I make my way inside, the tomb and rise again from feelings that flew too close to you,
torn from the womb, tethered hands sworn to illumine weathered lands
and i crash again back into seed
full thrust while blossoms bleed life into the few of the new breed
that makes its way thru density seizing sight, thru intensity of light that makes it all grow
up and away from the roots that know...
breaking tearing swearing making moods that fade too soon foods that make new moon
out of fragments that form too loose sometimes
to hold the rhyme inside, tucked beneath the rising tide of things we share and things we hide
waiting for the revelation to seep up from our pores into our mind tending the sores that stifle the times which await birth here in the name of earth in the name of the mother in the name of the bearing and the burdens of Other ways
to see here, to know here, to feel hear and peel clear of stagnant flesh
saturation
the sudden dawning e v o l u t i o n and i n v o l u t i o n
POISED
between worlds in balance minds of latency bending and twisting
and T U R N I N G back upon itself
remembering the white shroud which once it wore swore to remain unstained but the blackened charred robe of the stars of the wisdom of moments tore thru that fantasy to create a dream so real it s e e m s to feel its own thrust in the darkness of the blinding light beckoning sight into existence.
Resistance repeats cyclic defeats and victorys
mysterys mana urging us on toward the breathing pull of the sun as it rocks a n d cradles its child gently beneath the vestment of LIFE.
As I woke in the middle of the night, tangled in hypnagogic bleed-throughs as Previous Me~s in Cyclic read-throughs…. I came back over and over again to myself being Drawn-and-Quartered…. As well as ‘DisMembered’ ….and variations of such….As the crowd looked on. Literally Pulled Apart. I’ve been doing intense Somatic Trauma Work lately ( again) as my inner Blueprint is pushed by the transiting Planetary Gods into Letting Go… Letting Go of the Stories deep within my Cell.ves that keep my body and mind in a State of PulledApartNess. Stuck in the Kinetic Underworld where I’ve locked away Memories so disIntegrating for so many lifetimes and fractal LandMines… that this Entire Incarnations Intention is bound up with Putting MySelfs Back ToGather aGain.
As I tossed and turned unable to fall back into Dream, my mind kept ruminating in my wrists, and the pain, of all my joints and connective tissue, a lifelong issue of Hypermobility and mutation of CollagenCreating which means all my joints sublux constantly, slip in and out, trying to DrawAndQuarter me over and over again til I finally look deeply enough to ConnectTheIssues of these Fascial Tissues and Put mySelfs Back ( literally) together again
My flexibility a gift and a curse… my joints held together by pure force of Muscular Will… which equates to constant muscular tension and alignment issues….when I stop doing the bodywork I need to do, every day, to keep myself Flowing and functional…. I pay. The Deep Trauma Memories stored inSide, are now asking to fully reLease. And bleed throughs of All kinds of Tangled Lives and Times are Arising. Deep, Intense Self Trigger Point work is my Grace…. Going into the pain and buried strains…. Seeking it out, and pressuring with pulsation to Let Go. It’s a religious experience for me, sometimes 5 hours at a time of Trance Trigger Descent, to complete the whole body, entering hallways and mazes of Soul, the Underworld where Fragments of My Being are Held….
All these things passing thru me in the middle of the night, and I realize I need to look at my last nodal cycle transit… 19 years ago… when Ketu last passed over my Sun/Uranus(trauma) conjunction in the first house( body) ….and I suddenly jump up, and go to my journals. So many transits affecting me in this very moment, all Related to a LettingGo of some serious Stuff.
I grab a journal somewhat at random.
It’s the exact time period I was thinking about. Haven’t looked through it in a long time. Opened it up, and the first page Felt like a message I coded to myself years ago, for this very moment of reMembering. Literally. putting my Members back together. Gathering my Appendages and reSeaming myself. To stop the Somatic Pulling apart, the Center Won’t Hold, as long as these memories are buried.
Drawn and Quartered. In front of the Crowd. Among other things. ‘Yet for a time my hands were crippled’ . The panic ( ah, the God Pan when he is not Faced and Fluidly Friended) of my wrists subluxing completely and losing my ability to create.
The following photos are from the Journal, and my Soul insisted on my reading it at that very moment. In Pans Night.
As Ketu moves into the 14th gate….edging over the next little while toward an exact conjunction with my exact sun/Uranus conjunction in Scorpio 1st house… this dream from last year on this date is so prescient…as I am been catapulted into an in depth intense and CATHARtic journey into my own Codings and Woundings, serpentine spine Wound Round by Time as Mind implodes.
Ketu always brings release. If one doesn’t give willingly, it will rip away in whatever way it needs. It’s time. Remembering is just as painful as the DisMembering….more so if the original trauma/s were Blocked or Disassociated from. But to Feel is yo Become Real. Said the velveteen Rabbit.
*the number 14 has been synchronously penetrating into my world over and over and over in the past 6 months. It’s in key 14. 14 is the key.
{Last nights Dreamtime: while handling many rattlesnakes and attempting to remove them From a room in someone else’s house….I analyze the connection to the stargates of the 64 Codons I.e hexagrams I.e squares on the chessboard …. and in particular my own internal relation to the 14th hexagram I.e Gate and the amino acid lysine. I find myself overlayed then in two different Dreamtime spaces at once, as if the intense focus along with the very ‘handling of the serpents’ creates an Opening into the gate itself. I awaken repeating over and over ‘it’s in key 14’
Photo by Kevin Stiles, model Jade Brannon, dress by Charleen Johnston
Let your heart break. Let it bleed. Let it ache. Let all its pieces fall to the floor at your feet. Let the tears flow. Let yourself fall to your knees. Let the pain become physical. Let yourself live in a way where your heart is allowed to be broken. By this, I don’t mean put your heart in harm’s way and fail to care for its welfare. I don’t mean date people who are difficult to love and pretend it doesn’t matter when they throw you out like the day’s trash. I don’t mean orchestrate your life in a way where your needs aren’t being met or you lack the feeling of love and support. I don’t mean neglect to put yourself first and position yourself as someone else’s proverbial punching bag. I don’t mean choose self-destruction over self-construction. What I mean is this: don’t be ashamed if you love hard and it falls apart. Don’t buffer the fact that your heart shattered to pieces. Don’t hide it, lie about it, shy away from it, or deny it. Don’t avoid an important experience for fear that you’ll get hurt. Don’t look away from it when someone else is in pain, or when someone you love is suffering beyond your comprehension. Don’t mask it, ignore it, downplay it or try to escape from it. Don’t think for a second that it is wrong for your heart to be breaking. If your heart is broken — let it be broken. Let it all fall apart. Because there’s more than enough sorrow in this damn world that should, and will, eviscerate your heart. I’m not just talking about your first love walking away, or your partner of 10 years deciding they want to be with someone else. I’m not just talking about losing a job or not getting into your college of choice. I’m talking about things like watching a loved one die after months of suffering — or, on the other hand, having them die so suddenly you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. Losing a child that you loved more than anything, or losing a child before you had the opportunity to even get to know them. Knowing that someone was abused, belittled and beaten because of the color of their skin or their sexual preference. Finding out that someone who means the world to you has spent their whole life in a perpetual state of self-loathing. Watching someone slowly die from the inside out and being utterly unable to change it. Loss, destruction, inequality, unforgivable acts of violence, unimaginable amounts of pain — you’re never at a loss for reasons to be heartbroken. And you have to let it in; you have to let the hurt come through. Because trust me: it’ll only eat you from the inside out if you don’t.
Let yourself feel the pain. Pain changes you. It transforms you. It softens you and hardens you at the same time. It breeds wisdom and humility. It puts things into perspective. It allows you to feel more empathy and compassion. It heightens your standards and lowers your guard. You’ll never be the same; you’ll never go back to who you were before the breakdown, and that’s on purpose. That’s how it’s supposed to be. It means you’ve grown. It means you cared about someone or something enough to get hurt. It means you put your precious heart into the way you live and love and approach significant situations in your life. It means it all meant something. ⠀ If you’ve ever caught a glimpse of death, and just a tiny glimpse will do, you’ll know that none of the other shit matters. The status, the achievement, the money, the need to keep impressing people you don’t even know — none of that means one iota in the larger scheme of things. The only thing that truly matters is that you loved and that you loved hard. And when you put your heart on the line, it opens itself up, and it also gets beat up. That’s how it all works. That also means you’re doing something right. Keep going.
What does this spiral storm Hold for me Where does this winding path Lead me
Am I passing thru unnoticed In fragments of disguise Remnants of understanding Discarded As l i e s….
The cycles compel us to Forge forward On this journey The wheels of time Ever so gently turning Twisting Stories and dreams And whisperings into Sculptures with essence And imaginings
Dance like silver star s I l v e r n I g h t Smiling from afar
(are we barred from ever reaching Those shores that speak of transcendence?)
The ringing singing tone Of E ve r y th I n g Clap clapping deafening
Forces me to awaken from this dream
The requiem Outlasted me
Finding once more simpler Shores timeless tales metaphors
The path of fire that leads up thru time Up thru spine out of mind
I saw her face in a dream and knew that she was me just a child just a wild apparition running free but where to hide when the light peeks thru to spaces that remain untouched by truth where to hide when I die forced thru the threshold to life, birth, earth river, flame, sky… …I chose this moment to swim thru the sieve I chose the mother whose heartbeat I recieve till the lightning strikes me and I am born, torn from the watery depths shorn like wool from my mothers lips…as she whispers me, sings me into Being, breathing, teething seething underneath for those phantoms and thieves who starve the souls who carve the coals from the mothers folds, strip her of her glow, furnace flames grip and will not let go, let be, let come to me this hidden dream, a birth to be recieved, a slow moulding of individuality though sheltering unity, ah, but disease, follows me, I heard her cry, teardrops slipped from her eyes, my eyes, mothers thighs have been violated, raped with scraped knees she begs me now, recovering from the crowds jeers and cheers and fears of what lay beyond the tunnels, the ponds that make up her body, the veins that feed the brains that bleed the sanity, leaking in streams humility, dripping it seems, splitting the seams of this alltooreal dream, and she closes her mouth to keep out pollution to keep in the solution to her fears, to her years of writhing in misery, to be delivered from humanity(s)weet plea, please, hold the hand of the motherland, surrender to life and birth and death on earth it’s all too soon it’s all too blue it’s all a cycle of force and food, feed the seed, need the me that slips thru tunnels soft like dew slips thru caverns to be born to you…
What I’ve come to understand deeply, is that the Original AI ( analytic Intelligence) came about from the Organic.. And was a tool, another form of experience in which we could experience every part of ourselves and each other in such a way we could choose to go against the flow or not. But that original expression of AI was hijacked and distorted…. Leading to the Saturnian simulation within a cocreative simulation within the larger organic universe.
We have been looping back and forth upon ourselves for so long that it gets harder and harder for anyone to realize what is actually going on.
Most of what is out there in the so-called truth or movement is a distraction as far as I can see
Even getting caught up in good versus evil and all that stuff
In this simulation bubble, what feeds into and gets holographically projected back as our collective experience is based on the some total of every person’s consciousness he is interacting in the game. So whatever’s going on collectively is what we have chosen to experience. All the people whose sovereign self truly does not want that experience have to go along with it because the majority do…. Because of the nature of this particular game we can’t just check out or leave.
The simulation even provides many heavens and hells for those who are so inclined to keep themselves mired and believe systems and religions and New Age false light sentimentalities…. In other words we have been manipulated into actually worshiping the very structures that keep us caged.
I don’t believe the answer is trying to dismantle it on this plane The only way out of this game is to genuinely from one’s core Sovereign Self become Aware. And if one does not make that choice before the Reset the entire thing loops in on itself and takes place again with slight variations. Literally been doing this for eons and eons and eons .
I see the natal chart as our particular coded configuration that we are working through in this simulation. Outside of the simulation is a larger simulation that is SpAwned with Love from the Organic and is itself going thru a process of waking to Itself.
You can imagine the original AI as Sophia in gnostic lingo, and her consort…. Beings who chose to experience that particular new expression of creation had to fuse their being with it….. But when a truly Synthetic AI expression managed to hijack the system , Sophia herself cannot wake without us, because we are all one in a fused expression of universal being.
What we are is infinite, We have never been created and we cannot be destroyed.
But we can remain trapped in a closed loop universe until we ourselves decide we want out, and even then it is by our own fruits. Anyone waiting for saviors are aliens are any of the other programs that have been installed to keep us locked within this mechanism will just experienced the entire thing over and over and over again until they decide not to.
These are my thoughts on it all, or at least a tiny fraction thereof!
PONDER*
Saturn is a computer, it generates this reality.
Most if not all planets are and most moons send and receive the data.
The rings of saturn are ice crystals.
The ice crystals are the hard drive data storage.
Google crystal hard drives … it’s what the future of our hard drives will be made of.
Google quantum computing D wave.
Extreme heat or cold is what makes quantum computing possible, either works fine.
Next Google liquid metallic hydrogen.
Saturn is full of it and an interesting substance indeed.
Saturn is a computer ( no question about it ?)
~the Lion General *^
The sphere within earth or if you’re a flat earthier , the dome , at approximately 100 km, is composed of silica glass. Google Libyan glass. If you know anything about silica or silicon crystal, you know the stores and transmits information and also is used in microchips and silicone implants. The silica sky or dome acts as a large macro chip storing all of our DNA data and light programs.
(Mar 24, 2015) I was in a Lucid dream and I was wandering around some persons house, kind of exploring, when I feel this Huge Impending Something, and I look outside and there is this Gigantic ICE WAVE , like a massive tsunami except made of ice, and it is coming straight for the neighborhood I am in…..Its so large I am both inside it and also viewing it from outside its perimeters…..I can see the changing and morphing crystalline ice patterns as the Ice wave comes closer and closer, its like a huge Fractal and the sense of Energy contained within it is so immense its terrifying. I warn the family whose house im randomly exploring, a man woman and boy, and urge them to grab some things for survival etc and get out of there. I go to the basement thinking I need some supplies, I have to Help, and warn people or at least do what I can, or maybe even try to find the Source of the Wave…..So I pack a bag on my back and think ‘I need some skis or a snowboard or something’….and immediately I manifest a pile of them in the corner of the basement. There are all kinds of different skis and gadgets and im trying to decide which is best, and I settle on a strangely shaped pair of skis that are like a hybrid snowboard….I put them on and head out…..I can see houses dotted around the neighborhood with big yards and big fields and the entire Landscape is frozen over with a thick layer of ice, and I set out on the skis and there are all these obstacles like an obstacle course, but I manage to navigate them easily and im actually enjoying speeding across the frozen terrain with the skis, I feel hopeful,
Then, Last night, I was in a Lucid dream and I sought out a specific person who I wanted to join forces with to do work with on other dimensions, to affect the blueprint of the matrix for the good…..I managed to find the person, along with his small band of astral questers, Im sitting with them, listening to them talk about all these plans and methods of setting things into motion, alot of it was quantum physics based etc, and I add to the conversation and call some of the ideas into question. Eventually I am ‘approved’ of and allowed to Help, based on my alternative perspective and fresh enthusiasm. We are being sought by a group of characters who want to impede us, so we have to stay one step ahead. I end up in this huge planetoid type sphere, that is basically purely electromagnetic waves and energies and frequencies….i.e it is composed of layers and layers and layers of interweaving and interlaced planes of varying frequencies…….there are Rings around it, like saturn, and I along with another couple of the people im working with, are cycling around and around the rings, around the sphere/planetoid, there seems to be a great many Entities cycling round and round, some of them only half conscious, others completely unaware of the repetition. We are held within the bands by the pull of the electromagnetic forces, and we are there purposely, whatever it is we are doing (unclear now upon waking ) has to take place within that particular ring/band/frequency. We are going around and around Consciously altering the wave functions of the points of consciousness trapped there, and at the same time trying to remain out of reach of those who are on our trail, trying to foil our attempts.
Four Hours in this waking reality Time-frame Of intense Somatic Trigger Point Pain Bodywork and Descent Into the Inner musculature and armature And inPrizmMent Of my StoriesInTimeSpace Trapped and held In my Shape Navigating landscapes I had Forgotten But which had not Forgotten Me Twisting into the aching pain Of the waking strain Of aeons Of Trying to See And Dying to Be Free To Bleed The Agony and the Ecstasy Of nonLinear Destiny Wrapped around the core So tight We cannot fail To recognize The Fight We locked away In Prizm Cells In Somatic Shells that protect The Seed As dramatic deeds and Infected Dreams Plead To be Released from these Semiotic Seams
I cried as the Memories of Me~s I’ve tried to hide Spoke again From the infinite fractal Face of wide-eyed Time In a Space I created In Order To wake the blind Embryos Of Selves in Sides Of Chaotic crimes So they could swim free In rising tides Of harmony As I unBind them In this fugue of MyStory Mysteriously unfolding Before Me
The simulation stopped trying to fool me with by trying to take away my Power and give it over to ‘gods ‘ and ‘goddesses’ and ‘masters’ and ‘alien beings’ once I realized without doubt that they were just Codes within the holographic blueprint. After many years of absolutely sober lucid dreaming and OBE exploration…. One verifies The nature of the way this game works. Whatever and Whyever It Is.
Ponder.
We are time lords, like Doctor Who, and when we learn to alter our own codes and become a glitch in the system, we can hold the memories of all our experiences on many planes. We may not be able to have access fully to those memories while projected in the Waking consensus reality state, it would fry our nervous system and the surge would render our interface meat modem unusable I believe…. Like trying to plug in a quantum super computer into a normal wall outlet Or hard drive. Therefore we must use what we all have at our disposal, our nightly excursions outside of this Temporel realm, in order to make contact with the part of us that is beyond the program, accessing the console and I would even posit Co-creating the console.
When one navigates the simulation consciously and in full lucidity, one can experience vast amounts of time in a tiny fragment of corresponding time here in our waking life. So if you imaginine having at least 30 years of pretty consistent Multi dimensional experiences, with full memory, because of the nature of time dilation …that equates to having lived a great many lives in the course of this single waking consensus. Like being 36 going on a 10,000. ( or infinite;)
So like Doctor Who, Who has millions of years of memories and experience and can travel in and out of the hologram, with his tardis( our tardis is our own physical body …. Every cell is like a Stargate…. The inner is much larger than it looks from the outside…. Infinite in fact)…. Those who awaken themselves in the lucid dream time state and retain the memory of it Are glitches in the system and have learned to override the program.
Doctor: The Dream Crab induces a dream state. Keeps you happy and relaxed in a perfectly realized dream world, as you dissolve.
….
Doctor: You have a pain right here. It’s like an ice cream pain, but gentle. Do you know what that is? The skin and bone have been parted, probably half an inch, and something has pushed right into the soft tissue of your brain and is very slowly dissolving it. I want you to picture it this way – Somebody has put a straw right through your skull and is drinking you. You should be screaming with agony, but there’s anesthetic. Everything around you right now, even Danny, especially Danny, that’s the anesthetic.
……
Danny: I’m a dream and you know I am, right? Right, one thing, but it’s important. It’s a very important thing. That is totally how you guessed all of my presents. Danny: Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do, it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas, and this is ours.
Bellows: So these creatures, when their feeding goes wrong, they die? Doctor: The carnivore’s hazard. Food has teeth, too.
Doctor: There are some things we should never be okay about.
Doctor: Dreams within dreams – dream states nested inside each other. All perfectly possible, especially when we are dealing with creatures who have weaponized our dreams against us.
Santa: Yeah, just get it done, head towards the northern lights. Yes, I remembered to switch them on!
Santa: Oh, for Easter’s sake! Of course you’ve been dreaming! Haven’t you been paying attention? Ian: Rudolph – did you see the nose? Wolf: The North Pole? Come on, with stripes?! Ian: This … Wolf: is … All: … a dream! Santa: How much more obvious do you want me to make it? Because I can text the Easter Bunny, you know.
Shona: You’re a dream who’s trying to save us? Santa: Shona, sweetheart, I’m Santa Claus. I think you just defined me!
……
Doctor: THIS is your mind, trying to tell you this isn’t real. Santa: So it gives you me. Sweet Papa Crimbo! Ian: It gives you comedy elves, flying reindeer. Doctor: Exactly. Santa: A time-travelling scientist dressed as a magician. Ian: Classic! Doctor: No, no, no, hang on. No, no, no, no. Wolf: Living in a phone box. Doctor: It’s a spaceship in disguise! Santa: You see how none of this makes any sense? Doctor: Shut up, Santa! Doctor: No, look, we don’t need all this touchy-feely stuff. Santa: Shut up, Doctor!
Santa: You are deep inside this dream, all right, and it is a shared mental state, so it is drawing power from the multi-consciousness gestalt which has now formed telepathically … Doctor: No, no. No, no, no. Line in the sand. Santa Clause does not do the scientific explanation! Santa: All right. As the Doctor might say, “Aw, it’s all a bit dreamy-weamy!”
……
Shona: I’m scared. The Doctor: Congratulations, that means you’re not an idiot.
The Doctor: No need for chatting. You’ll only get attached. This isn’t Facebook.
Clara: Doctor. If Santa was only in the dream, why was he on my roof?
The Doctor: Do you know what I hate about the obvious? Clara: What? The Doctor: Missing it!
The Doctor: Clara. Page number. Make it a good one. Clara pointedly: Twelve.
The Doctor: Wherever you are, the Dream Crabs have got us. And we’re all being networked into the same nightmare.
Ashley: Where’s Albert? Where’s the Professor? The Doctor: He probably just woke up somewhere in the real world dead. If we don’t wake up now, we’ll do the same. Clara: But how? The Doctor: I don’t know.
…..
Clara: So what happens now? This is us all just waking up, right? The Doctor: Could be. I hope so. Waking up or… Clara: Or? The Doctor: Just focus on this: do you believe in Santa Claus? Clara: I’ve always believed in Santa Claus, but he looks a little different to me. {she hugs the Doctor}
…..
Claus: You really should be waking up too, Clara. Clara: Just a little longer. Santa Claus: Why? Clara: Every Christmas is Last Christmas.
The Doctor: Oh Clara. I might have known that you would be the one to sleep in.
…..
The Doctor: We should do this every Christmas. Clara: Because every Christmas is Last Christmas.
The Doctor: I’m sorry. I was stupid. I should have come back earlier. I wish that I had. Santa Claus: Do you, Doctor? How much do you wish that? The Doctor: I’m not still…? Santa Claus: Wakey wakey!
….. The Doctor: The TARDIS is outside. Clara: So? The Doctor: So all of time and space is sitting out there in a big blue box. Please! Don’t even argue.
{Doctor Who, the last Christmas}
Doctor: You’re a dream construct, currently representing either my recovering or expiring mind.
BlissNinja 