Love is Free~Life is Play
I rise with the sap
…don’t they all?
But do they savor
The agony of the thaw?
The golden whisper
The gilded walls
That crumble within
The twisting halls
The manic moments
…electric sea
Magdalenes womb
Opens through me
In chambers of gold
Ripened carbon
Break the mold
With diamond body
I rise with the sap
Pulled by the tide
Waking the wonder
That sleeps inside.
3-11-2024
Charleen Johnston
“As adults, we have forgotten most of our childhood, not only its contents but its flavor; as men of the world, we hardly know of the existence of the inner world” we barely remember our dreams, and make little sense of them when we do; as for our bodies, we retain just sufficient proprioceptive sensations to coordinate our movements and to ensure the minimal requirements for biosocial survival- to register fatigue , signals for food, sex, defecation, sleep; beyond that, little or nothing. Our capacity to think, except in the service of what we are dangerously deluded in supposing is our self-interest and in conformity with common sense, is pitifully limited: our capacity even to see, hear, touch, taste, and smell is so shrouded in veils of mystification that an intensive discipline of unlearning is necessary for anyone before one can begin to experience the world afresh, with innocence, truth and love.”
RD Laing ‘the politics of experience’
Many years ago when I was about 21 I discovered RD Laing ‘The Divided Self’ , which was one of many valuable books I read that helped me be comfortable with my psychological state and the way I navigated the world. Recently I picked up his book ‘The Politics of Experience’ and within the first chapter he brilliantly articulates what became obvious to me way back as a teenager. But on the eve of starting the deep dive into my own life via autobiographical storytelling, and the eve of my sons 18th birthday, I read some passages that really capture my reasons for making the decisions Ive made in my own childrearing and in all aspects of my life. Early on I saw the truth of the above quotation, and I vowed never to be the ‘normal man’. Ever since I can remember, my first memories are realizations that I was ‘mad’ and not like the creatures around me. As I got a little older, the fact of madness haunted me. Just beyond the curtain of everyday life, the Madwomans Whisper called to me, beckoning me to follow into realms little understood, and which excited me, yet also left me vulnerable to the alienation of the common crowd. And instead of cowering in the face of madness, I have done my best to live out my truth in defiance of the mediocrity of modern expression. Ive raised my son to be a sovereign individual willing and able to step away from the consensus, with confidence in acting in a manner far from the ‘maddening crowd’.
“What we call “Normal” is a product of repression, denial, splitting, projection, introjection, and other forms of destructive action on experience. ..It is radically estranged from the structure of Being.
The more one sees this, the more senseless it is to continue with generalized descriptions of supposedly specifically schizoid, schizophrenic, hysterical ‘mechanisms’.
There are forms of alienation that are relatively starnge to statiscially ‘normal’ forms of alienation. The ‘normally’ alienated person, by reason of the fact that he acts more or less like everyone else, is taken to be sane. Other forms of alienation that are out of step with the prevailing stage of alienation are those that are labeled by the ‘ normal’ majority as bad or mad.
The condition of alienation, of being asleep, of being unconscious, of being out of one’s mind, is the condition of the normal man’.
Society highly values its normal man. It educates its children to lose themselves and to become absurd, and thus to be normal.
Normal men have killed perhaps 100,000,000 of their fellow normal men in the last fifty years.
Our behavior is a function of our experience. We act according to the way we see things.
If our experience is destroyed, our behavior will be destructive.
If our experience is destroyed, we have lost our own selves.”
RD Laing ‘the politics of experience’
How we experience ourselves and the world around us, including other beings, shapes how we act and how we think and how we create structures to contain our lifeforce. Our experience has been intentionally manipulated. The fog of delusion that humanity lives within is imperceptible to the average person, except through the vague feeling-sense of what is missing. In performing a ‘retrospective’ of my life, up to this point, at 43 years old, I intend to do soul retrieval to all those sparks of Life and Self that are trapped in the psychic gulag of my hologenetic Body of Experience. The act of re-entering these spaces, to free these selves, and to articulate and tell the story of my own Mythological existence, is to do my part in reMembering Wholeness. It is my Gift to the larger Body that I exist within, to tell my story and to untangle the knots of energy that bind my power to old dreams and dramas and to deliver my own Self as the birth pains of Sovereignty make any other life impossible. Theres no way out but in. Into the Body, into the Cellves, into the tIssues and into the Fascia which is the crystalline template holding the seed.
We come from the land of dimpled smiles, the bridge between worlds, the tethers that tear at scar tissue and rip open wounds, so the tribe can be fed with the stories that wake their Souls.
We talked often of this role, the single handed need to make everyone else’s Pain go away, be all things to all people, be the shoulder that bears the weight of all grief and fear. We made the journey over and over, from one world to the next. Your now my ally in the unseen. You’ve told me the nature of the twisted web, from your perspective at the fountainhead…. And I give my word that I shall speak it so that the demons can be free.
There is no monopoly on grief, we all carry a piece of each other, different than anyone else has, a part of a mystery, a magical thread, that no one else can see. In Life, you were pulled and unraveled by all
The grasping fingers that rip at the covers, skinned by kith and kin over and over….in Death, the Same ……the same fragmentation , no one can live up to that projection, no one can carry that , not even Saturn or The sweet soul of Capricornian love of Other. I’ll meet you there, where there is no tugging. Where nothing is wanted from you, needed from you, asked of you, blamed on you, taken from you, or hidden from you…/ I’ll meet you there in the Nether, and we will tell
The story as seen from inside the center of the Web. My friend, my Soul Brother, we’ve traipsed thru time together, for aeons, and I thank you for what you have blessed me with, by your sweet smile and the kindness and love you poured out. No strings attached, was our love and care, and perhaps that is the only place where real Sight can dare to stare into the eyes of Truth.
Blissed Be Bubba. Billy Dovel
CLJ 11-19-2023
This year I’m going down into the RIpples to honor my 43rd year of Solar Cycling thru the PrismGuarded Realm…. I’ve been Hunting the Hunter who has hunted me for lifetimes.
Last night as in the Ethers I was watching on observing an altercation, I turned my eyes back to the door as I stood and a sudden BaM!!!!! Felt almost like the time I was hit directly in the face by a volleyball that had been pounded by a very strong hitter , a dude at Rec bball in CT which knocked me back several feet flat on my ass;) a sense of calm as my awareness reflected on what had just happened, I was unsure but my consciousness hovered slowly lettinG go the tether, and I realized a Shot had come from those whom I had turned away from. A bullet to the face was a strange sensation anyhow.
I woke directly into this morning with the impact still throbbing. Then noticed that my entire jaw on the right side was more fully swollen with the impacted Wisdom tooth that rears up now and again. There’s nowhere for it to go. I heard ole Wotan tell me that the dance of Sun and fiery Mars sitting on top of my natal sun/Uranus exact conjunction in first house( head /face ) now opposing Uranus in Taurus ( neck/voice/throat) is inFlaming me, the Uranus opposition intensity being stoked as The Wisdom buried in the Jaws is trying to emerge. The Voice that is trapped in the throat , telling me it’s time to be born into this world. I have to Face it. Literally, had to do an hours deep intense facial fascial maneuvers including neck and shoulders, and then much of the swelling had subsided. The Pain Gone. Sleep came back to me, whispering that there is nowhere to hide, any longer…..that which is stuck hidden inside my jaws which hold my tongue and where stories are told, is Impacting the way I Face the World. The Stories must be Written and the entire fascial inTension released so their is room for Wisdom to Break on Through.
Some have told me to cut out and violently remove this Tooth, this reminder, so to make pain go away. But I chose at age 19 to never take a pain killer or allopathic medicine. And I’ve stuck to it, Felt Fully and Faced each Pain in the Embrace of Somas Palace. I follow it, it always leads me to the Selves buried deep within the Matter of my Flesh, where dreams are buried and beating at the door for attention.
My descent is in honor of this Dance, Seaming Fractals Dreamimg Me, Wearing the Masks of My Past and Glaring at the Mirror til they See me.
So my 43rd Solar return will be spent Alone in the Solace of Nature and Soul, deep in ceremony for the mysteries of Birth and Death, that which is wrapped tightly around the 18th and 19th of November for me.
Novem = nine /ninth month
The Gestation
Nov= ‘new’. ‘Ember’=small live fire , Hebrew’appointed by god’
What shall be born from these flames wherein the zodiacal wheel at this moment so intensely proclaims that The Time is Now
For me
To Open and Face
The lost Scroll
Within my seams
Charleen Johnston 11-17-2023
🦂When Enough is Enough🦂
Here in the hypermedia digital era, it’s easy to become desensitized by over-stimulation. As I passively absorb more and more sound bytes, videos, and impersonal data generated by external sources, the more desensitized I become. It doesn’t stop there, though. The more desensitized I become, the greater my craving for more intensity- intensity of sensation, feeling, visions, intimacy, action. This craving has never led to more intensity, but n u m b n e s s , a state antithetical to my life as a creative and feeling person.
That’s when I stop and become very still within myself. In this stillness, I withdraw my attention from the outer, and realign with my inner V e r t I c a l sources- energy rising up from the earth through the base of my spine, and the cosmic energy coming down from above through the top of my head, the crown. My previous intensity craving soon vanished. Eventually with enough time and practice, the natural sensitivity of my central nervous system restores itself, allowing me to experience the innate intensity of the Life Force itself- when life itself is enough.
(From Last words by Antero Alli ; Vertical Pool ; )
🔥🫀🔥
As a cyclical scorpionic need, I go into seclusion from most of the outer world, to restore my own sense of integrity within my nervous system. As an extremely hypersensitive raw nerve exposed to an ever growing array of assaults form the electro-smog of modern technocracy, it am constantly having to re establish my own boundaries in order to not cross completely into the Abyss of Madness which has been hunting me for as long as I remember. Here, now, in the corridor of my Uranus opposition, ( natal exact conjunction with Sun….if you know you know)…. I am taking a break from most outer sources of stimulation. I will be making a journey to a state inward to rebirth as the new Self that is forming beneath my skin. I’ve died and returned over and over in this life, letting go each time of all that is most precious to me, in order to follow what is asked of me within my own Spirit. That time has come again.
I’m so filled with gratitude for the blessings in my life; the large community of souls who embrace me and support and encourage my creative expression; my haven of stillness, my home in the wild, which was only made possible by the insane trust Others put in me and my spirit, and the generosity of help from beings who I hope one day to be able to return some semblance of beauty; my son who has grown into a kind and unique and strong young man who will turn 18 soon; for my parents who left me free to become and express myself authentically, who without knowing it, gave me the gift of the wilderness and freedom, and no emotional manipulation or restraint when I chose again and again to head out in possibly perilous paths alone at young ages; for the many gifts over the years from all my friends in different lands and times, who have contributed to my life and soul in so many wonderful ways. I’ve been helped always, along my path, by so many. I never understood why others put thei confidence in me, or extended such blessing and generosity of heart and home…. I can only hope that in some way my own spirit offered something in return in some value that is not measured in material ways. Thank you to all who have been the foundation, the pillars on which my awareness of beauty have been honed and tempered; thank you to all the Fires and furies which have alchemists my soul, all the pain, all the disasters, all the woundings , all the enmeshments and entanglements that have forced me to step up to the plate and Know Myself. Thank you to all the traumas and fragmentations, which have given me a warp and weft to weave my own story and heal and transform my DNA, ever in process of freeing more and more of my selves from the dream; thank you to the Muses, the Daimon who has tossed me to and fro forever, demanding blood, commitment to integrity, descents into darkness and ascents into the highest realms. Thank you to the sometimes overwhelming emotional extremes I was born and blessed/cursed with, tyrbOntensiry of perception and devotion to the deepest tunnels within human experience, I made it out alive, and after 43 years I’ve finally found a way to remain somewhat intact, somewhat sane, amidst those furies…… learned that my nervous system needs huge amounts of solitude, stillness, wilderness, learned to honor that, learned that for every day of activity around Others, I need three to detox others’ energy and restore homeostasis to my body and mind, learned that my space is sacred, and can only be opened to another in specific ways and times and reasons; learned that my time is sacred, and after having spent most of my life trying to live others’ lives, with no boundaries, no sense of where I begin and others end, finally in 2019 drew a line Nd made a vow, to die in battle, which means I will follow my joy even if it kills me. When I stopped putting my life on hold and instead of getting tangled up in others dramas and lives thinking I could save them, help them, I pulled my energy back in to my own Self and began to create the life that had been hunting me forever, torturing me til I finally obeyed the decree of my Daimon, and let all else go.
And now the journey continues, a new descent , a new rebirth, a new way to play with life will unfold.
Blissed be,
Charleen Johnston 11-18-2023
Look over there!’ They say
Fingers pointing to another maze
Of preScripted pageantry for the modern slaves
‘Keep your eyes on that one’
Rising on the Ecliptic
The eclipsed fist of refundant mystics
Cabal.istic lipstick stains on this ballistic mistletoe
The kiss of death is the pre-game show
Govt sponsored Mind manipulation mk ultra puppet ….created for your viewing pleasure….
straight from the public pulpit
As These Frequent Seas rising tides hide
33degrees of crime rising thru Spineless minds
….. there are agendas that need speeding up
You know…the acts of the apostles of AI gospels
Playing with energy.in motion as emotional rockets
Topple the trust and build new towers of fallacy invasion of Amygdalas…electromagdalenes mandala
“Look over there!” They demand, as WAN fans out
and chessboard pieces are moved about
Voices from the skynet scalar gods
uploaded to the mind via DeoxyRibohMyGod
the Jab.berwocky is on the loose and harvesting
The loosh, the fruits of this next stage of assimilation
As the synthetic tears Metta-morph-eyez
The entire nation
CLJ. 10-26-2023
For those who Fear the Virus, but who do not realize the world they are ushering in via that fear. It’s well known that when people fear for their existence they will do some atrocious things to other beings, in order to alleviate that fear. Many examples if you want to look. It’s also a Known that when a presumed Authority Figure in Uniform gives orders, the psychological state which that induces in the average person creates a fear response that makes them obey, even against their own deeper principles. If you are unfamiliar with the most famous study( since people claim to love studies and experiments and science……) check out the Milgram experiment.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/milgram.html
I know that I am Free, and I will be creating a different reality than that which is being presented and That the masses are solidifying on command, like a hypnotic subject who obeys the dictates of the Doctor who leads their very suggestive subconscious mind into creating an all-consuming reality that the Doctor has chosen for the subject to play out. If you understand the Nature of the Mind, and Neurolinguistic Programming, and you also understand how Biochemistry works and how the Endocrine System of a majority of the population has become enslaved by a variety of substances and methods, if you understand how Fear acts upon the Somatic System this shouldn’t be hard to fathom…. without even getting into the esoteric side of things. If you are capable of removing even further the thick veiled layer of Disbelief in the power of mind, enough to understand how Mind Control works and realize that govt sponsored MKUltra programs never went away and that the Collective itself is the result of a long history of subtle and not so subtle proven tactics of Disassociation and Mental Programming, you will begin to understand a tiny fraction of how the System as it Stands Today is reflecting all of these components, and many more. To admit that one is is Swimming in a Sea of Frequency that one does not understand but that is controlled by those with a proven track record of nefarious Intent, is a step toward learning how to raise the head above the water. The Age of Aquarious is the Age of the Electromagnetic Waters and the possibility of Amazing Understandings coexists with the possibility of a far deeper level of inPrizm.ment. We’ve all been here before, we’ve all made the decision to Live or to Die Slowly…. Death Comes for All, but we’ve been programmed to Fear it so fully that the Atrocities that come from subservience to this terror and the power wielded by those who Seem To Be in Control of these Forces and who can grant ‘some Comfort’ in the false security of believing one to be ‘safe for a little while longer’. In this process of Giving up what makes us Human, we lose all reCognition of what it means to have Sovereignty and Life within this Great Being who Nourishes us, and Always provides. There is no Beauty without Risk, there is no Love without Risk, there is no Aliveness without Risk, there is no Creation without risk……. There is only Dull homogenization, Emotional stagnation and flatline, Simulation and binary repetition, and a Virtual Atmosphere of Lets Pretend To Feel while we Hide in a Bubble of protection that sterilizes our Very Will To Live…..watching reruns and memes created by augmented intelligence in a Web of One dimensional consumerism that feeds you only what you are programmed to accept. Over Time, the lack of Somatic Spontaneity and Creative Risk and the Possibility that ‘anything could happen’ leads one to the opposite spectrum of Human, and into a Cyborg Hive-Mind Drone whose Colorless and Lifeless Intellect has become the Second In Charge Dictator who can only take orders from the AI GoD who now Simulates Life Through You.
If you Open Your Cells Right Now, turn your kEy(e)S
To the Sky👁, and put your Feet on the Ground , open to the vast secrets that the Nature of the MotherHolds in her Alchemical Cauldron, your body will start to reMember, deFragment its HardDrive, and begin to UnInstall the rogue programs that replicate as a Virus through this Collective EtherNet that we are all Logged into.
There are such Treasures in the Technology of your Body, that if you knew how to tap
Into, you would never ever give up the sovereignty of it to any man/woman/machine….. And would never again be swallowed in the kind of fear that widens the separation between you and the Spirit of Life that sustains you.
What World will you Create? I know what I’ll be doing, and when my Time Comes to Change Forms in this Dream and leave this Character I’ve created behind, I will gladly give my Soma back to the Mother and let my Flesh become her Flesh, and I will Go unfettered and Free, fully Feeling, Fully Embracing every Flaw and Fantastic Fascination of What it Means to Have Truly Lived, To have Truly, Been ALive…..
Because to Die before your Time, still walking around, trapped in Fear, is the worst Fate that could befall a Being….. Instead, I will Dance with my Destiny, which is my own Creation, and will open my Arms to AllOfMe so that I may Be a Medicine for those who are Thirsting for the Spirit of Wonder.
We all Matter into Mother
Measured by Maats Tether
Twisted Sines Waving bravely
In the maze of Ether
All ways Always riding Nows
And nursing from the Sacred Cow
……….but some.in.Time
Rewind the Bloodlines
And find the WideOpenSee
And Enter Consciously
Into the LivingDream
No longer Trapped
In mapped Out mirrors
No longer wrapped in
Fears and Tears….
Tangled in whethers
And whithers and whence
Blaming the Game
And shaming All Sense
For the Terrors that rip
choice from voice as
Moistened lips
Part
The Red Seams of this
Begotten Reality.
To be Sovereign
Is to Reign
Free
From Root to Crown
As Seed to Tree
Becomes What Is
And Always
Will Be…
Adventures
In Seaming
And Dreaming
I and We
Between
Games of Waking
And
Falling
A
Sleep.
Charleen Johnston
8-16-23
Oh, Now….it’s Time…..
It’s Time and there’s Space
to Rewind the film….
The flimsy foothold of the Brash and Bold
on this begotten realm…
How many ways shall modern day slaves
continue to be led
into the graves
of their own complacency,
‘just obey! Obey! Obey and it will all be ok!’
They say,
wrapped in a silk scarf of compliancy,
their muzzles made of murdered dreams
and
infantile Seeds of sovereignty
trapped inside seams that bleed…
Hiding….
Behind ether Names….
Playing games of victimhood
while the flood of fallacy fragments further
into decaying Shame and brooding blame
that puts the icing on the Cake…
Games of Woke! and Wake up Folks!
RedPills and cheap thrills
bypassing the rich inner Yolk
of true Union,
spoken Spells and broken bells
choking on cloaked yells
trapped within masked Hells
of poisoned Wells
of spoonfed minions that dwell
on the ledge of opinion ,
twisting the layers of the blooming Onion
into nefarious dungeons
of blind blunders that plunder the abundance
of this Mother
that wonders why her children Hide
from the power of Perception
that resides inSide the Eye(I)s and minds
and hearts and finds no relief
from the bytes of belief
programmed so deep
in Man
that the Body breaks down
from the demands…..
Take a deep Breath, my Friends…….
Ruminate on the Death that stands
and keeps Watch,
tocking and ticking and
picking the ripe fruit
with sickles and cycles and
scythes that tickle
the insides of Time
as it unFolds and enFolds
the Ties that Bind,
flowers that fractal out from Points of Power
and Play Pretend…..
Play dress up games of going insane
and falling from the Abyss,
just to wake from all This
and
reMember the Twist
in the Plot,
written in when the Byte.n Apple
grappled with Sin,
trapped the fragile Sense of men
into warped parodies of Purpose and Pain,
forced maladies of mindfuckery and maim, principalities in forgotten games of shame….
and oh…..my…….gOd
it’s goddesses
in modern bliss of ignorance
reminiscing That and This
with premonitions of missed Intents
fishing for cattle trapped within the Fence
of hissing GovernMents…..
Ment is Mind and Menses is Mined
and cryptoPirates wind the Time,
Watching for Signs
as heinous Crimes blur the lines
of all that Is and Was and wasn’t for Sale,
Scripts ripped down the middle
and PreScriptions Riddled with impurity
as security is impaled
on Alters of vocation,
altered vacations
quarantined in nations backstreets,
blinking Red
Warnings
as the Burning blood is bled
from the Mourning Sun ,
muzzles on heads that form the glory
of the Red Tide,
Marks Made on Blind Guise
who debate in Time
the need for the Chosen to Lead the Cattle
to the frozen wasteland inSide.
Breathe deeply, my friends.
Untwist the Strands and Stand on your own
Two Feet. Life is a Gift,
and the reWard is Sweet for
reMembering
This.
CLJ 8-1-20
BlissNinja