.
June 6, 2003
(Pot& Cops, Jaguar Chase, Coiled Snake)
I am in some store and trying to pick out an outfit…it is an adorable black and white skirt with pleats and a shirt etc. The lady only has size Small and I need a larger size. So I eventually leave the store. I am in a car with some people….with a bag Full of pot, and a smaller bag too. We get stopped by the cops. Somehow I sneak both bags into bookbag and give to Tish to take as she is getting out of the car to go home. The cops look but find nothing. They leave. I grab the pot and pocket it?? We see two girls, who help us with something. I give them a huge bud of pot.
Scene shifts. I am near some road/forest and walking along….I see a big cat, like a huge bobcat or a Jaguar. I begin to run and it is chasing me…I am running so fast!!!! It is closing in on me. I am not terrified but I know that I do not want it to catch me. I try to divert it and go up a tree but it doesn’t work. I do not know how I finally escape.
I am then walking in the forest with some people and see two young children crouched down in a path leading up the mountain. There is a rattlesnake curled up with mouth open ready to strike. The kids know better than to move…..and I start walking up to see them, but they yell to stop me. That’s when I see the snake in the path. I distract the rattlesnake until it sorta chases me down the hill and away from the kids. I throw a stick on it and then put my boot on it. It seems to be a small baby rattlesnake. I reach down and pick it up by the head. I remove the snake from everyones presence and we continue on our way. The kids are grateful.
I felt confident.
June 18, 2003
(Notes/fragments)
*Mom cutting fingers off herself in someones beautiful kitchen
*Issabella bit by snake, the neighbor says…..but she was really bit by Jacob, and had to get lower lip removed.
*Tattoo ladys office
*Drive somewhere….see ship sailing in the sky….across the moon (like ET)….I try to take black&white photo but someone who is driving (mom?) keeps backing up and pulling forward and I cant get pic
*Cop passes us
*Can see girl climbing in the window of a huge house
July 2, 2003
(Lester talks about Dad and Pig/Snake)
I am on a bus with others, and Lester Addison is complaining that Dad is more willing to mess around with and possibly get bit by a rattlesnake than play with his pig? Apparently Lester gets a whole big issue started over this.
Then I am in a store with Mom, and bus is waiting outside for us. I am acting very outrageous and silly because I realize I am dreaming.
July 12, 2003
(Garter snake swallowed by cobra/kidnap)
Many people and much activity. I fly a lot in the dream, doing tricks in the air etc. I find a baby garter snake and catch him. He stays with me and is licking me like a cat. It leaves some kind of residue on my hand. Then he is crawling and I follow him and he gets swallowed by a large white cobra snake!
Scene shifts.
There is a man kidnapping an old rich woman in her car……he has a gun to her head…and he asks another man and woman from another car for a ride….?? They realize something is wrong though, and try to drive off. I am perceiving from another perspective though……birds eye….3 cars all wired together??
Scene shifts.
I am in Luray high school and going to the bathroom….it is a single room bathroom with 3 or 4 toilets and a mirror. A girl comes in talking about someone….last name ‘Darnell’…and I say that I know her….a Reporter……she verifies and says the girl came up to her and knew everything about her, even which kind of moisturizer she wears. Then we leave the bathroom and there is an empty shopping cart I am pushing. I joke about being an old bag lady, then I go downstairs on the back of the shopping cart….everyone laughing. I seem to be popular and well esteemed.
July 16, 2003
(Rickson Needs Food)
Dreamed about Rickson, my snake. He seems to change sizes throughout dream. He seems to be weak also. I remember thinking it must have been a really long time since I had fed him….then I am looking for something to feed him. We are listening to some guy speak somewhere outside…..there are a lot of people around. I am digging up potato bugs and grubs and stuff, throwing them in his cage, but he will not eat them. I stick my face close to him and he kisses me! He is talking to me also, but what he says is unclear. He also bites my finger at one point, but not out of maliciousness….and he lets go quickly. I feel anxious to feed him, and a bit sad.
Dreamed about my snake Rickson. I am near Jeremiahs old camper at dads house. I see him partly beneath the ground and I move the dirt and pick him up. Seems he has some sort of blisters or bubbles on his head. Then later I get him again from the ground and he is really fat in some spots as if he has just eaten. Again he doesn’t seem to be completely healthy.
Something about the show Jeopardy. A woman contestant on the show….has brought about 6 of her best girlfriends. They are all very beautiful. Then as if I am watching movie, they are rollerblading down these huge steps like a coliseum or something. I think how dangerous it is and how good they are at it. One is rail sliding all the way down. At the bottom they are asking if everyone is there. It is a sandy beach now. Then it seems we are on a very small island. Liberty is there. She is pregnant. Also something building. Dad is there building some sort of little house with stones or something. I can see the island birds eye view at one point and think how small it is. I am then with Liberty and we are trying to find some place for her to give birth…but first I find a toilet so I can use the bathroom. It is in a room that Tom Petty had stayed in on vacation. Liberty ends up laying down on a table a has someone pull out an egg from her…..it is about the size of two fists. She is relieved. It is on an umbilical cord. She breaks the shell and wipes off the yellow and white stuff inside and a tiny baby is inside. She is saying he felt better now, and it would be easy now. The baby is curled up with umbilical still attached. She lays him on her lap and rests. It is beautiful.
September 30, 2003
(Beach and Pool and Stallions)
I am with Beefy at a beach surrounded by a forest. We meet a man and woman who seem really cool. I find at one point that I am away from them and trying to find Beefy, but I have a backpack and I find it really hard to walk…..especially up a large hill that I am struggling with. I eventually find them again. Brandi Majeski is there with them now. Her and Beefy are talking to the couple we met about Hash, and how much money could be made by sending some to Jeremiah to sell. They are talking weights and money etc. I am annoyed for some reason. I feel like I am mad at Beefy and giving him a bit of the silent treatment. At one point I see a man working in the weeds, and I go down and there is a Coral Snake or similar, half buried in the grass. I just look at it and note its beauty and the red marks/pattern on it.
Scene shifts.
We are now at mom and dads house and there is a swimming pool in the spot where Jeremiahs camper used to be. There are a lot of people around now, wanting to swim. We are swimming and I get aggravated for some reason and leave. I then go into moms house after smoking a joint. I hear mom say that Julia is a bitch when she doesn’t get her way, or something like that. I want to go talk to Julia so I go outside. I have a joint roach in my hand and throw it down. I am then over in the weeds doing something, and I lose my black shirt??….in the brush….but I am weary of digging around because there may be snakes. So I am hanging on a tree reaching down when a man playing an instrument of some kind, brings the shirt to me from the brush below! I say Thank You and then go to look for Julia. She is at the pool. We are swimming, joking around about throwing each other in. I am going to do some flip or something , but jump off diving board and just land feet first. Then Julia jumps and lands outside of the pool on her side, she jumped right over the pool. She says ‘that’s sorta dangerous, huh?’
Then there are tons of people around again. There is a fat girl there too. And the couple we had met at the beach, who are laying on the diving board in the way. Which upset me for some reason. I am then chasing someone, I believe it is cindy doruth, through the forest, for doing something.
Somebody drops an orange in the pool and I jump up and dive straight in and grab it with my foot, and swim back up laughing…and give it away. I am moving people away from the diving board, telling them that they must respect the rules since we are responsible if anything happens. The people are somewhat mad at me.
Something happens and I am trying to get a huge white stallion untied….he is outside our house. I get him loose somehow but I am afraid of him. So I climb fence where piggles pen is, but there is a huge dark stallion in the cage. I climb high up near a tree but he is standing on the fence and is huge….right next to me. There must be some kind of mission or something, because the Dark Stallion says he will ride with the White Stallion….and off they go.
January 1, 2004
(Copperhead and Rickson)
Julia has a pet copperhead snake. It seems tame, but I hold it and it bites a few times. We know it is a symbol of Power and Transformation. The bites do not hurt, and I ‘know’ that I can ‘handle it’. It is an amazing creature. We decide it must not be poisonous anymore…? Julia has a glass aquarium for the snake, and I see that Rickson is laying in it. I am excited because I missed Rickson the snake!
April 10, 2004
Partying at Mansion with friends and family/Man with Snake/Some Lucidity
I am in some kind of city, partying or something. I am in a house that is either Beefys, or a relative of his…we are staying there. Our room is near the attic…..up the stairs and around and around. It is a huge mansion of a house. There is a man, an uncle to Beefy?, but he never comes down to talk to us. I am waiting for Beefy to get dressed so we can go out. Marya Williams and Chrissy George show up. Everyone is drinking and smoking and having a laugh. I go outside somewhere to meet Julia and Jeremiah and PJ and others. They have also come to visit and want to go out. PJ has his head shaved, as does Julia….and Me!!! We all look much the same…..haunting beauty….but PJ has some kind of glass patch over his eye…with a painted eye piece on one part. If you look through the glass you can see that behind it is a torn up eye. I ask him about it, and he says you can see through to his skull if he doesnt wear the patch. He is tall and very handsome. I ask Chrissy and Mayra if they think we look alike…they say ‘exactly’. I feel I have to keep an eye on Julia. I keep warning her to stay with us, and to be careful with who she associates with. We are somewhere walking, but some of us have roller skates on while out on the town! I am a bit Lucid throughout the dream. We are going up the road, next to a house, and those of us in the back can see all the way up front that there is a truck pulled over. WE can see the man has a gun and Seamy is handing the man his wallet into the truck….he is being robbed!So I scurry around the other side of the truck…as if I dont know anything is going on. I see the license plate. At first I think I will try and punch the man but then decide he may shoot someone, so I get his license number….there are only three characters…W(3)R or something…The guy pulls away. There are lots of people around who had seen what happened. I repeat the tag number and ask if anyone has any change so I can phone the cops or something. Someone comes out and hands me a big bill, but I need change…and remember I have change in my purse. So I am fiddling with change etc There is a payphone next to me. I drop 5p and then try to look for it. Not sure if I ever managed to phone.
Scene shifts
We are back at the house we are staying at, or somewhere else. We are asking the barman there for drinks etc. Everyone is getting along great…having fun. Mayra and Chrissy are looking for gay clubs or something. Julia is wanting to party more too. There is something weird about Jeremiah. At one point he is sitting in a chair, giving me something out of his pocket, and it almost seems he is someone else. He is very quiet. Brandy is there too and at one point I have to make her quiet down because she is being so loud and obnoxious. Then I am out messing around the house by myself…Lucid at this point. There is a burrowed hole sorta on the right side of the house at the back…I am curious as to what it is used for….I have a sense of knowing that it has something to do with pedophilia. I nearly slip over the edge and down the hill but manage to climb over and get around to the other side. At this point the man in the truck has come back and he has a Snakelike thing…and the thing somehow had gotten Gollum down in the swamp behind the house. I go back to the house to get someone, perhaps Mayra, and show her how to Lucidly get down the cliff…by creating energy rope or something. We are down there …I see loads of animals down in the water and woods. I see the snake thing on the other side and I make my way over to it. Gollum cannot get away. I grab the snake thing and it seems to have rubber teeth?! Im wrestling with it…….then I become aroused and am thinking of it in sexual terms…the teeth become sharp and hard and trying to bite me but I get it in my hands. I get Gollum…..and tame the snake. By this time I am getting even more Lucid.
I am in a huge field…I am in charge of cultivating it and plowing it etc. Beefy is with me. At some point I am walking through the field….(is seems to be dark outside)…and I trip. While in the field I realize that it is very overgrown and there are brambles etc. I have neglected it I guess. I am sitting in tangles of weeds etc, which are flattened from use of the field. I think I see a snake moving under the grass. So I lay down very quietly and try to not move, so the snake will just pass me by. I am laying there and it is crawling alongside me. I can see a shadow of its head sorta sniffing around my face….but it just leaves. I get up and go on my way.
2nd dream: (Football on the hill/yoga and digestion/prizes/waiting to go home)
I am with my mom and dad and others, we seem to be sorting through foods and things….I use the ice cream scooper to scoop out some ice cream to take with me and back to beefy. I notice there are several types of scoopers in among moms spoons. They have funny tips that seem to be for draining water. I put ice cream in a tub for Beefy for later. Then I am playing with an american football….but we are throwing it around on the side of a very steep incline/hill….with forest at the bottom. Someone is making jokes about me. I throw the ball once and it doesnt spin right so it doesnt go very far. I say to someone I am definitely NOT going all the way down the hill to retrieve the ball. Then there is something involving a tanning salon….it is next to us…..there is a whole crowd of us sitting and waiting for prizes or something. While we are waiting, someone asks me if yoga does anything for people food-wise?? I go into a dissertation on how Yoga speeds up the metabolism and actually strengthens the digestive system. While I am telling the person this (a male), I say that Yoga is more of an internal beauty aide as opposed to salons and all….which are meant for external beauty. Something is said about Tan, and tanning studio, but unclear what. Then Martina Hoye is there, she is pouring tea for our table/group of people. I am sitting with Beefy. We are being handed out prizes for something. I am asking which ones I should get….and give to dad…which ones will he like? There is a mini-billiards table that folds out…and also a triangular billiard type game….a model of a ship/yacht….and an Old Clock….as well as other stuff. I want the Ship, for my dad. Then Beefy and I are talking about passports…I am looking at mine and realize I had been given two….each a bit different, but both are valid. One of them is brand new, and I show it to Beefy, and we decide to keep it and share it. It is very exciting news. I cant wait to ‘get home’ because I had saved food from moms house.
December 4, 2004
(snakes and spiders and bugs)
I am in mom and dads old bedroom in their cabin…it is the way they used to have it years ago. There are all these pet-style boxes and cages all stacked on top of each other on the old dresser that is sitting in the corner. It seems I am looking for all my creatures to put back into their glasses/cages etc…they are a in the bed and under the bed and all over the place. I keep looking for my snakes and then see one climbing under the covers , and pick it up. None of the creatures are ‘bad’, they all seem important to me, as well, and I am worried about leaving on out and it getting hurt or something. One of the worms is like a grub hybrid GlowWorm with yellow and it seems to have bright green on it as well. I know someone has grabbed him from the bed at some point, and I dont want to lose anything else. The spiders are like two siamese twins or something…attached somehow…two different halfs…they are all fuzzy like tarantulas and very big. They had been fed something that looked like cat food and had thrown it up. I am looking at it and thinking I need to clean it , but then I see they are eating the vomited food, but kinda fighting over it, strangely as they are still attached to each other. I feel very close to the creatures and playful, especially with the snakes, there are many and they are small. The room is dark and I cannot really see what colors they are.
December 30, 2004
(Fenrir the Wolf/Serpent Earrings/Old Man)
I am out in the forest, the trees and leaves are colored lovely. I can see a wolf running up this very steep hill and I hear a voice explaining to me about the speed and strength of the Wolf. I see that it notices me and comes running over. My first reaction is to assume it will harm me, so I climb a big tree with a long limb reaching out from the top. I climb up and the wolf seems to jump right up to where I am. Something happens and I end up on the ground, but the Wolf is a friend and is licking me and is a very beautiful grey wolf. I am thinking What a splendid creature it is. I keep thinking of Fenrir the Wolf.
Scene shifts.
I am in a room in a building and there are things laid out , as if it is a shop. I am walking around looking at the stuff. I see a pair of Golden Serpent Earring clips…..I pass them but then go back and grab them and put them in my pocket. The hang and together make two zigzags almost like lightening bolts. I think they are Special. I am then leaving and I hug this old white haired man who seems to have helped me, and who is my friend, very familiar. I go and sit with a circle of people then.
February 25, 2005
(Scouting for Sex Place/Snake/Arguing)
Beefy and I are walking up the street at night, trying to find a place to have sex. We find all these wee nooks etc, but I dont even consider them. They are just not up to comfort standard. In one, like a barn, we see what looks like a snake, but I think it cant be because there are supposed to be no snakes in Ireland….. But then we see that indeed it is. I am wearing my winklepickers boots. The snake appears to be a rattlesnake but it is dark so I am not sure. It crawls out and looks at us, righ tnext to my feet. I am sorta nervous but then I telepathically communicated to it that we rae not going to bother it and that we are on our way out. We leave. We keep looking for places and I feel like Beefys being an asshole to me…disrespectful. I realize while walking down the street that I only have my black underwear on and the winklepickers. I ask Beefy for the hat he is wearing and I use something else too to cover up my boobs and ass. We pass all sorts of people coming home drunk from somewhere. Beefy is talking to them and they all are looking at me. I feel like Jodi Marsh and it bothers me and I end up sorta going fof on Beefy for treating me with disrespect. AT one point I punch him in the stomach/chest and say in tears ‘I hate you’ but know that I dont and am just being melodramatic, which lasts awhile.
June 16, 2005
(Lucid /Young Boy/Sex with Footballer then Beefy/Snake)
I am being shown all kinds of images of a house, different ‘views’ of it. I become Lucid and go to a house, with a small boy, who looks like PJ did when little. We are in the house I had seen. I recognize the views and the fireplace. Seem the house is in some way related to Rita? Me and the boy are looking through a drawer and desk….for ??? We go through a jewelry box and find loads of earrings etc. We put it back. We are going through other wee boxes of stuff. A group of people come in, unsure who they are or why the are here. I decide Id like to have sex, because I am Lucid and have high energy arousal. I leave the young boy and end up at a high cliff overlooking a sea. It is stormy feeling. The people that were in the house somehow ‘bring’ me this massive Frankenstein style man…..we end up talking up on the cliff. I have been Lucid since entering the house, but I decide Id like to be more lucid or OBE, so I lay back and stretch and concentrate and focus on leaving my body. I am then plunging into darkness at a great speed and building my focus and diving straight down….gaining Lucidity. I eventually am ‘nearing the ground’ at a big city and next thing I know I am walking down the street. I see a bunch of guys playing football and I walk over and end up grabbing one and ‘flying him away’. I tell him I am dreaming and just want to have some sex. He is confused, but up for it. I pull him under a pine-like tree that is like a canopy and a wee cave, like in Lurgan Park. This is behind a big building. I go down on him and he says something about the Nerves in his body and head have never been that awake. I end up leaving him then and find Beefy, who had been eating spicy food somewhere. I hug him and tell him he is in my dream. He is nervous, and I then am standing in grass. He says ‘where did that come from’ and points to a black snake in the grass. I do something with my hand and the snake ‘comes to me’ through the air and is In my hand. Beefy is amazed and now believes me that he is in a dream with me. I bring the snake over to show my and convince him. I want to have sex with him. We do, and it is great. The energy is wonderful. I know I am dreaming and dont care who sees us., out int the middle of the park. Then I am masturbating over a railing and grab a shampoo bottle, a wee one, and use it to masturbate. Then I wake up.
Note* Same young boy I dreamt of many times, thinking it was either young pj or jacob…….i am sure was Oisin, who ended up looking very similar to them at young age.
July 20, 2005
(Dream 1: Tattoo of Head and Shoulders)
Beefy and I are in a strange apartment which is painted blue inside and shaped funny, very angular. I am drawing a picture of Beefy with Dreadlocks. Randy Arvallo from SF is there and is talking about heroin and his habit and explaining stuff to us. He shows us a new tattoo he got on his left forearm. It is part of a big muscley man. He is then explaining the tattoo he wants to get…right above it and sorta mixing in with it. I say it could be like the Head to go with the tattoo he has of the shoulders?Weird. I remember thinking I have done a good job on the picture drawing of Beefy.
Dream 2:
(At the Pond Bad Girl Smothered by Thorn Snake)
Beefy and I meet up with Fiona…but she is a hybrid of her and Becky Millman, but also a bit different than both?? We end up riding in the back of the truck to their house in the country. I am talking with her and others about all sorts of stuff. I see 3 CDs for a computer…they are all some kind of encyclopedia disks. I think she must use them for school. I go into a back room and Beefy and her father are leaning over into a cubby like space pretending to fix something….but really they are sniffing coke. The man is apparently in rehab but sneaking it behind his familys back. HE gets up and starts to leave the room and I see he has coke dust under/in his eye and I stop him and wipe it off so it is not obvious to others. I then go to Beefy and I am angry because he is sniffing coke. We have a small argument about it. I am then back in talking to Becky/Fiona girl, but it is now more Becky. She asks if we want to go swimming and we say Yes. We get ready and are going to an indoor pool but then decides to go to outdoor pool/lake because she says it is better…..snobby people go to indoor pools. She insinuates some of her friends are in that category. We are then swimming in the pond behind Christian Goebels old cabin. She is talking about some of her guy friends who like her more than ‘just friends’, but she does not return the adoration. Something strange is going on this whole time too. We end up in the back of the truck again with her father/family and down by the river bank. We see an old lady sitting and looking at the river. She has crisps etc to sell…we had seen her earlier in the dream also, but somewhere else. I see the father get a bundle and throw it in the river…and I realize it is a small black baby…apparently dead. I know they are up to some shady shit. I jump out of the truck and begin to walk away, up the hill which turns into Daryl Skinners road. Someone is with me and we are talking about what we have seen. We end up back down at the pond again. There is a girl sitting in a tree. She is ‘bad’ in some way, and behind all the negative stuff. There is a big green Snake with thorns all over it, and it begins to wrap around her smothering her. WE are kinda glad. WE run to tell the others. She ends up getting loose, and there is a Lion, a Tiger, and a Bear etc, all these ‘huge wild animals’ and they are friendly with me and some of the others but seem intent on destroying the girl??? This all takes place on the bank of the pond. It is all very strange. The feeling of petting the animals is amazing.
September 23, 2005
Dream 1: (Storm coming/Cloud Serpents)
I am at mom and dads house. There is a storm brewing. I feel it is going to be abad one. Dad is asking my opinion. I tell him we should leave because if we dont, the storm will hit directly and we might not survive. We had been planning to all drive to Harrisonburg, so I suggest we go and by the time we get back maybe the storm will have passed. It is very foreboding. No one listens though and everyone stays. I point at the sky which is getting very dark and covered by black storm clouds. This geos on a bit and then I go outside and look into the sky and see three cloud-like serpents…parallel…a blue, red, and green one. They seem to be ‘racing’ each other. It seems important, and, still foreboding. I run in and tell dad and everyone goes out to see. Then I am watching birds-eye view as truckers on a big highway are ‘chasing’ the cloud serpents…….as if they can catch them!?!
Dream 2: (Smashing Pumpkins and Letting Go)
I am as if in highschool again. I feel I am a bit gaudy and geeky. I meet the Smashing Pumpkins, and am hanging out with them. I seem to be good friends with D’arcy, and I have a big crush on Billy Corgan. Darcy is trying to hook us up, but she tells me maybe if I was fitter he would go with me. I know its just for a shag anyway. I am then in my underwear running down the dirt road, as if exercising. I am about to hook up with Billy Corgan…..but then something happens and I am grabbing hold of a truck that goes by on the road. I know I need to Let Go and jump off into the grass but I feel it is going too fast and I am nervous but also realize the vehicle is going to wreck soon. The Smashing Pumpkins are yelling for me to jump. The truck ends up going over a fence and about to crash to the ground and I let go and just hope that I am able to clear the truck and accident safely. I feel kinda like a kid in the dream.
Dream 3: (Amy comes in)
Beefy and I are in bed sleeping and we hear the door open and Amy comes in. She comes up into the bedroom and asks for me to help her do something, which I do on the floor, then she leaves.
October 31, 2005
Dream 1: (Snake while Blueberry picking)
I am walking around on the road above moms house picking blueberries. I am trying to hide from someone at the same time. The blueberries are weild and taste delicious. I think to myself that it reminds me of being a kid. I am then in the woods right next to the road, sort near where the old basketball hoop used to be. I am standing there and have the thought that I should watch for snakes. As I think that, I realize there is a snake under my feet under some leaves. I grab hold of a tree and pull myself up off of it, and to the side. The snake jumps up to the road. It is a beautiful copperhead type, but there are oragne markings mixed in between its other patterns. It is stunning. I end up at moms asking if it would have been a copperhead and describing the markings.
Dream 2: (Mucous plug)
Beefy and I are visiting someones house. It is large and fancy and it seems the McGoverns may live there. We are trying to tidy up the room we are in. It has wooden floors. I am trying to fold my clothes. I come into the room at one point and Beefy has all his clothes folded in piles everywhere, and I am a bit annoyed because he leaves stuff everywhere. One of the people we are staying with comes in, maybe Seamus McGovern, and I say I am trying to clean because the room is hectic. I am then outside and arranging two sculpture-like things, Art, like long tall abstract women figures. They havng from a wire rack, and I am moving them to a corner in the hall so they look good. Everyone keeps asking me about the baby and when I am due , I tell them I have been having contractions but dont feel them. Then I am in the bathroom on the toilet peeing and I notice int my underwear my mucous plug, it is huge and shaped funny. The more I look at it , the more it looks like a fetus…tiny….and I think maybe I had twins but one never grew, or something. I know then that labor will start soon and I start to get excited.
November 9, 2005
Dream 1: ( Dancing snake goddess)
There is a nude woman, goddess-like, with a huge snake. She is erotically dancing with it and it is slithering all around her. It is three times bigger than she is. She is having an orgasm as it slithers all over her.
Dream 2: (Food Prep and Driving up steep hill)
I am with Mayra Williams in Luray. We are trying to sell food, so we are looking for a place to set up. We are near 7-11 but it is different. We each eat a ham sandwich and bowl of tomato soup. I ask people in 7-11 for two bowls and they give us them. I fill both mine and Mayras bowls with the soup. A bunch of other stuff is going on, and then I am inside 7-11 working with food, all sorts of cool little treats and snacks that look like petrified wood. Before I leave ‘work’ the girl lets me take a bunch. I leave, with my bookbag filled with stuff. I keep finding orange feathers of different shapes, that seem to come from a cat??? I keep them each time I find them, and put them in the bookbag. I am walking to my car in the parking lot, with someone, a boy….unclear who it is. Some guy asks me if Joel Miller is picking me up, and I say no, I am driving. Then a boy in a wheelchair is there too. He has been bit in the head somehow. We all go to the car. I am talking about how hot it is and that we should go swimming. The car is a dark convertible. I drive it out and it is a bit weird to drive at first. I finally pull out and turn to go up the hill near Family Convenience and the hill is so steep the car putts up it slowly. Then it is as if we are being pulled by cables, like a ski lift. It is a very cheerful mood in dream.
Dream 3: (Jumping Joyfully on mattresses)
I am in Safeway parking lot in Luray with Beefy and others. There is a big group of people, including Rita and Becky. I am in some sort of conflict with Rita and Becky, over a comment? There are loads of Mattresses laid out in the parking lot. I get everyone to lay them in a circle, and we are bouncing on them and having loads of fun, doing flips etc. I feel quite joyful.
November 10, 2005
Dream 1: (Full moon Volleyball)
I am playing volleyball on top of a hill with some people. To our right there is a massive full moon, absolutely gorgeous. I go and point and say ‘ isnt she beautiful!’, talking about the moon. I say something about it being in pisces and that the energy is intense. Something happens at the volleyball game and some of us are knocked out or something…it is related to the moon in some way.
Dream 2: (Birthing Snake)
I am in a bedroom somewhere and I can feel my belly wriggling around very actively. IT is different and I think ‘this is it, baby is coming’. Then a small snake is born and crawls from my vagina and out the bottom of my shorts to the floor! I am in awe, and find it strange at first but then I try to catch it and it crawls under the bed. When I look under the bed to see it, I has changed into a cloth snake, made of white fabric, and it seems to have a bit of patchwork and is sewn with thread and the eyes are sewn on etc. But it is moving around like normal. Then I grab it and look at it closely trying to figure out what it means. Next thing I know, it is a robot, with metal wires, and what seems to be microchips on it, all pieced together but a bit crudely. I think to myself that ‘Mother” has been experimenting again?!
(Disembodied Terror/ Magical Happenings and Self As Antidote- Consuming the Snake)
Dreamtime Feb 28, 2009
I am asleep and can hear B outside in conflict with a big mob of young people who are drinking and making noise and being destructive. I get up and look out the window, and eventually go downstairs. They have been fighting and hassling. I open the back door and say 'Thats it' really angry, and I throw and stone into their crowd in the street and it hits someone, but they see me close the door and then know who it is that has thrown it. I run upstairs, suddenly afraid of what they will do. B has gone somewhere and I am alone in the house with Oisin and I feel insecure and unsafe. I see someone climbing on the wall to get into the house. I look out the window and then someone throws something in ….they are targeting the house and me now. The next thing I know I am in the bed sleeping next to Oisin, and I feel a presence….unseen….and I am terrified. It is sucking me down the bed toward an invisible hole or something. I can feel the energy and palpable terror as I try to fight the pull. I am afraid for Oisin too. It seems to suck me to the door/wall and I know I am powerless in relation to this immense energy, whatever/whoever it is. At some point I am telling B about the dream of the kids and the terror, as if I have woken up. Then I am in a car with a man who I have met and feel in sync with …he is older and somewhat familiar. He seems to belong to some group that I have befriended. B and I are at odds and he has pretty much dissed everything I tell him matters to me. I feel so angry and I want to get away, so I go with the man. There is something about a girl, familiar either in Waking Life or in Dream, and we both somehow come to realize with are on the same 'Mission'. The man and I are supposed to eat dinner with her and her parents but something happens and we are really late. When we turn up, with Oisin, Oisin is really wired and running around and I feel self-conscious and that I am offending her parents because they seem quite ‘proper’. He walks right off a table at one point while I half-catch him before he hits the floor in such a ways that it makes it look like no big deal. The girl and I are in in her room then, but we leave to meet the man at a pub or somewhere. We sit down at a table with some people There is a blonde girl who arouses my rage and I punch her and get into a spat. We are waiting for the owners of the place to leave with us. Then I am with the girl again, in her room, and there is an assortment of objects on a table. We are trying to do something shamanistic, and I turn into a Bat and she is something else. It has to do with the objects on the table. I fly out, in a bat-like manner, conscious of the quick flapping motion of my wings. It is hard to remain in flight however. We feel compelled to figure out or do something that has spiritual/ magical undertones and involves the girls parents too. There is a scene where I am hanging from a ledge in water or some other substance and asking for help up…saying “please help me!”. There is one scene where I am with Oisin and we are walking and I see a timber rattlesnake…a small fat one …and I run over to protect him. I end up grabbing it and have it in my hands. I feel I must consume it for some reason. As I am holding it I bite down on its belly and it lets out a loud squeal, then I crush its head in my fingers and take a bite out of it. It has a magical feel to it. There is another rattlesnake that seems to jump and bite Oisin in the face but we dont pay any attention … It is as if I consumed the snake in order to use it as an Antidote to any potential harm it could bring to Oisin. I end up describing the experiences to the girls parents. They are amazed.
I twist into these mournings, daylight saving me from the burning flame of darkness swallowing my emptiness while waves of irony wash over me i am toppled by the days and silently i sit hovering… wondering if i can float this time wandering thru wastelands of my mind picking up the book written by me on the other side of the dream the other side of the dream where it all spins into me… i find all the lost notes and all the lost tones and all the lost fractures of all my mended bones
I am painted the color red. I am tainted, the mother has bled
we D R I P together thru the weathered web, creating worlds in our head, to spew out into the ethers, to want neither this nor that nor wonder where its at, but to birth the beginning again…. knowing we are just seasons of rhyme
flowering in our own time chrysalis, wrapped up in a fairytale of all that is and was and wasnt for sale…
Across these moonbeams, these split seams, these written clingings to the dream…. across all these we call to invisible bodies that are singing in their invisible moments that are bringing their soulstuffs into existence to balance the tension of the desire to Be, and to not Be….
Happy 17th Solar Return Day to my handsome, witty, intelligent, kind, unique, playful, authentically-himself-no-matter-what Sonshine, Oisín Sheá 🌹🔥🙌🔥🌹
The most incredible Gift this world has ever given me, and the most precious gift I’ve ever given to this world, what an honor it is to be your mother and to watch you grow into an exceptionally compassionate and responsible young man. The most important choices I’ve ever made in this life, going against all the Programming on all Levels, have been made in order to keep your Spirit Unbroken, Your Heart Open, Tour Mind Free, Your Body Whole and Healthy, and your Soul Sovereign. Sometimes those Choices caused fear in others, and sometimes they lead to pain and loss in various ways, but the outgrowths every step of the way have been Deeper Connections and more Authentic Reiationships for everyone entangled in this Web of Dream we Share. I promised you when you chose my Womb as Vessel, to Open a Safe Portal for your entrance to this world , and to do my utmost to protect you ferociously from not only my own unhealed Traumas, but defend your Sovereignty in the program of this reality. In Return you Helped me reMember Joy, and Play, and my Open Heart, at a time when I had grown too Ancient already in Saturns Dense Realm, so young. I am so Grateful that my initiation into the Underworld and long foray into Chapel Perilous before adulthood led me to spend the full 6 years before your Birth in deep inner work and obsessive attempts at healing my own traumas and suturing my own aeons and lifetimes of wounds, learning to ground into this Body and this World as fully as possible so you would not have to carry the fractured DNA and fragmented Narratives of Generations. I gave every ounce of my Spirit to the devotion of your Authenticity and Sovereignty of Self, and though I’ve saturated this Dream with plenty of Mistakes and misSteps and Pains and Sorrows, I know that the one Most Important Thing, to Me, is that your Heart is Open and Radiant, and I know that it is, and That Alone will be your beacon and never lead you astray….. no matter how tangled the mazes of Life may eventually become.
May your Day be filled with All the warmth snd joy you bring, reflected back upon you tenfold. 🌹🔥❤️🔥🌹
He has come for me…. Pursuing for aeons I seem to know…. I try running down the road but go back, start to climb down the side of the rocks on the cliff side, figure I can crawl up under and hide…. Then i Let Go… in Exhaustion …. Existentially weary from lifetimes of running and hiding and trying to escape pursuit…. I turn and slowly walk back up the road, straight into the Dark Man, who is on my trail. This takes him Off Guard. I calmly walk out into the road, it’s a highWay, I lay face down and Surrender.He puts the Gun to my Head…. I can feel the cold barrel. But I am not afraid. I ReMember Now, how many times I’ve let go, dissolved into the other Side, left SeemingSelf behind. It’s really not painful…. I smile….I wonder where I will Wake Up Next. He pulls the gun away and runs off for a moment, as if suddenly unsure what to do. I don’t move. I’ve already let go, surrendered, I’m Ready. Take me. He comes back, attempts in various ways to pull the trigger, to finish the job. Cars are coming. He is fretting. He wanders away again. Comes back. I don’t move. I feel a Sense of calm and Freedom I have known over and over again, and wonder why it takes so long Each time To just Let go.
Eventually he pulls me up out of the road. It No Longer matters One Way Or The Other
Don’t they know? They are all just electromagnetic pulses All just embryos in the body Of motherMatterMaterMatrix Placental playscapes practicing for ultimate Power in the Now Or Never Dont they know? They all suck from the teat of the Same name What’s the Formula for this false Game? What’s the concoction that allows the blame To be placed outside Fingers pointed in chiding derision Forgetting that the Self Makes its own decisions And needs no Other to order decrees A sovereign Being earns its degrees On the zodiacal wheel No permission needed from any Pretense of Real Power This is Ours It’s now and Flowers Unfold when the hour is too old To cower any longer behind the soul Of latency The Elect of Life Electricity Spermatic emphatic God of pregnancy Sparks divine creation In Magnetic womb , magdalenes elation To carry the sonic boom Of natures embodied satiation Sacred Sacred ….. Scared with hatred and fake matrix Manipulation They all scream All hide in foggy dreams denying Their own hand in this plagiarism The Cluster of Cells where In-dwells the Hint Of sacrificial embodiment Asks only to hold the mirror Do you know? Do you know Who you are? Are you a gob of flesh Staring into the abyss of imprisonment Angry at fragments of your own Disillusionment? Fears and tears and shame from years Of traumatic wounds And dismemberment? Are you a pulsing electromagnetic spectacle Of stardust impregnated into the divine mother I-And-US Unfolding embryonic supersonic lust For Life Wandering Waves of cosmic Dust Dancing the dream of Being As Body Bleeding with the intense need To See The True Seed that grows within This multidimensional PlayPen Again and again. What’s the Formula for the artificial Algorithm That tosses you to and fro From -ism to -ism Falling prey to the slayers Of minds beauty And truth And dangling your sovereign self From the tight noose Of proof That red fish blue fish One fish two fish Keeps the Me And the You Twisted Into dichotomy Wishing for ancient sanctions So patiently Doctoring reality To give permission To step out of this glistening Wet-dream Steeped In sterile Seeds Injected into bodies That no longer Bleed. Free. The Self. And See. Differently.
“We think in between the joints” Entire universes spread out like Time As Space hides Selves lost in sockets And held in rhyme, woven…wrenched From the mind and hidden in pockets Within the spine, the hips, The Shouldered relationships That bear the burden of Other Ways, to know here, to feel, hear And peel clear of stagnant flesh… Just one. More.Deep. Breath. Laying prone in a sea of flesh Held together by pure force of Will In a dance with past Feels and Reels That loop and tangle and twist As The feedback strangles the bliss Of Letting Go into the abyss Of the Space between The floor and Me As Self is reCentered in between The open Doors and open Seams Of I and Thou And dancing dreams. I release…. The tight grip That has ripped me apart For 41 years Held together by pure force of Will In a shifting atmosphere Of dizzy atoms here Playing tricks of light In a mind held so tight The body rebels… Swelling with the trapped rage In masked pages of the Word That Stages the painful dichotomy… Seams so loose It all spills out of me Chaotically I seem to lose autonomy Christened by the insistence Of my Fascial Lobotomy incised By internal programs That overRide Who I Am And climb thru the cavernous Space Between the Fleshy Creed That plays at Being Me…. It Dawns so suddenly The force of Feeling bleeds As pounding Heart Seeds frequencies Illuminating The maze that traps me…. Dramatic release…. A lifetimes unEase freed As the iron grip can no longer hold I leak right out of the mould And gather In a puddle of matter And Mater and Mother And matrix Of Self & Other And Open to the Fugue As the Swoon subsides…. And There I Am Peering In From Outside the Lines Where Dark matter Claims the Mind And Patterns The Play Of Somas Shame As it falls into the rhythm Of psyches Game.
A visceral reflection of how over muscled and controlled my Soma has been as a lifetime of the threat of puddling right out of my skin Has overcompensated To keep the chaos out( or in?) Hippos are meant to be soft And buoyant As they navigate the waters Of the emotional realm But mine has crystallized And been trained By the Martian masculine To grip so tight There is no room For darkness In the light Of Being. This I Know And See As I Do Now What is beginning To come Naturally. Let Go Into the Flow Of the See of Me Sew Seamingly slow And free.
BlissNinja 